Growing up, my mother didn't let me wear make-up. At the time, I was pissed. Oh, but now that I'm deep into my 40s, I'm ever grateful because it's rare that a week will go by and someone won't be shocked when I tell them my age. Meanwhile, a lot of the — I'm gonna be real — white women who I went to high school with? Whenever I run into them, the combination of constant tanning and piling on cosmetics back in the day now has them looking several — and I do mean, several — years older than I.
Listen, I'll be the first to say that a full face of make-up that's been applied well is an art form. And there are certainly moments when I do enjoy rising to the occasion. However, if there is one season of the year when I will give all of that a very hard pass, it's the summer one. Between living in Nashville and enduring this crazy ass humidity and liking the freedom of not having to worry about reapplying stuff or "rubbing off on people", the summertime is definitely when I'm all about moving around with a low-maintenance face.
If that's how you feel and you'd like some tips on how to create one for yourself, I've got 12 really easy and effective ones below.
1. Arched Eyebrows
I promise you that if you retain only one point in this piece, please make sure that it's this one. There is nothing that is more beautiful on a woman, whether she's putting forth a natural face or a full-on beat, than well-groomed eyebrows. While I'm actually pretty good at doing mine myself, for the past couple of years, at first, I was getting them threaded; now I'm getting them waxed (mostly because my threading experience is they tend to go too thin and I actually like having fuller ones). A perfect set of brows can make your eyes appear larger (in the best way possible) and brighten up your face overall. So, if you ain't got the coins to do nothin' else on this list, pretty please don't avoid this point. It's a total beauty game-changer.
2. Exfoliant
Back when I was in college (and away from my mother), I definitely went all out and decided to wear a lot of make-up; foundation included. For me, it was a frustrating cycle because the more I piled on, the more clogged my pores got, which resulted in more breakouts, which led to more acne marks…which led to me piling on more foundation.
It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I got the memo that if I exfoliated my skin, there would be less of a need for foundation. Why? Because exfoliating does things like remove dead skin cells, unclog pores, soften the appearance of scars, even out skin tone and make skin feel so much smoother — whether you like to wear make-up or not.
For me, sulfur soap has proven to be "that one" when it comes to exfoliating. Yet whether you decide to go with it, a department or drugstore exfoliant or you want to make one of your own (there's a video for how to make one here), definitely commit to exfoliating your face and neck (don't forget about that neck, chile; it can "age" you too if you neglect it) about twice a week. Your face will glow without foundation and it's a great primer if you do decide to put some on.
3. Orange Peels and Almond Powder
Speaking of exfoliants, if you want to apply a scrub to your face that will also provide it with antioxidants, a collagen boost and, thanks to the almond powder that's in it, it will also be a great source of Vitamin E (which can soften fine lines and deeply moisturize your skin), you should definitely consider making a scrub for your face, neck and body out of dried orange peels and almond powder. Take some orange peels and allow them to stay in the hot summer sun for half a day. Then put them and a handful of almonds into your blender and grind them into a fine powder. Add a teaspoon of turmeric powder (it reduces the appearance of acne scars and helps your skin to glow) and a tablespoon of almond milk (it's another Vitamin E booster and it also helps to deeply moisturize your skin). Apply the mixture to freshly washed skin (that's damp) and gently rub it in circular motions. Do this for five minutes and rinse with first warm and then cool water. Your skin will be baby smooth; much brighter too.
4. Cold Tea Bags
There are a few things that can cause dark circles underneath your eyes. Aging. Fatigue. Genetics. Allergies. Sun damage. Dehydration. Those are some of the top ones. And if you're looking for an all-natural way to make them look less apparent, cold tea bags are the lick. The ones with caffeine in them (like black and green tea) will slow down the blood flow to that area, causing the circles to be less apparent. Herbal teas (like chamomile and calendula) can reduce inflammation. Also, teas overall contain chemical compounds known as tannins. They're great for dark eye circles because they can brighten up your eye area with consistent use. Just boil the bags for 15-20 minutes, put them in the freezer for like 20 minutes and place them over both of your eyes for 15-20 minutes. If you do this once or twice a week, it's a refreshing treat that will give you some pretty impressive results.
5. Rosemary Oil
It really does depend on the day, which carrier oil I like the most when it comes to my skin — sweet almond oil or rosemary.
Today, I'm gonna go with rosemary because it contains properties that deeply hydrate; regulates sebum (which reduces the chances of clogged pores and breakouts); soothes skin irritation (which makes it great for eczema and psoriasis); tightens the skin (so that it sags less and appears more supple and firm), and it definitely helps to create a lasting glow without a greasy look or feel.
In fact, rosemary oil is a great go-to if you want to head out without any kind of foundation or powder on yet you still want your skin to be protected from the outer elements. Whether you purchase a bottle of it from your local drug or health store (I actually get mine from Walgreens) or you decide to infuse some oil yourself (check out this video here to learn how), you can't go wrong with applying it to your face and neck. Pretty much ever.
6. Waterproof Concealer
These days, my face is pretty even when it comes to skin tone and having no acne marks. The only exception is when my period decides to leave a parting gift of a pimple that almost always leaves a mark (UGH!). Aside from applying some shea butter at night to speed up the healing process of the zit, something that has brought me a lot of joy is waterproof concealer — and y'all, I am definitely going to shout-out the brand that I use because it's my favorite one, to-date. It's Estēe Lauder's Double Wear Concealer. Y'all…Y'ALL. It's creamy. It's a perfect match (which you know can be difficult for us to find). And it really does stay on through sweat and everything! I won't lie, it ain't the cheapest on the planet (whenever I pick up a tube, it's around 30 bucks). Still, if you want a concealer that looks pretty much just like your skin that you don't have to worry about, that's one that I can totally back up with confidence. And either way, if you want to put forth a flawless face during the summertime, waterproof concealer is an absolute must-have.
7. Cream-Based Make-Up
Whether you like to wear make-up just because or you've got a special something coming up and you want to put on a full face for the occasion, definitely go with cosmetics that have a cream base (especially when it comes to foundation, tinted moisturizers and/or blush) during the summer season. Cream bases help to add moisture to your skin, makes it easier to blend in your make-up and it doesn't cake up on your face the way a lot of powder base make-up does. Plus, cream-based make-up can give your skin a dewy look; one that I think looks really spectacular on every woman when it's especially hot outside.
8. Sweet Almond Oil and Rosewater Spritz
Speaking of looking all dewy 'n stuff, if while you're out, your skin looks or feels a little drier than you would like for it to, give it a bit of a homemade spritz. A very simple recipe consists of sweet almond oil, fresh mint leaves and rosewater. Sweet almond oil is dope because it helps to improve your complexion, soften the appearance of scars, reduce the puffy appearance of your eyes, alleviate acne and, get this, reverse sun damage. Mint leaves (which you should be able to find in the produce department of your local grocery store) contain astringent properties that work to slough off dead skin cells while also hydrating your skin. Rosewater is one of the best things ever for your skin because it also deeply hydrates, contains antioxidants, reduces the appearance of any redness or irritation and helps to keep fine lines and wrinkles from creeping in.
Just put a couple of fresh mint leaves into a small spray bottle (small enough to carry in your purse; you can usually find them at a grocery, drug or beauty supply store) and then fill the bottle about 65-70 percent with rosewater and the rest with sweet almond oil. Let it sit for two days and it's ready for use. Your skin will be provided with all kinds of nutrients and you'll immediately get that sexy dewy look that I've been talking about.
9. Waterproof Mascara
If I was going to list these things in order of importance, honestly, I probably would've shouted out waterproof mascara right under arched eyebrows. Although DNA has blessed me with some pretty nice ones, it's still night and day, the difference that I see, whenever I decide to apply a couple of coats of mascara to them. It thickens my lashes. It darkens them. It elongates them too. The brand that I have stuck with for years now, without absolutely any regrets, is Volum' Express The Rock Washable Mascara. There's something about the plastic curvy wand that coats my lashes perfectly. Anyway, I always get the waterproof kind (especially in the summer) and it's easy to find at your local drugstore or grocery store. Again, if nothing else, arched eyebrows, waterproof mascara — oh, and my next point. Do those and you'll be a natural beauty with very little effort. It's pretty much guaranteed.
10. Colored Lip Gloss
How much do I adore lip gloss? So much that it's mentioned in my bio on this site! I'll be honest, my affection for it is so ridiculous that I can't tell you how many tips I've got at this point.
I personally like lip gloss because it produces a natural shine that makes lips look healthy, moisturized and pretty damn sexy too. Plus, it lasts a long time without having to worry so much about it smearing all over stuff (like lipstick can sometimes do), it's glossy (although you can find different ones to suit your preference texture) and you can find them in delicious flavors if that's totally your thing.
Again, I've got a ton of 'em, but if there's a super inexpensive brand that I would definitely do a commercial for, it's Black Radiance's brand. It provides just enough "pop", it's not very sticky and it comes in hues that are great without lipstick or as a topcoat for it. Lip gloss will have you looking unbelievably kissable, all summer long, sis.
11. Bronzer
Do you want your skin to literally look like it's glowing? Bronzer. Bronzer is always the answer. Not only can it give your skin some sparkling sheen, when you apply it to places like right underneath your brows and on your cheekbones, it can add contouring in a way that doesn't appear overdone. As a bonus, if you get the kind that can also be applied to the rest of your body, bronzer is able to even out your skin tone and even reduce the appearance of cellulite. Oprah Daily published an article a few years back that featured some of the best bronzers for dark skin (you can read it by going here). Or, if you'd prefer to make bronzer for your face, Thank Your Body has you covered here; for the rest of your body, there's a quick YouTube tutorial here.
12. Less Is More
To tell you the truth, even though autumn is, hands down, my favorite time of the year, if there's one thing that I really do like about the summer season is because we tend to show more skin, it drives home how important it is to take really good care of it. And when that happens, we tend to be more comfortable with our natural beauty and taking the "less is more" approach. Hopefully, these 12 suggestions will be able to help you to do just that — care for your skin, take a minimalist approach to beauty and let your naturally dope face glow all the way up. Enjoy the rest of your summer, sis.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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We spoke to NYC-based experience curator and owner of POP! by Yaz, Yasmin “Yaz” Quiles, to help guide first-timers. According to Yasmin, an experience curator is “someone who not only focuses on an actual event but the entire experience, and that can mean anything from the first point of contact, things from an invitation, a website, all the way to the end and after effects.”
If you are hosting the holidays in your home, it is important to touch on all of these points so that your guests can have an experience to remember. Here are the steps to successfully host family and friends for the holidays.
1.Plan and Organize:
Before people start showing up to your house, you must plan out what you need and for how many people. It's also a great time to be creative. “The first part is the dream part because it’s the fun part. What do I envision my event to look like? What do I want my people to feel when they come to my space? Ask all of the questions for the first point of contact,” says Yasmin. “What kind of invitation [am I using?] Who am I inviting? What kind of music are we listening to? The food. So, you start thinking about what the vision is, and then after the dreaming, you organize your thoughts.”
That includes putting together a budget. “See what you have access to, what you need help with, and what you may need to outsource,” she advises. Meaning, this is the time to decide if you and your family will be cooking or if everyone will chip in to get dinner catered.
2.Repurpose Your Items:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
As you continue to plan and organize, it's important to take stock of what you already have at home. This can also help you stay within budget. If you have a limited budget then start thinking about how to utilize what you already have in a innovative way.
“I also like to start with inventory. What [are] items in your house that you can use? That way you can determine what it is that you have to get,” she suggests. “I feel like a lot of people always put together a list and it's always 'buy, buy, buy, buy,' versus ‘oh, wait a minute, I actually do have some things that I can utilize and I can just use it in a different way.’”
For example, “Utilizing a console as a small bar area or creating fake fireplaces. I think there are ways to use items in your space so that you don’t have to continue to fill it up with new things.”
3.Make Your Guests Feel Like They Are at Home:
Ever heard the saying, "mi casa es su casa?" You want your space to make guests feel like a home away from home and having a cozy place to sleep plays a major part in that. Be realistic about how many people you can fit comfortably in your home. “Figure out how much space you have in your house and how many people you can truly accommodate,” she says. “What that means is even if you have a two-bedroom apartment, what are some creative ways you can create some space for them? Is it an air mattress or is it getting a hotel that is close to you; Airbnb's?”
You also want to provide your guests with the necessary accouterments and the gift of convenience. If you have certain rituals in your home, you want to make sure your guests can also participate in them. “What I love to do with my guests, I always love to make them feel like they're at home even when they are not, so I like to replicate the things I love in a hotel room. In our house we take off our shoes so we always have disposable slippers here that people can slide on or brand new socks in a basket,” she explains. “That way they can feel immediately comfortable the moment they pass the threshold in your house."
"And in the bathroom or if there’s a powder room, I like to put together a little welcome basket and it can be something as simple as here’s your towel, here’s your washcloth, all the little toiletries you may need," she adds. "I give them their own little stash, that way they don’t feel like they’re burdening me by asking, 'oh, do you have q-tips' or whatever it is. It’s all already set up there for them and it makes them feel so welcome and thought of.”
4.Food and Entertainment:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Along with welcome baskets, the Afro-Latina entrepreneur also enjoys putting lists together with a few of her recommendations. Think, welcome lists you receive at hotels and Airbnb. “I’ll put together a short list of my favorite restaurants, my favorite channels or shows to watch that way they can be entertained while I’m doing other things,” she says.
The holidays involve a lot of cooking and so going out to eat may not be an option. But neither is eating mac and cheese, collard greens, and ham all day, every day. So, it's best to provide options for your guests. “When people go to other people’s homes, they really want the house experience so eating out is great, it’s fine, but I think it really makes people happy when immediately there at home at your house," explains Yasmin.
"What I like to do is immediately have an assortment of snacks available and that means everything from the folks that are on a diet to folks who want to indulge and have a little bit of everything. That way we have a good selection. And [I like to have] things that can be left out for a couple of days as well so I’m thinking pre-packaged items that way [they can] 'grab and go.'”
5.Activities:
When having guests stay over for a few days, you should want to do more than just stay in and look at each other the whole time. Similarly to the way Yasmin advises providing a list of recommendations for eating out and indoor entertainment for guests, she suggests providing guests with a list of favorite stores or favorite markets with recommendations of what to buy.
This can also be a great time to show your guests where you live by going on walks or a scenic drive. "A lot of times these holiday celebrations happen when we are in the midst of planning and doing things and doing all the last-minute errands. Another thing I like to do is photo albums, people love photo albums.”
Yasmin recommends having a physical photo album that you and your guests can look through or a digital frame such as Aura Frames that holds photos online that you can continue to add to.
6.Music:
What’s left is providing the ambiance. One of the many ways that people do this is by having a playlist. Creating a playlist is fun but can also be time-consuming. Not only do you have to add your auntie's favorite Christmas song to the playlist but you may also want to take a trip down memory lane with your siblings and jam to a throwback from your childhood. Yasmin reveals a solution, which she refers to as an “elevated” experience.
“You can hire a DJ. They can do a set on Twitch,” Yasmin says. “There’s a chatroom function so you can put it on your TV, so all the guests who are there can listen to the music live but if there are guests who can’t make it for whatever reason, they can tune in and participate via the chat.”
The experience curator also suggests having a quiet space for those who are more introverted or need a break from the loud music and crowd.
7.The Breakdown:
Whether you and your family decide to cook together or hire a caterer, cleaning up after a big event is always a buzz kill. Yasmin recommends outsourcing help as a way to enjoy yourself and not worry about the aftermath. “Clean up can be a big hassle. It is okay to get a cleaning team. It is okay to hire a bartender. It is okay to hire anybody who can make your job easier,” she assures.
“The point of these events really is to connect and I feel we get so caught up in the doing that we forget that and the party ends and we’re like, ‘Dang, I didn’t get to have a conversation with my best girlfriend who I haven’t seen in six months.’ Give yourself permission to outsource so that you can have a good time.”
For more information about Yasmin, you can visit her website at yazquiles.com and follow her on Instagram @popbyyaz.
Feature image courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Originally published on December 13, 2022