Not many people can say they grew up with a mom who doubled as their very own dermatologist. That is unless you’re Davlyn Mosley, founder of the skincare brand Namesake, who grew up with clinical and motherly advice, right within the comfort of her home.
Davlyn was introduced to the world of skincare and dermatology — quite literally — from the womb. Her mother, Namesake advisor, and board-certified dermatologist, Dr. Lynn McKinley-Grant was pregnant with Davlyn during her residency at New York University. As Davlyn grew older, she continued to visit her mother’s lab and developed an interest in the space
Davlyn Mosley
Photos courtesy of Davlyn Mosley
“I spent my youth going with my mom to conferences, working in her practice, and along the way learning the ins and outs of skincare,” Davlyn tells xoNecole. “I was always fascinated by new, innovative products and treatments that would come into her office.”
While the early exposure was initially out of the necessity that comes with balancing motherhood and a full-time career, Dr. McKinley-Grant shares how the influence it left on her daughter was enduring. “Now I know that exposing her to [dermatology] was a great thing. These were experiences that I didn't even know would impact her but now I do,” she says. “[By] creating a skincare product that requires lab work, a good work ethic, and a passion for her work.”
While Davlyn’s career path wasn’t linear, the experience she picked up through marketing and storytelling later served her in a tangible way. “I spent 15 years working specifically at ad agencies and most recently Google, where I was before I launched Namesake,” she shares. “All these years were the building blocks of what I am doing now… and when I look back it, all makes sense.”
Davlyn’s leap of faith landed her in the driver’s seat as a beauty founder with products that prioritize the concerns of women with melanated skin and pay homage to her earliest and most cherished muse. “My mom is the inspiration behind Namesake,” Davlyn says. “In building Namesake, I wanted to pass down all of the knowledge that I’ve learned from my mom and develop products that use some of our favorite ingredients that are amazing for melanin-rich skin.”
Today, Davlyn continues to pass down her mother-daughter skincare do’s and don’ts through viral TikToks. With advice ranging from putting sunscreen on your ears, not eating citrus in the sun, or rubbing your eyes too hard (or at all), Davlyn and her mother Dr. McKinley-Grant are now imparting their expertise to xoNecole.
Dr. Lynn McKinely-Grant
Photo courtesy of Dr. Lynn McKinely-Grant
On Dr. McKinley-Grant’s earliest memories of skincare, from one generation to another:
“My introduction to skincare was very early on from my mother and my grandmother. Back then the two main products for the skin were POND'S Cold Cream and Vaseline,” Dr. McKinley-Grant recalls. “All of the aunties used these their whole lives. We would cleanse our faces with water—we didn’t use a lot of soap on our faces. We didn’t use sunscreen but we were always under umbrellas at the beach protecting ourselves from the sun. I remember as a kid, Vaseline seemed to keep my face warmer in the winter, and after my acne resolved in my teenage years, it seemed to be great to use at night.”
On the formulation behind Namesake’s hero product, the Daily Moisturizer:
“I wanted to create the perfect moisturizer, the one that I had always been searching for. Something that was not only luxurious and hydrating but also brightens and smoothes your skin without irritation, Davlyn explains. “I was constantly cross-checking our ingredient list with the National Eczema Society’s List of Ingredients to Avoid, Sephora and Credo’s Clean standards, and, of course, calling my mom about any new ingredient our lab would suggest. The whole process took two years, which also included extensive irritation testing in a 3rd party lab.
Dr. McKinley-Grant adds, “When creating products for skin of color, it’s really important to use non-irritating and non-comedogenic ingredients. Any inflammation caused by a product can result in hyperpigmentation so we had to be very thoughtful about the formulation. Davlyn’s skin has always been sensitive to certain ingredients so I was able to advise her on ingredients to avoid that I have seen patients react negatively to.”
How Davlyn’s challenges with her “sensitive and reactive” skin became a motivating factor in the creation of Namesake:
“I’ve gone through so many phases when it comes to skincare. My skin has always been sensitive but I always wanted to try the latest and greatest products,” she shares. “As I got older I wanted to use products that were effective for the bright, glowy look that so many of us want but became frustrated when they broke me out or irritated my skin. This was a huge motivator in creating Namesake: finding this balance of effective, clinically-tested ingredients in a non-irritating formulation created with my skin tone in mind.”
Of the many viral do’s/don’ts her mom has imparted, Davlyn shares the one piece of advice you should pay attention to the most:
“I would say rubbing your eyes too hard, which is, I admit, a hard thing not to do,” Davlyn shares. “It’s something my mom used to tell me to stop doing, and still would if she caught me doing it today! Darkness around the eyes is a top concern for women of color, so it's really important to treat the delicate skin around your eyes as gently as you can. If you find that you’re rubbing your eyes frequently, over time that may contribute to some of the darkness and loss of elasticity that we're experiencing.”
She continues, “My mom always told me that it’s important to figure out why your eyes are so itchy. Are they dry? Are you sensitive to the mascara that you’re wearing? Do you have allergies in general? Try to figure out what the issue is and that’s the first step.”
Photo courtesy of Davlyn Mosely
On how to tackle a common dermatological concern, traction alopecia, affecting Black women:
“Prevention is key,” Dr. McKinley-Grant explains. “Avoid tight ponytails, braids, and other styles that pull on your scalp. Brushing the hair causes more breakage; gently smoothing down your edges with a light oil is a good way to go. If you wear a weave, the cornrows shouldn’t be too tight and the weight of the hair is also something to consider. Glues and other adhesives can also pull out your hair. Traction alopecia can become scarring hair loss. Once you get the scarring the hair doesn’t come back. There are procedures to resolve this like scalp reduction surgery.”
Their current skincare must-haves:
“I’m a fan of Clinical’s ProHeal Serum. It’s a great anti-aging, vitamin C serum that absorbs nicely and adds a bit of a glow to the skin,” Dr. McKinley-Grant shares.
For Davlyn, “I’ve been loving this mineral sunscreen from Koa Skin. It’s hydrating but not greasy and it doesn’t break me out or leave a white cast on my skin. The packaging is super cute and I actually love using it every day.”
On how to upgrade your skincare routine from winter into spring:
Dr. McKinley-Grant says, “Our skin needs extra moisture during the winter months but as we head into spring you’ll likely find that your skin doesn’t need as much. You may benefit from using lighter sunscreen than you would have used in the winter.”
How keeping a simple, consistent skincare regime has been the key to Davlyn’s timeless, youthful skin:
“People are always shocked when I tell them I’m 37. My audience on TikTok is younger anyway and assumed I was their age,” Davlyn shares amusingly. “My whole life I’ve used skincare with ingredients that are highly researched and clinically tested. I’ve always tried to be very gentle with my skin and always keep it moisturized. I think consistency is really important. Having this simple, consistent routine most of my life has paid off, thanks to my mom.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy of Davlyn Mosley and Dr. McKinley-Grant
RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy