No matter how much you love your family, there are some things you will never (ever) discuss. According to Will Smith, unfortunately, most of those things are regular topics of discussion on his wife's show, Red Table Talk.
A few days ago, the most recent episode of the popular Facebook Watch series was released where Jada, her mother Adrienne, and her daughter Willow got real about the power of female masturbation.
While at the Red Table, Jada revealed that before meeting her husband and starting family, she was burdened with an unlikely addiction. The actress explained that her green dragon may not have been drugs or alcohol, but it certainly had horns:
"Back in the day I had a little porn addiction, but I wasn't in a relationship when I had a porn addiction, believe it or not, thank goodness… Maybe I'll say now that I had an unhealthy relationship to porn at one point in my life where I was trying to practice abstinence."
Jada explained that her habit of diddling Miss Daisy was likely the result of an internal or emotional conflict.
"It was actually, like, filling, like, an emptiness. At least you think it is, but it's actually not."
In fact, Jada said that based on her own experience, she can totally understand why male-centric sex has been the wave for so long. She explained that after doing some research on the effects of pornography, she has a better understanding of how watching too much of it can cause you to create unrealistic expectations for your mate.
"Actually reading, like, some of the effects of pornography, like the idea that it gives you false expectations as far as sexual interactions, I can definitely see that with men, how a woman should always be willing and ready. She should be ready to have sex however he wants, in any position, anywhere, and you should enjoy it no matter what. And it shouldn't just be joy, but it should be exhilaration."
She explained that in porn you don't have to worry about mess, inconvenience, or pleasing your partner for that matter. Although it may seem like a win-win, you can also be setting yourself up for a major loss.
"In pornography, you're never tired. There's never a 'no,' so I can definitely see how that can create an unrealistic expectation."
Needless to say, Will was not here for this publicly private and mildly uncomfortable conversation between his mother-in-law, wife, and daughter. Although Will has been extremely supportive of his wife's endeavor since the launch of her show, when he was asked about her comments on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the charming character actor turned into a man of few words. He said:
"No, I don't watch it. They're telling all our business. It's actually fantastic, the episodes I could bear. And they sit down, and it's really wide open, raw conversation across the generations about a cornucopia of topics."
Regardless of if her husband can manage to listen to these intimate conversations all the way through, Jada says that she's going to continue to take it there (and beyond). According to the 47-year-old Girl's Trip actress, the only things that are off-limits at the table are religion and politics; everything else will continue to be fair game. She explained:
"We're sharing our stories. We're sharing our experiences... We're just communing together... It's a safe space for vulnerability."
To watch the full Red Table Talk episode, click here!
Featured image by VALERIE MACON/GETTY IMAGES.
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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