Dating in 2021. For some it can be a dumpster fire. For others, it can be...nice.
Personally, ya girl is off the market, and—thank God—not having to juggle the chaos of swiping left or right. But for those who are out there still seeking Boaz, the horror stories I've heard, seen, and read about, can range from “just not working out," all the way to plain ole creepy.
And sometimes...this shit is just entertaining AF.
Case in point, Twitter user, Janae Music, sent the internet up (cause it’s stuck) when she tweeted the following:
To translate, she went on a date with a guy, but saw her 'favorite guy' while out on that date. But instead of him blowing up her spot or ending the courtship, in the mature move of the century, he instead decided to take her out the next day (because he knows what he wants, mostly—don't let that go over your head fellas).
And once everyone began reacting, she defended her situation by saying that she's not exclusive with either and that she's only been dating them for a short period of time. Soooooo, basically, sis said she can do what she wants!
As she should.
Giphy"Exclusively dating" is a topic of conversation that's been circling the waters like a great white for the past few years, mostly once women discovered that we too can date around and see what situations work in the best interest of ourselves. It's newly applauded, and damnit, what took so long?!
Of course, men like to cry and pout at the idea of us doing what they have done for centuries (because, ego), buttttt ladies, it's real out here!
Why should we be the only ones putting all of our eggs in one basket?
I mean, God forbid a woman does what's best for her, right? *eye roll*
Tuh.
And make no mistake, exclusively dating is not the same as entering a relationship, but we're not here for that convo, we're here to discuss the topic at hand. Should we be exclusively dating while shopping around? And is not doing so still frowned upon?
Well, of course the innanet weighed in Janae's dating life, as almost 90,000 likes later, the praise and the hate, alike, came rolling in.
The fellas couldn’t fathom the idea:
Twitter
Because, again, ego:
*Hesitant
But most of the ladies didn’t care:
And the applause kept coming in:
Twitter
And some loved it:
Some explained it:
And some knew that doing so was best:
But regardless on how you feel about it, Janae wants the guys to know that for the ladies, it’s simple:
We have options.
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In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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At the same time, though, if you think that all you need to do is cornrow your tresses, put on a wig, and go on about your business in order to get the hair results that you want come St. Patrick’s Day, you might want to keep reading. Believe it or not, although hair shedding is perfectly normal (more on that in a sec), it’s actually around autumn when it tends to happen the most.
That’s the bad news. The good news is, I’m about to tell you why — and what you can do about it.
First, What You Should Know About Hair Shedding, in General
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Okay, so you’ve probably heard somewhere that your hair goes through four cycles when it comes to growth: there’s the anagen phase (it’s when your hair grows and it can range from 3-7 years; your genetics play a part in the timeframe), the catagen phase (it’s when your hair follicles begin to shrink and the growing process slows down; it lasts for around 10 days), the telogen phase (your hair “rests” in this stage; it doesn’t grow or shed and it lasts for about three months) and finally, the exogen phase — which is when your hair sheds.
Since each hair follicle is basically on its own kind of schedule, that is why different hairs shed at different times. What you can know for sure is you’re going to probably shed somewhere between 50-100 hairs a day — and that is totally normal.
While we’re here, it’s important to know the difference between hair shedding, excessive hair shedding, and hair breakage. On your head, you have somewhere around 100,000 hair follicles; that’s why losing 100 strands of hair a day isn’t really that big of a deal. However, if when you (gently) tug on your hair, 2-5 strands come out at a time or when you comb or brush your hair, you notice a lot more than 50-100 strands in it, that would fall into the category of excessive shedding.
It should also go on record that somewhere around 40 percent of women lose more hair than they actually should on a daily basis because of how much and/or the way that they style it (which is probably when your hair has been in braids or twists for weeks at a time and you take them out, it seems like your hair has made a lot more progress).
Anyway, if you do notice a lot of shedding, that can be a heads-up that you have some type of nutritional deficiency going on or that you’re dealing with an underlying health issue. Since excessive shedding can sometimes lead tooverall hair loss, it’s a good idea to see your doctor, so that they can get to the — pardon the pun — root of the matter.
As far as hair breakage goes, pretty much, if the hair that is coming out has the bulb (root) attached, it’s a form of shedding. Otherwise, if you’re just seeing pieces of hair, that’s probably attributed to hair breakage. Many things can lead to breakage, including your hair being too dry, your hair products being too strong, you not trimming your tresses often enough, you not getting enough protein or other nutrients in your diet; your styling tools being too hot; your hairstyles being too tight, and also, you undergoing high levels of stress (health-related issues could be the cause here as well).
The “good news” about all of this is the process of elimination can help you to figure out what’s causing your hair breakage — which ultimately interferes with you experiencing length retention — so that you can get your hair goals back on track.
Now, Why Does Hair Shedding Increase During Autumn?
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Now that you know a little bit more about hair shedding, in general, what is it about the fall season that causes your hair to shed more than any other time of the year? Apparently, fall (and sometimes early winter) will go into another level of the exogen (shedding) phase in preparation for your head needing more hair in order to endure the cold winter season.
Yep, there is something about your body that is intuitive enough to sense that your head needs more “shelter” during the summertime to protect your head/scalp from the summer heat (reportedly, you tend to have the most hair on your head during the month of July) and then again in the winter season to keep it from freezing in the cold.
Something else to keep in mind is since, reportedly, well over 60 percent of folks find themselves being super stressed out during the holiday season, that also can contribute to more strands of your hair lying around (shout-out to those who are like me and fall into the 10 percent category instead; I see you — LOL).
As far as how your system is able to innately sense all of this, a part of it is due to how much sun exposure you get during the summer vs. the fall and wintertime. Since sun and weather do influence your hormone levels to some extent, that can also shed light on when your hair naturally sheds more or less, too.
So, what does all of this (ultimately) mean? Am I saying that whenever fall makes its way into your life that you’re supposed to just accept that less hair will be a part of your reality? Eh. Yes…and no.
5 Things That You Can Do to Prevent/Reduce (Excessive) Hair Shedding
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One of the good things about having this type of information is you can be proactive when it comes to cultivating ways to make “it” — in this case, hair shedding — less of an issue. Today, I’ve got five tips that can help you out as far as experiencing less hair strand loss (especially during this time of the year) is concerned.
1. Do a pre-shampoo scalp treatment.
Your hair follicles come out of your scalp, so you definitely need to “baby” it. Not only will it help to keep your scalp healthy, but it can also help to nourish your hair follicles so that they remain nice and strong. Allure has an impressive list of scalp treatments that you can check out here.
2. Deep condition.
On a whole ‘nother level. Hair and scalp hydration are super-duper important as the temperatures drop. That’s because you’re probably going to be spending more time indoors which means you’ll be dealing with the dry air of central heat and air units. So, if it’s normal for you to deep condition your hair for, say, 30 minutes, kick that up to 45 minutes or an hour (with a hair steamer). Don’t forget to apply a leave-in conditioner to your hair as well, just to give it some extra moisturizing support.
3. Oil your scalp a couple of times a week.
Although this can be a bit of a controversial topic with — eh hem — other folks, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with oiling your scalp. In fact, it’s another way to give it some of the extra hydration that you may need when you’re in between wash days (check out “How To Use Oils Properly If Long And Healthy Hair Is Your Goal”). The key is to avoid things like petroleum (directly on your scalp) because that can clog your hair follicles and potentially even dry your scalp out. Instead, go with lighter pure ones like sesame, sweet almond, rosemary, jojoba, or, a personal favorite of mine, grapeseed oil.
4. Wrap it up.
I’ve had a hair regimen without wrapping my hair up at night and one when I have — and there really is a big difference between the two. When your locks are wrapped up in silk or satin while you’re sleeping, it reduces friction, which reduces the kind of pressure on your hair that can lead to shedding and breakage. So, definitely make sure to wrap your hair up every night, especially during the fall season. You’ll notice how much it benefits your hair if/when you do.
5. Watch your diet.
As far as fruits that are in season during the fall, pears are packed with different forms of vitamin B, which can help to stimulate your hair follicles while pumpkin can help to make your hair thicker. Foods full of omega 3s like salmon and Brussels sprouts can nourish your scalp and hair follicles and increase blood circulation to them while ginger can also strengthen your hair and even slow down its aging process.
And definitely take a multivitamin; it will compensate for some of the nutrients that your diet may be missing. Oh, and don’t forget to read “10 Teas That Are Great For The Fall Season — As Far As Hair Growth Is Concerned.” It’s got some tips to keep you and your scalp/hair warm and hydrated too.
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Fall is definitely my favorite season of the year. Hair fall? Not so much. If you can relate, now you don’t have to stress about hair shedding so much. You can embrace autumn and all it has to offer — with more hair on your head and less in your detangling brush. Enjoy!
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