There's a certain energy that exudes from a creative woman with a clear vision and energy you feel as soon as you interact with her. It’s contagious and fills up the space with elements of empowerment, honesty, and confidence.
As soon as I sat down to chat with jewelry founder Kimberly Fomby Jefferson, there was an energy takeover, seeming new yet very familiar. It wasn’t but a few moments later that I recognized where I felt that feeling before; it’s the same one I experienced when I came in contact with Sucré Couture, the proactive and nostalgic jewelry brand founded by Kimberly. Over the past year alone, Sucré Couture has been featured in ESSENCE, British Vogue, and New York Magazine, to name a few.
It was my pleasure to sit down with Kimberly during one of her busiest seasons to chat with her about the why behind her brand, her key tips for successful marketing in today’s saturated world, and a few tips for others who battle with imposter syndrome. If you’re unfamiliar with this powerhouse, here’s your chance to find out more! You can also shop this amazing brand in our ElevateHer xoNecole shop here!
Kimberly Fomby Jefferson
Credit: Valley In Film
xoNecole: For our readers who aren't familiar, can you give a bit of backstory on your journey to becoming a jewelry designer?
Kimberly Fomby Jefferson: My journey to becoming a jewelry designer humbly began in 2011 with $79 worth of jewelry supplies and wholesale jewelry, a Wix website, and a camera phone to take photos in a DIY lightbox made from cardboard. Between being a mom, getting an MBA, and going to a part-time marketing job, I'd be pulling together collections, promoting on social media, and selling a few trunk shows here and there.
Year after year, I'd keep at it, meeting people who eventually became amazing friends and mentors who encouraged me to continue growing Sucré Couture in the most authentic way possible.
The more I grew and gained an appreciation for my gifts, culture, style, and upbringing, the more I evolved as a jewelry designer.
xoN: What was the motivation behind launching Sucré Couture in 2011?
KFJ: Jewelry has been an integral part of my life for as long as I can remember. As young as six or seven years old. My mother always told me to keep a pair of earrings on, or my grandmother and great-aunt would gift me dainty gold and white gold necklaces and rings as keepsakes. Even the men in my family, my father, and grandfather, were really keen on thick gold chains, heavy rings, watches, and nugget bracelets.
Naturally, my exposure and affinity for jewelry followed me throughout my life, including when I decided to launch the brand at the tail end of my residency in New Orleans. I was fresh out of college, expecting a child with my now husband, and wanting to do something creatively fulfilling. I also come from an entrepreneurial family. It's no surprise to many that I followed suit.
xoN: From the jewelry to the social media content to the editorial shoots, the Sucré Couture vibe exudes effortlessly across the board. In a world where marketing is key to any e-commerce success, what are the three strategies you've implemented to ensure seamless branding?
KFJ: Know your brand and whom you're creating it for. While, at the same time, remaining authentic to the brand and why you launched it. Because truthfully, the right people will fall in love with your brand anyway.
Be as organized as possible. Keep all of your assets and content in one place for your team. Make it easy for yourself or anyone to grab what they need to produce good content.
Lead with a campaign strategy that sets clear creative expectations at the very beginning and keep everyone informed on it.
Kimberly
Credit: Valley In Film
xoN: What does success look like to you?
KFJ: I love this question. Especially since it's come up so much for me within the last few months. Success looks like a beautiful community of heavily engaged people, a brand legacy that continues well into the future, and Sucré Couture editorial jewelry and other items that people have coveted as souvenirs of our collections for decades.
xoN: What has been your biggest challenge as a Black woman entrepreneur?
KFJ: Hmmm, my biggest challenge, and win at the same time, as a Black woman entrepreneur, has been the journey. It's no secret that Black-owned businesses, and even more so those of Black women, do not have the same access to resources as others. So I've had to get creative and roll up my sleeves to make things pop off and shine. With my knowledge bank, talents, and with the support of my team and community, Sucré Couture has managed to navigate challenges gracefully.
xoN: What has your biggest failure in this industry taught you? Please give us a brief scenario of the failure and how you found the lessons within that.
KFJ: Fortunately, through the support of a fantastic community of other entrepreneurs, friends, and family, I do not perceive anything I have encountered in the industry as failures — only lessons. A wise woman once told me, "Write off failures as professional development." As an entrepreneur, you must be willing to fall and get scraped and bruised up, only to get back up and try your best not to make the same missteps.
On this note, my biggest lesson has been checking all the facts and not skipping steps. Check your contracts and plan, plan, plan because, baby, the devil is in the details.
xoN: What is the #1 piece of advice for anyone who wants to start and launch a successful jewelry brand?
KFJ: My number one piece of advice for anyone wanting to start and launch a successful jewelry brand is to do it from the heart. Make wearable art with the same love you have for the brand. Get personal and vulnerable by how you engage with building it. Sit with it. Pick it apart. Don't be afraid to start anew and rebrand. Be genuine, and the rest will flow through your product and storytelling.
My second piece of advice is to get your feet wet in every single part of your business. From digital marketing to operations to photography to web design and development, good business owners, in general, should be able to roll their sleeves to pitch hit to keep the momentum going, if necessary.
A third piece of advice is to be coachable. Don't be afraid of constructive criticism—especially from a qualified source. If you have some good business advice that makes sense, I'll surely listen. In adjunct to this, you can't take everyone's advice either. Chew up the meat and spit out the bones. Trust your gut. You know your business better than anyone else.
Credit: Valley In Film
xoN: As someone who has been in the industry for over a decade, I'm sure you've had times when you felt stagnant, complacent, or overlooked in regard to your brand. What is the #1 piece of advice for anyone who feels like potentially giving up because they haven't reached 'success' yet?
KFJ: Girl! Keep pushing. My great Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Jean, more than a decade ago, told me that it would take a minimum of 5 years to see a business bloom into its full potential and to keep chipping away at the brand. That's a gem that I always hear in the back of my mind. I'm glad I listened. Paying it forward to whoever is reading that needs to hear the same thing.
xoN: Why was it essential for you to have an all-woman team behind Sucré Couture?
KFJ: Women naturally possess an innate sense of eros, which must be reflected within the brand. Sucré Couture is deeply rooted in a love of self and love of Black culture, and our all-women home team got that down to the core. It's been tilled and nurtured by gifted hands.
xoN: What's the future look like for Sucré Couture? Any new exciting projects our readers should know about?
KFJ: The future for Sucré Couture is about to get more experiential and profound than ever. While I can't share all the details, provocative, nostalgic, and raw art is central to the experience. And more Sucré jewelry, of course!
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Feature image by Valley In Film
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy