

To me, a Black woman's hair is a lot like silk. In some ways, it's extremely fragile while in others, it's strong as nails. Just think about it. Our hair can endure heat, braids, weaves and wigs and all of the freaking chemicals that we put in it for weeks and sometimes even months on end. On the flip side, when we don't eat properly, stay hydrated, condition our hair and clip those split and/or dead ends, our strands can snap without barely even touching them. That is why a lot of us struggle with keeping the edges of our hair and the nape of our neck flourishing (well, that and beating our edges to death with alcohol-based edge control products).
If a goal that you've got this year is to see some more inches on your head, and you're hoping that your edges and nape will keep up, here are seven things that you can do to get both of the most fragile parts of your head to "walk in agreement" with you.
How To Grow Your Edges & The Nape Of Your Neck
1. Use Some DIY Shampoo
The sides of our hair and the nape of our neck can take on quite a bit of friction which can result in weak hair and damaged follicles. Then, when you add to that the sweat and product build-up that our hair also endures, sometimes it's best to avoid commercial brands of shampoos and go the au naturel route. If you'd like to treat your hair to a chemical-less cleaning experience, try this DIY shampoo recipe.
In a plastic bottle, mix:
- 3 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (the kind that still has "the mother" in it; it clarifies your hair and scalp)
- 1 tablespoon of baking soda (it also clarifies your hair and scalp)
- 1 teaspoon of jojoba oil (it strengthens hair while preventing hair loss)
- 4 drops of lavender oil (it reduces scalp inflammation and encourages hair growth)
- 3 drops of tea tree oil (its antiseptic and anti-inflammatory properties remove bacteria and dead skin)
- 2 drops of peppermint oil (it stimulates hair growth)
Fill the rest of the bottle up with warm distilled water. Shake the bottle and then apply the shampoo to your damp hair, making sure to massage your scalp; especially your edges and nape. Let the shampoo penetrate for 5-7 minutes. Then rinse and deep condition (making sure to pay extra attention to your edges and nape) as usual.
2. Massage and Moisturize
Since it's the nutrients in our blood that feed our hair follicles, it is important that we increase the blood flow to our scalp. A great way to do that is to massage your scalp, for 15 minutes, no less than a couple of times each week. In fact, if you want to significantly increase the thickness of your hair, you should perform a scalp massage on a daily basis.
If you'd prefer to use an actual massager on your head, Naptural85 posted a pretty thorough review on some of her favorite ones (you can check that out here). But honestly, your fingertips can be just as effective. Another YouTuber who goes by ANGIEBEE broke down how to effectively use your hands on your head here. Please just make sure that your hands are clean, that you use the tips of your fingers and not your nails—oh, and that you put some oil on your fingers before you begin. Jamaican black castor oil is a great one because, not only does it moisturize your scalp and hair, it is also able to thicken and strengthen it over time too.
3. Add Camphor Oil to Your Hair Regimen
If you're a fan of essential oils, you definitely need to add camphor to your collection. The properties in it can do everything from reduce pain and inflammation and treat nail fungus to treat eczema and promote a good night's rest. The reason why camphor oil is mentioned in this article is because it's also a wonderful stimulant and decongestant. If you apply it to your edges and nape, not only will it increase blood circulation to those areas so that your hair follicles will get more of the nutrients that they need, but it will help to heal any scalp infections that you might have too. Just make sure to use this oil with a carrier one like coconut, grapeseed, avocado, sweet almond oil or castor oil. 15 drops of camphor in a 4 oz. bottle of your carrier oil should have you pretty set. You should start to see real results within a month or so.
4. Lower Your “Chemical Dosage”
I rocked a texturizer for many, many years. Contrary to a lot of people's beliefs about 'em, texturizers are chemical relaxers; they just aren't as strong as the ones that we use in order to get our hair bone straight. Anyway, because I would cut and texturize my hair at home (often too), when I did finally decide to grow my hair out, it took a while for one side of my edges to catch on that I was serious. What I mean by that is, all of the chemical processing (including hair dye) had actually damaged some of my hair follicles. It has taken a couple of years of scalp massaging and babying that side of my head with Jamaican black castor oil (my personal favorite brand is Mango & Lime in lavender and rosemary) to get the thickness back. What that time has taught me is, it really is best to leave the chemicals totally alone.
But, if you must, make sure that you relax and color your edges and nape last. Also, make sure you leave that stuff on for a shorter amount of time. If you're not doing that, well, it makes total sense why your edges and nape may not be flourishing as much as you'd like for them to. Chemicals tend to do more harm than good.
5. Rebuild Your Hair Follicles with Supplements
You're not going to see much change on the outside if you don't shift some of what you're feeding your insides. That said, it's not a random coincidence that a lot of people who deal with hair breakage are typically low in certain nutrients. Vitamin C (via foods like citrus fruits, sweet potatoes and tomatoes) helps to neutralize free radicals. There are studies that connect a lack of hair retention in Black women to them being low in iron (you can get more iron by eating blackstrap molasses, lentils and chicken). Zinc (by way of foods including whole grains, seeds and eggs) works to give your hair follicles the protein that they need. B-complex (which you can get from eating salmon, dark leafy greens and beef) strengthens the structure of your hair strands. Vitamin D (via cheese, orange juice and fortified cereals) helps to regrow hair follicles. If you want to get some extra support outside of adding foods with these to your diet, you can always take a multivitamin or a supplement that has one or more of these in it.
6. Move Your Hair Accessories Around
I'm a hat kind of gal. Unapologetically so. But I did have to start lining some of mine with satin and lay off of rocking them the same way all of the time because the friction was weakening the sides of my hair. I don't care if it's a brim, a headband or a turban, no one's head was designed to keep something on it, all day and night, non-stop, for days and weeks on end. When you do wear hair accessories, make sure they are lined so that your hair is protected and doesn't dry out (learn how to line a turban here and a beanie here). Try and avoid always placing your accessories in the same spot, each and every time too. And, for heaven's sake, give your hair a break. Your scalp needs to breathe, just like any other part of your body. And because your edges and nape tend to be more on the fragile side, they could use time when they don't have to deal with so much "pressure".
7. Leave Your Hair Alone
Combs. Brushes. Hair dryers. Flat irons. Hands. Bless our hair's heart. While you probably already know that constantly messing with your hair can lead to breakage and potential balding, have you ever wondered why? Dry and brittle hair tends to be the kind that breaks off rather easily and, as Black women (especially if you happen to have type 4 hair), we oftentimes have fragile hair. It's because our curls are so tight that our natural oils aren't able to easily flow from the top of our head to the ends of our hair (which is the oldest part of our hair). As a direct result, we have to be extra careful with how we handle our hair. It needs to be deep conditioned. Protective styling is a good look. But more than anything, we need to just leave it be. The more we touch and style our hair, the more we rob it of the oils that it needs to stay moisturized and "elastic". So, if you want your edges and nape to have more than a couple of inches, leave them alone so that they can grow.
Sometimes the simplest things bring forth the biggest results. Perfect edges mean nothing if they ultimately lead to baldness. Leave them be, chile. Leave. Them. Be.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Looking For Hair Growth? It Might Be Time To Bring 'Blue Magic' Back
7 Essential Oils All Naturalistas Need For Their Hair
Uncommon (But Totally Natural) Things That Are Great For Hair Growth
These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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