

How To Effectively Get Your Ish Together For That New Promotion
Aight, so boom. Picture this, you've worked your ass off all 2017 through 2019 and you returned to work in 2020 to learn that you FINALLY are getting the promotion you've been dreaming about.
It's a very exciting time in your life because maybe you've haven't been feeling challenged at work because you've surpassed your job knowledge, or maybe some things in your life have shifted causing you to need more financial support from your company. No matter what it is, that promotion that you just received is right on time, and you're ecstatic because now you're becoming the boss woman you've always known you could be.
However, just like the saying goes, "With great power comes great responsibility." Your new promotion and its benefits will bring about a lot of change and new commitments, so it's critical that you are prepared mentally and professionally for what's to come.
I remember when I got my first big promotion at my last company. I spent the weekends (and some Turn Up Tuesdays and Thirsty Thursdays) leading up to my first new day turning up with celebratory toasts with my girls. As you can tell, I was completely proud and excited for my promotion and increased salary, but oblivious to what I was in store for at my job.
Before you start down that path of having constant celebrations because of your promotion, get into the tips below for some ways you can get your mind right for your new big role.
1. Get your personal life in order.
It doesn't matter if you've been at your company for X amount of years, or a couple of months, getting promoted yields new responsibilities - many of which you may underestimate. These new responsibilities and commitments can possibly disrupt your normal, everyday routine outside of work if you aren't prepared. Before you start your new role, go ahead and get your gym schedule down, place time on your personal calendar for journaling, reading, meditating, or whatever you do that keeps you centered, and schedule time to chill with friends for brunch dates or happy hours so that it's already planned. New job roles can cause stress so it's crucial that you are proactively planning out time to do things to de-stress.
2. Review your money goals.
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If your promotion comes with an increased salary, this is the perfect time to review your budget, and make revisions where necessary. With your new pay, you'll have more money to allocate towards savings, and to put towards other areas in your financial plan. I recommend revising your budget before your new role starts so that you already have plans for what you'll do with the money before you get distracted by those extra dollars on your check.
3. Learn more about your role.
Although you're already well-versed on your new role and what it entails, I recommend to take extra time out to talk to your supervisor or if possible, the person that was in the role before you, to get even more details on what to expect. Ask in-depth questions to figure out what the typical day looks like, the challenges that the person before you experienced, and your new boss' expectations for you for your first 30, 60, and 90 days.
4. Learn about your team.
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If you're leading a team in your new position, talk to the person in the role before you or to your new supervisor to get the scoop on your new direct reports. Ask clear questions to learn what their strengths, weaknesses, learning style, and communication styles are so that you can know what to expect.
5. Plan team outings.
Some people may think it's silly to plan a team outing or team interactions for employees that you haven't met or worked with yet, but it's not. Once you get in your new role, you'll be bombarded with learning your new job, managing expectations, and leading a team. The last thing that'll be on your mind will be nurturing your relationship with your new direct reports, but it's actually the most important thing. Early on as their new manager, it's critical that you are taking time out to get to know your team and blocking out dates for one-on-ones so that you can provide feedback on their progress. As their new boss, it's important that your new team is at the forefront of your mind and goals, and that you are intentionally making the effort to grow this relationship.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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- You're “Not Ready” for a Promotion? Take it Anyway | ChronicleVitae ›
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- 13 Ways to Show Your Boss You're Ready for the Big Promotion ›
- 6 Ways to Prepare for Your Promotion Now - The Muse ›
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images