Now that the fall season is officially settling its way on in, it’s time to ramp up on our favorite warm drinks. And while, for me, what tops the list is hot chocolate and apple cider, being that I grew up in a home that was consistently stocked with various kinds of herbal tea, that’s why I enjoy writing so much about tea (and all of the ways that it can benefit you) for this platform. I’ve written about teas that can improve your sex life (here), teas that are good for maintaining vaginal health (here), not-so-common teas that are beneficial for your overall health and well-being (here), and even teas that are perfect for this time of the year (here).
Yet one thing that I haven’t covered (until today) is the different types of tea that not only are delightful to consume during this time of the year, they are also able to get your hair right where you want it to be. And since cooler weather is typically what causes us to consider consuming tea more often — why not doubly bless yourself by stacking up on your own collection so that you cut the body chills and reach many of your hair goals at the same time, too?
1. Black Tea
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Even though I’m a big fan of iced chai lattes (they contain black tea, which is why they’re relevant here), it wasn’t until I was doing some research on this topic that I discovered that black tea is currently the most popular tea worldwide. When you stop to think about the fact that black tea is good for you when it comes to lowering blood sugar levels, increasing your focus and productivity levels, making your gut healthier, decreasing your risk of a stroke, and keeping your cholesterol levels in check — you definitely should give black tea a try, if you haven’t already.
Why does your hair like it? The thing about teas is, whether you use them as an herbal hair rinse or you drink them, they can do wonders. For instance, not only is black tea loaded with antioxidants that can protect your hair from heat damage (the sun still shines during the fall and winter seasons), but it can also help to keep your scalp in great shape and reduce hair shedding. Not only that, but word on the street is, black tea is also beneficial when it comes to boosting your hair color and making your locks appear shiny (or shinier) too.
2. Rosemary Tea
Rosemary has so many uses. It’s used as a seasoning for food. It’s in many beauty products. And it definitely comes with quite a few impressive health benefits. Thanks to all of the antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties that it contains, rosemary aids in proper digestion, boosting cognitive function and even enhancing your memory. As far as vaginal health goes, rosemary oil can help to speed up the healing process of certain infections, and, skin-wise, it can help to boost hydration and elasticity.
Your hair will adore rosemary tea because its antifungal and antibacterial properties will keep your scalp healthy, reduce dandruff, and keep your scalp and hair moisturized while ultimately playing a role in promoting overall hair strength and growth.
3. Peppermint Tea
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Peppermint tea is one of my faves, year-round. It’s probably because I’m such a fan of mint. Anyway, it’s able to soothe headaches and migraines, unclog your sinuses, help prevent bacterial infections, bring relief to menstrual cramps, decrease allergy-related symptoms, assist with weight loss, and also make it easier to fall (and stay) asleep.
The menthol in peppermint tea is why it gets a shout-out here. Whether you drink the tea or use it as a hair rinse, it will increase blood circulation to your scalp so that your hair follicles are able to get the nutrients that they need. Oh, and since peppermint oil has been proven to aid in hair growth, something tells me that the properties of peppermint tea are able to do the same.
4. Chamomile Tea
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the first thing that comes to mind whenever you hear “chamomile tea” is that it helps you sleep. The backstory there is it contains an antioxidant called apigenin that helps to relax your system. Some other ways that chamomile is helpful are it reduces anxiety, regulates blood sugar levels, soothes an upset stomach, brings relief to period cramps, and can even help to reduce skin inflammation.
Since it’s a tea that is also filled with antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties, if you’re looking for a way to keep your scalp in great shape from the inside out, chamomile tea is the one for you (as a hair rinse, it can help to prevent split ends too).
5. Oolong Tea
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Oolong is a kind of Chinese tea that you definitely should have in your own tea collection. For starters, if you’re looking for a coffee alternative that will provide you with a solid caffeine boost, oolong has more caffeine in it than even green tea does. Interestingly enough, even though it can give you more energy, oolong also contains the amino acid L-theanine which is a pretty effective de-stressor. Some other bonuses about this particular tea are that it helps to naturally protect against diabetes-related complications, plays a role in burning body fat, and even aids in strengthening teeth and bones.
As a rinse, oolong tea has a reputation for helping to prevent hair loss. Whether you pour it on your tresses or drink it, oolong can help to bring strength and shine to your locks over time. Also, whether you’re drinking it or applying it as a hair rinse, it will boost blood circulation — and that will help to strengthen your hair follicles so that they remain nice and strong.
6. Calendula Tea
Another tea that’s filled with antioxidants is calendula tea. Between that and all of the anti-inflammatory properties that it contains, you can rely on this tea to reduce oxidative stress. Some other great things about calendula are it has antifungal and antimicrobial properties that can help to fight off yeast infections and early signs of gum disease. And if you’re looking for an herbal tea that will help to slow down the signs of aging, it’s able to do that as well.
On the hair front, if what you want, more than just about anything in this world right now is a natural tea remedy that will help you to combat frizz; calendula can assist with making your cuticles smoother as well as shinier.
7. Red Clover Tea
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If any of the teas on this list is hailed as a “women’s tea,” it would have to be red clover. That’s because it contains isoflavones, which mimic estrogen, which can make menopause-related symptoms easier to bear. Some other cool things about this particular tea are it helps to lower cholesterol levels, strengthens your heart, and can support bone health as you age.
Your hair? Your hair will like the properties of red clover because the antioxidants in it can also help menopausal women maintain the appearance and texture of their locks once their estrogen levels begin to decline (due to menopause).
8. Hibiscus Tea
Probably the most colorful tea out of the bunch is hibiscus tea. It’s a beautiful bright red hue that also benefits you in a lot of ways. Not only does its antibiotics help to reduce bodily inflammation, it also helps to lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Plus, hibiscus aids in fighting off bad bacteria (like E.coli) and keeping your liver in good working condition.
Since this is a type of tea that has calcium, iron, and vitamin C in it, it can be beneficial for hair growth because they all help with the process of growing healthy and long hair. Calcium helps to strengthen your hair follicles, iron helps to reduce hair loss and shedding and vitamin C helps to produce collagen; collagen keeps elasticity in your hair which ultimately results in less breakage. Collagen also helps to slow down premature graying which is always a bonus.
9. Nettle Tea
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Although it’s not the type of tea that makes most people’s top 10 list, that doesn’t make it any less beneficial…for a myriad of reasons. If you’re someone who battles with allergies (especially around this time of the year), you want to naturally boost your immune system, you’re looking for relief from arthritic pain, and/or you’re recovering from a urinary tract infection (UTI), nettle tea has your back in all over these instances.
When it comes to your hair, if you’re looking for a tea that contains properties that will help to strengthen your tresses and stimulate hair growth, nettle is also gaining traction on being a solid tea for those things. For the record, as an herbal rinse, it can bring relief to scalp irritation, too.
10. Sage Tea
If minty-meets-slightly-bitter is your thing, sage tea is ideal. Health-wise, it can do everything from improve your cognitive function and put you in a better mood to regulate your blood sugar levels and ease morning sickness. Since sage, in general, contains antimicrobial properties, sage tea can also help you to maintain good oral hygiene, and since it also mimics estrogen, some menopausal women are fans of it as well.
In some ways, I saved the best for last when it comes to hair because sage has a great reputation for helping to prevent hair loss, restoring shine to your locks, stimulating hair growth, and keeping grays from looking quite so obvious.
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Gee, how could you not want to run out to your local health food store to get you a few of these? Now that it’s time to start doing some layering (of clothes), adding more (warm) tea to your life is money well spent — head to toe. Literally.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
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"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
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While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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