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The Secret To A Richer Social Life Lies In The Underrated Magic Of 'Weak Ties'
If you’ve taken stock of your friend groups and wondered why there are some friends with whom you share deeper connection and vulnerability than other acquaintances, there’s a reason for that. While it can make you feel guilty or disappointed by the reality that not every friend can hold the same tier as the other, you might be surprised to know that you could be better off with more casual connections than close companions.
“Weak ties” is a term popularized by sociologist Mark Granovetter that refers to connections or relationships between individuals that are not as close, strong, or frequent as what you might find in strong ties. These weaker connections are characterized by lower emotional intensity, less time and interaction, and typically serve different functions in one's social life.
While the name can imply lesser meaning or value in your life, maintaining “weak ties” in your life can become a great source of social capital.
Strong ties provide bonding social capital, while weak ties offer bridging social capital. The connection you have with the barista at the coffee shop you frequent, the co-worker you clicked with, or the church associate that you see at bible study all have the potential to enrich your life by introducing you to new information, opportunities, or resources that you might not have access to through your strong ties.
Why Weak Ties Are Your Social Superpower
While these folks may not be your official “besties,” these forms of social capital are vital for social support, particularly during adulthood when they become increasingly crucial for coping with challenges and enhancing well-being.
Most people shy away from embracing the concept of having weak ties because the idea of having surface-level friendships can feel unfulfilling or vapid. But forming deep, platonic intimacy with every person we come into contact with just isn’t manageable. Building strong friendships takes time, love, and energy that, if you’re honest, isn’t an endless interpersonal resource.
If we embrace the idea of having casual connections that are familiar but not particularly deep, we can then welcome all the other benefits they can provide us with, like increased happiness and decreased feelings of depression and isolation.
“With weak ties, we can have them everywhere,” expert friendship coach Sarah Siegert tells xoNecole. “Every time we have a social interaction, it releases chemicals in the body that make us feel happier and less stressed. If we're feeling more happy and less stressed, it has a positive impact on our mental health, so we're less likely to feel depressed.”
@thefriendshipexpert The beauty of “weak ties”
Cultivating Weak Ties for Lasting Connections
Because the cultivation of weak ties is proven to have a positive impact on our overall well-being, promoting more feelings of hopefulness, happiness, and joy, it’s important to know how to form those connections — and according to Siegert, it’s all about adopting the right mindset. “Have the mindset of wanting to connect with people,” she shares. “Ask, How can I meet this person? What can I ask them? What can I find out about that? And how can I get in touch with them?”
While making these connections can feel awkward at first, remember that every strong tie and close friendship started off as a weak connection; the only difference is, “We spend more quality time with them,” Siegert explains. “It all starts with that initial showing of interest. Stay in touch, exchange phone numbers, sharing social media handles, whatever you feel comfortable with. Have the courage to speak with people or even just smile at them, make eye contact, give that initial invitation to connect with someone, and see what happens.”
Having weak ties in friendships is an asset to our personal and emotional development, especially as most of the world navigates a post-pandemic loneliness crisis. And in order to nurture and maintain weak ties, it’s all about taking the initiative and not waiting for others to make the first move.
To help get you on your way to forming these new bonds, Siegert shares a few tips on just how to do it.
1. Be proactive:
“I'm not going to wait for other people to do things. I'm not going to interpret them not reaching out to me as them not wanting to be friends with me. I am going to do my best to reach out to people and suggest ways to connect on a deeper level. And I'm going to be open and vulnerable and interested. I'm not internalizing their behavior, thoughts, or opinions. Don't let yourself get defeated by any sort of ‘negative feedback’ from others. It's never about you, it's always about them. And if that happens, just continue finding other people to connect with.”
Drazen_/Getty Images
2. Be mindful of boundaries:
“We're still respectful of other people's boundaries and whether they are willing to engage in that connection or not. We're still looking for small signs that might indicate that someone is not interested because we don't want to pressure anyone into connecting with us. But we want to make sure that we give everything that we can, but if someone repetitively declines your offers to meet up, give the other person space and don't put any pressure on it."
3. Reclaim your social life:
“Take control over what you want. If you currently don't have as many friends as you'd like and you feel there's a lack of connection, work towards the results you want. Don't wait for others to do something for you or feel entitled to the other person to build the connection — work on being their friend first."
4. Reframe your mindset on friend-making:
“Really work on your mindset. If you feel that there is a lack of connection, listen to yourself, listen to the thoughts that you have about your friends and the friendships, and listen to the thoughts you have about yourself. What is it that you tell yourself about this friendship? Check in with yourself and ask if those thoughts are serving you, and work on changing the thoughts to something that is true.”
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Featured image by Drazen_/Getty Images
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Love Island USA' Star JaNa Craig On The Reality Of Black Women On Dating Shows
Love Island USA just wrapped up its sixth season, and it has been the talk of the town. According to Nielsen, it's the No. 1 show on streaming, proving it's just as entertaining as the UK version. One of the reasons this season has been successful is due to the authentic relationships formed between the islanders in the villa.
You have the sisterhood between Serena Page, JaNa Craig, and Leah Kateb, aka PPG, and the real relationship moments between couples like Serena Page and Kordell Beckham, who were named the winners of this season. The other finalists include Leah Kateb and Miguel Harichi, Nicole Jacky and Kendall Washington, and JaNa Craig and Kenny Rodriguez.
While JaNa made it to the finale with her boo Kenny, her journey in the villa was far from perfect. Viewers saw the Las Vegas native get her heart stomped on a few times after many of her connections didn't work out.
At one point, it even looked like she was getting kicked off the island. While she had a lot of support from people watching the show, it was clear that she was in a position that many Black women on reality dating shows find themselves in: not being desired.
It has been an ongoing conversation among Black women watching reality dating shows as we see time and time again that non-Black women or racially ambiguous-looking women are often chosen over Black women, especially dark-skinned women. In a discussion with Shadow and Act, JaNa opened up about the support she received from viewers.
@cineaxries i love them 🤧 #janacraig #janaandkenny #loveislandusa #foryou #peacock #loveisland #janaloveisland #xybca #kennyloveisland #janaedit #loveislandedit #janaedits #loveislandusaedit #viral #loveislandusaseason6 #foryoupage #peacocktv
"You know what’s so crazy? I’m so grateful, because when I got my phone, the way they’re making us The Princess and The Frog…I felt honored. I will be that beautiful chocolate queen if I need to be. And the comments like 'beautiful chocolate girl,' I’m like, all Black women are beautiful. There’s the whole light skin versus dark skin, which breaks my heart. I just really don’t understand that, but I will take pride and represent us well," she said.
She also candidly discussed her experience as a dark-skinned Black woman on the show. JaNa and Serena had been in the villa since the first episode, and they were the only dark-skinned Black women there. As new men aka bombshells came into the villa, they found themselves not being wanted by many of them.
"Me and Serena literally had a heart-to-heart before Kenny came in and she’s like, I just don’t think it’s fair that the Black girls don’t get enough fair chance.' Every islander that came in, we were not their top pick. And we just [thought], maybe because we’re Black girls, and the dark-skinned Black girls. It sucked," she said.
"I’m like, 'Serena, we know what we bring to the table. We’re great personalities. A guy’s going to come in for us.' That’s when we manifested what we wanted, and that’s when I manifested Kenny."
@ashleyvera__ We love to see it 🥰 #loveislandusa #loveisland #loveisland2024 #janaandkenny #loveislandseason6 #peacock #realitytv #fypage
After many failed connections, Kenny came in and immediately turned JaNa's experience around. America watched the model get the care and attention that she deserved.
"I’m not going to hold you. When I was in the bottom for a quick second, I’m like, ‘There’s no way America doesn’t [ride for us]. I know Black America had to ride for me, but maybe because I’m a dark-skinned … hmm … maybe … you feel me? And you saw the Casa Amor lineup. Beautiful, beautiful light-skinned [women]," she said.
"We looked at each other like, 'Damn, Love Island did their big one with this. And every single Casa Amor girl was like, 'You girls are gorgeous, you guys are stunning.' They expressed love. You guys are beautiful and it felt good."
Although she and Kenny came in third place, JaNa is happy that she got her man in the end. "I think the thing I’m most grateful about is the fact that this is a beautiful love story like you guys complement each other and there’s no hate toward the skin color. It’s all love and support. I love that more than anything," she said.
"That’s why I was like, 'I won,' even though I didn’t win. And the fact that Serena won, we were like, 'Yeah, run that.' Either way, we won. And I love the support from all communities."