Some days, I wonder if I’ll lose myself in marriage.
As the oldest of six, I’ve been many things—second mom, fixer, emotional translator, peacemaker, protector. My childhood wasn’t heavy with pain, but it was full of responsibility. I’ve been “on” for as long as I can remember.
Even now, as a grown woman, the role doesn’t fully turn off. The habits remain: I show up when I’m exhausted. I give even when I’m on empty. I manage needs, anticipate moods, stretch myself to be enough—for everyone.
And lately, I’ve found myself asking: When is it my turn to be held?
@tohpazzz #eldestdaughter
I believe in marriage. Deeply. I’ve seen it up close—my parents have been married for 31 years. They’ve shown me the beauty of commitment, the sacred dance of sticking with someone through the highs and lows. But even with that example, I can’t help but ask: can I be a supportive wife and mother without losing myself in the process?
The truth is, eldest daughter syndrome doesn’t disappear when you become an adult. It travels. It seeps into your work ethic, your friendships, your faith, your dreams—and your view of partnership. We learn to lead, but often don’t learn how to be led. We learn to give, but not how to receive without guilt. We pour into others, but forget to ask if anyone has poured into us.
That’s why I’ve been intentional about preparing for love—not just the wedding, but the life after “I do.” I’m preparing not with Pinterest boards and color schemes, but with boundaries, therapy, and truth-telling. I’m learning to:
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I’ve realized that the version of me who always had to manage, anticipate, perform—that version doesn’t have to run the show anymore. I’m learning to believe I can be loved without being needed. I can be chosen without being essential to someone’s survival. I can build a home with someone, not for someone.
In a world that often celebrates hyper-independence and self-preservation, I still want partnership. Not as an escape, but as an extension of the life I’m already cultivating. And yes, it’s scary to think about giving parts of myself to someone else. It’s scary to think about showing up when I’m tired. But it’s scarier to imagine never allowing myself to be fully seen, fully loved, fully supported.
To the women who feel this too, you are not alone. You’re not wrong for wanting both. You’re not selfish for dreaming of a life where you’re a present, loving wife and mother and a woman with her own breath, voice, and rhythm. Balance may not always look perfect. But preparation? That’s sacred work.
We don’t have to bring the full weight of ourselves into our next chapter. We can lay some of it down. We can walk lighter. We can partner with someone who sees our capacity—and also sees our humanity.
And when the time comes, I won’t enter marriage as a martyr, but as a woman who knows her worth. I’m becoming her every day. She—the version of me who is whole, ready, and free—is worth the wait.
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I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
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This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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