Fairly recently, I saw a tweet that cracked me up. Not because of the tweet itself but the comments (Black Twitter’s comment section is king!). I’ll let you peep the tweet for yourself and then guess what men said underneath it before actually looking to confirm your suspicions:
i love an \u201ci got it\u201d ass man. you know what else you finna get?— MS. LEO (@MS. LEO) 1638576156
Take it how you want but I’ll be the first to stand in solidarity with my brothers that women who expect all of the finer things in life (I’m speaking to the ones that come with a price tag), only to turn around and only offer up sex on Christmas, Valentine’s Day, their anniversary and their man’s birthday are slightly scamming. Anyone who wants to give pushback, how would you feel if your man did that to you? That’s why I said that while I do think that sex is quite precious (extremely so), if you’re going to take the “Merry Christmas” approach to it without giving much else this year, there needs to be a lot of pre-planning and effort put into it in order to make things extra special.
So, whether money is a little on the tighter side right now or you want to present some holiday sex in a very special way, here are 15 things that will definitely keep your man from being like those dudes in the comment section were (if you catch my drift).
1. Stuff Some Stockings
Stockings are a signature symbol for Christmas and since a “sexy Christmas” is the theme of this particular article, why don’t you and yours purchase a couple of ‘em and then fill them up with things like flavored condoms, DIY sex coupons, handcuffs, body paint, blindfolds, sex dice, massage candles, edible undies, a new sex toy, flavored lubricant and whatever else y’all’s sweet little hearts’ desire? If you like to move discreetly, virtually all of this stuff can be found online if you just put the name of what you’re looking for into the search field of your favorite search engine.
2. Play a Few Rounds of ’12 Sex Games of Christmas’
A cool way to spend some quality time with your partner is to play a couple of games. In the spirit of getting all hot ‘n bothered, one that you might want to purchase is called 12 Games of Christmas. With game titles like Please Go Down for Christmas and Rudolph the Romantic Sex Slave, how can it not, at the very least, pique your curiosity in the naughtiest way possible? You can get it here.
3. Cop Some Peppermint-Flavored Lubricant
Remember how I mentioned lubricant in the stocking suggestion? If there is a signature scent (and flavor) for Christmas, peppermint would definitely have to be one of them, so why not get a tube of some peppermint-flavored lube? A fan favorite is Aloe Cadabra Natural Organic Personal Lube Edible Vegan Peppermint Tingle because it’s water-based (which makes it safe to use with latex condoms), it doesn’t mess with our pH and it tastes great although it’s sugar-free. If you’re interested, you can get it here.
Oh, and if you really want to take things to another level in the oral sex department, put a little lube where you want it and then put some oral sex pop candies into your mouth (you can find some here). Remember Pop Rocks from back in the day? Same thing. Different purpose. #wink
4. Bring in Some Mistletoe
What would a sexy Christmas be without at least one mistletoe, right? As far as where to get some, local home improvement stores, some arts and crafts stores and usually Walmart and Target carry them. Since we all know that the tradition is to kiss underneath it (and also since no one said that the kissing had to only be done on the mouth), how about putting your mistletoe in a place where you want a lot of the action to go down? Over your bed. On your showerhead (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”). In your kitchen. On top of your washing machine (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!). On your bra. In your underwear. The possibilities are endless.
Just know that if your partner sees a mistletoe somewhere, there will absolutely be no confusion about what you want to transpire.
5. Get a Mini Christmas Tree and Hang Some Dirty Date Night Tokens from It
Whether you get a big tree every year or this year, you want to scale things down a bit, make things festive in your bedroom by investing in a miniature Christmas tree that you can put on your dresser or nightstand. Then hang some “naughty” tokens from it or put some around it. Etsy is my joint and I found a merchant who sells some wooden ones that say things like “Oral Sex,” “Wild Card,” and “Fantasy Fulfilled”. You can get a set of them here if you’d like.
6. Customize Some Wrapping Paper (Then Wrap Yourself Up in It)
I can’t tell you how many husbands have told me that sex with one woman doesn’t get old, so long as the sex itself doesn’t get boring (check out “10 Men Told Me Why They're Fine Having Sex With One Partner”). Because men are visual creatures, one way to prevent that from happening is by “wrapping up the gift” (the gift would be “you” in this case). If you literally want to wrap yourself up in paper, a fun approach is to hit up the site Gift Wrap My Face so that they can literally put your face on some wrapping paper.
Or, if you’d like to take the lingerie approach, this is the time of year when a lot of shops sell teddies that look like a big red bow. An example of what I’m talking about is located here, here, here, here, and here.
7. Give Your Bedroom a Christmas/Winter Wonderland Theme
Some bedding in traditional Christmas colors like red, green, or silver. Some cranberry garland on your bedposts (that you should be able to find at your local arts and crafts store). A Christmas wreath on your bedroom wall. A string of twinkle lights. Little red bows everywhere. White faux fur throw pillows. Snowflake art. A big basket filled with scented pine cones. Bedding that is slate grey and light blue (a dope Christmas color scheme). Lots of candles in Christmas scents like vanilla, pine, frankincense and myrrh, clove, or pomegranate.
There are all kinds of simple and pretty inexpensive ways that you can totally transform your bedroom into a Christmas winter wonderland so that it literally feels like you and yours are enjoying each other in a different kind of space.
8. Have Fun with Some Fake Snow
What is a winter wonderland without snow? These days, you can create the illusion of having some, even inside of your house, thanks to different kinds of fake snow that’s currently on the market. One brand that a lot of people like is Buffalo Snow. You can get some snowflakes here and some flurries here. A bed full of snow? Pardon the pun but how cool is that?
9. Turn on Some Blizzard ASMR
Although I’ve never really struggled with sleeping well, something that has absolutely changed my life over the past few years is sleeping with rain ASMR on. It just makes the quality of my rest so much…sounder. If you like nothing more than feeling like you are trapped in a snowstorm during your Christmas time off yet it looks like you’re not even going to get flurries this year, one way to work around that is to turn on some blizzard-sounding ASMR videos.
YouTube has quite a few of them and the windy sound really does make you feel like you’re in eight feet of snow. One of my favorites (that lasts for 10 hours, ad-free) can be found right here. Sex in a blizzard? C’mon now.
10. Bring in Some Christmas-Themed Edible Aphrodisiacs
In the article that I wrote, “12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too” a couple of years ago for the platform, a few edible things that I mentioned included eggnog and candy canes. Some other foods to add to that list includes a full-on entrée like a leg of lamb (it’s got carnitine which is great for men and their fertility), a “cozy drink” like apple cider (it can help to get you wetter), and a dessert, like a pumpkin pie (it’s high in zinc which increases sexual desire). Pick your pleasure.
11. Share Some Hot Chocolate Shots
There really is no telling how often I’ve shouted out dark chocolate when it comes to it being a great food for your sex life. A top reason is because serotonin (a hormone that stabilizes your mood and helps you to feel good) and phenethylamine (a natural chemical that offers up a stimulant effect) in dark chocolate can help to boost your libido. Keeping all of this in mind, what is Christmas without hot chocolate, chile?
To make things extra spicy in the absolute best ways possible, serve up some Mexican hot chocolate shots (recipe is here). The cinnamon will increase blood circulation to your genitalia and, if you decide to go with tequila instead of vodka, well — if you’ve ever had a tequila shot before, you already know what kind of night you’ll be in for. #wink
12. Light a Gingerbread Candle
One of the best things about sex, if it’s good (and I mean, REALLY good), is it involves all five senses — sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. As far as scent goes, there is plenty of scientific data to support that one of the reasons why what we smell can strongly affect our mood (good or bad) is because of what we associate a particular scent with. If you used to eat or bake gingersnaps or make gingerbread houses around this time when you were a kid, that can “trigger” feelings of safety and warmth.
So, to smell something that resembles gingerbread while being intimate with your partner, that can make sex “sweet” in the best way possible. Gingerbread candles are not usually very hard to find this time of year. Yankee Candle, Big Lots, DW Home, Kohl’s, and Michaels are just some of the places where I noticed them online.
13. Play a Sexy Round of “Guess Your Gift”
Even if you do plan on going all out in this way, still try and get something that goes in a box or gift bag. Whether it’s a tradition for you and your partner to open presents up on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, make foreplay extra fun by playing a couple of rounds of something that I call “Guess Your Gift.” You each will give a super vague hint. Whoever guesses correctly can make a specific foreplay-related request (kissing a certain erogenous zone, giving a five-minute massage, etc.) If they don’t get it right, then the other person can make their foreplay request known. Talk about making the curiosity as awesome as the gift itself. Whew.
14. Put Poinsettia Petals All Over Your Bed
I’m pretty sure that it comes as no surprise to you that the December birth flower is the poinsettia. That’s pretty cool because they represent things like love, hope, good cheer, and success. Also, a nickname for it is Mexican flame flower. I don’t know about you, but all of these sound like good vibes to have in your sex life.
Although red rose petals are pretty popular when it comes to flowers to sprinkle on your bed, in your bathtub, or on your floors in order to set the mood, since all of this centers around a Christmas theme, why not go with some red or white poinsettias this year? It’ll be just as seductive and a lot more holiday-themed.
15. Fulfill a Fantasy
Want your partner to feel like they were blessed in a mighty way this Christmas? Ask them what their fantasy is and (so long as it doesn’t compromise your core because some people’s fantasies are next-level) do your best to fulfill it. It brings spontaneity into the relationship. It adds newness to the dynamic. And it definitely sets the two of you up to have a pretty unforgettable Christmas in the sex department. A great way to make sex feel like an actual Christmas gift. Straight up.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
19 Must-Have Holiday Gifts For Your Friend In Their Hosting Era
What would the holiday be without the ones who host? As you make your Christmas gifting lists this holiday season, remember the ones who make the holidays feel special. When it comes to gifting, the best way to extend gratitude to the ones in our lives who open their hearts and homes to us each year is through intentional gifts when you are invited over. And do not worry; whether you're balling or budget-friendly, xoNecole's got you covered with gifts that the hosts in your life will love.
So let's raise a glass (or buy some as a gift, lol) to the ones who make it happen; happy shopping!
Robin Marble Wine Bottle Holder
Anthropologie
This wine holder is a beautiful way to store wine bottles on a kitchen counter, but can also be used as a centerpiece for your tablescape. Handcrafted entirely from marble, this rack can also be chilled in order to keep bottles cold for dinner party guests - a sophisticated touch that brings added charm to this piece
Sweet July Olive Oil + Balsamic Vinegar Set
I don't know about you but I trust anything Ayesha Curry makes. Her best-selling Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar are essentials for any host’s pantry. 100% extra virgin olive oil made using Arbequina olives, known for their delicate flavor and unique bright and fruity aroma, with an Oak-aged Balsamic Vinegar from Italy. Enjoy this over cheese, salads, or marinades.
Valleta Gold Cheese Knives
CB2
That cheese on your charcuterie board isn’t going to cut itself. Now my favorite gold knives from CB2 were discontinued, but rest assured these are just as fabulous. The elegant stainless steel knives set elevates the cheese board with wavy brass loop handles for a comfortable grip.
Aspen Martini Glasses
Crate and Barrel
Espresso martini anyone? What I love most about this hosting gift is the intentionality around gifting the host with the necessary tools to curate one of the most trendy drinks. The classic V-shaped martini is finished with a smooth fire-polished rim and pulled stem. And if you’re feeling generous, include a bottle of your favorite vodka.
Temple OUD Candle
So I know you might be wondering, what does Beyoncé know about candles? My answer - everything. I’m a true candle snob, and this Temple OUD candle with rich and complex notes of oud, Australian sandalwood, warm musk, night-blooming jasmine, Haitian vetiver, and violet leaves, truly elevates the room and is a wonderful gift to a host. Take it from me, candles burn all night long when you host gatherings, and this is a gift that tells someone, you appreciate them and want them to feel just as good in their home when they’re hosting, and when they’re spending time at home for self-care.
SIN Handmade Oyster Platter
I’m a fan of Whole Foods $1 Oyster Fridays, and so are my girls who love to host. If you know a host who loves to serve seafood, this ceramic oyster plate has fluting inspired by paper plates and—just like oyster plates of the Victorian era—specially shaped nooks for bivalves.
Dinner Plus Brining Blend
Hits *add to cart* immediately! Just in time for the holidays, the Tastemaker himself Scot Louie has launched his brine blend. A wet brine is the key to a moist and succulent turkey and roasted meats— Brining Blend is your secret weapon. This blend brines up to 20 lbs of meat and is the best way to elevate your holiday turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Hand Blown Champagne Glasses
Amazon
This one's for your bougie friend and in your price range! These elegant crystal champagne glasses are like candelabras in the darkness of the night, allowing you to find your one and only soulmate in the world. Imagine yourself intoxicated by the swirl of champagne, listening to the lilting melody of “ring” and raising your glass in celebration for only $25?!! Run, don't walk to get these from Amazon.
Embroidered Cocktail Napkins
There’s nothing a host loves more while hosting - than elevating their hosting experience. And these embroidered cocktail napkins allow for every gathering to have the timeless elegance of Threads & Honey's Embroidered Cocktail Napkins. Now before making a purchase like this, I’d take it a step further and consider their favorite color, and what fonts they like most before ordering.
Estelle Colored Wine Stemware - Set of 6
My personal favorite is Amber Smoke, but each color is flawless and the quality is well worth the purchase. If you want to give a host something that makes a lasting impression, go with Estelle Colored Glass. Estelle Colored Glass is a Black-owned luxury brand of hand-blown and specialty-made colored glass cake stands and stemware in a mix of jewel tones and soft pastels. Made for the founders' grandmother, Estelle, who she describes as "a jewel of a person that instilled in me an appreciation of the pastime of treasure hunting for beautiful finds -- especially for the kitchen which was the heart of her home."
Uncle Nearest Whiskey
There’s Whiskey, and then there’s Black-owned whiskey. Crafted by 4-time Master Blender of the Year and 5th-generation Green descendant, Victoria Eady Butler, this 84-proof Tennessee whiskey is perfect for sipping neat or mixing into your favorite cocktails.
French Kitchen Marble Wine Cooler
Crate and Barrel
Chill the wine in style. This white marble with grey veining unique to each piece chills wine at the table with classic flair. Not just a practical gift, but one that truly elevates the look of any gathering.
Tabitha Brown Electric Wine Opener
Target
Auntie Tab has got you covered with this fabulous electric wine opener that’s a part of her Tabitha Brown For Target collection! A thoughtful gift for the wine lovers, this makes it easy to start parties large and small in sophisticated style.
Compact Swivel Cheese Board with Knives
What’s better than a charcuterie board? Charcuterie served on a board taking its cue from a wheel of cheese. This unique design starts as a wedge and transforms into a tiered server for your favorite cheeses and appetizers with tucked-away flatware stowed in a small drawer inside the board guaranteed to impress.
VANE Monogram Tea Set
Founded by none other than Lynae Vanee, VANE centers “self” to combat the ever-pressing urge to pour from an empty cup. With VANE’s tranquil, grounding aesthetics in addition to its holistic approach to the user’s sensory experience, it encourages everyone to engage in self-care as an intentional — revolutionary — measure of reclaiming their time.
VANE SS Blend Box
You thought you could enjoy the tea set without the tea itself? Procure a variety of white tea-based Spring-Summer-inspired tea blends with flavors of lime & basil, peppermint & pineapple, rosehip & camellia, orange & persimmon, and more.
DeLonghi Espresso Machine
A little espresso to end the evening for the host and their guests is always a good idea. Imagine being the person to gift this espresso machine and having each evening filled with cups of cappuccino, espresso, and even caffeinated cocktails thanks to your present. This is the perfect machine for anyone who isn’t an expert at coffee but wants authentic barista quality right at home.
Modwix EcoLighter
Williams Sonoma
The EcoLighter from Modwix uses a flameless electric arc to instantly ignite a candle's wick. Unlike traditional lighters filled with butane, this planet-friendly accessory is rechargeable and infinitely reusable, getting up to 300 lights per charge. The chic design has a long neck for easy reach, and it's also windproof and water-resistant so you can use it anytime, anywhere.
KitchenAid Design Series Evergreen Tilt-Head Stand Mixer
Kitchen Aid
The perfect gift for the Nara Smith in your life who loves to make everything from scratch. KitchenAid’s newest evergreen tilt-stand mixer brings the essence of the outdoors within, so you can come alive in the kitchen every single time you use it. Ground yourself in natural elements of deep, forest green and a true, walnut wood bowl.
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