It wasn't until I actually sat down to pen this piece that I discovered that "creative" (when it's a noun, not an adjective) was as controversial of a word as it is. If you surf around cyberspace, you'll see articles like "Are You Creative or Are You an Artist? (You Might Be Neither)" and the quick read "Who Is a Creative?" But I think it's a few lines in the piece, "What Is a Creative?" that I personally resonate with most. According to it, a creative is an artist, an individual and a thought leader; not one or another—all three.
Adding to that, a true creative is someone who doesn't copy or bite off of others. A true creative doesn't disrespect or dishonor someone's intellectual property. What a true creative does do is tap into their imagination to come up with original ideas. What a creative does do is come up with concepts that are nothing short of original, visionary and inspired. A creative doesn't follow paths; they blaze trails. A creative is someone who not everyone "gets" or even always (initially) supports. The creative doesn't care; they keep on creating anyway. It's the creative's habits and lifestyle that help them to keep on creating.
If you consider yourself to be a creative, first, I salute you. There aren't too many things more amazing' than you. I also think that you'll totally resonate with all of the habits that I'm about to share because, there's a high probability that they are a part of your regular routine (as they are mine).
10 Habits Of Highly Creative People
Creatives Spend Time with the Master Creator
Something that I find to be cool about how God is described in the Bible is, His first introduction is as a creator—"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." (Genesis 1:1) Then, a few passages up, Scripture tells us that He declared, "Let us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness." (Genesis 1:26) To me, it's a reminder that I was made, by the Master Creator, to reflect His image by being creative too. In many ways, creating is a form of prayer, meditation and worship.
So yeah, it is my personal opinion that while creatives may be, well, creative in how they accomplish this first point, in some way, they are intentional about "tapping into" their Creator—whether it's before, during or after (if not all three), they are creating something.
Creatives Think WAY Outside of the Box
Wanna know if something is truly creative? It will be new, fresh and—one of my favorite definitions of original—"arising or proceeding independently of anything else". In order for something to be that, it's got to appear a little strange, maybe even crazy, at first. Creatives don't mind because they know that's what comes with the territory. It's not about if it makes sense to others or can be compared to something else. In fact, if it does, usually to a creative, that means they aren't doing something right.
To a creative, when they are creating something and someone says, "Yeah, I don't get it", that is high praise. It's a confirmation that they aren't working within a box but outside of it, which is just what they wanted to do all along.
Creatives Avoid Negative Things and People
GiphyBack to spirituality for just a second, according to the Bible, the first thing that God made is light. Light is pure. Light illuminates. Light is a form of guidance. Creatives like to get into and stay in the light. In this sense, what I'm speaking of is positivity. Anything that will take them out of a "light space", they will avoid it like the plague because it is negative and negativity is dark and draining.
I recently read an article from a psychotherapist about just how much negativity alters our brains. Instantly, I thought about someone I know who is a creative. Whenever complaining or gossip comes up in a conversation, they immediately excuse themselves. I've seen people get offended by how abrupt they are, but I get it. They'd rather protect their creativity and energy than not appear rude.
That's something else about creatives—they are very loyal, intensely so, to their creative space, both internally and externally. The more light (positivity), the better.
Creatives Listen to (Different Genres of) Music
There are a lot of artists and musicians in my space. When it comes to about half of them, if someone were to ask me what kind of music that they did, I'd categorize it as being "genre-less". That's because you can tell that they are fans of Biggie and Sade and James Taylor and Mozart and Dolly Parton and The Clark Sisters and Duran Duran and all of 90s R&B and Lizzo and Insecure's soundtracks—all kinds of music inspire them.
Same goes for creatives, at large. It's not uncommon for them to create with the most random playlist you've ever heard before (or complete silence). As far as the music goes, that makes sense because scientifically, music makes us happier, reduces stress and improves our learning and memory.
If you are a creative who always has a set of headphones on, I will give you a heads up on an article that I checked out on this very topic. Apparently, if you want to make the most out of your creative time, avoid rock music, only listen to classical if you really dig it and reserve new tunes for when you're relaxing as opposed to when you are creating. (Feel free to hit up the comments section to let me know if this is true for you or not.)
Creatives Unapologetically Require “Me Time”
Only a creative will really appreciate what I am about to say. When we're doing something that is the epitome of being a creative entity, it not only benefits us; it blesses others too. Because this is the reality of creating, this means that our energy is constantly being used with other individuals in mind. That's why creatives have absolutely no problem with falling off of the grid from time to time. In order to remain balanced, focused and secure with oneself, there has to be moments when we get alone in order to hear our own thoughts, cater to our own needs and not hear other people's opinions.
It could come in the form of journaling, binge-watching a show all week long or taking a weekend trip to a B&B. But you can best believe that we're gonna shut the world out sometimes, and it's gonna be fairly often, and we're not gonna apologize for it.
Creatives Make Having Fun and Pleasure a Top Priority
Every year, I make it a point to have a theme word—and an anchor text—for my birthday. My peeps are used to that and so, when they asked me what it was gonna be for 45, I knew right away—pleasure. Some of them gave me a sheepish grin but it's whatever. And yes, I have a Scripture to back it up. Two, in fact. The New King James Version of Psalm 16:11 says, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore" and the Message Version of Ecclesiastes 9:7-8 has a line in it that says, "God takes pleasure in your pleasure!"
What both of these verses remind me is there has to be room for doing what I enjoy, what makes me laugh, what is pure unadulterated fun.
A lot of creatives remain in a constant state of what I call "purpose fatigue" because they act like it's some sort of crime to get off of the clock and do something for the sheer delight of doing it. But seasoned creatives know that if they don't, they will burn out, possibly get sick and end up miserable. Yep, fun and pleasure are constants for creatives. As often as possible too.
Creatives Unplug and Hang Out with Nature
Wanna know one reason why it's a good idea to put your smartphone down more often? It competes with your creativity. Think about it. Pretty much everything that we take in online is the manifestation of someone else's ideas. And while sometimes that can be inspiring, other times, it's nothing more than a colossal waste of time. True creatives know this; that's why there are moments—days even—when they may be unreachable or they'd much rather take a hike than watch a movie. They need to unplug for a bit.
This point reminds me of the classic read The Celestine Prophecy. It spends a significant amount of time talking about how nature teaches us things and recharges us. If you're currently having a creative block, get out of your phone and go outside into the fresh air and sunlight for a bit. Out of all of the things that have already been created, just looking at nature can remind you just how beautiful true creations actually are.
Creatives Make Some Pretty “Strange” Sacrifices
The textbook definition of a sacrifice is to give up something great for something better. I'm not sure if anyone does this better than a true creative. They might let go of a relationship in order to get an idea off of the ground. They might move in with a friend so that they can put their rent money towards a bomb business concept. Although they may traditionally be the life of the party, you might not see them for half a year while they try and turn their art into something that will pay their bills.
To the outside world, going for months eating not much more than quinoa and beans or selling your car so that you don't have to take out a loan may appear cr-a-zy. But not to a creative. To them, the sacrifices that they make now speaks to how much they believe that their dream(s) will manifest—and payoff—later.
Creatives Keep Their Circle Super Tight
Oh, how I wish I could give the person who said this their just due! I just can't remember where I stored the quote. Anyway, it was from a guy who posted on one of his social media accounts that we should be careful who we share our ideas with because they will first try and make us feel insecure about them and then turn around and attempt to do them instead. Pearls. Of. Wisdom.
The funny thing about creatives is, oftentimes a lot of people know who they are without truly knowing them (because someone can't "know you" unless you agree that they do). Because creatives are full of concepts and ideas, they have to be very careful who they open themselves up to. This means that their circle is usually very small because, while they are (hopefully) polite to all, they are intimate with only a few.
It might come off as standoffish at times, but it's not meant to be. Creatives just have to protect their head, heart and inspired space. It will be very difficult for them to create if they don't.
Creatives Take Lots of Risks
And finally, creatives are risk-takers. BIG TIME. However, a wise creative knows that there are such things as good risks and bad risks. What's the difference? I once read a writer compare investing money in the stock market to playing at a casino. Because putting money into stocks typically requires research, you're able to understand the probability of making your money back. It's a risk, but it's a calculated one, making it (usually) a good risk. On the other hand, taking your rent money to casino and playing random games, hoping that you'll be the Black version of Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore in the movie Indecent Proposal (before Robert Redford's character jacked it all up) is basically like playing roulette with your cash, ultimately, making it a bad risk.
Creatives know they have something special. What they also know is a lot of people are hoping that they don't see just how special their ideas and talents are. So, while they do make it a practice to take on ventures, pretty much on a regular basis, they don't do so without doing research, weighing out the pros and cons or without allowing their gut instinct to play a role. They're risky but they aren't super hasty. They know that what's right for them won't pass them by; that the best opportunities will be totally worth the risk and will only take their creativity—and themselves—to new heights. Habitually so.
Featured image by Getty Images
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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