Y’all, I ain’t got not one lie to tell you. With the way that this summer has gone in my world (check out “I've Been Estranged From My Mom For Years. She Died Last Week.” and “I Was Hired To Be An Online Life Coach. Then Got Scammed For $4K. Here's How To Avoid This.”), I am not surprised in the least that it caught me off guard that, once again, we are officially in the drafting portion of yet another cuffing season.
What I will say threw me a bit is that there are actual dating trends in cuffing (did y’all know that?), and one of them happens to be something called “winter coating.”
What do I personally think about cuffing season? I think it’s more than a notion and you should proceed with caution. As far as the subset of it that is known as winter coating, though — well, as you’re about to see, if you’re going to try to take it on, you absolutely need to know what you are getting yourself into because if you lie to yourself, it may not exactly give you the results that you were looking for.
Read on to see what I mean by that…
What Is the Science Behind Cuffing Season?
GiphyOkay, so first let’s get into if cuffing season is a “real thing” or not. Well, from what I’ve read and researched, apparently, someone should send an artist by the name of Musa Murchison a Cash App because, although she isn’t the originator of the phrase, she does seem to be the one who made it popular by shouting it out back in 2008 on her campus radio show. And yes, beyond the term being something that comes up on social media, like clockwork, right around this time every year, there does seem to be some real science behind it all — even if you want to chalk what I’m about to say up to being nothing more than mere coincidence.
What do I mean specifically? Well, being that cuffing season is (generally) all about finding someone to boo/bae up with before the weather drops below freezing, only to potentially break up with said-person once the temperatures start to rise again — did you know that dating apps tend to pick up on traffic between October and December (although the most popular dating app day is Dating Sunday which is in January)?
Did you also know that dating, in general, tends to happen the most between November and February? And, if you do decide to take what I just said seriously, it also shouldn’t surprise you that most children (in the US) are conceived during the fall and winter seasons as well. So yeah, at the very least, it does seem like people want to get “closer than close” the colder it gets outdoors.
And exactly why is that? Chile, you can read an article that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?” to put two and two together on that tip.
Cooler (and even rainier) weather. Pumpkins (which are a bona fide aphrodisiac; especially for men) being in abundance. Being indoors more often. The romance of the holiday season. Shifts in our DNA making us hornier (not to mention the fact that men find women more attractive during the colder months — no joke). All of these things literally help to create the perfect storm as far as cuffing season is concerned.
8 Interesting Straight-Up Facts About Cuffing Season
GiphyI’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned in one of these articles on here before that a web series I enjoyed watching last year is called Cuddle Season. You can currently watch it on — yep, you guessed it — Tubi; it’s all about some not-so-slim fellas adoring what the cooler weather brings them as far as female company is concerned. LOL. As I thought about it and all of the other intel that I just provided, I decided to further solidify the impact that cuffing season provides by bullet pointing a few other semi-fascinating facts.
1. 1 in 3 individuals find cuffing season to be a real phenomenon, although more millennials are caught up in the hype than those who are older than they are (by the way, 54 percent of Gen Zers find the holiday season to be the perfect time for finding a potential partner too).
2. Although around 30 percent of individuals think that cuffing season is mostly about staying warm, about 45 percent think it’s more about avoiding loneliness.
3. 60 percent of people who tend to feel lonely during the fall and winter will rely on dating apps to bring about some sort of mental and emotional relief.
4. Getting “cuffed up” has actually been proven to reduce anxiety and stress.
5. Not everyone thinks that cuffing season is (potentially) selfish or shallow. In fact, the most engagements transpire between November and January.
6. Know all of those holiday movies where single people fake being in a relationship during the holiday season in order to avoid any pressure from family members and friends? Apparently, it’s art imitating real life because one popular study revealed that a whopping 40 percent of singles have asked a friend to pretend to be their date during the holiday season.
7. Testosterone levels are higher in men during cooler months while being lower in hotter seasons. Women’s eggs are apparently in optimal condition during the fall and wintertime too.
8. Some researchers actually finding “cuffing” to be a means of literal survival due to the fact that (affectionate) touch lowers stress and, since stress is attached to health-related issues like digestive issues, a lower libido, irregular cycles, heart disease, headaches, depression and shortened longevity — well, yes, cuffing season could potentially be a lifesaver.
Okay, So What Is Winter Coating All About?
GiphyAight, so now that you know more about cuffing season than you possibly ever thought that you would, what in the world does the dating term “winter coating” come from? Well, the long-short of it is…what some of y’all call “spinning the block?” How I oftentimes see it is “hitting a cul-de-sac.” LOL. Yes chile, if you decide to participate in winter coating activities during cuffing season, what you’re essentially doing is making the intentional decision to either reach out to an ex or — respond to one who decides to call, text, DM or email you, seemingly out of the blue.
Now the interesting thing about winter coating is it’s not really something that dating experts are thrilled about. One reason is because if someone is in your past, you’ve got to remember that it got to that point for a purpose. Another issue is because, well, why did you/they wait until cuffing season to try and reach out/rekindle something?
Usually, the motive for that is because, oftentimes, the combination of nostalgia mixed with the feeling that love bombing is easier to do on an ex than anyone else. And while that indeed may be true, does that sound healthy and long-term beneficial to you? Yeah, me neither.
Yeah honestly, when you really stop to think about it, winter coating seems a lot like what we do with our actually winter gear — we cram it somewhere where we don’t have to deal with it until it gets cold outside and then we pull it out from a closet, hope chest or under our bed to use it all (and up) for a couple of months — until we don’t need it anymore…and then we discard it all over again. SMDH.
So, if you’re someone who is an avid fan or big-time participant of cuffing season, before you decide to bring winter coating into the mix, really ponder if it’s a good idea or wise decision — because doing something that keeps you warm for a few weeks only for it to turn you cold afterwards…that typically turns out to be more counterproductive than anything else.
5 Tips for Guarding Your Heart (and Perhaps Genitalia) During Cuffing Season
GiphyMatter of fact, while we’re on the topic of cuffing season overall, let me share a few tips to keep you as unscathed as possible, period:
1. To thine own self be true. It’s a French philosopher by the name of Jean de La Bruyère who once said, “It's motive alone which gives character to the actions of men.” You know, the reason why a lot of people trip their own selves up in life is because they aren’t being honest with themselves about WHY they do the things that they do. That said, if you’re going into cuffing season just to have someone to cuddle up and watch Hallmark movies with until spring — have at it.
However, if you’re using cuffing season in hopes of getting something more out of it, SAY THAT. The more honest you are with yourself about your intentions, the less disappointed, disillusioned or hurt you will be…regardless of how things may play out in the end. You were genuine. Karma has taken note.
2. Think about your short and long-term (relational) goals. Let’s be real — for most people, cuffing season is a short-term goal. So, if you want something that is fleeting, do you. On the other hand, if you’re looking for something more meaningful, playing all of the games that come with cuffing season is not going to be your best bet — especially when it comes to the whole winter coating thing.
Yeah, please keep that in mind as you and your ex are taking a walk down memory lane because, more times than not? It’s probably going to lead to (another) dead end. If not immediately…eventually. Bottom line with this one: cuffing season only thinks about the present. Make sure that you also factor in your future.
3. If he’s your ex, don’t sugarcoat why. I’m not the person who thinks that an ex can’t be upcycled — just make sure that you aren’t merely recycling him. The difference? Recycling is using something old (or used) all over again. Upcycling is taking something old (or used) and making it better. That said, sometimes time gives people the opportunity to grow and that can make the “take two” of a relationship better.
Just make sure that if you are entertaining getting back with an ex that you are real with yourself about why the relationship ended to begin with. If you see signs of that mess/drama/ridiculousness still hovering around — cuffing season or not, you should probably take a pass. Why let him infiltrate your holiday season with some bullshishery that you will carry with you for years to come? Girl, uh-uh.
4. DO NOT follow your heart. If you’ve read enough of my relational content, you know that I can’t stand the motto, “Follow your heart”. The fact that it’s not biblical should be reason enough — and it’s not because Jeremiah 17:9-10 says that the heart is deceitful and that’s because emotions can indeed cause you to think/believe that something is one way when it may indeed be something else. And so, as you go into cuffing season this year, follow facts and reality.
That is biblical too: “It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it.” (Ecclesiastes 7:18 — Message) In other words, if how you feel is conflicting with what you see — pause, ponder and reflect.
5. Avoid peer (and social media) pressure as best you can. I don’t even know if people would give a damn (at least so much) about cuffing season if social media didn’t talk about it so much. And don’t even get me started on just like peer pressure can get kids and teens to go against their core values and/or participate in risky behavior, it can impact adults in a similar fashion.
Bottom line with this point: Don’t engage in cuffing season or winter coating just because you see other people doing it. If your mind, body and spirit are telling you that it’s not what’s best for you — TAP OUT. You’ll be just fine.
____
Winter coating. Hmph.
Your best bet: Buy one to wear and avoid this dating trend.
The former is an investment. Chances are the latter is a complete waste (of time).
Just sayin’.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023