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Here Are 10 Personal Development Goals We All Should Make
I don't know about you, but usually, when I hear someone talk about their short and long-term goals, it typically has something to do with professional or health-related ambitions. Those are important, no doubt about it. But I do think that there is another set of achievements that should get just as much of our time, effort, and attention—personal development goals. Because, if you really stop to think about it, what's the point in being professionally successful or even being in the physical state that we desire if our personal lives, our mental state, and/or our emotional stability are in total shambles?
To a large degree, personal development goals are as unique as each person reading this. But there are some things that, I feel, we all could only benefit from if we made them a top priority. If you want to make this season of your life one where you thrive in a way that you never have before, here are 10 ways to accomplish that ambition.
1. “Tithe” to Yourself
If you've ever wondered why a lot of people pay tithes in church, it's because there is a Scripture in the Bible that gives that instruction; it's in Malachi 3. The reason why folks offer up 10 percent is that that is literally what tithe means. I'll admit that it's always been a bit of a controversial topic but, regardless of your religious affiliation or personal convictions, if there's one thing that I think you should be open to doing is "tithing to yourself".
The reality is a part of the reason why a lot of us incur the amount of debt that we do is because we don't budget wisely. When we want those new pairs of shoes or to get a much-needed massage, because we didn't prepare to spend what it costs ahead of time, we end up spending more than we should. By setting aside 10 percent from each paycheck that you get to do nothing but focus on self-care, not only does that remind you to make yourself a priority, but it also offers up a guilt-free and financially responsible way to do it.
2. Use Discernment
A movie that I re-watched online recently isVideo Girl starring Meagan Good. If you've never seen it before, the long short of it is Meagan's character is a former ballet dancer who gets into a car accident that shatters her dreams. A famous video director discovers her, she starts to book a lot of gigs, and well, I bet you can guess that things start to get pretty rocky from there. As I watched the story play out (again), I thought about so many of the red flags that her character ignored. Blatant ones. Then I thought about all of the times when I've done basically the same thing in my own life.
In a society that has become so hypersensitive that it seems like no one can be advised or corrected on anything, try and avoid being that type of individual. Be humble enough to receive wisdom from those who care about you. Also, be self-aware enough to use good judgment in both personal and professional circumstances and situations.
If something doesn't feel right, listen to what your mind, body, and spirit are telling you. If you aren't at total peace, don't ignore that fact. If you think you should pump the brakes on something in order to get a better understanding, do that. A wise person once said, "Discernment is the ability to see things for what they really are and not what you want them to be." Just imagine how much drama and foolishness could be avoided if we all applied this to our lives on a consistent basis.
3. Handle Stress Effectively
I know a personal development goal that always remains on the top of my list is reducing stress. That's why I make the conscious decision to not worry a lot. I also try and allow peace to be my guide at all times. One of the main reasons why I think this is so important is because, to me, good health is paramount. And with articles out in cyberspace like "10 Health Problems Related to Stress That You Can Fix" to remind me heart disease, diabetes and headaches typically don't "just happen", stress triggers them—it's so important to make sure that I avoid people, places, things and ideas that are prone to stress me out rather than keep me calm. I'm not the only one who feels that way either. Check out "Forget The Bag, Kelly Rowland Wants You To Get Your Stress In Check". It serves as a great reminder that nothing and no one is worth you sacrificing your health or peace of mind. You'd betta believe it.
4. Understand Your Power of Influence
Someone once said that influence is not the main thing in influencing others; it is the only thing. I thought about that as I was watching R&B artist Snoh Aalegra's latest music video "Whoa" featuring Michael B. Jordan. As I was thinking about how much she gave me modern-day Sade vibes in a lot of ways (fun fact: her debut LP featured a cover of Sade's song "Smooth Operator"), I also thought about how I dug her energy and vibe. It was cool to just hear some good music, see some nice visuals, and feel like my young goddaughters could walk into the room and I wouldn't have to mute the lyrics or change the channel because of what was happening on the screen. That little story right there is a small example of what one's power of influence is like. I appreciated something that Snoh presented, wrote about it, and now you're reading it.
My point to that is this—someone is always watching you. It might be a co-worker, a friend, your children, or a complete stranger. And whether you realize it or not, your words, actions, and even energy can have a domino effect on others; usually in ways that you can't even begin to fathom. That's why it's so important to be intentional about the choices that you make—in both the big and little things. Just by making it a goal to be a responsible influencer, you are choosing to impact this society in a very powerful, relevant, and lasting type of way.
5. Define Success for Yourself
To this day, I'd have to say that one of my favorite songs by Drake as well as Trey Songz is "Successful". If you listen to it carefully, although they are talking about money, cars and clothes being the definition of success in the hook, the verses also explore the challenges that can come with having those things. Moral to the story—this is why it's so important to define success for yourself. For instance, for me, being able to make a living off of my writing gift is my definition of success. Believe you me, a sistah ain't rich; not even close. But I wake up being able to set my own schedule while enjoying what I do and not feeling like I am compromising my values or integrity in order to take care of myself.
While a lot of the world would have you to think that you're only a true success if it's based on "the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like", I personally believe that the happiest people in life are the ones who define success another way—"the accomplishment of one's goals". Knowing your purpose, setting short- and long-term goals, and remaining focused on accomplishing these things—if you're able to do this on the regular, I salute you. You, my dear, are a textbook definition of success.
6. Manage Your Expectations
There is someone in my life who lives by, what I personally think, is one of the most depressing mottos on the planet—"Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." Geeze. Listen, there's nothing wrong with having expectations. Even the Good Book says, "Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly." (Psalm 5:3—AMPC) The key is to manage your expectations properly and realistically.
One way to do that is to base your expectations on someone's character and track record. For instance, one of my friends? Whenever he says, "I'll call you back in a minute", I have learned to translate that as, "I'll talk to you later." I don't expect him to ring my phone the same day because there's a 50/50 chance that he won't. But I have another friend who, if she says she'll hit me back in 10 minutes, she's always on time (even if she has to call to say that she'll call back). Another way to manage your expectations—and this is a big one—is to not try and turn people into another version of yourself. What I mean by that is, don't expect people to do (or not do) something, simply because you would. State your needs, allow them to decide if they wish to comply or not, and then set boundaries based on whether or not you can live with what they choose to do.
Life would be pretty grim if you never looked forward to anything which is what expectations are all about. Just make sure that your expectations are grounded in reality and you should be all good. Oh, and if you are constantly being disappointed by someone based on your expectations and them not meeting any of 'em, perhaps it's the relationship that needs adjusting, not what you're expecting overall.
7. Break Bad Habits
Not too long ago, I shared a list of some habits that were worth, at least considering breaking, before this new year began. But aside from things like eating fast food, breaking promises, and settling, we've all got personal bad habits that we know we should let go of as well. It might be overthinking. Maybe it's holding grudges. Perhaps it's constantly breaking your budget or showing up to work late. Maybe it's always getting involved with guys who are absolutely no good for you. Or always allowing opportunists to take advantage of you. Perhaps it's still eating dairy when your body has been begging you to let it go or still allowing your mama to run your life when you are too grown for that now.
The thing that you always have to keep in mind about habits is, before long, they are so ingrained into your lifestyle that they literally become a part of you; they end up being like second nature. If there is anything that you are doing—or allowing—that is hindering you from becoming your best self and living out your best life, NOW would be the time to remove it and replace it with something better. Out of all of the personal development goals mentioned here, make sure that this one doesn't get overlooked.
8. Take a Day Off. WEEKLY.
Ever since I was born, I've been a traditional Sabbath observer. What that means is from sunset Friday through sunset Saturday, I don't work. Actually, it's more than that—I don't work and I make it a point to do things that bring me pure enjoyment, just for the heck of it. Because of this, I don't get overwhelmed very often. I also feel calmer and I'm able to be more productive during the week because I have gotten the rest that I needed over the weekend. The thing about "keeping the Sabbath" is it's more than a "religious practice". I know a lot of people who see Sunday as "their Sabbath" but they don't get a lick of rest on it. First, they're in church for hours on end, then they are rushing home to prepare for the upcoming week. That's not a day off if you ask me.
Our bodies are not made to constantly be on the go; rest is supposed to be a part of our life's routine. That's why it's so important to not see taking at least one day off a week as being a luxury. The process of disconnecting, recharging, and even pampering are all important if you want to remain physically healthy, mentally clear, and emotionally balanced.
9. Respond Instead of React
If you want to know if you've truly mastered someTheKarate Kid wax on, wax off ish, ask yourself if you truly know the difference between responding vs. reacting to things that are difficult or you don't like; this could be a person, place, thing or idea. Indeed, if there is one personal goal that I focused long, deep, and hard on in 2019, it was this one.
So, how do you know if you are responding or reacting? First of all, reacting tends to be an immediate emotional action. If you do things, solely from an emotional space, it oftentimes isn't thought through; it's also not necessarily what you would do if you took a few moments to process what happened. Another point worth mentioning about reactions is they are oftentimes so aggressive and off-putting that they can set off a chain of other reactions that you probably don't want to put up with either.
I've got to give credit to where credit is due here. At least based on what we know thus far, Omarion is a great example of what can happen when you respond vs. react. When you remain calm and centered, you can plan, strategize and get the kind of results that you ultimately want. When you don't, well—VH1 has plenty of programming that serves as cautionary tales for that.
10. Define Self-Love for Yourself
A few months ago, I wrote an article on here entitled "What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like". The more that I embark on my own journey in this area, the more I realize that there are some things about self-love that should automatically apply to all of us (like self-respect and self-esteem). At the same time, because we are each unique in our own ways, some things are customizable. When Miss Universe 2019 Zozibini Tunzi decided to rock her killa fade over a wig in the pageant, that is how she decided to reflect her self-love. Big Sean's semi-recent commitment to take a year off in order to take care of his mental health was an act of self-love.
Cassie releasing her past so that she could have an even greater future was an act of self-love. Lizzo has done all kinds of things to challenge the status quo when it comes to how she defines/displays self-love. I recently watched an episode of Righteous & Ratchet featuring KevOnStage, Mrs. KevOnStage, and Doboy discussing all of the creative risks that they took (and won) this past year that was their acts of self-love. What all of these examples have in common is these people focused on what they needed to do to feel good about themselves—and that is a big part of what self-love is all about.
At the end of the day, a goal is "the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end". If you're currently dissatisfied with your personal life, it's probably time to set some new personal goals. It's a simple step that can lead to really big changes and lasting results. Set some.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Is it just me, or do our bodies have an “If it’s not one thing, it’s another” vibe as we get older? And lately, new or recurring skin conditions have been yet another thing to add to the growing list of “WTF is this, am I dying?” When it comes to seborrheic dermatitis, it’s one of the most common skin issues, impacting 3 to 10 out of 100 people, per the National Institute of Health. You may have heard of it, been diagnosed with it, or will relate to this article and finally feel seen and relieved that there’s a name for what you’ve been going through.
We’re breaking down everything you need to know about seborrheic dermatitis, from what it is and its symptoms to shutting down a few common myths, and of course, how to know if you actually have it. Let’s get into it.
What Are The Signs?
You may be experiencing seborrheic dermatitis if your skin, eyebrows, scalp, or facial hair has dandruff, irritable skin patches, or flakes, according to the Mayo Clinic. More specifically, and on the verge of TMI, oily skin with flat white or yellow scales may also be a sign.
When it comes to rashes, it’s likely they’ll show up in a ring-like form (which is called petaloid seborrheic dermatitis). For the melanated folks, rashes may appear darker or lighter (per the National Eczema Association, people of color may get a more intense flare-up with lesions on the hairline and discoloration), while those with fair skin may experience red rash areas.
Where Is It?
While seborrheic dermatitis can occur on various body parts, it’s frequently seen on the scalp, according to the NEA. The Mayo Clinic notes that the condition also pops up on oily facial and body areas like the edges of one’s nose, eyelids, and eyebrows, as well as the chest and ears. Skin can appear inflamed with rashes and patches, and the scalp will typically battle with relentless dandruff.
Seborrheic dermatitis can be super irritating and frustrating, but fortunately, if you’ve been diagnosed, it doesn’t lead to permanent hair loss, and it isn’t contagious, The Mayo Clinic states. In fact, with doctor-prescribed treatment or products like special shampoo, it could disappear or at least reduce flare-ups.
What Triggers It?
It’s difficult to pinpoint what specifically causes the condition. The Mayo Clinic points out that it could arise thanks to too much oil in the skin or the presence of Malassezia, a type of fungi. Commonly, things like fatigue, weather changes, and stress also play a role. More serious conditions that can trigger it range from Parkinson’s and depression to HIV, as well as the aftermath of life-altering events like a heart attack.
Bronchitis, strep throat, the flu, tonsillitis, and ear and respiratory infections are also known to cause flare-ups, along with skin issues like bruises, sunburns, scratches, and bites, per the Cleveland Clinic.
Interestingly enough, the NIH notes that seasons changing has a role too. Seborrheic dermatitis can disappear in the summer months, and then make a comeback like it never left in the winter.
Who Does It Affect?
Unlike many other things we go through as women, seborrheic dermatitis is actually more common for men, according to the NIH. It often appears for the first time in the young adult years or for those who are older than 50.
What About Psoriasis Though?
Seborrheic dermatitis is often compared to psoriasis, and for good reason. They both impact the skin, especially the scalp area. They can both also leave scaly patches on the skin, flakes on your hair, and cause itching. However, they’re not identical. Healthline notes that areas of seborrheic dermatitis flareups are typically easier to remove compared to psoriasis. Psoriasis also tends to be sorer and more tender, while seborrheic dermatitis can itch or create a burning sensation.
Let’s Clear The Air
There are a few rumors about the power of seborrheic dermatitis and what it can cause. So let’s break down the truth for a second. According to the NEA, this condition is not cancerous, nor does it indicate or increase a higher risk for cancer in the future.
Just a reminder, it doesn’t cause hair loss, nor is hair loss a symptom. If you are experiencing concerning hair loss, it is likely a sign of something else.
How Can You Treat It?
Seborrheic dermatitis can be treated pretty easily (praises be). Certain medicines like shampoos with tar, anti-inflammatory creams that include steroids, creams and shampoos with antifungal agents, or creams that feature salicylic acid, can be applied to the inflamed area to help resolve the problematic area, according to the NIH.
Just a note though: As tempting as it is to cover up scaly patches with heavy foundation or concealer, experts with the NIH actually advise against it as it can clog your pores. However, a light foundation can be used occasionally, along with skin care products that aren’t too oily to help temporarily conceal it.
A unique type of sunscreen also isn’t needed. You can use what you typically would before stepping out into the sun. And your skin soaking in a few extra rays could actually help your skin.
Should You Self-Diagnose?
As tempting as it is to make an appointment with Dr. Google, The Mayo Clinic advises you to call your actual physician if the condition interrupts your sleep, makes you lose focus throughout the day, contributes to anxiety, or simply doesn’t go away with at-home remedies. Simply put, it’s always best to check with your doctor to ensure you’re actually experiencing seborrheic dermatitis and get the treatment you need to help monitor or prevent it.
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