8 Monthly Maintenence Expenses I'm Opting Out Of In 2024
The Black girls are tired of the monthly expenses costing more than our car payments. In one month, I easily find myself spending hundreds if not thousands between ordering groceries, hair appointments, lashes, nail salon appointments, etc. I'll be honest and say at first, I didn't notice because while I'm not rich, I'm also not exactly struggling.
Still, last year, I began to look closer at my finances and discovered feeling like "that girl" was costing me way too much. And while I love looking and feeling put together, is spending all my money on maintenance the most financially responsible thing to do?
There's been an outpour of Black women on social media declaring that the monthly expenses we rack up in the name of maintenance are not only unnecessary but unsustainable. 2023 was my year of ease, and while I will continue to prioritize myself and my needs, I want to be intentional about what I spend my money on and become the DIY girlie that my future self will thank me for.
I be at my appointments with a straight face ain’t shit funny 😭😭 https://t.co/jBgrkgEkYX
— ⭐️ (@Foreign_Star_) November 4, 2023
1. Eyelash Extensions
Last week, I attended a banquet for my grandfather's 80th birthday, and my 13-year-old cousin walked in with the most beautiful lashes. I asked her who she went to, and she told me she learned on YouTube! We have no excuse if the children are learning how to apply their lashes. She's coming over next week to teach me, and I will have some sparkling cider and pizza waiting for her so we can catch up on everything going on in her world.
2. Unnecessary Hair Appointments
Hair care is essential to me, and every week, after a swim, you'll find me in the sauna deep conditioning and loving on my tresses. But I went through this phase where I was changing my hair up every month, sometimes twice a month, because I found myself in a funk. I can't deny that changing my hair brings me joy, but it doesn't need to break the bank. Daily, I scroll through social media and see Black girls do the same hairstyles at home that I pay for, so aside from necessary hair appointments - the hair salons are now on a needed-visit basis.
3. Nail Appointments
This one might upset the girls, and I get that, but hear me out - I work from home, and one day, I had to ask myself, "Girl, who is seeing your nails that cost $120 per appointment on Zoom?!" The answer was absolutely no one. In tandem with that, I've found myself loving the press-ons that I come across, and I have been putting them into my rotation. Am I breaking up with my nail artist? Absolutely not. That's my girl, but she won't see me as much this year.
4. Make-up Appointments
I've been promising myself that I'd learn how to do my own makeup for years, and I'm now in my thirties, calling my makeup artist for every event, whether it's a girl's night or a concert. While I love a beat face, if our girl Jackie Aina, the queen of soft living, still does her makeup, what's my excuse not to start learning?
5. Ordering Groceries
There is a time and a place for this one. Now, if I'm in meeting after meeting, my food is running low, and time isn't on my side, I'll 100% order groceries to save myself additional stress. But I cannot tell you how many times this year I've driven past the grocery store, went home, and ordered groceries only to have to go the next day because items are missing. This year, I'm intentionally scheduling my grocery shopping around my errands and using that money I save on delivery and mindless shopping for my next girls' night out.
6. A New Outfit For Every Event
Raise your hand if you have a closet full of clothes but still feel like you need a new outfit for every event; now that your hand is raised...ask yourself why you are like this. I say this with love because I've had these same discussions with myself, and we are shopping our closet first all year long and then shopping responsibly.
7. Ordering In
I enjoy cooking, and I always have, but I found myself ordering out more than ever once I moved out on my own, and it not only impacted my pockets but also my waistline. Recently, I've found myself experiencing so much joy in cooking and deciding to order out less and instead become more intentional about cooking more of what I enjoy, and when I desire take out, driving to go get it, and if I don't want to drive to pick the food up, then I clearly don't want it as much as I thought I did.
8. Luxury Massages
I went through this phase of needing to go to the most aesthetically pleasing places, only to discover that you're paying not just for the service, you're paying for the vibes. Growing up watching Girlfriends, I thought every massage I'd experience would be with my girls at a luxury spa with champagne, and then I realized it wasn't sustainable. That's not to say that I don't indulge in the $250 massage, but monthly, I can afford the $50 massage at the local spa with ease, and trust me when I say the experience is just as satisfying, if not more because I know I can go back.
Does cutting these expenses mean I no longer allow myself to experience ease and rest? No, because every month, I still have my house cleaned and enjoy dinners out, massages, weekly swims, time in the sauna, and other activities because my budget is now more flexible because my monthly maintenance isn't draining my bank account.
This year, ask yourself what you really need every month. Your future self will thank you for it.
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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