Damn. When I hit up some guys in my social sphere so that they could tell me about a trait that they think makes a woman sexy, about 70 percent of them started with a sigh followed by the word "damn". When I asked them to expound, most of them said something along the lines of, "'Sexy' is such a vast word that it can be hard to narrow it down to just one thing." When I asked them to try (middle names were used), below are the 10 things that they put on record.
The reason why I thought it was important to share with all of you is because, let IG models and OnlyFans (le sigh) tell it, sexiness is one-dimensional. As you're totally about to see, though, when it comes to what men — Black men — find to be sexy (hot, sensual, alluring, provoking, arousing, appealing and even glamourous), there is actually so much more to it than what the media constantly wants us to believe.
"Sometimes a woman's voice is all that you need."
Devin, 28, Single.
"There's a woman I know who isn't physically my type at all. But I can listen to her for hours because her voice is so smooth and sensual. She's also got a hella vocab which means she's intellectual. She's also really articulate. Yeah, a nice voice with something to say can get me, almost every time."
"I'm all about natural beauty."
Justice, 33, Married.
"I think it's crazy that it's gotten to the point where some women are triggered when a man says that he prefers natural hair, minimal make-up and a real body. What is wrong with y'all? Anyway, that's what's sexy to me."
"I like a woman who is so comfortable with herself that she doesn't feel the need to rely on any 'extras'. Again, if that bothers you, I think something is up with that. A man who likes the way God created a woman is one of the greatest compliments there is."
Orion, 40, Single.
"I guess I'm the anti-Kevin Samuels guy in the sense that, HELL NO, I don't want some skinny chick. I like a grown woman and, to me, she comes with all kinds of curves. And when she has a sway in her hips when she enters a room? She's got me mesmerized on all kinds of levels. If you haven't had the pleasure of being with a woman who's got curves all over, you haven't truly lived. Straight up."
"High heels, in just about anything, please."
Aden, 35, Married.
"I really love a woman who is into shoes. No, high heel shoes — the higher the better. It's very feminine to me. It also makes her legs look really long and she comes off as extremely confident. One of my favorite things is when I come home and my wife has literally nothing on but a new pair of pumps that she's bought. Forget lingerie. That's all I need right there."
"I like a woman who f--ks with herself."
Tomeo, 24, Single.
"Damn. 'Sexy' is one helluva word. The first thing that comes to my mind is a woman who f — ks with herself. She's comfortable in who she is. She's not constantly switching up to please other people. She's levelheaded and balanced. She's unapologetically unique. So many women look like other women these days. A woman whose style and energy stand out is really sexy."
"A happy woman is sexy AF to me."
Evin, 38, Divorced.
"A big part of what ended my marriage is my wife was a pessimist. It's like she was constantly looking for something to complain about."
"I didn't know it when I first got married but I know it now — a woman who is optimistic, solutions-oriented and is a 'light'…damn, that is sexy. A woman with a great sense of humor, can laugh at my flaws and mistakes as well as her own and doesn't take things too seriously? It truly doesn't get much sexier than that."
"Being down for whatever is sexy."
Torance, 27, Engaged.
"I'm thinking that women have heard this before, but it can't be said enough — no man wants to initiate sex all of the time. Just like women want to feel wanted and desired, men do too. My fiancée is naturally sexy in the way that she moves. She's very… 'sleek' is the word that comes to mind. She just kinda glides into a room and glides out. That's sexy. But what I really like is she has a libido that damn near supersedes mine. She loves sex. She loves to explore sex. And she has no problem letting me know when and how she wants me. I was pretty out here before her. Since she's come into my life, I'm good."
"Short hair. Dressed up. Takes care of herself...that chick is sexy."
Bernard, 46, Single.
"I've always been a sucker for a woman with really short hair. A part of it is because I like necks. I also think it makes a woman appear really sure of herself, like she doesn't have to hide behind hair to feel beautiful. And then if she's got on a dress that hugs her curves, some high heels and some really nice nails? A woman like that sends the message that you've got to come to her correct because she puts energy into her appearance. When I know that she's gonna make me 'work for it'…yeah, that's sexy."
"'Zen' women are sexy."
Nelson, 42, Divorced.
"Women who send the message, 'I come to you in peace' are sexy to me. No drama. Very centered. Talks about things like reading books, going on walks and meditating. It might sound boring to some people, but I think this kind of woman is sexy because she prioritizes her peace of mind and when you know that she likes peace in her space, that means she doesn't want anyone or thing disrupting it. That kinda lady can get all of my time. Whew."
"Women who wrap themselves up like the gift that they are is sexy."
Zeke, 31, Single.
"I wish more women knew that we like to see them in lingerie outside of sex. Going to bed in sexy stuff…hell, watching TV in sexy stuff is such a teddy is such a turn-on."
"Some women might roll their eyes or whatever but, contrary to popular belief, seeing a beautiful woman in lingerie isn't always about wanting to have sex. Sometimes we just sit back and take it all in, especially when we're really into 'her'. A woman in lingerie, for no real reason, is like looking at a present that is all wrapped up — you want to see what's inside, but you really can just sit and admire everything for a while too."
"The woman I see right now has such a huge collection that I know she thinks she's the s — t. It reminds me to treat her that way…often. Sexy. Sexy."
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
In xoNecole's series Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
Annisa LiMara has called this space her home for two years. Her Atlanta sanctuary, which she aimed to give the look and feel of something you'd see in the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, embodies her vision of "stunning, yet functional and cozy."
"My home is a reflection of my brand, The Creative Peach Studios, and I am the 'Creative Peach,'" Annisa explains. "It was so easy to reflect who I am and my personal story in my space. When you walk into my home, you know that it is Annisa’s home. I’m so proud of that. So grateful."
On the journey to becoming a homeowner, Annisa looks back on her experience as a "rough one," detailing that she officially started house hunting in March 2020. It had become so expensive to rent, and the 30-something lifestyle influencer decided she would rather invest the money she spent renting into owning a home. However, nine days into house hunting, her search was put on hold for a year. The following year, in 2021, the process of finding the right home and going under contract took a total of four months.
"The resell route didn’t work out, so my realtor suggested a new construction home, which turned out to be the better option," she tells xoNecole of her experience. "Although it requires more patience, it turned out to be a much easier process and a lot easier to maintain since it’s brand new."
As it turns out, the open floor plan three-bedroom two-and-half-bath would prove to be a blank canvas for Annisa to flex her creativity and design skills.
As a new construction, she watched the townhome get built from the ground up, and due to the "cookie-cutter" nature of new builds, Annisa knew immediately that she would change everything about it. The best part about it? All of her updates were cosmetic, so transformation could occur without having to do major renovations to achieve the look and feel she desired.
"The first things I updated were all the lighting, adding built-ins around my fireplace, and installing wallpaper in my bedroom, office, and dining room! I also had board and batten installed in the upstairs loft to make a statement and the kitchen island," Annisa details.
"Lastly, we painted the loft a soft blush pink, the kitchen island is a gorgeous terracotta, and added contrast with black on the doors, fireplace, and stairwell banisters."
In total, she spent $15K in renovations (plus the cost of furniture and decor). And although she says the second level of her home is a "work-in-progress," two years in, she considers the transformation nearly done.
Annisa defines her decor style as "organic modern meets midcentury modern with a touch of boho," and with thoughtfully placed touches like plants, warm tones, and organic textures, her perspective can be felt throughout. "I found my point of view as a designer in my work and as I worked on my home, so it all came together organically based on what I was naturally drawn to."
"The organic modern meets midcentury modern with a touch of boho' is definitely my signature style. You’ll always see greenery, warm tones, brass, and rattan or wicker in just about every room. My color story is based on my brand [The Creative Peach Studios] colors: blush pink, ivory, olive and sage green, terracotta, and nudes," she adds.
It was her brand colors that would be the jumping-off point for her approach to decorating and styling her space. That, and a picture she had of what would become her sofa from Albany Park. She recalled her decor decisions, "It was their olive Park Sectional Sofa, and I knew instantly I wanted it, and it aligned with my brand colors naturally, so it was a no-brainer."
By drawing inspiration from Pinterest, favorite design brands like CB2, Arhaus, and Souk Bohemian, and through her work, Annisa allowed herself to be guided by her signature style as well as her instincts when making decor and color choices for her own home. "Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason; it just feels right."
Some of the aspects of her home that she regards as her favorites include her bedroom and its little nook where her bed is positioned, the open upstairs loft, and the open concept because "it really allows you to see all of the details I put into the design all at once." Another of her favorite finds is a purchase she copped from the thrift store years ago.
"I have this little brown and gold chair that I picked up for $6 at a thrift store in Jersey six years ago. I couldn’t afford much in my little studio, but the chair was beautiful and unlike anything I had ever seen."
In addition to accent walls featuring blush pink and terracotta tones throughout the space, her gallery wall is another element that immediately draws the eye of any guest who enters. Annisa recalled a fond memory of a fine art piece she purchased from a Black woman artist when she first moved to Atlanta that she now prominently features in her living room. "It was a Black villager from her travels in Africa, and I fell in love with it because it felt like an ancestor I never met. I later found out that she was the sister of one of my very first design clients two years later," she shares. "Talk about a full-circle moment!"
Cultivating a space takes time and patience, and that is a sentiment Annisa echoes when advising people who are looking to infuse more of themselves into their own dope abodes through design. "It is not a race, and you’ll spend more money if you rush into designing without really being intentional about the vision for your space," Annisa concludes. "You just need creativity and patience to do it! And most of all, make sure you feel like it’s an oasis for you!"
For more of Annisa, follow her on Instagram @annisalimara.
Tour Interior Designer Annisa LiMara's Modern Meets Midcentury ATL Home | Dope Abodes
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If you followed Beyoncé’s career, then you know how hair has played an important role in her journey. Her mom, Ms. Tina Knowles, owned a hair salon when the multi-Grammy award-winning artist was growing up, and she has shared on several occasions how it impacted her life. We’ve also witnessed her many hair transformations throughout her career, from braids to her signature long, straight honey blonde tresses. However, it was her pixie cut in 2013 that had everyone talking.
Beyoncé and Tina launched Cécred (pronounced sacred), a hair care line that includes a clarifying shampoo and scalp scrub, a hydrating shampoo, a nourishing hair oil, and much more. The mother-daughter duo opened up about their latest business venture together to Essence in its March/April issue, and the “Alien Superstar” revisited her haircut and how it reflected a life change.
“It did. That’s right. I love how we associate a certain hairstyle with moments in our lives, like that short-hair moment. I remember the day I decided to just cut all my hair off. I didn’t have a particular style in mind,” she explained.
“It wasn’t an aesthetic choice, but it was a very big emotional transformation and metamorphosis that I was going through. So much of my identity as a performer has been connected to flowing hair. Cutting my hair off was me rebelling against being this woman that society thinks I’m supposed to be.”
Beyonc\u00e9 to ESSENCE Magazine on her 2013 pixie cut:\n\n"I remember the day I decided to just cut all my hair off. I didn\u2019t have a particular style in mind. It wasn\u2019t an aesthetic choice, but it was a very big emotional transformation and metamorphosis that I was going through."\ud83d\ude2d\ud83e\udd79— (@)
She continued, “I was a new mother, and something about the liberation of becoming a mother made me want to just shed all of that. It was a physical representation of me shedding the expectations put upon me. I just wanted it off.
Neal Farinah, my hairstylist and friend, was freaking out because it was really long, really thick and really healthy. I just got the scissors and chopped it off. It was very intentional. And it was what I needed to do. And after that, I became super brave. It was the first step to many more audacious decisions I made in my life and my career that have led to who I am now.”
Throughout the interview, Beyoncé shared how her new hair line is her “legacy” and how she wants to use her line to highlight the versatility of textured hair.
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