If you read the title of this and felt like it might be some low-key clickbait, that is absolutely not the case. The reality is, according to quite a bit of extensive research, although orgasms can last anywhere from 10-60 seconds, if we were to break things down by gender, in general, men’s orgasms usually last somewhere around 22 seconds while women’s orgasms last somewhere around 13-15 seconds (for many). And since the average commercial is 30 seconds long — well, there ya go.
This is of the utmost importance to me because, at least in my humble opinion, one of the best experiences that life has to offer is a good ole’ orgasm. That is why I thought that this would be as good of a time as any to provide a few tips that can help you to get the most out of your own “climbing the wall” moments.
And so, are you ready to see if you can get at least 10-15 more seconds out of the climaxes you have? I just might have some things to hook you all the way up below.
So, the Technical Term for It Is an “Extended Orgasm”
GiphyAight, so let’s get right into it. When you want to achieve the kind of orgasm that lasts longer than the — or probably the more accurate way to put it, your — average one does, that is called an extended orgasm. It’s important to not confuse this with multiple orgasms which are what happens when you climax and then come to the fourth stage of an orgasm (which is called a resolution) only to pick back up and start the cycle of orgasming all over again.
Nah, an extended orgasm is one long(er) climax that never comes to a resolution; it just holds at the climax position for a longer period of time.
And what would be the purpose of wanting to have one of those? C’mon now. If you’ve had an orgasm before, you absolutely know the answer to that; especially if you’re someone who tends to have orgasms that only last for a few seconds, max.
Okay, but really — what can you actually do to “see the mountaintop” for more than just a fleeting moment in time…every time? Well, I have 10 tips that would be hella fun (at the very least) to give a shot.
Tips To Make Your Orgasms Last Longer
1. Figure Out What Your Clitoris Likes (and Needs)
GiphySince once upon a time, I used to watch porn and then I transitioned into working with an organization that dealt with sex and porn addiction (check out “Working For A Porn Ministry Got Me Over Watching Porn”), I can tell when people have learned a lot of their sex moves via some consistent porn engagement. Like back in the day when I was gettin’ it in — I used to damn near loathe whenever a guy would try to pat on my vagina. That is such a porn move.
For me, I prefer a… gentler and more creative approach. And that’s exactly my point: since a clitoris literally only exists to bring women sexual pleasure — figure out what touches work for you, both in foreplay and during sex. After reading Healthline’s “The Ultimate Guide to Clitoral Stimulation,” I came to appreciate just how many ways there actually are. Check the article out then experiment with which ones are bomb for you.
2. Make Sure Your Partner Can Access Your Clitoris As Much As Possible
GiphySpeaking of your clitoris, if you were to go to Google to check out the AI overview of it, as it relates to having an orgasm, you are probably going to see something along the lines of, “The clitoris is the primary source of arousal and orgasm for most women, with direct stimulation of the clitoris being the easiest and most effective way to achieve orgasm, according to a large sample of women.” (At least, this is what came up for me.)
What this does as serve as a solid reminder that, whether it’s during foreplay or intercourse, it’s important to remain in a position where your partner can easily access (in order to stimulate) your clitoris as much as possible. That way, he can “manipulate” (via stimulation) your clitoris with certain amounts of applied pressure, so that having an extended orgasm is easier for you.
Certain positions that can help with this include spooning, being penetrated while you are on the edge of the bed and having sex while you’re acting like a wheel barrel. Artistic visuals of all of this can be found here.
3. Incorporate Scents That Reduce Stress
GiphyIt’s going to be difficult to have an orgasm if you’re all stressed out. That’s because, although sex is proven to reduce stress and anxiety levels, when it comes to climaxing, if your stress hormone (which is known as your cortisol hormone) is elevated, that can lower your libido and also your sex hormones; you don’t want that to happen because they are essential for you to have an orgasm in the first place. That’s why it’s critical that you lower the stress that you may be experiencing via all of your senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell).
One way to do that is by incorporating scents that help to keep your stress levels down. Whether it’s essential oil in a diffuser, lighting some soy candles or spraying one of the following scents on your bedding (or all three) — try some jasmine, mandarin, rose, patchouli, lavender, neroli or frankincense. All are alluring. All are proven to relax your mind, body and spirit too.
4. Sip on Some Infused Berry Water
GiphyIf you’re dehydrated, it’s going to be hard to cum. That’s not my opinion, that’s a scientific fact. The breakdown is water helps to keep you (naturally) lubricated, it balances your hormones out and it also provides you with an energy boost. And while you’re at it, throw some berries into your pitcher or glass.
Since they are packed with antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties, they are able to keep your blood flowing freely — which is definitely something that needs to happen if you want to have a long and satisfying orgasm (by the way, citrus fruits and pomegranates can do this for you too).
5. Try a Lil’ Yoga with Your Sex
GiphyBeing in a relaxed state and breathing properly are two things that definitely need to happen if you want to have a really good orgasm. That’s why yoga just had to come up — because it’s a form of exercise that incorporates both of these things. In fact, there are specific yoga poses that have a reputation for making copulation amazing including the Lizard, the Cat Cow and — surprise, surprise — the Downward Dog.
What’s cool about all of these is you can do them in your bedroom or incorporate them into intercourse (to learn more about yoga sex and, what is somewhat similar, tantric sex, go here, here and here).
6. If It’s via Oral Sex, Have Your Partner “Edge” You (with His Tongue)
GiphyIf it’s easier for you to climax from cunnilingus than intercourse, please don’t stress yourself out about that — at the end of the day, an orgasm is an orgasm…right? And while he’s doing his thing down there, be open to him edging you with his tongue and lips. Although people often think about edging in the context of people getting to the point of climaxing during intercourse and then delaying it over and over again (in order for the orgasm to ultimately be that much stronger), the reality is that edging is about sexual stimulation, period, no matter how it — pardon the pun — comes.
So, while he’s using his mouth to “take you there,” use your words (dirty words, preferably) to let him know when you’re about to climax — and then have him slow down the pace (with his tongue and lips), so that your orgasms can be…further extended.
7. Apply Some Arousal Gel
GiphyQuestion: Have you ever tried arousal gel before? If not, please make the investment. Although there is nothing that can automatically guarantee that you’ll experience the type of orgasm that you’re looking for, arousal gel can certainly help with accomplishing the mission. That’s because it contains ingredients that help to stimulate blood flow to your genitalia — and that always increases the chances of you experiencing some pretty intense climaxing.
So, if you want to give this gel a shot, click here for a list of some favorite brands.
8. Have Your Partner Focus on Another Erogenous Zone As You’re Climaxing
GiphyLet me tell you a woman who I personally think STILL doesn’t get the props that she deserves for her singing chops: some freakin’ Tamia. And y’all, when that woman sang “Stranger in My House” on Apollo? Whew. Yeah, the real ones know how the bridge goes — Pop quiz: Tell me where we first kissed. Tell me where my spot is. Tell me if I liked it, loved it. LISTEN.
You wanna have a hellified orgasm, you (and your partner) better know where your spots are. And when you are at the point of cumming, have him, umm, indulge in one of those spots along with penetrating you. I’d be damn near shocked if your head didn’t almost explode if/when he does.
9. Do Some Tongue Sucking (Again, As You Are Climaxing)
GiphySpeaking of multitasking, a few years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Wanna Climax More? KISS MORE.” Aside from the fact that some people are able to orgasm just from kissing alone, it can definitely take you to next levels of arousal during sex. That’s because kissing releases hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin that not only make you feel closer to your partner but it can help to sexually stimulate you too.
And if the two of you engage in tongue sucking while you’re kissing? GIRRRRRL…tongues have a ton of nerve endings which makes them super sensitive to touch or lick — let alone…suck. Try it and tell me that I’m wrong (you won’t).
10. Squeeze Your Thighs Together
GiphyPlease don’t tell me that I’m the only one who is literally shaking your damn head about the movie Waiting to Exhale being 30 years old this year (the book is even better, by the way). Geeze. And as I wrap this “You totally deserve to have an extended orgasm” cheat sheet up, I thought about the scene where Robin (Lela Rochon) and Michael (Wendell Pierce) were having sex and she said that when she squeezed her hips/thighs real tight, she exploded.
And this is my final tip when it comes to how to make your orgasms last longer. The technical term for it is syntribation (which basically means “hands-free masturbation”). Pretty much what happens is, when you squeeze your thighs together, it stimulates your clitoris — and when you’re doing this while a penis is already inside of you? NEED. I. SAY. MORE?
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Life is short. Have longer orgasms.
Hell, somebody needs to put that on a T-shirt — no, billboards all throughout the country! LOL.
With these tips, I’m thinking that you now can, so try them out and report back.
I can’t wait!
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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