Y’all, I ain’t got not one lie to tell you. With the way that this summer has gone in my world (check out “I've Been Estranged From My Mom For Years. She Died Last Week.” and “I Was Hired To Be An Online Life Coach. Then Got Scammed For $4K. Here's How To Avoid This.”), I am not surprised in the least that it caught me off guard that, once again, we are officially in the drafting portion of yet another cuffing season.
What I will say threw me a bit is that there are actual dating trends in cuffing (did y’all know that?), and one of them happens to be something called “winter coating.”
What do I personally think about cuffing season? I think it’s more than a notion and you should proceed with caution. As far as the subset of it that is known as winter coating, though — well, as you’re about to see, if you’re going to try to take it on, you absolutely need to know what you are getting yourself into because if you lie to yourself, it may not exactly give you the results that you were looking for.
Read on to see what I mean by that…
What Is the Science Behind Cuffing Season?
GiphyOkay, so first let’s get into if cuffing season is a “real thing” or not. Well, from what I’ve read and researched, apparently, someone should send an artist by the name of Musa Murchison a Cash App because, although she isn’t the originator of the phrase, she does seem to be the one who made it popular by shouting it out back in 2008 on her campus radio show. And yes, beyond the term being something that comes up on social media, like clockwork, right around this time every year, there does seem to be some real science behind it all — even if you want to chalk what I’m about to say up to being nothing more than mere coincidence.
What do I mean specifically? Well, being that cuffing season is (generally) all about finding someone to boo/bae up with before the weather drops below freezing, only to potentially break up with said-person once the temperatures start to rise again — did you know that dating apps tend to pick up on traffic between October and December (although the most popular dating app day is Dating Sunday which is in January)?
Did you also know that dating, in general, tends to happen the most between November and February? And, if you do decide to take what I just said seriously, it also shouldn’t surprise you that most children (in the US) are conceived during the fall and winter seasons as well. So yeah, at the very least, it does seem like people want to get “closer than close” the colder it gets outdoors.
And exactly why is that? Chile, you can read an article that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?” to put two and two together on that tip.
Cooler (and even rainier) weather. Pumpkins (which are a bona fide aphrodisiac; especially for men) being in abundance. Being indoors more often. The romance of the holiday season. Shifts in our DNA making us hornier (not to mention the fact that men find women more attractive during the colder months — no joke). All of these things literally help to create the perfect storm as far as cuffing season is concerned.
8 Interesting Straight-Up Facts About Cuffing Season
GiphyI’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned in one of these articles on here before that a web series I enjoyed watching last year is called Cuddle Season. You can currently watch it on — yep, you guessed it — Tubi; it’s all about some not-so-slim fellas adoring what the cooler weather brings them as far as female company is concerned. LOL. As I thought about it and all of the other intel that I just provided, I decided to further solidify the impact that cuffing season provides by bullet pointing a few other semi-fascinating facts.
1. 1 in 3 individuals find cuffing season to be a real phenomenon, although more millennials are caught up in the hype than those who are older than they are (by the way, 54 percent of Gen Zers find the holiday season to be the perfect time for finding a potential partner too).
2. Although around 30 percent of individuals think that cuffing season is mostly about staying warm, about 45 percent think it’s more about avoiding loneliness.
3. 60 percent of people who tend to feel lonely during the fall and winter will rely on dating apps to bring about some sort of mental and emotional relief.
4. Getting “cuffed up” has actually been proven to reduce anxiety and stress.
5. Not everyone thinks that cuffing season is (potentially) selfish or shallow. In fact, the most engagements transpire between November and January.
6. Know all of those holiday movies where single people fake being in a relationship during the holiday season in order to avoid any pressure from family members and friends? Apparently, it’s art imitating real life because one popular study revealed that a whopping 40 percent of singles have asked a friend to pretend to be their date during the holiday season.
7. Testosterone levels are higher in men during cooler months while being lower in hotter seasons. Women’s eggs are apparently in optimal condition during the fall and wintertime too.
8. Some researchers actually finding “cuffing” to be a means of literal survival due to the fact that (affectionate) touch lowers stress and, since stress is attached to health-related issues like digestive issues, a lower libido, irregular cycles, heart disease, headaches, depression and shortened longevity — well, yes, cuffing season could potentially be a lifesaver.
Okay, So What Is Winter Coating All About?
GiphyAight, so now that you know more about cuffing season than you possibly ever thought that you would, what in the world does the dating term “winter coating” come from? Well, the long-short of it is…what some of y’all call “spinning the block?” How I oftentimes see it is “hitting a cul-de-sac.” LOL. Yes chile, if you decide to participate in winter coating activities during cuffing season, what you’re essentially doing is making the intentional decision to either reach out to an ex or — respond to one who decides to call, text, DM or email you, seemingly out of the blue.
Now the interesting thing about winter coating is it’s not really something that dating experts are thrilled about. One reason is because if someone is in your past, you’ve got to remember that it got to that point for a purpose. Another issue is because, well, why did you/they wait until cuffing season to try and reach out/rekindle something?
Usually, the motive for that is because, oftentimes, the combination of nostalgia mixed with the feeling that love bombing is easier to do on an ex than anyone else. And while that indeed may be true, does that sound healthy and long-term beneficial to you? Yeah, me neither.
Yeah honestly, when you really stop to think about it, winter coating seems a lot like what we do with our actually winter gear — we cram it somewhere where we don’t have to deal with it until it gets cold outside and then we pull it out from a closet, hope chest or under our bed to use it all (and up) for a couple of months — until we don’t need it anymore…and then we discard it all over again. SMDH.
So, if you’re someone who is an avid fan or big-time participant of cuffing season, before you decide to bring winter coating into the mix, really ponder if it’s a good idea or wise decision — because doing something that keeps you warm for a few weeks only for it to turn you cold afterwards…that typically turns out to be more counterproductive than anything else.
5 Tips for Guarding Your Heart (and Perhaps Genitalia) During Cuffing Season
GiphyMatter of fact, while we’re on the topic of cuffing season overall, let me share a few tips to keep you as unscathed as possible, period:
1. To thine own self be true. It’s a French philosopher by the name of Jean de La Bruyère who once said, “It's motive alone which gives character to the actions of men.” You know, the reason why a lot of people trip their own selves up in life is because they aren’t being honest with themselves about WHY they do the things that they do. That said, if you’re going into cuffing season just to have someone to cuddle up and watch Hallmark movies with until spring — have at it.
However, if you’re using cuffing season in hopes of getting something more out of it, SAY THAT. The more honest you are with yourself about your intentions, the less disappointed, disillusioned or hurt you will be…regardless of how things may play out in the end. You were genuine. Karma has taken note.
2. Think about your short and long-term (relational) goals. Let’s be real — for most people, cuffing season is a short-term goal. So, if you want something that is fleeting, do you. On the other hand, if you’re looking for something more meaningful, playing all of the games that come with cuffing season is not going to be your best bet — especially when it comes to the whole winter coating thing.
Yeah, please keep that in mind as you and your ex are taking a walk down memory lane because, more times than not? It’s probably going to lead to (another) dead end. If not immediately…eventually. Bottom line with this one: cuffing season only thinks about the present. Make sure that you also factor in your future.
3. If he’s your ex, don’t sugarcoat why. I’m not the person who thinks that an ex can’t be upcycled — just make sure that you aren’t merely recycling him. The difference? Recycling is using something old (or used) all over again. Upcycling is taking something old (or used) and making it better. That said, sometimes time gives people the opportunity to grow and that can make the “take two” of a relationship better.
Just make sure that if you are entertaining getting back with an ex that you are real with yourself about why the relationship ended to begin with. If you see signs of that mess/drama/ridiculousness still hovering around — cuffing season or not, you should probably take a pass. Why let him infiltrate your holiday season with some bullshishery that you will carry with you for years to come? Girl, uh-uh.
4. DO NOT follow your heart. If you’ve read enough of my relational content, you know that I can’t stand the motto, “Follow your heart”. The fact that it’s not biblical should be reason enough — and it’s not because Jeremiah 17:9-10 says that the heart is deceitful and that’s because emotions can indeed cause you to think/believe that something is one way when it may indeed be something else. And so, as you go into cuffing season this year, follow facts and reality.
That is biblical too: “It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it.” (Ecclesiastes 7:18 — Message) In other words, if how you feel is conflicting with what you see — pause, ponder and reflect.
5. Avoid peer (and social media) pressure as best you can. I don’t even know if people would give a damn (at least so much) about cuffing season if social media didn’t talk about it so much. And don’t even get me started on just like peer pressure can get kids and teens to go against their core values and/or participate in risky behavior, it can impact adults in a similar fashion.
Bottom line with this point: Don’t engage in cuffing season or winter coating just because you see other people doing it. If your mind, body and spirit are telling you that it’s not what’s best for you — TAP OUT. You’ll be just fine.
____
Winter coating. Hmph.
Your best bet: Buy one to wear and avoid this dating trend.
The former is an investment. Chances are the latter is a complete waste (of time).
Just sayin’.
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The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
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She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
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So, what causes us to have moments when we’re not experiencing the sound sleep that we so desire? While I wish that I had a black and white answer for you, the reality is that several different factors (sometimes working together) may be the cause. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you check out the 10 leading causes below, by process of elimination, you might be able to get to the root of your own restless evenings — so that you can finally get the kind of quality rest that you well deserve.
1. Eating (Too) Late
GiphyLet’s start off with one that has a couple of layers to it. Although it is a good idea to not have a large meal less than two hours before turning in, some experts do say that a light snack that consists of natural melanin, serotonin or tryptophan could be helpful.
The reason why eating too much before bedtime isn’t a good idea is because the digestive process can be a pretty active one. Plus, it increases your chances of experiencing acid reflux and heartburn. On the other hand, snacking on almonds or tart cherries (melatonin), cheese or pumpkin seeds (serotonin) or yogurt or peanut butter (tryptophan) can be just what you need to lull your system to sleep.
Bottom line here: It’s not if you eat but what you eat…and when.
2. Junk Food
GiphySpeaking of foods, if junk food is totally your thing, first check out “Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone” — and then at least try avoiding that stuff if you’re heading off to bed. Fried foods are hard to digest. Sugary foods (and carbs) can raise your blood sugar levels. Processed foods contain a lot of salt and salt can raise your blood pressure which can result in sleep disturbances. So, if you’re in the habit of going through a drive-thru at night, here’s a good reason to rethink doing so in the future.
3. Your Bedroom Is Too Hot
GiphyThis one right here, I can absolutely attest to — because when I am hot in a room, I can pretty much kiss sound sleeping goodbye. SMDH. The problem here is that when your body temperature is high, that can mess with your REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Not only that but, in order for your system to produce the melatonin that it needs to keep you sleeping soundly, your body needs to be at a cooler temperature. And that is why your room sitting at somewhere around 65 degrees is ideal.
4. Your Bedding
GiphyI have a friend who just bought a house and I’m getting him a comforter for a housewarming present. Listen, don’t sleep on the power of amazing bedding because it, too, plays a role in how well you rest. Of course, you need to invest in a good mattress (you can read more about that here and here); however, when it comes to things like your sheets and your comforter, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Your sheets need to be made out of breathable fabrics like cotton, not ones like nylon, polyester or even silk. The reason why is because the latter traps in heat and we’ve already discussed what an elevated body temperature can do to you. Oh, and if you’re someone who enjoys flannel sheets during the fall and winter season, it’s probably better to get some blankets that you can “layer your bed” with instead; flannel can get mighty hot in the midnight hour too.
It’s also important that your sheets aren’t too small or too big for your mattress because that can make your bed feel uncomfortable. And comforter-wise, try and go with a color that doesn’t overstimulate you — neutrals and shades of blues, greens and yellows can accomplish this for you. And P.S., one of the best comforter brands around? Coma Inducer. I’ve been rocking with them for several years at this point and I don’t have not one regret.
5. Java and/or Alcohol
GiphyI’m not much of a coffee drinker (although I do adore coffee ice cream; go figure). I didn’t grow up with it (tea was in abundance in my home) and so it’s not something that I ever really think about. I do have friends who will drink coffee before bedtime, though, and that baffles me because coffee (due to the caffeine that is in it) is a stimulant — and that for that reason alone, you’d be better off having it in the morning instead of at night.
As far as alcohol goes, although it technically it’s a depressant, for the first couple of hours that it is in your system, it acts like a stimulant — which means that it tends to put your system on quite the roller coaster ride; one that you should want to avoid if you’re trying to get a good night’s rest.
My recommendation? Go the tea route and sip on some chamomile, lavender, ginseng, green or passionflower tea. All contain properties that are proven to relax your mind, body and spirit, so that you can fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer.
6. Stress and Anxiety
GiphyListen, the summer of 2025 for me? Whew, chile (check out “I've Been Estranged From My Mom For Years. She Died Last Week.” and “I Was Hired To Be An Online Life Coach. Then Got Scammed For $4K. Here's How To Avoid This.”). Other than the couple of weeks when my mother was on a swift decline (and I was concerned about her physical suffering), thankfully, I didn’t lose much sleep, though — and praise the Lord for that because stress (and anxiety) definitely have a way of jacking up sleep patterns.
That’s because when you are stressed out, your cortisol (which is your stress hormone) spikes and that can hinder sound sleep — which can result in you feeling fatigued and irritable throughout the day. So, if you are stressed out — exercise, journal, meditate, spend quality time with fun and supportive people…oh, and have sex. All of these things are proven ways to calm and relax you — on a few different levels.
7. Late Day Naps
GiphyI adore sleep — always have. So, I can’t even say that it’s my age that has a sistah out here excited about taking a nap in the middle of the day (I work from home). And what I have to watch is not napping for too long or taking a nap that is too late in the day. Why? Because it can totally jack up my sleep patterns because it ends up throwing off my sleep schedule.
According to sleep experts, the way to avoid this is by scheduling your nap out about eight hours before your bedtime and also making sure that your nap doesn’t last any longer than 30 minutes (set an alarm, if you have to). If you do both of these things, you can get the benefits of a nap and the benefits of 6-8 hours of sleep without having to compromise either one.
8. Not Having a Sleep Schedule
GiphyAs humans, we really are creatures of habit. In fact, if you do something consistently enough, it can become automatic to you — it can end up being something that you do without really thinking about it at all. And that’s why it’s a good idea to at least consider coming up with some sort of a sleep schedule; that way, you can train your mind and body to have a pattern of rest.
The beauty of this is a sleep schedule can help you to reduce your stress levels, strengthen your brain, maintain a healthy weight, put you in a better mood and make you more productive throughout the day. On the other hand, not having a sleep schedule can make it really challenging for you to get quality rest at night. It only takes a few minutes to come up with a schedule and it’s well worth your time.
9. Too Much Stuff on Your Bed
GiphyEver heard that a cluttered desk reveals a cluttered mind? If you believe that, how in the world could this not translate to a bed as well? Hell, I even read an article which said that having a lot of stuff underneath your bed can wreck your sleep because it can trigger feelings of anxiety and restlessness and that’s because clutter can overstimulate you and keep you from being at peace.
Look, there’s no telling how many times I’ve said that bedrooms are for sex and sleep only (many interior designers feel the same way) — which means that your bed shouldn’t look like a makeshift office, it shouldn’t have clothes all over it and, even if you are an avid reader, it shouldn’t look like a horizontal bookshelf (where’s your nightstand at?).
You need to feel free to move comfortably about on your bed throughout the night — which ALSO means that, although I personally call pillows “stuffed animals for adults,” you still don’t need a ton of those on your bed either; two for sleeping and 2-3 more for décor purposes are typically ideal.
10. Your Damn Cell Phone
GiphyYou’ve probably heard this before and yet, since reportedly most of us check our phones somewhere around 205 times a day — I’m willing to bet that at least 10 of those times are while you’re in bed or when you’re up to make a bathroom run in the middle of the night. Yeah, as tempting as that might be, try to break that habit because the blue light that emits from your phone can disrupt how your system processes melatonin — and that is another way that you can find yourself really struggling to fall asleep again.
Whatever is on your phone, it can’t wait. It’s not worth your beauty sleep, chile.
BONUS: Imbalanced Hormones
GiphyHormonal imbalance is absolutely something that can have you tossing and turning all night long. If it’s due to all that is going on with you the week before your period, try exercising earlier in the day in order to help you sleep more soundly at night. If it’s because you are in the latter stages of perimenopause, consuming foods that are rich in phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) could help to level things out. Some of those foods include sesame seeds, garlic, peaches, berries and cabbage.
____
YOU NEED SLEEP. Yes, I am yelling it because nothing is worth compromising it.
So, if you see yourself in anything that I just said, try making some adjustments tonight.
Within a week or so, you should find yourself sleeping more and tossin’ and turnin’ a heck of a lot less.
Beautiful.
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