I already know. Some of y’all read the title of this piece and already decided that you’re gonna just go ahead and skip it. Yet, hear me out — if you’ve made it even this far, I’m gonna ask that you don’t. While on the surface, carrier oils may seem like a bit of a ho-hum topic, I’m confident that by the end of this, you’ll see them in a completely different light.
Why? Because although the basic definition of carrier oils is they are oils that are derived from plants that are used to dilute essential oils so that your skin is better able to absorb them (yawn), this actually means that they can do a helluva lot for you — including in the bedroom department.
Behold, the sexual benefits of 12 different carrier oils. Ready?
1. Coconut Oil for Lube
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Coconut oil is made up of mostly fatty acids. This is great to know because they help to hydrate your skin, serve as a skin barrier (to protect it from environmental elements), and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
What makes it bomb when it comes to sexual activity is it can serve as a great all-natural lubricant (so long as you don’t use latex condoms; oil can break down their effectiveness); especially if you’re experiencing vaginal dryness or you tend to experience more friction during intercourse and you’re looking for an oil that can provide some much-needed relief.
2. Carrot Seed Oil for Better Sperm Count & Quality
If you like earthy and woodsy scents, you might like carrot seed oil. A cool thing about this oil is it contains antibacterial, antifungal, anti-inflammatory, and antioxidant properties which makes it awesome at fighting and even helping to prevent fungal and bacterial growth. It’s also a great skin exfoliant if you’re looking for a gentle way to remove dead skin cells and even out your skin tone.
Since carrot seed oil is also rich in antioxidants, beta-carotene, and vitamin E, men can benefit from this oil because it helps prevent sperm damage and even increases a man’s sperm count over time. Since it can also help to reduce stress, applying it and/or diffusing it can actually increase your chances of having an orgasm — or more intense ones.
3. Neem Oil for Spermicide
Another name for neem oil is margosa oil. Interestingly enough, it’s most popular for being a natural kind of pesticide although the fatty acids, vitamin E, and calcium in it make it good for the skin too. In fact, if you’re looking for an oil that will naturally help boost collagen production in your skin, look no further.
So, what makes neem oil great when it comes to what we’re talking about today? Some science-based reports from homeopaths say that it’s quite effective when acting as an all-natural spermicidal agent. Yep — you can put some of it into your va-jay-jay and it will help to prevent pregnancy.
Now, you should probably do some additional digging on your own when it comes to this one and definitely discuss it with your physician. But the ever-evolving data is pretty solid if you’re someone who’s not yet ready for a baby, but you don’t want to put any birth control that’s full of hormones into your system either.
4. Sweet Almond Oil for Lube & Yeast Infections
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Hands down, two of my favorite oils for my face are rosemary oil and sweet almond oil. I’m so into both of them that it’s rare that I won’t turn in without washing my face with some sulfur soap (it’s great for acne and keeping my complexion even) and then applying a thin layer of one of these oils afterward.
As far as sweet almond oil goes, specifically, the fatty acids in it help your skin to retain moisture, the vitamin E helps to protect your skin from UV damage and the vitamin A is awesome at fighting acne.
Sweet almond oil can benefit your sex life because it’s also a solid lubricant for unprotected sex and it contains properties that can help to fight a yeast infection if you’re someone who is prone to it due to condoms or experiencing a new partner.
5. Jojoba Oil for Lube
There are fatty acids galore in jojoba oil. If you add to that the fact that it’s a good source of vitamins B-complex and E along with anti-inflammatory properties, you definitely need this in your arsenal if you want to get or keep clear skin or you’re looking for an all-natural way to soothe the symptoms that are associated with eczema or psoriasis.
Sexually, if you want to use something with no chemicals in it that will make anal action easier, this oil tops the list. The slip is pretty amazing and it’s fairly long-lasting. Just remember that again, as with all oils, latex condoms aren’t a reliable complement. On the other hand, polyurethane and nitrile condoms typically are.
6. Vitamin E Oil for Stronger Erections & Libidos
If there was any oil on this list that you probably knew was a lifesaver when it comes to skincare, this was probably the one. It helps your skin to retain moisture. It protects your skin from cellular damage. It speeds up the healing of scars. It reduces skin itchiness. It makes eczema and psoriasis easier to deal with. The list goes on and on.
And why is it so bomb as far as sex is concerned? For men, it helps to increase blood flow to their penis so that their erections are stronger (although it must be consumed in moderation; some studies say that super high doses over a long period of time can increase a man’s risk of being diagnosed with prostate cancer). For men and women, it’s also a powerful antioxidant that helps to boost the libido.
7. Hemp Seed Oil for Reduced Stress & Enhanced Sexual Pleasure
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When you press hemp seeds, (seeds that come from the cannabis plant) what you’re going to get is hemp seed oil. An important thing that it contains is Gamma-linoleic acid (GLA); it’s great at reducing inflammation. That component is so effective that it’s not uncommon for professional skincare experts to recommend this particular oil for acne, psoriasis, eczema, and atopic dermatitis.
And honestly, if you don’t invest in any other carrier oil for sexual purposes, you can’t go wrong with making this your choice. It reduces stress. It puts you in a better mood. It can even help to enhance the pleasure of physical touch. By the way, when it comes to increasing vaginal sensations, a hemp oil worth checking out is Awaken Arousal Oil with CBD. It ain’t cheap yet word on the street is that it’s pretty damn effective.
8. Rosehip Seed Oil for Tighter Vulvar Skin
Rosehips literally come from the fruit of the rosebush. They are filled with vitamins A, C, and F as well as antioxidants and fatty acids. One of the reasons why we as Black women should take special note of it is it contains properties that help to get rid of hyperpigmentation. It can also help to firm up the skin which makes it an ideal oil for sagging skin after childbirth and/or breastfeeding.
You know what this means, right? Rosehip seed oil can also help to tighten up your vulvar skin if you sense that it is aging too. Plus, the lycopene and beta-carotene that it contains will lighten up your vulvar skin (if you wish) and its potent anti-inflammatory properties can help to soothe your vagina if you and yours really got it in one night.
9. Grapeseed Oil for DIY Massage Oil
Grapeseed oil is literally what it sounds like. It’s an oil that is derived from pressed grapes and is high in vitamin E and antioxidants. I personally use it for my hair because it’s a light oil that seals my ends and soothes my scalp. However, it’s also great when it comes to increasing skin elasticity, protecting skin from sun damage and even helping to heal acne and acne marks (in part because it works to even out your skin tone).
Because it is so good for the skin, use it as a base for a sexy DIY massage oil (it’s totally tasteless if you want to use it as an ingredient for an edible oil, by the way). Although, it should go on record that because it dries rather quickly, you might not want to rely on it as a vaginal lubricant…unless you want to keep applying it.
10. Wheat Germ Oil for PMS Relief
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Another kind of oil that’s packed with vitamin E is wheat germ oil. Not only does it encourage skin cell formation, but it also softens the appearance of scars and stretch marks and deeply hydrates your skin as it promotes greater flexibility which can help to keep you looking younger longer.
The vitamins B6 and E along with zinc and magnesium all play a role in helping to lessen the symptoms that are associated with PMS (premenstrual syndrome) as well as balancing out sex-based hormones. Since period sex is something that can actually help to bring relief to PMS and period-related symptoms, adding wheat germ oil to your diet could prove to be beneficial in a myriad of ways.
11. Evening Primrose Oil for Balanced Progesterone & Estrogen Levels
I’m a huge fan of evening primrose oil for a ton of reasons. One is because it’s great at keeping my skin clear and preventing those damn period pimples that I can’t seem to avoid. It’s able to do this because the properties in the oil help to improve your skin’s elasticity and texture while also making it feel more supple. This particular oil also has anti-inflammatory benefits which are what make it an all-natural way to treat acne.
As far as your sex life goes, evening primrose oil not only helps to balance out your progesterone and estrogen levels (the more balanced they are, the easier it is for you to enjoy sex), but it helps to increase your dopamine (which helps you to feel good) while also expanding your blood vessels; the more blood that flows, the easier it is to orgasm.
12. Pomegranate Seed Oil for Longer Erections & PCOS Relief
Whenever Rosh Hashanah (the new year that I personally observe) rolls around, something that I make sure to do is cop a few pomegranates (because that’s when they’re in season, plus, they are a symbolic fruit for that time of the year). Not only do they symbolize things like righteousness, fertility, beauty, power, and eternal life, but they also are loaded with antioxidants, antimicrobial properties, and other nutrients.
Skin-wise, pomegranate seed oil offers big boosts of collagen and elasticity while also unclogging pores and reversing the signs of skin damage.
Sex-wise, it rounds out the list of must-have carrier oils because it helps to give men a testosterone boost and longer erections as it helps both men and women to get — and stay — in better moods. As a serious bonus, there are several studies linked to its ability to bring relief to PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome).
See…I told y’all that carrier oils were their own lil’ aphrodisiacs. So, the next time you’re at the grocery store or a health food store (even better), treat yourself, your partner, and your sex life to a few bottles — and watch your sex life improve and intensify in ways you never imagined!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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