So, let me break down what inspired this particular topic. One day, while I was in a session with a couple about how their sex life had been dwindling as of late, the wife said something that caused me to do some real reflecting: “I enjoy having sex with him. It’s just that my vagina is so tired all of the time.”
When I asked her to repeat herself for clarity, she looked at me like, “You heard me.”
“Girl, sometimes it’s literally like my vagina isn’t in the mood for sex. I don’t know how to explain it.”
I kept going deeper. When I asked her if sex was painful, she replied with, “Eh. It’s more like, sometimes, it’s a bit uncomfortable in there. Or I’m not as wet. Or ‘she’ doesn’t have a lot of energy — like the rest of my body is down, but my vagina, specifically, just isn’t in the mood.”
I mean, the vagina is indeed a muscle, and in order to accommodate a penis (or sex toy or even a finger), there is some “stretch work” that it has to do. So yeah, even if we don’t really give it much thought, it makes sense that when the spirit is willing while the flesh is weak for coitus, the “flesh” could be your literal vagina from time to time.
And so, in honor of the client who inspired me to write this, along with every woman who may have felt similar to her at one point or another, here are 12 things that could very well help you out if you’re in the mood for sex and yet, interestingly enough, somehow, it seems that your vagina…isn’t.
1. Take a Collagen Supplement
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Probably the best way to explain what collagen is is it’s a type of protein that 30 percent of your body’s protein consists of. It supports your bones, your hair, skin, and nails and can even help keep your heart healthy. Although collagen is found in foods like bone broth, dark leafy greens, and egg whites (for starters), if your vagina needs a bit of a boost, taking a collagen supplement is a good idea, too. In this lane, it helps because, not only does it increase the elasticity of your skin and muscles, it can help to boost hydration, including when it comes to your vagina’s natural lubrication. The more lubrication you produce, the more comfortable intercourse will feel.
For the record, if you’d like an immediate collagen “boost,” look into getting an O-shot. Long story short, it’s a procedure that helps your vagina to create more blood vessels and nerves, which could help to improve your orgasms by increasing their intensity. And yes, a part of what’s in the shot is collagen. If you’re interested, you can read more about it here.
2. Eat Some Vitamin E-Enriched Foods
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Earlier this year, I wrote an article for the platform about supplements that are good for your vagina. One of those I mentioned was vitamin E. Not only can it help with vaginal atrophy (the thinning of vaginal walls that can happen during and after menopause), but it can also add more moisture to your vagina too — and that can make your vagina feel more energized and youthful. There are vitamin E suppositories that might be beneficial, or you can eat foods that are high in this particular nutrient. Some of those include almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin, turnip greens, cranberries, and olives.
3. Try a Banana, Avocado and Yogurt Smoothie
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Speaking of foods that can perk your vagina up, when was the last time you treated yourself to a homemade smoothie? If you consume one that contains banana, avocado, and yogurt, they will work together to do your vagina quite a bit of good. The potassium in the banana can help to increase arousal and keep the muscular canal (which is your vagina) strong; the vitamin B6 that’s in the avocado can boost your libido and help to keep things moist, and the yogurt will help to get more probiotics in your system. That way, you reduce the chances of getting a yeast infection (which can sometimes happen due to a change in pH levels due to sexual activity).
Plus, there are studies to support that the more “good bacteria” that are in your system, the healthier your gut and vagina are — and the more sexual desire you will end up having as a direct result. Pretty cool, right?
4. Drink Some Mint and Citrus Infused Water
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I’ve got one more food tip before moving on to some other stuff.
It should come as no surprise to you that if you’re not drinking enough water, both your vagina and vulva are going to show some results of that very fact. And since being dehydrated can lower your libido and also since reportedly 75 percent of us are currently not just dehydrated butchronically dehydrated, definitely up your water intake as soon as possible.
Your vagina will really like it if you make some infused water that contains mint and citrus fruit. Mint helps to keep your vagina’s pH levels in check; plus, it can increase blood circulation down in your vaginal region (mint does this wherever it is applied). And citrus? Fruits like oranges, grapefruit, lemons, and limes help your body to produce collagen (and we’ve already discussed what collagen does).
Citrus fruit is also high in antioxidants, which can help to improve infertility issues. Also, this type of fruit is full of vitamin C, which can increase your sex drive. Some other benefits of vitamin C are it can help to ward off or even prevent bacterial vaginosis (BV), and since its symptoms include itching, odor, and vaginal irritation, I’m sure you can see how all vitamin C is a major perk all the way around.
5. Try an Arousal Lubricating Gel
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You’ve probably heard that the biggest sex organ is your brain, and that would absolutely be the case. This means that when your mind is just not “there,” it can have a direct influence on your genital region. Yet what if a large part of you definitely wants to have sex, but you just can’t seem to get your vagina to get in immediate sync? There’s no shame in trying an arousal gel. They are specifically designed to arouse your vagina and also get you wetter down below — and the wetter, the better…right? If you’re down yet you’re not sure which lube would work best for you, Cosmo has a pretty thorough list of arousal gels that you can check out here.
6. Or Some CBD Gel
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If you’ve been on the fence about whether or not to incorporate cannabis into your sex life when you get a second, check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better;” it definitely will provide you with some food for thought. That said, if there’s a part of you that wants to give it a shot, but you’d like to ease into the experience, why not try some CBD-infused lubricant? It helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, it can increase sexual arousal in your body, and it can also help your vagina to relax. The more relaxed “she” is, the easier it will be for you both to climax. Check outa list of some current CBD gel brands that you’ll thoroughly enjoy here; PopSugar has some others here.
7. Consider Some Red Light Therapy
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As I’ve been staying on my mission to grow longer and healthier hair (not necessarily in that order), I’ve been more intentional than ever about taking care of my scalp — and that includes massaging it with a device that offers red and blue light therapy. I’ve read that this type of therapy helps to strengthen my hair follicles, which is always a good thing.
Well, guess what? Red light therapy can be good for your vagina, too. Long story short, the combination of both the heat and light that this type of device emits can help to strengthen your vaginal walls, encourage the growth of healthy tissue cells and increase blood circulation to your vagina — and all of this can ultimately make sex more pleasurable for you.
Although they’re not the cheapest things on the planet, a red light device that’s specifically designed for your vagina and pelvic floor is a great investment on a myriad of different levels. I found one for about $120 that comes with some pretty solid reviews. You can check it out here.
8. Do Some Old-Fashioned Dry Humping
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It’s not uncommon for two people who’ve been having sex for a while to kind of skip over foreplay and go right to kissing and then intercourse. For us women, we all know that doing that can sometimes make the sexual experience a bit of a “whomp whomp” because our bodies simply weren’t warmed up enough for penetration. If you’re nodding your head up and down in agreement, something that can help in this department is some old-fashioned dry humping.
Hey, call it corny if you want to but, going back to the days of — as the older folks used to call it — making out can slow everything down while building anticipation in the process. It can also give your vagina time to “get excited.” Just make sure that you do this in something other than thick material like jeans. It doesn’t make sense to be rubbing on each other passionately if your clothes are gonna irritate your vagina in the process; now you’re going to have a whole ‘nother set of issues.
9. Have Your Partner Create the “Peace” Sign with Your Clitoris
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The same session that I mentioned in the intro? When it came time for the husband to get his two cents in, what he shared was valuable. He said that something he does to perk his wife’s vagina on up is to use the peace sign on her clitoris — and yes, he was being quite literal. He puts some lube on his index and middle finger, throws up the peace sign, and then rubs her clitoris back and forth with it in between his fingers. He says that, more times than not, it works like a charm. I looked over at her, and after she blushed a bit, she nodded her head in agreement. Just sharing the wealth, y’all. Just sharing the wealth.
10. Receive an Oral Sex Orgasm. Take a Quickie Nap. Then Have Intercourse.
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Honestly, this tip is like a 2.0 version of edging and, to tell you the truth, out of all of the things that I’ve already stated, if there’s one tip that could probably “wake your vagina up” the quickest, this would be it. Since a whopping 81 percent of people reportedly orgasm from receiving oral sex, get your own girl in the game by having your partner go down on you. Then take a nap (a skin-to-skin one would be divine) and then go for a round or two of intercourse.
Taking this approach will get your vagina wet and happy, a quickie nap will provide an energy boost, the cuddling will raise your oxytocin and dopamine levels (so that you will feel closer to and happier with your partner) — and all of this will make penetrative sex so much better…for all parties involved.
11. Get Your Partner to Do Some “Rocking”
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Yeah, rocking is the ish. If you’re not familiar with what that is, it’s when your partner doesn’t use his penis to go in and out of your vagina; instead, he remains still as you “rock” on his shaft (like when you’re on top). The reason why this can be more beneficial for your vaginal pleasure is 1) you can control the movements better and 2) it increases the chances of your clitoris and vagina being stimulated at the same time — and since most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation instead of vaginal penetration…well…there ya go.
12. Or Try Sex Positions That Provide Deep(er) Penetration
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Although deep penetrative sex doesn’t work for everyone (for instance, if you have an inverted uterus or a short cervix, it could be painful), I did think I should round this article out with this tip because it can definitely be like a cup of coffee, black, for some women. For instance, if you get on your stomach, have your partner lie on top of you while penetrating you that way (some call it the flatiron while I call it the cat position…if you’ve seen actually cats have sex before, you know why), it can massage your G-spot which is an almost surefire way to get your vagina up and going.
Anyway, if you want to check out some other sex positions that can take “going deep” to new levels, check out Women’s Health’s “15 Sex Positions For Those Times You Really Want To Go Deep.”
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Listen, no matter how great sex is, sometimes there are parts of you that just aren’t as much in the mood as you would probably like them to be. If that happens to be your vagina, hopefully, no, you know how to get her head into the game — umm…so to speak. Enjoy, sis. In-freakin’-joy!
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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