Kehlani is the epitome of authenticity as the singer and songwriter use their talents and platform to address real-life situations, particularly in their music regarding relationships.
They first gained recognition as a member of the group Poplyfe on America's Got Talent in 2011. Following this, Kehlani embarked on a successful solo career, releasing mixtapes like You Should Be Here and their debut album SweetSexySavage. SweetSexySavage reached number 3 on the Billboard Hot 200 chart and earned Kehlani a Grammy nomination for the hit song "Distraction."
Throughout their career, Kehlani has continued to release music, including mixtapes and albums. Recently, the star has been gearing up for the release of their fourth studio album, Crash, set to drop on June 21.
Aside from their musical achievements, the 29-year-old has been open about their personal life, discussing their identity, sexuality, and past relationships. Prior to publicly identifying as a lesbian in 2021, they had dated individuals of various genders within the entertainment industry.
In this piece, xoNecole looks back at Kehlani's romantic relationships and the lessons they've learned.
PARTYNEXTDOOR
One of Kehlani's high-profile relationships was with singer and producer PARTYNEXTDOOR.
Although there are conflicting timelines regarding when the pair began dating, it was reported that their romance started as early as 2013. Throughout their union, Kehlani and PARTYNEXTDOOR remained relatively private. One instance where the "Recognize" singer hinted at the duo's relationship was in 2015, the same year they allegedly called it quits.
After their breakup, PARTYNEXTDOOR released a song titled "Kehlani's Freestyle," which would ultimately be renamed "Things & Such." The drama between the exes didn't stop there. In 2016, when Kehlani was reportedly dating NBA star Kyrie Irving, PARTYNEXTDOOR notoriously uploaded a photo of him and the "Honey" vocalist holding hands with a subliminal message.
"After all her shenanigans, still got the R&B singer back in my bed," he wrote in the caption.
While the exact timeline of when the photos were taken is unclear, it didn't stop Kehlani from facing backlash due to cheating allegations. Despite denying the cheating rumors, the online pressure and torment took a toll on Kehlani when they were hospitalized in March 2016 for attempting to commit suicide.
In a now-deleted Instagram post, Kehlani explained their mindset and stood firm on their previous remarks about their union with Kyrie. The "Distraction" songstress added that they rekindled their relationship with PARTYNEXTDOOR after both parties realized it wasn't working out.
Kehlani and PARTYNEXTDOOR's reignited romance didn't last long because the pair would split for good that same year.
Kyrie Irving
Shortly following their first breakup with PARTYNEXTDOOR, Kehlani began dating Kyrie Iriving in 2016.
The former couple paraded their relationship publicly by sharing various posts online and providing insight about why the pair was a good match. In an interview with ILY magazine, Kehlani revealed that their union was special because their foundation was solely built on friendship.
"I think this is the first time that I've ever been able to really be myself at all times," they said. "In the sense of being incredibly goofy with someone and being based on a best friendship."
Sadly, Kehlani's romance with the Dallas Mavericks guard would be short-lived. The duo would go their separate ways before PARTYNEXTDOOR's social media post. Despite their breakup and the alleged cheating scandal, Kyrie came to Kehlani's defense after they were harassed on social media, which resulted in their hospitalization.
In a series of tweets, Kyrie wished the star well and confirmed that he and Kehlani weren't dating when the snapshot was released.
"I do not justify the picture or what dude did to try and spark all of this nonsense that could have been avoided, but me and Kehlani were not dating when the picture came out," he said.
Years after their break up in 2018, Kyrie issued an apology to Kehlani on social media for not speaking up sooner.
Shania Negron
Kehlani and Shania Negron
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET
Kehlani and tattoo artist Shania Negron were romantically linked in 2017.
Although there aren't many details regarding the pair's union, including how they met and when they started dating, Kehlani and Shania shared fragments of their life by making joint appearances at various events. That same year, the duo's relationship would come to an end.
In a 2018 interview with Queen Radio, Kehlani disclosed that the exes have remained friends despite the split.
"We've been just friends since then," they said. "That relationship actually wasn't very long, but me and her are super cool now."
Javaughn Young-White
In 2018, Kehlani made headlines when they posted on their social media platforms that they were expecting their first child, sparking attention to the father's identity. Although the "Nunya" songstress didn't release the person's name at the time of the announcement, it was later revealed that the child's father was a guitarist and long-time collaborator, Javaughn Young-White.
In an interview with Queen Radio, Kehlani opened up about their relationship with Javaughn and their planned pregnancy.
"When I found out that I can get a break from touring because I've been primarily a touring artist, that's when I planned for it for this time," they said. "It was planned so we had a short time frame of having to actually have sex every day. And we were excited that it didn't start feeling like a chore."
Further into the conversation, the "Can I" singer disclosed why Javaughn was an ideal match.
"I started dating women before I ever dated men," they said. "Then, I was lucky to find a partner who was a bisexual male. And he really understands my queerness and my fluidity, and I really understand his. It's very awesome to be understood."
A few months later, in March 2019, Kehlani and Javaughn welcomed their daughter, Adeya Nomi. Despite their daughter's arrival, the pair would ultimately call it quits. Since then, Kehlani and Javaughn have remained close friends and co-parents.
YG
Kehlani and YG
Photo by TM/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
Kehlani's dating status made headlines once again in September 2019 after they revealed in a now-deleted Instagram post that they were dating YG. This news came after the pair attended New York Fashion Week together.
Despite the grand announcement about their relationship, Kehlani and YG's union would be plagued by numerous splits and allegations of infidelity on the rapper's part. The former couple's final breakup would occur on Valentine's Day 2020, around the same time they would release a joint song titled "Konclusions."
Days later, in response to the record, Kehlani released "Valentine's Day (Shameful)," which highlighted the painful experience they endured finding out that their partner was unfaithful.
Since that time, Kehlani and YG have remained on friendly terms.
Victoria Monét
In a jaw-dropping revelation during a 2023 interview, Victoria Monét finally ended years of speculation by confirming her brief romance with Kehlani. While appearing on the High Low podcast, the "On My Mama" vocalist revealed that the pair were seeing each other in 2020. This subject arose when Victoria was asked how her significant other, John Gaines, handles jealousy.
"While pregnant, I did a 'Touch Me' remix with Kehlani, and the song is about her. We went in the studio, [and] there was no jealousy," she said.
The mother of one also added that although the pair didn't work out, they are still friends.
070 Shake
Kehlani and 070 Shake sparked romance rumors in early 2021 when they were caught engaging in public displays of affection. Before taking their relationship to the next level, the pair had been friends for six years.
Shortly after the rumors began circulating online, Kehlani and 070 Shake confirmed they were an item. 070 Shake even appeared in the singer’s music video for “Melt.” However, in 2022, they wiped all shared photos of each other from their respective social media pages and unfollowed one another, sparking breakup allegations. The “Gangsta” songstress verified the split by sharing a cryptic post on their Instagram story.
"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes," they wrote.
Kiara Russell
In December 2022, Kehlani publicly debuted their relationship with basketball player Kiara Russell in a now-removed TikTok video. In the clip, the pair were seen lounging on the couch and exchanging kisses.
Kiara followed suit by uploading a colossal of photos, one of which included the pair out on date. The basketball star captioned the post, "love n happiness dump."
Since then, the status of the duo's relationship has remained unclear because most of Kehlani's posts featuring Kiara have been removed from their social media platforms.
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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