I must admit that I kinda chuckled to myself as I sat down to write this. You know how a lot of guys say that there is no such thing as bad coochie? That some is simply better than others? Well, while I do know a few women who are able to share some semi-horrific tales of being on the receiving end of oral sex (a few guys can too), for the most part, I'd say that we all can agree that oral sex is bomb. For us ladies, especially, since the direct clitoral stimulation is what significantly increases our chances of having an orgasm whenever we have sex. And with that being the case, oral sex is pretty hot without figuring out ways to make it…hotter.
Indeed. Indeed. But if you're already damn near climbing the walls as it is, aren't you, just the least bit curious, about what you can do to take things to an entirely different level? If so, this is for you. It's not deep. It's not difficult. It's just a list of a few tweaks that you can make here and there so that both you and your partner can enjoy cunnilingus and fellatio in ways that you possibly never have before. Let's dig in with, not what you should start doing but actually what you should STOP doing in order to make that possible, shall we?
1. STOP Thinking It’s Weird to Ask Your Partner About Their “Pube Preferences”
Yes, y'all. I know. It is our body and we can do whatever the "f" we want with it. That is so true. But unless you're the ultimate contortionist (with a next-level kind of freaky side), you probably won't be as up-close-and-personal to your vagina as your partner will (same goes for him). That's why, it can never hurt for the two of you to discuss if either of you have pube preferences—not because you have to concede to each other's requests. More like it's because, when both of you are more comfortable with what's going on down below, that can result in a lot more pleasure. Ultimately, for the both of you.
Example. I know a woman who absolutely hates her own pubic hair, so she's been bare down there for years. When she got married, though, she found out that her husband is the total opposite; he likes pubic hair. A LOT. So, she decided to let a little of her soul grow out. What's a trip is, while he's always been down to "bless her" with some oral action, she said that he was absolutely ravenous once her pubic hair started to show. So now, she's got a fade (LOL) down there and they're both happy. Actually, she's ecstatic.
Listen, you can do all of the pushback that you want on this particular point. But if you are in a long-term relationship, it can never hurt to ask your partner, "So, how do you like it down there?" (and for him to do the same). It could open up a whole new world of possibilities, if you do.
2. STOP Always Taking All of Your Clothes Off
Is it TMI? I don't know any other way to be, so my apologies in advance. Anyway, back when I was sexually active (which included engaging in oral sex), something that was really hot to me was having sex while some of my clothes were still on. You know, breasts out of the bra, panties pushed to the side—you get it. To me, it translated that my partner was so excited to have me, that there was no time to wait for me to get naked. Plus, having sex when you're not totally in the nude makes it easier to get a quickie in when you're out—out in your car, out in the backyard…out wherever you want to take the risk. Maybe it's the exhibitionist in me coming out on this one, but you know what they say—don't knock it until you've tried it, chile.
3. STOP Always Doing It in the Dark
You know what's a trip about this particular point? I don't know one man who prefers to have sex in the dark. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that they aren't turned on when they do. What I mean is, every guy I've talked to about this topic (and it's been a lot of 'em), they've said that they wish their partner would be down to have sex more with the lights on. And the ones who consider themselves to be oral sex connoisseurs, what makes them enjoy "partaking" even more is, to not just taste the fruit but to be able to look at it as they are doing it.
If, for whatever the reason, you are shy about having sex with the lights on, no one said that you had to flip the switch up in your bedroom or open up all of the blinds during the daytime. A blue or red light bulb can provide just enough light for him to enjoy you in all of your beauty and you to feel like you're not standing directly in a spotlight.
4. STOP Sticking to the Same Sex Positions
Believe it or not, even something as phenomenal as oral sex can lean towards the boring side if you're always doing it the same way all of the time. Avoid that by intentionally getting into other positions than simply sitting up or laying on your back. If you need a little inspiration to get your creative juices flowing, check out "6 Oral Sex Positions That'll Elevate You Even When You're On Your Knees". Come to think of it, try and incorporate a few "accessories" too. Some flavored lube. Some whipped cream. A couple of ice cubes—you know, things that will help to take cunnilingus and fellatio to an entirely higher level (than it already is)!
5. STOP Being Silent
There are a few people I know who say that they are pretty close to silent during sex. No moaning. No sweet whisperings. And, definitely not any dirty talk. For shame, for shame because science backs up the fact that when a person is already physically aroused and then they hear dirty talking coming from their partner, that further stimulates them, making orgasms much more intense and pleasurable. On this particular point, Kelly Rowland's "Motivation" comes to mind (actually, "Kisses Down Low" does too #wink). If you're shy, I get it. Look at dirty talking as a way to encourage your partner to keep doing what they already are or to switch up to what will please you more. Just saying his name in a low voice can be enough to, yes, motivate him to give you more of what you want and need, so try and get out of your silence zone. Watch how much it does for your (oral) sex life!
6. STOP Ignoring the Perineum
Ah. The perineum. I must admit that, it wasn't until I became a doula, that I knew the technical word for this little sweet spot on the body. Basically, it's the area that is right in between the vaginal opening and anus for women and the scrotum and anus for men. When a pregnant woman is a few weeks out from giving birth, it's a good idea for her perineum to be massaged and stretched with oil because it can significantly reduce her chances of experiencing any vaginal tearing. Well, when it comes to oral sex, kissing and licking the perineum can intensify you and your partner's orgasms because, for us, it's a very sensitive area of our body, and for men, it's considered to be right where their "male G-spot" is.
7. STOP Limiting Oral Sex to Foreplay—Only
I know a few women who, although they like penetrative sex, if they had to choose between it or oral sex for the rest of their lives, oral sex would win by a landslide. I get this too since several studies indicate that half of women climax from cunnilingus while 70-75 percent don't from sexual intercourse. But in my world, I want it all and I don't separate oral from intercourse. Oral might be foreplay. Oral might be the main event. Oral might be afterplay. If things are going the way I'd like for them too, oral is involved in all three categories.
The point here is to not see oral sex as just an appetizer or just the main dish. Treat it more like kissing. Let it flow in and out of your time with your partner, however and whenever. It's been my personal experience that, when you do, it will only make the act itself more satisfying and your connection with your partner, that much stronger too.
8. STOP Settling for Just One Orgasm
Not too long ago, Salt-N-Pepa's video for "Whatta Man" came on. I smiled because I've always liked it. Shoot, I've heard it so much at this point, that I pretty much know all of the lyrics. That said, there have always been two lines that have made me be like "huh?". One is "spends quality time with his kids when he can" (when he can?!). The other is "knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night". Listen, while it's cool to have such earth-shattering orgasms that one is all that you need, I personally think that is a low bar.
Make it a goal for you and your partner to have as many as you can in one sitting (one day, one night…you get it). Even though we all have different refractory periods, something that is great about oral sex is, he can make you cum, and you can "hook him up" while you get your bounce back and then, he can "return the favor" after he cums. If y'all do this right, you can get at least 3-4 orgasms in before calling it a night. Which is definitely something that makes cunnilingus an absolute fave in my book. What about you?
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Niecy Nash Says 'A BJ A Day Keeps The Divorce Lawyers Away ... ›
- What If You Hate Oral Sex But Your Partner Doesn't - xoNecole ... ›
- 7 Men Talk About Giving Oral Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- 7 Men Talk About Giving Oral Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Do Men Like Going Down On Women? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What If You Hate Oral Sex? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
RELATED
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
____
‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Unsplash