If you've been following this site (or reading our newsletter) for even a couple of months now, you know that we happily and unapologetically talk about sex quite a bit. If we're not breaking down things about the male and female orgasm or exploring sex positions, we're sharing insights we've gotten on oral sex or providing tips on how to have a blended, simultaneous or—our personal favorite—intensified climax. They say that she who learns, teaches. Sexually, that is a motto that we thrive by!
But if there's one thing about sex that couples tell me that they struggle with the most, it's finding the time to basically do what they do. If they've got kids, sometimes they are too exhausted, even for a quickie, by the time they make it to their own bedroom. And while morning sex sounds good in theory, between having mix-matched wake-up schedules, morning breath and, for women, a man's erection sometimes digging in their back in the most awkward kind of way—this kind of sex is not always the most sensual or seductive option to go with. (I hear you!)
Still, it's irrefutable that morning sex (even if it is a quickie) can reduce stress, give you an energy boost, improve your levels of concentration and productivity, burn a few calories and make you feel closer to your partner all throughout the day.
So, if your only real issue with morning sex is it doesn't feel all that sexy, maybe these tips will turn it into something that you're more open to trying (or trying more often)—maybe even tomorrow at sunrise.
Keep Water by the Bed
Did you know that one sign of dehydration is bad breath? If during your waking hours, you can't seem to get the "tartness" from your mouth under control, drinking more agua just might get that under control. Something else that water is able to do is wash away odor-causing bacteria; that's why it's also a good idea to keep a couple of recyclable bottles of it (because surely you're not still drinking out of plastic bottles, right?) by each bed stand. That way, if you don't want to hop out of bed to brush your teeth first, you can still get some of that stank breath handled.
And Some Altoids
Speaking of not-the-best breath, if water isn't enough, you can never go wrong with Altoids (so long as they are the minty and not sour variety). Matter of fact, if you wake up with a headache, rumor on the street is since Altoids are a mint, they might even be able to help you out with that as well. (Welp, there goes the "I've got a headache" excuse, huh?)
Also, Some Organic Baby Wipes
If this is TMI, I apologize in advance. I'm bringing it up because it's relevant to the point. There's a male friend of mine who says that he likes nothing more than going down on his lady when he picks her up from work. I don't mean once they get home; I mean right there in the car. I'll admit that there is something sexy about that, but the realist in me wonders if it's the cleanest thing on the planet to do. When I brought that up, he didn't miss a beat—"Girl, I keep a stash of baby wipes in the glove compartment."
Come to find out, he's not the only one. I read quite a few articles stating that many folks will keep some organic ones by their bedside in case they don't want to wash up before gettin' it on. So, if you want to engage your partner but you're feeling a little self-conscious, apparently baby wipes are a popular go-to solution.
Oh, and Some Lube Too
From what I've researched, a healthy virile man will have anywhere between 3-5 erections throughout the night that will last between 25-35 minutes each. As far as what causes a man to have nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT)—the technical term for "morning wood"—a man being super relaxed, him experiencing a shift in his hormones or him having an erotic dream (or rubbing against your fine self) may be the cause.
All of this can explain why your man may be up and ready to go at the crack of dawn. If you need a little more time to (no pun intended) open up to the idea, another great bed stand addition is some lube. That way, if neither of you have 20 minutes or more to get you "naturally ready", you've still got something that can help you two to comfortably speed up the process.
Get Some Blackout Curtains
Some women have told me that they aren't big fans of morning sex, not because of the sex itself, but because the light that is piercing through their windows makes them a little self-conscious when it comes to their body image. If you can totally relate, one way to workaround that is to install some blackout curtains. I got introduced to them when I went to Alaska for the first time, arrived late at night, it still looked like 5pm and the people there told me that it doesn't get completely dark during May-July. Anyway, they said what helps them to sleep are blackout curtains. I copped some when I came back home and yep, they work.
So, if it's morning, you're in the mood, but you'd still prefer for it to look like it's nighttime, you can get a pair of your own curtains that keep the light out at stores like Walmart or Target.
Turn on a Little White Noise
I typically don't have any trouble falling asleep. But I must admit that since I've been adding some white noise (noise that contains frequencies to block out "outside noise") into my sleep routine, rest has become a next level experience! What I tend to turn on are rainstorms. I adore all things rain; I really do. Although I'm currently not riding the sex train, back when I was, one of my favorite songs was "Making Love in the Rain" (what y'all know about Herb Alpert featuring Janet Jackson and Lisa Keith?!).
If you love the combination of sex and rain too, white noise can make that happen for you, even on a bright and sunny morning. Just invest in a white noise machine or there are white noise channels on YouTube can provide you rain or many other sounds too. (Just put "white noise" or "white noise for sleeping" in the search field on the site.)
Meditate Together First
If you go to your favorite search engine and look for tips on how to have mind-blowing orgasms, at least 70 percent of them are going to encourage you to breathe deeply. It's what helps you to relax your muscles, remove toxins from your body and open up your pelvic floor as well.
That's why meditation is also on this list. Even if all you do is sit up in the bed, face on another while holding hands, close your eyes and breathe in and out for five minutes, it's a great way to mentally, emotionally and spiritually (re)connect, so that morning sex will be that much more easier and intensified.
Kiss Them—Anywhere or Everywhere
Foreplay should never be totally ignored, even if you've only got 15 minutes or so for morning sex. A kiss on the back of the neck, on the chest or…shoot, anywhere can be a very sweet and sexy way to wake your partner up from their slumber. It can definitely be more enticing and arousing than your standard alarm clock.
Don’t Be “Afraid” of a Little Water Action
Even though I provided a few suggestions on how to make morning sex more pleasant without getting out of bed, please don't underestimate the joy, power and pleasure of having sex in the shower! It gets you clean (and dirty, if you know what I mean), boosts your oxytocin levels and, if you're a little on the antsy side about period sex, having it in your bathtub can help to put your mind more at ease. Shower sex really is the ultimate kind of multi-tasking!
If this is the kind of sex that you have yet to master, no worries; I've got a few tips. First, cover up your hair with a shower cap (who has time to dry and style their hair right before heading off to work?!). Second, make sure you've got a shower mat down (so that y'all aren't slippin'-and-sliddin' everywhere). Third, test the water with your hand before hoppin' in (trust me, this tip is a lifesaver!). Four, go with using some shower gel instead of a bar of soap; it's easier to apply and share (did you know that there is edible shower gel? Click here to get some). And finally, keep certain sex positions in mind—stand up while in the doggy style position; wrap your legs around your partner while your back is up against the wall, or sit on your partner while he's sitting on the edge of the tub.
As far as the shower rod goes, I'll just say that you should try that at your own risk. Some are not as sturdy as others.
Get Up Before the Kids Do
I saved this one for last because probably the most challenging thing about morning sex is deciding what you'd like more of—sex or sleep. But if the vote is sex and you've got kids in your house, the best way to get it in while being totally uninterrupted is if you get up before they do. This means that you need to set your alarm clock to wake you up earlier than your children arise not you (because usually they will beat you to the punch).
Yeah, that might mean waking up before sunrise sometimes, but if it means that you can get an orgasm or two by doing that, at least 1-3 times a month, it makes losing a little sleep worth it. Doesn't it?
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Sex Resolutions Every Married Couple Should Make
Blended Orgasms Need To Be The Next To-Do On Your Sexual Hit List
If You're In A Committed Relationship, Avoid These Sex Mistakes At All Costs
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
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Unmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
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Okay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
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If off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
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A friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
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It’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
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I once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
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There is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
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While I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
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There really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
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I’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
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One thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
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Just like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
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If nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
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Being that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
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One of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
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Another one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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