

This Is How Sagittarius Pairs With Each Zodiac Sign In Matters Of The Heart
Sagittarius loves in bounty. This freedom-loving, adventurous soul brings this same type of energy, passion, and open-mindedness into their relationships. They love because it feels good doing so, and there’s not much else to it. Sagittarius in general isn’t the most emotional sign when it comes to romantic relationships but they are still a valuable partner to have in life as they will always keep life exciting, fun, and purposeful. They live life on their own terms and inspire their partners to live life to the fullest as well. Being with a Sagittarius is like being on a rollercoaster that is always going uphill. You can’t really see where you are headed- but your stomach definitely has butterflies.
One of the best qualities about Sagittarius in love is that they truly make you feel special. This sign has explored the world and then some. They know different types of people, their travel knowledge is typically broad, and not to mention they have a unique spiritual philosophy on life that they love to dive into. So when they find someone they want to spend their time with, you know that someone is special as Sagittarius is a hard sign to pin down. Being that Sagittarius is a mutable sign, this sign has a higher chance of getting along with many other different signs, rather than just your typical fire and fire or fire and air duos. Sagittarius in love is spontaneous, loving, and unforgettable.
Sagittarius + Aries Love Compatibility
Fire sign energy come together to create fireworks. Sagittarius and Aries are an electrifying couple. What makes this duo work so well is they understand each other on a base level and both see life through a similar lens. The passion that they direct toward life goes into their relationships as well and they both see the relationship as somewhere they can experience that passion, excitement, and love they are looking for. Passion runs high with this duo, and they thrive in active environments. This is the type of couple who like doing things together but also highly values each other's freedom and independence as well.
Sagittarius + Taurus Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Taurus aren’t a duo you see too often, and rightly so. These two live on opposite ends of the spectrum and don’t meet in the middle too often. They both thrive in different environments meaning date nights and time spent together may not be too fulfilling for both of them. The biggest factor that plays into the incompatibility of Sagittarius and Taurus is that Sagittarius prefers its freedom and Taurus prefers its stability. However, these two can learn a lot from each other if they decide to put their differences aside and focus on what they love about each other rather than their differences.
Sagittarius + Gemini Love Compatibility
This compatibility is bittersweet but mostly sweet. Sagittarius and Gemini are on exact opposite sides of the zodiac wheel, otherwise known as sister signs which brings them closer together. However, at the end of the day, these two signs are opposites. What makes this pairing excel in compatibility is that they are both curious, open-minded, and love a good adventure. This is the type of couple that likes to be out and about doing things, and they can be quite the showstoppers. This couple thrives when it comes to mental stimulation and they are a couple that encourages excitement within each other.
Sagittarius + Cancer Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Cancer can be an unexpectedly delightful pairing. What makes this compatibility better than most fire and water sign duos, is that there is a good give-and-take here. Sagittarius provides to the relationship what Cancer isn’t too focused on giving, and vice versa. For example, Cancer’s mind isn’t focused on philosophy, travel, and the world around them as much as Sagittarius is. Sagittarius’ mind isn’t focused on the home, stability, and their immediate environment, like Cancer’s homebody soul is. This works out for this pairing because they can complete the full picture together and provide each other with good reciprocity. Given the right circumstances, this pairing can work out well long-term for both of them.
Sagittarius + Leo Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Leo are an exciting duo. They may fight for the spotlight from time to time and can overall have ego clashes within this relationship, but for the most part, this is a pairing you see that lasts the long haul. There is a lot of love and admiration between these two because they both understand where each other is coming from. They both require the same type of zest in life, and sharing a common goal with your partner is a recipe for success at the end of the day. Sagittarius and Leo are going to the same place and at the same pace and these two show up in the relationship with a lot of joy doing so.
Sagittarius + Virgo Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Virgo are both mutable signs, and the relationship they form together has many different eras, being that both of these signs love to switch it up. Sagittarius and Virgo are a power couple nonetheless when you consider how they are both self-empowered and self-assured individuals. Think Jay-Z and Beyoncé. Sagittarius (Jay-Z) has his empire, and Virgo (Beyoncé) has her own as well, yet when you think of one you think of the other. This is because not only do both signs value their independence, but they put that same empowerment and love within their relationship as well, which helps it thrive.
Sagittarius + Libra Love Compatibility
This pairing is more common than the others, and you can immediately see how these two get along so well. Fire and air signs are one of the best when it comes to compatibility and they work out because they both get each other on another level. Being that Libra loves to love and you can find them in a relationship with any sign, they don’t have the same hangups when it comes to Sagittarius’ changeability as most signs do. Libra is a sign that can keep up with Sagittarius rather than try to hold them down or change their way of being. Libra loves their emotional freedom just as much as Sagittarius, and these two have a way of living in bliss together.
Sagittarius + Scorpio Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Scorpio are typically a pairing that is better off as friends. Within a friendship, it is easier to understand each other's differences and to put them aside for the sake of the friendship. However, romantically, this is easier said than done. Sagittarius and Scorpio are always on a different vibe. Sagittarius is in their mind, and Scorpio is in their feels. Meeting in the middle requires more effort than they are usually willing to give, especially when it comes to Sagittarius who doesn’t like to be bothered with such emotional waters. When they’re keeping things light, this relationship does well, but when things get serious, this relationship starts heating up in more suffocating ways than romantic for Sagittarius.
Sagittarius + Sagittarius Love Compatibility
A Sagittarius and Sagittarius duo is just wild, to be honest. I can see Sagittarius trying this pairing just for the fun of it. They could have a lot of adventures and fun times together, but ironically, the reflection that they see in one another is a little too close for comfort. When it comes to dating your sign, you are often confronted with aspects of yourself you hadn’t seen before and the truth can be uncomfortable for some. If both signs are willing to grow within themselves and confront any issues that may arise head-on, then this can work, but with Sagittarius being such a curious sign who loves to learn from others and loves the uniqueness of individuality, dating someone who is like them isn’t too enticing for them.
Sagittarius + Capricorn Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Capricorn is a duo that is more common than people may assume. Relationships with the signs next to yours have a different type of energy and compatibility because they are signs that learn a lot from each other and have a good give and take. Sagittarius and Capricorn both want a love that means something. Legacy is important for both of these signs, and they can create quite a legacy with each other. Capricorn excels in building the strong foundations needed for any relationship to survive, and Sagittarius brings the expansion needed for any relationship to thrive. If these two are on the same page, this can work.
Sagittarius + Aquarius Love Compatibility
This fire and air sign duo tends to be better in theory than reality, but if they are both in the right space emotionally, this can truly be a soulmate pairing that lasts the tests of time. What works here is that this couple has a lot of the same interests, and both genuinely just like each other. However, being that both of these signs aren’t the most romantic bunch of the zodiac, this can leave emotions dry and it can be difficult to know where each other truly stands as they aren’t the most expressive emotionally. If the love is truly there, they will be able to break this barrier, get out of their comfort zone, and let each other in more. If the relationship is not meant to be then there will always be this type of emotional barrier that makes it difficult to grow closer.
Sagittarius + Pisces Love Compatibility
Sagittarius and Pisces are an exciting and happy couple to be around. This is a Jupiter couple, as these mutable signs also share the same beloved ruling planet. They have an underlying energy of believing in the impossible and seeing the brighter side of the lens, and when they come together there is a lot of joy and love shared in this pairing. Commitment, however, can be a different story as that word means something different to both of them. If they can lay their expectations, needs, and wants for the relationship all out on the table, then misunderstandings are less likely and they can learn how to work together and make the relationship grow, rather than always feeling like they are moving in different directions and have to compromise more than they want.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Riska/Getty Images
- The Sun Stars Are Aligned: The Most Compatible Zodiac Signs ›
- This Is How Each Zodiac Sign Pairs With Libra In Matters Of The Heart ›
- Here Are The Least Compatible Zodiac Signs, According To Astrology ›
- Your Partner's Love Language, According To Their Zodiac Sign ›
- Find Out More About The Least Compatible Zodiac Signs - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Can You Actually Be Dating...If You've Never Been On A Date With Him Before?
So, back when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national nonprofit because a lot of the girls (at the time) were at the age that some of my children would’ve been (read “Why I Named The Children I Aborted” for context), I would call them my daughters. And boy, the closer I got to some of them and the more they revealed, the combination of their relationships and lifestyle sounded a lot like a twisted hybrid between soap operas and Lifetime Television, especially when they would get into all of the stuff they were doing for “their man”…especially after I would inquire what caused a guy to earn that title and they would draw a blank.
“I mean, has he ever even taken you out on a date before?” would be a pretty common question for me to ask. And when they would respond with, “I mean, we sleep together” and/or “He comes over sometimes” and/or “Ms. Shellie, what do you mean — a date?!” — I…tell…you…what.
What’s really wild is they are not an anomaly. Meaning, there are a lot of women in college, in their 20s — shoot, some I’ve spoken to who are in their 30s and 40s who profess to also be in a relationship (which is probably more like a situationship-in-denial) with a guy where, when I ask the same question, they come up with variations of the responses I just provided — and that is unfortunate. Tragic even.
That’s why I think it’s important to tackle this topic. For the record, by no means am I gonna be on some unless-a-man-spends-his-rent-money-to-date-you-he’s-not-worthy-of-your-time ish. I’ve already stated my opinion about transactional dating (you can read it here), and y’all, I am so not a fan. At the same time, though, there is a reason why, when it comes to romantic relationships, there are “levels” to this thing, and despite how all over the place things seem to be these days, a foundational one should definitely be going out on dates. And that definitely should happen before you start using the term “dating.” Let’s get into it.
What’s the Purpose of a Date? What Qualifies As an Actual Date?
Getty Images
Purpose is something that I am really big about. I dig it because of what it literally means: “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” And yes, like pretty much everything that exists, dating does indeed serve a purpose. The problem is, because a lot of people have no clue what its purpose is (anymore), they end up doing what I believe, across the board, when it comes to the ignorance of a purpose: “When you don’t know the purpose of something, you are almost guaranteed to abuse it.”
So, why does dating exist? It’s so that you can get to know someone better. Simple. Where things get a bit complex is far too many folks think that you can do that anywhere — and while, to a certain extent, that would be true, the issue is that there used to be a time when “getting to know” had stages.
Getting someone’s number was a big deal. Holding a conversation that was longer than 10 minutes on the phone was a big deal. Getting asked out (OUT being the operative word) and someone accepting was a big freaking deal. And the reason why going out was wise is because you got to see how much someone was willing to invest in you. Again, I’m not talking about how many coins they were willing to drop. What I mean is, that when someone is truly interested in you, they enjoy putting some thought and effort into actually showing you so.
Not only that, but it helps them to get to know you when it comes to likes and dislikes and shared interests while being able to hold conversations that will reveal if you are a good fit on a billion different levels— or not. For instance, going to a live concert — you can learn about what they think about certain types of music, and that could lead to conversations about playing instruments as a kid, being in talent shows, or what their favorite artists were back in the day. Or if you went on a date that consisted of a hike and a picnic, you both could learn about how much you like — or don’t like — spending time in nature, what kind of foods you enjoy, and what your idea of romance may be.
Yeah, dating can reveal so much about someone, and the cool thing about it is it’s designed to do it in a way that takes a lot of pressure off. The reason why I say that is because, if after the first or fourth date, things aren’t working out…no harm, no foul. Everyone can go their separate ways without a lot of damage to clean up afterward. I mean, why would there be any if you’ve spent most of your time out of each other’s private and personal space doing things, being careful about how much of yourself you offer up and focusing on how to ease, ever so gently, into getting close to someone?
That said, even though I’ve already offered up some examples, if a part of you is like, “All of this can happen at his place or mine” — you would be correct. However, remember how I said that there are levels to this thing?
There used to be a time when someone being in another person’s home was seen as a huge honor and privilege…not just something to do. Your home is your sanctuary. Your home is your place of refuge. Your home is where so many intimate things about you can be learned and discovered — and I’m not just talking about in the bedroom. The way you decorate. How you keep a house. How you are when no one else is around. Where you’re able to really and truly just BE is featured in your house. Yes, someone should do things that show themselves to be worthy of accessing that type of information.
So definitely, if someone wants to be more than a friend in your life, you deserve to go on dates — you deserve for someone to plan something to do, that is not at either place of residence that happens more than once. You deserve this because, again, a date is about someone getting to know you, and you are worthy of being invested in.
A date requires a plan. A date requires effort. A date requires intentionality. A date requires creativity. A date requires wanting to woo a person. And so, if someone is claiming to “date” you, you should be able to provide evidence, via clearly articulated examples, of this transpiring to anyone who would inquire about your dating dynamic.
What Does It Mean to Be “Dating” Someone?
Getty Images
Okay, so all of that brings us to can — or more like should — you actually consider yourself “dating” if you’ve never been on a date with the person you’re giving that relational status to. I mean, if we’re going by what I just stated a date is and is for, the answer would be “no”…damn near a HELL NO. Because, well, let’s go back to elementary school for just a second. When you add “ing” to a word, that is verbalizing that some sort of action is taking place. And so, if a man is dating you, this means that he is actively taking you on dates. Therefore, if you’ve never been on a date with him before, how can the two of you be, well, DATING?
Again, I am not overlooking the fact that, eventually, dating can include things like him cooking for you at his place or you having him over to watch some throwback movies at yours. Yet it truly can’t be said enough that dating should be transpiring in levels, and so, if things start off that way, it’s really challenging to go backward, especially if you’ve let him know that he can just hang out at your house, pretty much from day one, and to you, that is dating (even though it’s actually not).
Now, I’m not saying that a man who never dates you isn’t “something-ing” you (LOL). I’m just saying that the word you are using, you probably shouldn’t. You need to open up a dictionary and look up another one that more accurately defines what is going on. Bonding? Maybe. Evolving? Perhaps. Shoot, before even finding other words, let’s get down to what may really be going on: SEXING. And no, sexing is not the same as dating.
SEX. IS. NOT. DATING.
Getty Images
Whenever guys tell me that they are so over women who think that sex should be a substitute for an actual birthday present or Christmas gift, I am totally on their side. It really can’t be said enough that sex is an even exchange of pleasure (and if it’s not, no one is making you stay; state your case or know that you can always leave), and so no, it’s not fair to think that on Valentine’s Day, you deserve the world of tangibles while he gets what he just got from you last Tuesday. Lawd, the manipulation of sex really needs to come to an end…and swiftly.
The same thing applies to sexing someone being put in the same category as dating them. While sex is definitely a way of getting to know another person on a profound level, I don’t care what pop culture says: it’s still an honor and a privilege for someone to experience you like that. It’s also achieving a different goal than dating does. What I mean is, that dating is about getting to know someone better, while sex is more about two people doing something that gives them physical pleasure.
Please take what I said into context because, if you’ve read enough of my articles on sex, you know that I think that it ultimately holds more value than merely a climax. However, what I’m saying when it comes to what we’re talking about today is, on a very basic and carnal level, you don’t have to be intimate with someone you have sex with — not mentally or emotionally. You can be as self-absorbed as you want to be by looking at the activity as a way to get something that you want…without really knowing much about who helped you to achieve that particular goal at all.
On a date, you want to know someone else. During sex, you can totally put up that wall, still get a need met, and go on about your business. And you can do this for weeks, months, even years if someone allows it. Because if you’ve already decided that sex is all you want, sex is all that you will give.
And that’s why I had to tell my “daughters,” damn near on repeat, that if you’ve never seen anything with him beyond his bedspread and bedroom ceiling, sweeties, you’re not dating that man. You’re having sex with him (and as teens, I don’t even know how good that is). The reason why he’s letting you use the word “dating” is so he can get what he wants without giving you what you actually deserve. Unfortunately, I’ve had to share that revelation with some grown women, too.
Yes, you can have sex with someone you are dating. At the same time, sex is not a date.
Even “sex dates” require planning beforehand and oftentimes aren’t the cheapest dates on the planet (when’s the last time that you’ve booked a hotel reservation?) One more time for the stubborn ones in denial in the back: for a man to be dating you, HE NEEDS TO TAKE YOU OUT ON ACTUAL DATES.
Is Not (Officially) Dating a Deal-Breaker?
Getty Images
As I was having this conversation with a 20-something woman not too long ago, I saw the light bulb come on. She asked me if, after almost a year of un-dating-while-sexing, should she end the relationship. If you can relate and you’re wondering the same thing — I can’t tell you what your deal-breakers should be. What I will say is if you realize that you want more, you should have it. What I will say is if that guy truly cares about you beyond being glad that he can just plop on your couch or get you in his bed without much effort on his part, and you bring all of this up, he will take note. What I will say is no woman should look back on her life and realize that she never experienced real, true, and actual dating before. What I will say is if you feel like you’re settling, you probably are. What I will say is what people value, they will invest in.
Listen, I’ve been with guys who I’ve been on dates with. I’ve been with guys who I was sexing. I’ve been with guys who we spent a lot of time together doing neither (translation: we hung out a lot and never really went out or made it to the intercourse stage of things). And while I’ve had some great sex and cool memories with Door B and Door C, by far, my fondest memories are the men who I dated and who dated me (because I don’t mind taking men out on dates sometimes; another article, another time). Because I felt cherished. I felt appreciated. I felt seen — with no strings attached. And that’s another thing that actually and literally dating someone does.
So, I’ll just say for me, that I won’t lie to myself and say I’m dating someone if I’ve not been on an official date with said person. I won’t let a guy get away with saying that he’s dating me either (I actually know a man who used to say that he was dating multiple women because, to him, if he ever took you out at all, that constituted dating….NAH).
Through trial and error, observation, and emotional evolution, I get that when someone is for real dating me, they have plans for us — short and long-term — in a way that someone who isn’t dating me (even if he’s sexing me) probably doesn’t. Because if they did, we’d be on dates due to the purpose that they serve. But hey…again, that’s just me.
As I wrap this up, if you’re on the fence about where your dynamic stands, forward this to the guy in question. Let his response/reaction influence what you should do. Because if you get an Elmo shrug, I’m not sure if there’s going to be much in your future beyond whatever you’re currently doing and accepting. If he wants to discuss it — good. Looks like you might get a date in your future. And once you’ve had a real one, it’s hard to go back to not.
TRUST ME.
Life is short. Bedrooms aren’t going anywhere. GO. ON. SOME. ACTUAL. DATES.
PLEASE.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images