Who said that Christmas is just for the kiddies? Personally, I think that if you've got a big enough imagination—and libido—there are at least a dozen solid reasons why Christmas can be us grown folks' favorite time of the year too. Sure, there is a lot of shopping, cooking and family get-togethers that you've got to figure out, but if you and yours are able to steal even one night away, I've got some ideas that will not only give you an incredible night of sex, but one that comes with a full-on Christmas theme too.
Are you ready to put on a little "Kissin' by the Mistletoe" (Aretha Franklin), "Santa Baby" (Eartha Kitt), "Give Love On Christmas Day" (Johnny Gill), "Be Mine for Christmas" (Kem) or "Let It Snow" (Boys II Men featuring Brian McKnight) to inspire you to get this party started? If so, here are 15 things—and ways— to have some of the best sex you've ever had…at Christmas!
1. Faux Snow
There's someone I know who takes Christmas observance to a level I've never really seen before—right down to having fake snow in her house. I must admit that it's pretty awesome looking, though. Whether you live in a climate where snow is a rarity or you want to feel like you and yours are huddled up in your own lil' winter wonderland, something like SnoWonder Instant Snow Fake Artificial Snow is something that you can put down in your room. It really does look pretty close to the real thing. Pretty cool, huh?
2. Twinkle Lights
I'm someone who likes to sleep in a room that is pitch black. Still, that doesn't mean I don't see the romance and sweetness of twinkle lights hanging over or even on a bed. Plus, during the Christmas season, it tends to go right along with the string lights that are displayed outdoors or on Christmas trees. If you're totally down and want to know which twinkle lights are best, check out "The 8 Best String Lights for Bedrooms of 2019".
Fresh flowers in a bedroom are always a really nice touch. Well, to go along with the Christmas theme, rather than roses, put a few fresh poinsettias on your nightstands. Since they symbolize things like good cheer, success and celebration, they sound like the perfect flower to set the mood…if you know what I mean.
4. Naughty-or-Nice Gift Tags
If you want to surprise your boo with some sexy lingerie or another type of gift, give him a heads up that it's going to be a really good night by attaching a naughty-or-nice gift tag to it. Places like Amazon and Etsy sell them. Or, you can always make some on your computer and print them out yourself.
5. Put a Twist to Elf on the Shelf
Personally, Mr. Elf on the Shelf totally creeps me out. He kind of reminds me of the little figurines that came to life inTales from the Hood. But if, for some reason, you happen to have one or a few elves lying around, a cute way to make use of him/them is to place little notes about what you can't wait to do with your partner underneath him/them. Then place the elf in spots where your man would least expect to see ole' boy—in the shower, in the fridge…you get the gist. Either it will freak him out or make him laugh. Either way, you should get major points for Christmas-themed creativity with this one.
6. Love Dice
Sometimes, it really is the little things that can take sex from good to totally off-the-charts. In walks, a pair of love dice.
They're cheap, they're sexy and they're also a great way to bring a little spontaneity into the bedroom since you have to rely on how the dice rolls in order to figure out what to do—or do next.
I prefer some glow in the dark ones myself. You can cop a pair that say things like "lick" and "blow" here.
7. Mistletoe (or Edible) Condoms (in a Condom Case)
Unless it's your plan to roll into the new year with a positive sign on a pregnancy test, you might want to get an extra box of condoms. A website called Say It with a Condom happens to sell novelty ones with messages on the packaging like "Eat Me Gingerbread Man" or "All I Want for Christmas Is Sex". Or, if you want to take a bit of a walk on the wild side, maybe go with some flavored condoms instead. Just know that if the latter is your preference, they're more designed for oral sex than intercourse.
8. Candy Cane Lubricant
You know what they say—the wetter, the better. That said, peppermint is a traditional Christmas scent and flavor. And, thanks to the tingling sensation that the menthol in it provides, it's an awesome way to stimulate your mind and body as well. Why not get the best of both worlds by using a lube that has a candy cane taste to it? If that's something you're totally down for, you can purchase a can or two (or 10), here.
9. Kama Sutra Honey Dust
Honey dust is bomb. It really is. Not only does it make your skin glisten in the most subtle and sexiest of ways (especially underneath those twinkle lights that we talked about earlier), but because it tastes like honey, it's a great way to ease into some hot oral sex action. If you've never used any before, Kama Sutra Honey Dust Body Powder, Strawberry Dreams, 8 oz will prove to be money well-spent.
10. Holiday Sangria Massage Oil Candle
There are a few reasons why getting a massage before engaging in coitus is a good thing to do. Not only does it feel totally amazing, it can release stress (which can definitely work in your libido's favor) and, it can trigger sex hormones like oxytocin (which makes you bond to your partner) and serotonin (which can keep you in a positive mood) too.
A very sensual form of foreplay is engaging in a couple's massage. You don't have to master any technique; just pick up a couple of tips here. Then, really make each other feel all hot 'n bothered in the best ways possible by lighting a massage oil candle, dripping the hot wax onto one another and rubbing the oil in. Sangria is a nice scent because it is a signature smell for this time of the year. You can purchase a holiday sangria candle here.
11. A Sexy Christmas-Themed Cocktail
Whew. It's been quite a year, y'all. Reflect on how far you've come and where you and yours would like to be this time next year by toasting each other. Only, forego the typical wine or champagne and have a Christmas-themed drink instead. How about a Sexy Snowman Martini? All you need is some creme de cacao, vanilla vodka, white chocolate liqueur and a little bit of cream and you're all set (you can check out an actual recipe here).
12. “Tinsel Tickler”
There are studies which reveal that when our nerve endings are aroused, not only does it heighten our stimulation, it can intensify our orgasms too. One way to tap into this form of foreplay is to run a tickler lightly over our erogenous zones.
Feathers will get the job done, but since this is all about cultivating the kind of sex that has a Christmas theme, why not make a tickler out of some leftover tinsel instead?
An easy way to make one is to go to a local arts and crafts shop to purchase a plastic handle. Then wrap tinsel around one end of it, secure it with tape and boom—a fun way for you and you partner to "touch and tease" (shout out to R&B artist Case) all night long.
13. Christmas-Themed Sex Positions
For this one, I'll just say that Elite Daily published a piece entitled "7 Christmas Sex Positions You Have To Try During The Holidays" a couple of years ago, that is at least worth taking a look at. Shoot, if for nothing else than to gain an entirely new perspective on "Stocking Stuffer" (chile).
BONUS: A Hotel Room
If there are two places that aren't closed on Christmas, it's hotel rooms and Chinese restaurants. If you'd prefer to get a total change of scenery, book a room at a posh hotel in your city. Or, if you've been thinking about going on a last-minute trip, check out "15 Hotels That Ho All-Out for Christmas" and have your mind blown with how far some places go to celebrate the Christmas season. Shoot, you might even be able to land a discount on a room since Christmas just happens to fall on a Wednesday this year and room rates are typically cheaper during the week.
BONUS: A Homemade Mistletoe Kit
If you do decide to go the hotel route, an idea that I found to be really cute is to make two handy mistletoe kits. It's basically a small Mason jar that has a mistletoe on it, along with some gum, Chapstick, breath spray and a couple other items that you and yours will need to keep your breath fresh. A perfect final touch to this year's edition of Christmas-themed sex. Ho-ho-ho, in the best way possible, y'all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?
Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?
10 Things Couples Who (Consistently) Have Great Sex Do
This Is How You Master The Female Orgasm
Feature image by Giphy
Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
- Have A Romantic Christmas At Home - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- 12 Christmas Items That Are Aphrodisiacs - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 6 Christmas-themed sex positions to try these holidays ›
- 5 Holiday-Themed Sex Toys That Are Just the Right Amount of ... ›
- The Best Sex Positions For The Holiday Season ›
- Christmas Sex Positions Will Make Your Spirits Bright (NSFW ... ›
- 7 Christmas Sex Positions You Have To Try During The Holidays ›
- Best Christmas Sex Toys For The Holidays 2017 ›
- 12 Terrifying Christmas-Themed Sex Toys ›
- 11 Christmas-Themed Sex Positions That Will Have You Jingling All ... ›
- 8 Christmas Sex Positions - Best Sex Positions for the Holidays ›
- Best Christmas Sex Toys For Sexiest Holiday Ever 2018 ›
- The history of Christmas sex | British GQ ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (firstname.lastname@example.org) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Take Our 2-Minute Wellness Quiz To Up Your Self-Care Game!
Black women are not a monolith. We all are deserving of healing and wholeness despite what we've been through, how much money we have in the bank, or what we look like. Most importantly, we are enough—even when we are not working, earning, or serving.
Welcome to Black Girl Whole, your space to find the wellness routine that aligns with you! This brand-new marketplace by xoNecole is a safe space for Black women to activate their healing, find the inspiration to rest, and receive reassurance that we are one small act away from finding our happiness.
Want to discover where you are on your wellness journey? You don't have to look far. In partnership with European Wax Center, we're bringing you a customized wellness quiz to help you up your wellness game. Answer our short series of questions to figure out which type of wellness lover you are, what you need to bring more balance into your life, and then go deeper by shopping products geared towards clearing your mind, healing your body, and soothing your spirit.
Ready to get whole? Take our quiz now!
Here's Why Very Few Relationships Can Actually Be 'Platonic'
Recently, while in an interview, someone asked me if I think that men and women can be just friends. I didn’t even hesitate to answer; my response was immediate, “Absolutely.” What I followed that up with is what intrigued them — “Life has taught me that not a lot of male/female dynamics are ‘platonic’, though.” When they asked me to expound, the interview ended up taking a whole ‘nother turn.
As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY MeansGiphy
So, let’s do first things first — let’s define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of “What does platonic mean?”, the first thing that you’re (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of “of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex” (Merriam-Webster), “designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity” (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, “purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes” (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I’ll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word “platonic” actually come from? From what I’ve researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled “Symposium.” In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire; one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: “Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry.” A write-up on Merriam-Webster’s site stated that, “The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships.” Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that’s another article for another time, though (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”).
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word “platonic” is kind of used in “broad strokes” these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be “just friends,” I’m going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…Giphy
At this stage in my life, I’m pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally, even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I’ll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He’s super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often and some have told us that they assume that we’ve had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: “I told him, ‘He’s my brother. We would never mess around.'”
My Friend: “Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it.”
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: “Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives.” (That reminds me: check out, “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: “Girl, yeah. If I didn’t want to keep you in my life long-term, I would’ve tried to holla a long time ago!” And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these “for real?!” exchanges is, even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a “dormant seed” lying around somewhere…whether it’s one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life, we’ve had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren’t exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you’re not sure about “his”…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?Giphy
Now that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC FriendshipsGiphy
Before I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you’ve got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you’ve never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he’s someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it’s one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who’s been together for more than five years and I’ll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?”).
Yeah, just because you’ve filed someone in the “I see him as a good guy” category, that doesn’t automatically mean that y’all’s friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don’t get it twisted — I’ve considered him because, on so many levels, we “fit.” So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are “good friends” yet it’s not exactly platonic.
I’m not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would’ve been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn’t make you want to throw up in your mouth, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there’s a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All CostsGiphy
Let me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images