6 Feet Tall

Two things that I’m pretty big on are stats and studies. A part of the reason is that, while a lot of people think that their feelings are facts, stats and studies are rooted in more than emotions that can change on a dime — there’s research, surveys, and hardcore intel involved. So, when it comes to physicality, it’s interesting that while a lot of women are consumed with height, a lot of men are consumed with “width” and neither wants to compromise much. Meanwhile, the stats reveal that only roughly 15 percent of men are over 6 ft and the average dress size in America right now is somewhere between 16-18. So, while you can want what you want all day long, you’ve also got to take into account what is actually available.

And how do I know that 6 ft. stands (pun intended) out for women? Because any time I’m out in the YouTube streets watching videos about what women find to be desirable, I can almost say it along with them that he must be at least 6’ tall. Some say it’s because a tall man makes them feel safe and secure. Others say that they don’t find short men attractive. Still, others don’t really know why they actually need a guy who is six inches taller towering over them, if they’re say only 5’4” in height themselves.

Me? I’m 5’6” and most of the men I’ve dated (or sex-ed) have been basketball player-tall. I did some soul searching and I think a part of it is because I was molested by a family member when I was younger (and much shorter) and so I was subconsciously programmed to think that as I got taller, the men in my life should be too. Once I factored that into what I thought was merely my preference, the desire ceased to be quite as rigid. Not to mention the fact that I’ve spent many years with super tall men who were shorter on character.

I mean, if ONLY 15 PERCENT of men are that tall, am I really going to automatically cancel someone who is 5’9” or 5’10”? How ridiculous would that be? Hmph. According to two Black women, VERY.

One of them is a Black influencer who has a YouTube channel called Only One Jess. She got married last year to what appears to be a very remarkable young man. She’s 5’1” and he’s 5’3” and she regularly brings up that, if she had stayed hung up on his height, she definitely would’ve missed out — BIG TIME. The other woman is someone, who, I wish I had kept the video because she PREACHED PREACHED when she said this about her around 5’7” man: “I had a father to look up to while growing up, so I don’t need my husband to overcompensate.”

BOOM! 10 TIMES! I hope y’all caught all-a-dat too!

6 Inches Long

Over the years, I’ve written quite a few pieces for this platform on the topic of penises including “Apparently, A Certain Penis Size Can Make Us Orgasm The Most (Chile)” (it’s eight inches, by the way) and “Sex Hacks For Different Kinds Of Penises (You Heard Me Right).” However, the one that probably deserves the most attention when it comes to this particular topic is “BDE: Please Let The ‘It Needs To Be Huge’ Myth Go.” If you haven’t checked it out (yet), it’s about a wife I know who has a husband with a lot to offer in the genitalia department, who actually has a pretty dysfunctional sex life with him (still) and a huge (no pun intended) reason is because his ego is far bigger than his package and his performance is less than stellar as a direct result.

As a marriage life coach for well over 15 years at this point, I’ve heard literally countless stories from women who’ve said that a big penis isn’t all it’s cracked up to be — that oftentimes we just say that we want that because we’ve been conditioned to; that a smaller size is just fine when your partner is attentive, selfless and confident.

Besides, I will continue to say until ALL of the cows come home that the average size penis 5.5” erect, our vaginas expand to 4.75” when aroused and our most intense nerve endings are 2” inside of it. Moral of the story? You can get stimulated just fine with a smaller size. Science says so.

In fact, the reason why many women struggle with experiencing a vaginal (penetration) orgasm isn’t because a man’s penis isn’t large enough, it’s either because their clitoris is too far away from their vagina for both to be stimulated by penetration (which no woman has any control over) or they’re not in a sex position where their clitoris can be stimulated during intercourse (the spoon position immediately comes to mind).

When it comes to my past sexual dealings, I surpassed the TMI mark a long time ago (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners” for instance). So, I’ll be the first to say that I’ve had some really large, umm, men in my lifetime and sometimes all I got out of the deal was a lot of bladder and yeast infections. In fact, the guy who gave me the most vaginal orgasms actually had one of the most average penises out of everyone. So, please don’t be out here resolved that only 9” (or hell, even the popular 8”) can please you. It’s one of the greatest lies ever told.

6 Figures in the Bank Account

Okay, so from what I’ve read and researched, somewhere around 33 percent of Americans currently make six figures (only nine percent earn a million on an annual basis). In Black households, 18 percent earn six figures. So, as far as availability and options go, that’s pretty much up with the height thing that I was talking about earlier.

Now to add some real perspective to this (beyond some women just parroting what they hear other women say), if the goal is to live a comfortable life, where you live plays a huge role in that (so does if you have and/or desire to have children). But let’s say that you’re only factoring in yourself and your future husband for the next 2-3 years or so. If you lived in Alabama, you’d currently need around $60,000 a year to be better-than-good (in the $60K range is the average for a lot of southern states), around $92,000 to live in Maryland, and — surprise, surprise — close to six figures to live in California and New York.

However, if you’re working too and you plan on contributing to the household expenses (and if you’re not…why not? It’s a fair question), then a man could still make, say, 60 or even 70 percent of what we see here and still hold things down, in all of these states, pretty damn well.

My point? When it comes to “requiring” a man — especially a Black man when only 18 percent of Black people even qualify for this particular “6” — ask yourself why that’s such a big deal to you. How much of it has to do with what you’ve heard on the internet or some ridiculous reality show? How much of it is rooted in some semi-unrealistic expectations? And most importantly, how much of it is such a big deal that you’d pass up a great man who makes $55,000 just so you can have your “6”…a “6” who just might not ever come? #justsaying

What a 6-6-6 Man Has to Say About Being in a Relationship with One:

“I’ve been a six-figure earner since I was in my late 20s. I’m well aware of the 6-6-6 phenomenon and I personally think it’s comedy because a lot of women who say they want that kind of man have no clue what his standards are — or if they do, they say that we’re full of ourselves. I’m not gonna lie — we have a lot of events where we want to show our woman off and so, there’s just a certain beauty standard that’s required."

"There are a lot of women who want us and so our patience level is pretty short because we’re not going to argue with one woman when we can find another who is far more accommodating. But the main thing that women miss about us is in order to make a lot of money, we have to do a lot of work. We just don’t have the kind of time to be doing the type of bulls — t that they see on television — three dates a week, traveling all of the time, constantly going on shopping sprees, and talking on the phone. In fact, a lot of us would be considered ‘cheap’ because we’re putting more money into investments than trying to woo a woman."

"That’s why a lot of women who’ve dated us see us as assh—es. It took a lot of work and focus on self to get where we are, especially when we’re Black. We’re very calculated on who gets to reap the benefits of that — and when.” - Dean, 45, in a long-term relationship

What a Woman with a 6-6-6 Man Has to Say About Being in a Relationship with One:

“My husband is 6’3,” I won’t share his penis size because it’s none of your business; just know that I qualify to answer this question. And as far as how much he earns, it’s around $170,000. When we first got married, that wasn’t the case. He was still in school. And although I won’t lie and say that I don’t enjoy not having to worry about how the lights are going to stay on or if we can take a vacation every summer, it all comes at a price.”

“Back when my husband was making less money, he had more time. He could also be more spontaneous. I don’t know what makes people think that [being] financially secure means more leisure time — unless you’re wealthy, rarely is that the case. I can also tell you for a fact that holding him down while he was on the ‘broker side’ of things is why he’s so willing to give to me now. Men who make a lot of money have a difficult time trusting which is why it can be hard to get them to marry you once they’ve already ‘made it.'”

“I just think that women need to be very mature, very secure, and extremely willing to make some sacrifices as far as time and expectations. You might have more money to play around with but sometimes that comes at the expense of not having him as much as you did before his tax bracket switched up on you.” - Wendell, 39, married 14 years

Trends Are Not (Automatically or Necessarily) Standards

Uh-huh. I already know. Some of y’all just read all of this and were like, “If I can’t have a 6-6-6, I’ll just stay single then.” I mean, if that’s what you want to put out into the universe, it’s your world, and the best of luck to you. I just wanted to make sure that you realized the reality of the combo and what comes along with it.

Besides, don’t let social media — hell, media in general — have you out here believing that just because they push a particular “good man narrative” down our throats that it’s actually a standard. Plenty of famous people tank their relationships on a daily basis…and many of them had a 6-6-6 man (again…just saying).

Bottom line, having preferences is fine. Just try not to be so rigid about what you think a good man is that you miss up on the right one. One who might be a bit shorter than 6 ft, whose penis might be shy of 6 inches and who may make five figures (or may have some but not all three) — but is a blue ribbon winner in standards that aren’t current trends.

Amen? Amen.

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