

I will never make an apology for the fact that I adore the Scriptures. There is something very, remarkable is the word that comes to mind, about the fact that even all of these years later (thousands and thousands of years later), there is so much wisdom within the Bible that is still relevant and — if you want to live a content life — even necessary. Matter of fact, some of the people in my world who aren't Bible followers or even believers in God will admit to me that Proverbs (King Solomon's book of wisdom) has some real gems in it.
Anyway, where I'm going with this today is, since I do use the Bible was a guide for much of my life, I'm someone who strongly believes that one of the main purposes of marriage is spiritual — that it's a very unique dynamic that is designed to teach us how to love another human being like God loves us: fully, completely, always. Just like I tell some of my clients in sessions, "It's very interesting that the Love Chapter [in the Bible] defines love, starting with 'love is patient' and ending with 'love never fails' and yet, folks still misuse and even abuse the word all of the time."
Since I think that marriage is about teaching divine love, above all else, if there's one thing that God does for us, on a daily basis (because as humans, we really are a trip), it's forgive. And you know what? According to the Good Book:
"For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — AMPC)
Whew. You caught that right? If you want to be forgiven by God, you've got to be willing to forgive others. There's no "escape clause" on that. And so, that's what we're going to tackle today. In order to be spiritually in a good space, in order to love more and better, in order to honor the vows that you made with your spouse, if there's a "hack" that can make all of this possible, in a very extraordinary way, it's forgiveness. It really and truly is.
What Exactly Does It Mean to Forgive?
Timing really is something. On the day that I decided to knock this article out, I "happened upon" a study entitled, "Two-thirds of romantic couples start out as friends, study finds". It made me smile because 1) I'm also a firm believer that the foundation of marriage needs to be friendship (you can't become genuine friends with someone in a few weeks or a couple of months, by the way) and 2) I tell folks often that the reason why a lot of people have such a short tolerance in their romantic relationships yet will endure until the end with their friendships is because a lot of relationships lack friendship.
Think about it. When it comes to the folks who you consider to be "your tribe", I'm willing to bet my next paycheck that you have forgiven a whole lot as it relates to them (and vice versa). Oh, but your past relationships? Chances are, you've cut them for far, far less. And because friendship is lacking in so many romantic situations, because folks are too busy "putting on a face" while they're dating so that they never really have to practice forgiveness, once they get married, to tell you the truth, they really aren't all that good at it. As a result, whenever trouble hits, they would rather break their promise of remaining in their union instead of looking at what is going on as an opportunity to learn more about what forgiveness entails — and requires.
So, with that said, what exactly does it mean to forgive someone else and why are so many people triggered by the word? While there are a billion different ways to break forgiveness down, at the end of the day, probably the most simplistic way to explain it is, forgiveness is making the decision to release an offense and the resentment that's attached to it.
It means that when someone does something that hurts, offends or disappoints you, you don't hold a grudge, you don't find a way to get back at them and you don't allow bitterness to set in because of it. Forgiveness requires some emotional intelligence, empathy and compassion because, in order to do it well, you've got to be willing to accept that you also make mistakes, that there will come a time when your spouse will need to forgive you for something (because again, you are not perfect; not even close…right?) and you will desire for them not to run you through the ringer before they extend the same courtesy your way.
Forgiveness is also about being a peace-seeker and peacemaker. It's about wanting love and harmony to be restored into your home rather than allowing unforgivingness to keep a spirit of anger/confusion/discourse in the place that is supposed to be a sanctuary space (a place of refuge) for you both. Indeed, like love, forgiveness is divine because forgiveness is what helps you to love another person…more.
Why Is It So Hard to Forgive?
So, why is something so beautiful also something that is so difficult? That's a TED Talk on its own. What I will say for now is I think many of us struggle with forgiveness (including forgiving ourselves) because it wasn't modeled to us well. Maybe the people who should've been our forgiveness mentors did a horrible job at explaining and/or expressing it. Maybe we never saw someone do it right when we were growing up. Maybe the people we've forgiven in the past kept on committing the same offenses which caused us to build up walls. Maybe this crazy word has got us believing that forgiveness is a sign of weakness rather than strength when that couldn't be further from the truth.
Another reason why some people struggle with forgiving others is because they think it means that they should be a doormat or not set boundaries or standards or that, in doing so, they are conveying to someone that abuse or misuse is OK. Listen, if someone truly loves you, they are going to mess up. You've got to accept that. At the same time, they are also going to strive to not repeat the same offenses (at the very least, in the same way that they have already apologized for in the past) because a part of what comes with an apology is saying, "I know what I did was wrong. I own it. How can I make things better and strive to restore the confidence in me that has been compromised?" (Check out "Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made".)
So no, forgiveness is not an allowance to let people mistreat you. Forgiveness is extending mercy and grace to those who acknowledge their wrongs while wanting to set things right. And if you are going to be in a relationship with any kind of human being, you're going to have to be willing to have this heart and mindset. Otherwise, real talk…stay single.
Why Only “Good Forgivers” Need to Get Married
The late evangelist Billy Graham was married to a woman by the name of Ruth Bell Graham. While they both were alive, she once said, "A happy marriage is the union of two great forgivers." I've shared this quote on this platform before and I promise you that I couldn't agree more. While there are things like abuse and infidelity that lead to the end of some marriages, I'm here to tell you that a lot of folks? A lot of them choose not to stick their marriage out because they simply don't do well at forgiving others. Why?
Some people go into marriage with super unrealistic expectations.
Some people go into marriage wanting to be served with no plans of serving someone else.
Some people? Some people are simply too selfish (self-absorbed) for that kind of relationship.
And you know what? These are the kinds of people who think that their partner should tolerate all of their issues, excuse all of their foolishness and overlook all of their flaws and yet, when it's time to reciprocate these same actions, they suddenly have very little of what they seem to require their partner to give. It's hypocritical. It's exhausting. And, after a while, it makes having a successful marriage, pretty close to impossible.
What makes folks, quite frankly, have such balls to be so self-centered? Well, something else that isn't considered about marriage, nearly as much as it should be is the fact that, in many ways and on many levels, marriage is a mirror. When you decide to share your entire life with another human being, they get to see a lot of what other people never will. And when they reflect back to you the "cobwebs" of your mind, body and soul, it requires real humility to take a look. For some folks, it's too much to take in and so…they run. Rather than opening their heart, fully, so that their spouse can see and forgive them as they do the same for their life partner, they would rather ditch out and create a façade with someone else…oftentimes only to repeat this same mistake over…and over…and over again.
That's why I will die on the hill, happily so, that if you are single, reading this and you know that you absolutely suck at forgiveness, marriage isn't for you. Because if you ask any healthy married couple who's gone past the newlywed stage, if there is one thing they will boldly attest to, it's the fact that marriage is a test in forgiveness that is given…almost constantly. And it takes a really mature person to be able to handle that.
What You Should Process About Forgiveness Before Ending Your Marriage
Something that I'm really big on are signs. If when you saw the title of this piece, what stood out to you was "tough times", first I wanna say that ALL COUPLES go through them. Just like Mother Nature reminds us that we've got to accept the winter as well as the summer seasons and so, the best thing that we can do is simply prepare for them, the reason why traditional marriage vows say things like "for richer or for poorer" and "in sickness and in health" is because marriages have seasons too (check out "This Will Get You Through The 'Ho-Hum Seasons' In Your Relationship" and "The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through"). Because some people are so addicted to being happy all of the time, when challenges come, sometimes they are really ill-equipped for the difficult moments in their relationship — and so, to them, the solution is to end it when far more times than not, the remedy is to forgive.
Because when you really stop to think about it, when a married couple decide to divorce, oftentimes what they are declaring is they've got no more forgiveness in them to offer. And while in certain circumstances, that is understandable, oftentimes, again, if the purpose of marriage was reiterated (learning how to love in a very profoundly spiritual way) and the concept of perfecting forgiveness was brought back into the conversation, couples could — and would — actually go the distance, far often than many of them do (choose to do).
If husbands and wives both decided, "You know what? God loves me through all of my mess. I want to learn to love like that", there's no telling how much the divorce rate would rapidly decrease. There really isn't. Is this a "calculus-level love lesson"? Chile, one thousand and 10 percent. It doesn't change the reality, though, which is, again, there are very few acts that are as profoundly needed, divinely inspired and relationally miraculous as forgiveness. If you and yours are going through it right now, as I once heard actor Loretta Devine's character say on a television series, "It's just the weather. Give it a minute and it will pass." Oftentimes, if we'd just be a little more patience, hard times really do pass.
And what makes them so much easier to endure in the meantime — is forgiveness. The more you forgive your spouse, the safer they feel around you. The more they forgive you, the safer you can feel around them. And when two people feel safe with each other — love, respect and peace can abide in some really significant ways. That's why I really do believe that forgiveness is the ultimate marriage hack. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it. Literally.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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These 5 Simple Words Changed My Dating Life & Made It Easier To Let Go Of The Wrong Men
Dating in 2025 often feels like meandering through an obscure tropical jungle: It can be beautiful, exciting, and daunting, yet nebulous when you’re in the thick of it. When we can’t see the forest for the trees, we often turn to our closest friends, doting family, and even nosy co-workers for advice. While others can undoubtedly imbue a much-needed fresh perspective, some of the best advice you’re searching for already lies within you.
My dating life has been a whirlwind to put it mildly, and each time I’d heard a questionable response or witnessed an eyebrow-raising action from a potential beau, I’d overanalyze for hours despite the illuminating tug in my spirit or pit of my stomach churning. And then I’d hold a conference call with my trusted friends just to convince myself of an alternative scenario, even though I’d already been supernaturally tipped off that he was not in alignment with me.
Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
As the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Ouch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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