My phone and I have been in a committed relationship for the past 15 years. She has been there for me through my ups and downs. She has listened to conversations that have brought me great laughter and tears. When I felt lost and needed direction, she guided me. When moments in my life felt unreal, she was there to capture the moment. When I felt down, she uplifted my spirits with a good playlist. She never stopped me from answering a text, picking up a phone call, or blocking an ex-boyfriend.
My phone has been my greatest support system.
Recently, the relationship between my phone and I has felt demanding. The constant work emails, social media apps, and the overwhelming amount of notifications have made me feel drained at times. She is way too available these days! I mean the way she rings, vibrates, and shines her light from the moment I wake up - stresses me out. I love her, but she needs too much attention from me. After much time and consideration, I decided we needed some space. My phone and I broke up for the weekend.
Breakups Are Hard But Sometimes Needed.
When I turned off my phone, I have to admit I didn't feel so liberated; at first. I felt anxious. My mind rushed with the worry of who was texting me. Am I missing important work emails or am I missing out on the latest social media post? I almost felt guilty for turning it off. As time went by, I realized breaking up with my phone was going to be easier said than done.
I found myself not knowing what to do with my newfound time. My phone (sadly) was my main source of entertainment. I would subconsciously look for my phone, to then only remind myself that we had broken up. I realized how much my phone became a part of my life.
I knew if I wanted to have a better relationship with my phone, I would need to have a better relationship with myself.
Breakups Are Beautiful Because They Allow Us To Rediscover Ourselves.
Shutterstock
I figured what could be a better time for a nature walk than now. Walking into the world with no phone made me feel a little unsafe. I began to have those anxious thoughts again of "what if?" I decided it was also a good time to purchase mace.
Being in nature with no phone began to feel empowering. I had finally disconnected from the world. Normally, I have my headphones and a soundtrack blasting in my ears. For the first time, I was able to embrace the sounds of a nature walk in New York City. The welcoming vibrations of trees blowing, birds chirping, children playing, and cars passing by brought me to peace. I felt safe in the surrounding harmonies of Central Park.
My moment in nature allowed me to process a lot of subconscious thoughts I was avoiding. I was able to have a mental check-in with myself: How have I REALLY been feeling? Where in my life do I need to be more intentional? Where are my triggers coming from? These questions allowed me to face realities I normally distract myself from with a quick social media scroll. I left the park with mental clarity and peace.
My Breakup Allowed Me To Get It Together!
After my nature walk, I arrived home and decided to get my whole life together. I was able to do some much-needed chores. Without any distractions, I was able to deep clean my house, organize my finances, write down my goals, donate clothes, and squeezed in a little nap. I was able to accomplish so much in almost no time at all. I quickly realized how much my phone held me back from achieving even the smallest task. Normally, my "get my life together routine" consisted of several 30-minute phone breaks.
I felt accomplished! I finally found a routine that had worked for me. Turning off my phone had improved the quality of my mental health and overall life. I felt less anxious and stress. I also saw a shift in my self-awareness and productivity. I even went as far as questioning if I even needed a phone at all.
Accountability Is Essential In All Relationships.
After much consideration, I discovered the root of my problems wasn't my phone, but my lack of self-control. Yes, the overload of work emails, texts, calls, and notifications did have me all the way stressed. But! I too played a role in my toxic relationship with my phone. I allowed myself to overindulge at times. Avoiding daily life duties and situations by choosing to binge on several apps and selfies. This began a vicious cycle of responsibilities beginning to pile up, a rise in my anxiety, and a decline in my motivation.
Giving Love A Second Chance.
Shutterstock
Once I was able to have some time for myself and reflect, I felt a lot better. My phone and I have been hand in hand for more than a decade. She watched me grow into a woman and I watched her grow into a Nextel, Side-Kick, Blackberry, iPhone 4, 5, and now 7. Despite our ups and downs, we've always been there for one another. She's always shined her light on me, even when I couldn't afford her that month. She has taught me that boyfriends come and go, but a good cellular plan lasts a lifetime.
The relationship between my phone and I have gotten better since our breakup. I have been better at managing time on social media apps and attending to work emails on my laptop. While she has been better at staying on airplane mode when needed.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
- I Broke Up My Boyfriend, A Year Later We Got Back Together ... ›
- Keri Hilson Shows Us How To Rise Above A Breakup In The Digital ... ›
- Here Are The Silver Linings Of Your Break-Up - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- What Happened When I Gave Up Social Media for Two Months ... ›
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
"They asked for body products and we wanted to make sure we listened. But also layering fragrance begins with the body routine." The body wash is $33, and the body lotion is $35. Keep reading below to hear more about Tabitha and Chance's new collection, their body rituals, and what makes their partnership successful.
Fridays with Tab and Chance body collection
Marcus Owens
xoNecole: How did you come up with the scents for the collection?
Tabitha Brown: We love warm scents that make you feel sexy and loved. [We’re] both fans of gourmand [scents], including bergamot, vanilla, tonka and chocolate.
xoN: If you could describe your working relationship in one word, what would it be and why?
Tabitha: It's our first time building a product line together and our first time working with fragrance. So having patience with the process and each other has been the best way to build.
xoN: What is your body care ritual?
Tabitha: Exfoliate with a scrub a few times a week, but using a moisturizing body wash daily. After a shower, I spray a body mist that compliments what scent I am choosing for the day. Most times vanilla mist wins because it’s a perfect base for layering. I then hydrate [my] skin with lotion. Then, once dressed, I layer my favorite fragrance, Her Business, first and then His Business on top.
Chance: [I’m] way more simple. Just body wash and lotion and then my cologne and I’m good to go.
xoN: We enjoy watching you two together online, whose idea was it to start 'Fridays with Tab & Chance'?
Tabitha: It actually happened by accident. Back in 2018, my fans had just been asking about how we met, so we did a video answering questions one Friday and people in the comments [asked], will y’all do it again next Friday? And so we did and the next thing you know Fridays with Tab & Chance was born.
xoN: In what other ways do you plan to expand Fridays? Restart the podcast? TV show?
Tabitha: We are working on a lifestyle content show vs the traditional Fridays podcast. More to come soon.
xoN: You do many things together, but what would you say is your favorite quality time activity and why?
Tabitha: We are really simple. We love watching movies or TV series together on the couch or in bed. It’s really one of our favorite things to do together.
xoN: What is your favorite thing about the other person?
Tabitha: I love that he makes me feel safe and how hard he works to be an amazing father.
Chance: I love that she is crazy enough to pursue her wildest dreams.
xoN: What is the key to a successful partnership in business and personal?
Tabitha: The key is knowing that you both are going to change, and giving each other grace, patience, and understanding during those changes.
See more on tabandchance.com.
Feature image Marcus Owens