Mistakes People Make While Following Their Passion
Former Democratic congresswoman and gun advocate Gabrielle Giffords once said, "Pursue your passion and everything else will fall into place. This is not being romantic. This is the highest order of pragmatism." My favorite part of what she said is how going after your passion isn't a romantic notion; that it's not about being caught up in fanciful and unrealistic ideals of what we think living out our passion and purpose should look like.
Actually, if you're truly committed to your passion, in many ways, you're going to take the pragmatic—the practical—approach. In many ways, you're going to do what the Hebrew word for passion means. You're going to cleave to it. You're going to be so engrossed in it, that it literally and daily becomes a part of you. You're going to remain faithful to it—in good and not-so-good times. It's going to be like…breathing.
When I recently read that only 13 percent of Americans are passionate about their jobs, the first thing that came to mind is this is probably because so many other people are not doing what they are truly passionate about (if they even know what that is; bookmark that). The second thing that came to mind is that fact is really sad, because we're designed to do what makes us feel alive, what complements our gifts and talents and what betters us and those around us; not just what pays the bills.
Last fall, New York Times published a piece on how following our passions is truly good for us. In it, a productivity expert by the name of Laura Vanderkam said, "Life just feels better when you have things in your hours that you want to do." Indeed. Problem is, a lot of us are wasting time not making strides in the pursuit of our passion because we're making a lot of popular-yet-totally-overlooked mistakes.
If you're ready to give your all to your passion so that it can reward you for your faithfulness, start by assessing if you're taking the following passion pushback missteps.
Not Being Clear About What Their Passion Is
If there's one thing I'm grateful for when it comes to my childhood, it's that I had a mother who was super in tune with her children's passions. She has said that, as a toddler, I liked to shake newspaper and, as a toddler, my brother liked to bang on pots and pans. Now I'm a writer and he's a musician.
Unfortunately, a lot of people don't have this same testimony; their parents were more interested in their kids doing what would be more financially lucrative or at least would provide a solid sense of job security (are you "secure" if you're miserable?). As a result, I believe that's why one study said that almost 85 percent of young people aren't pursuing their passion.
Where I'm going with all of this is, when you're not encouraged to figure out what you love, not only do you grow up not really knowing what your passion is but, even once you discover it, you have a really difficult time cultivating ways to make a living from it.
If you have no clue what your passion is in life, a cool read to set you on the path is "The Secret to Finding Your Passion (Hint: It's Not What You Think)". Another thing that can help is creating a vision board full of things that bring you joy and doing some daily journaling. Life is too short to not be doing what makes you come alive. Make that a priority. You won't regret it.
Needing Others’ Approval in Order to Make Moves
People who are close to me (or used to be close to me; you can read between the lines right there) tend to have a love/hate relationship with my writing path. On one hand, many of them dig how candid I tend to be. On the other hand, my rawness can make them uncomfortable.
Take when I wrote my first book, for example. Whenever people ask me what it's about, I usually say that it's my "sexual autobiography" because I'm very open and upfront about many of the experiences that I had. Anyway, while I was penning the book, I had family members who refused to speak to me. I was literally given the ultimatum that either I should stop writing it or not speak to them (kinda like what Nova is going through in Queen Sugar this season, only, my folks knew before the book went to print and I told more of my business than theirs. Nova is straight-up trippin'. Ugh.) I'm a writer and I was born being very "tell it like it is". To concede to them would have been a form of self-betrayal. The book is 15 years old now. You see what I choose to do. I have absolutely no regrets about it either. Not one.
There are a lot of people who were put here to do the unseen (more on that in a sec), but instead, they are quietly doing nothing or following in the path of what's popular, acceptable or safe, all because they are worried about what others will think if they don't. Let me tell you something—my 45 years on this planet has taught me that folks can be fickle, petty and even envious. Don't let their, shoot humanity, hinder you from being a supernatural force in this world.
And yes, following your passion is a type of superpower. Just ask anyone who's done it or is doing it.
Focusing on Making Money More than Making Connections
We all need money. I'm reminded of this every time one of my writing gigs switches up on me and I have to figure something out in order to cover the bills. But if the only reason why you're spending most of your waking hours doing, whatever it is that you're doing, is because you are trying to get that check, you're going to look back someday with a heart full of sorrow and regret.
I recently wrote an article on here about the fact that creatives are willing to make some really strange sacrifices in order to make things happen. Oftentimes, those sacrifices have to do with their coins (or the lack thereof). For us, it's about investing in our passion more than having a lot of cash (a co-sign on this is another article that was published on the site—"Passion Over Paycheck: Why I Quit My Job At 30 To Start Living")—at least, for the time being.
For the church folks reading this, if you follow your passion long enough, you will learn to want God's favor more than man's money. And for everyone, in general, following your passion will also teach you that the right connections are priceless.
Don't make the mistake of chasing a paycheck over undermining the wisdom of "it's not what you know but who you know." Instead of working overtime for cheese, get off of the clock and do some networking in the area of your passion. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Following Blueprints Instead of Blazing Trails
Fear has got a lot of people out here messed up. I say that because, I can't tell you how many times a week that someone will talk to me about a great idea that they have. But instead of following through with it, they chalk it up to being a mere pipe dream because they've never seen it done before. And?!
Passion is fueled by creativity. Being creative means that you are doing something that is truly inspired and original. If you're shuffling your feet when it comes to getting something off of the ground because you've never seen anyone else do it (or do it the way you plan on doing it) before, you are letting your creative energy down. Trailblazing is the kind of hard work that only self-confident, focused and bold people are able to pull off. But trailblazing is also what changes the world.
Don't be so scared to do what your passion is leading you to that you become a follower instead of a leader. That would be tragic. Extremely so.
Relying on Feelings Instead of Faith
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not big on the whole "follow your heart" thing. A definition of heart is emotions and emotions can have you all over the place. Following them can actually cause you to make some pretty illogical and unstable decisions, if you're not careful.
Does that mean that I don't pay attention to my feelings at all? Of course not. I think our feelings can be a barometer or a heads up to pay attention to what's going on within and around us. But when it comes to making serious decisions, I try to exercise faith instead. Faith is like my feelings' parent. It says, "I hear you but we're going do this over here because all you see is the present. I am wise enough to look into the future."
That said, a series that I like to watch on YouTube is BET's I Went Viral. An episode that was memorable for me featured Elijah Conner (the guy who had the stare-down with Diddy on The Four). He's a little on the cocky side, but because he didn't cower at Diddy's rejection, because he did not succumb to what his feelings wanted to do on the show, aside from Elijah's viral meme, all kinds of opportunities have come his way.
According to Elijah, the experience also taught him something that all of us should write on a Post-it note and put up in our bathroom mirror—"One thing I've learned with this whole situation is just like, a lot of times you have to take that criticism and go look in the mirror and say, 'You know what? Thank you for telling me 'no'. Thank you for not giving me a chair.' Because that 'no' really meant NEW OPPORTUNITY." Speak on it, brotha!
Your feelings won't tell you something this revelatory and mature. But your faith? It most definitely will. Follow it instead. It's got big plans for both you and your passion. Maybe not immediately but eventually which brings me to my final point.
Being Impatient with the Process
An author by the name of Shannon L. Alder once said, "Every talent you have is not wasted. It is there because of a reason and God will open that door when the right time comes along to use it." I think this is a great place to conclude this piece because another mistake that people make when it comes to following their passion is that they don't apply patience ("bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like" and "quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, especially in detail or exactness") to the process.
How can you know if you're impatient and not just eager? You're always anxious or stressed out. You make impulsive or snap decisions. You're constantly in a rush—mentally, emotionally and otherwise. You tend to be irritated a lot or get angry easily. You don't know how to rest well. Here's a real good one—when you start something and it doesn't immediately pan out the way you want it to, you up and quit. Over and over and over again.
Sometimes, the things that we want to manifest from our passion don't, simply because we're so busy trying to "make things happen" on our own, that we're flying past the doors—the people, the opportunities, the resources—that God is affording us if we'd just stop and look at/acknowledge them.
Passion doesn't work without patience. If you want to see your passion thrive, don't make this mistake of not letting patience perfect and prepare you for what passion—and the Universe—have in store.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Feature image by Getty Images
- Why “Follow Your Passion” is Essential But Terrible Advice (and ... ›
- Why "Follow Your Passion" is Pretty Bad Advice ›
- 4 Mistakes to Avoid Before Turning Your Passion Into a Paying Gig ›
- To find work you love, don't follow your passion - 80,000 Hours ›
- 5 Mistakes You Must Avoid When Following Your Passion ›
- Why Following Your Passion is a Mistake--And What To Do Instead ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?Giphy
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?Giphy
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an OrgasmGiphy
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for YouGiphy
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy