10 Secrets To Feeling Super Sexy (When You Don't)
Rihanna. Ryan Destiny. DeWanda Wise. Jill Scott. Kelly Rowland. Nicole and Bria Murphy. Kelis. Tika Sumpter. Yara Shahidi. Meagan and L'Myia Good. Janelle Monáe. Toni Braxton. Leela James. Karen Obilom. Nia Long. Lynn Whitfield. Lauren London. Sanaa Lathan. The late Aaliyah. Kerry Washington (especially in the movie She Hate Me). I could go on and on, Lord knows, but when I think of celebrity women who are also quite sexy (at least to me), those are some of the ones who immediately come to mind.
What's dope about the list is they're all different when it comes to their look, their style and their age. At the same time, what they each have in common is there's a hint of mystery and exoticness about them.
Regardless of your sexual preference, when you see them, you tend to do a double-take and, if you were the type to share your WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday), they are the kind of women who would be on your list. They are appealing. They are exciting. Yep—they are sexy.
The reason why I listed them is because if I threw out the names of some of my friends or the woman who does my nails or this chick that I always see whenever I go to a particular mall, you wouldn't have a point of reference. My point in saying that is, a lot of women exude sexiness regardless of size, economic status or platform. Not only that, but just by being a woman alone, there are simple things that we can do to turn the volume up on our own sexiness in 10 minutes or less.
If you've got days when you don't feel your best but you want to feel a little more sultry, risqué or even glamorous, I think if you try some of the following hacks, you'll start feeling intensely excited about your own damn self. After all, the sexiest women radiate from the inside out, not the outside in. That is the foundational key for all things sexy.
1. Invest in Some Sexy Underwear
GiphyI'll be working on an article about the expiration dates of various things soon enough. But for now, just know that if you haven't gotten new bras and panties within the past 6-12 months, you are seriously overdue. If you know that some of your underwear has been in your drawers for at least three Christmases, treat your body to some new stuff. Then make sure that some of what you get is on the sexy side—lace bras, high-cut panties…things that make you feel like you've got a hot date with the finest man alive whenever you put that kind of stuff on (even if you don't).
Oh, and if you're like me and, because your "girls" are on the super-big-and-full side, it's hard to find sexy brassieres, one of the other writers here wrote about some of the sexy bras that she loves. Also, an overseas brand that I've come to adore is Figleaves. I can personally attest to the fact that the way you move changes when your undies are on the sexy tip.
2. Paint Your Nails (a Blue-Based) Red
Red is a fascinating color. As far as color psychology goes, it represents love, passion, fire and desire. What's really cool about the hue is it's something that women of any shade or ethnicity will look amazing in. If you're a woman of color, the key is to look for one that has a blue-base to it. It's more sophisticated and will complement your complexion better. As far as red lipstick goes, The Zoe Report has a list of 'em. But if you want to give your fingers and nails a bit of a red sexy pop, Red Diamond Crushed Diamonds Patent Shine 10x Nail Lacquer is a great-high end nail polish while China Glaze's Heart of Africa is a pretty awesome department store find.
3. Curl Your Eyelashes
Something that all of us should have in our possession is an eyelash curler. It has a way of opening up your eyes and extending the length of your lashes simultaneously. With curly lashes and a coat or two of mascara on them, you can flirt all day long without saying a single word.
4. Apply a Shimmery Lip Gloss
Anyone who knows me knows that if I've got an addiction to anything, it's lip gloss. I really can't tell you how many tubes that I have; it really is low-key a problem. I think what I like so much about gloss is I can put some on real quick, with or without lipstick, and my lips will instantly have a sexy pout to them.
If you really want your lips to stand out, go with a gloss that has some shimmer in it. Some brands that I think work pretty well include C.O. Bigelow Mentha Shimmer Bare Mint, sweetnectarbeauty's Vegan Lip Gloss and Maybelline New York Lip Studio Electric Shine Prismatic Lip Gloss Makeup, Lunar Gem. To tell you the truth, you can easily make some of your own too. All you need is some coconut oil, make-up grade glitter and a couple of other items and you're all set. Get the walk-through on how to do it here.
5. Also Apply Some Bronzer to Your Skin
GiphyRemember how I said that actor Ryan Destiny is super sexy to me? One of the things that I find to be so alluring about her is her deep chocolate skin that seems to have no pores or flaws. Yeah, smooth skin is definitely all-the-way-up sexy.
I wasn't blessed with that kind of skin, but I will say that exfoliation, sulfur soap (it's great if you've got acne) and using sweet almond oil as a moisturizer has done wonders! Also, when I want my skin to have a radiant glow, bronzer makes that happen.
Girl, if you've never gone out with some bronzer on your skin, words can't express how much you're missing out! Forget what others will think; you'll have a hard time walking past a mirror and not staring at your own self! So yeah, make an investment into your complexion and cop some.
(By the way, this is something else that you can make at home. For step-by-step instructions on how to make shimmering body lava, click here.)
6. Rub an Essential Oil onto Your Hair
OK, so you do have a favorite scent, right? How often do you put it on? Me? I'm an essential oils gal myself. Usually I blend two or three of them together to come up with a signature smell. Anyway, while putting a fragrance on your wrists and neck is all good, don't sleep on rubbing some of it onto your hair. For one thing, it will linger there longer than most other places. Plus, it has a way of leaving a trail wherever you go.
Oh—if you're kind of new to the whole essential oil thing, some scents that are really sexy include rose, jasmine, sandalwood, patchouli and cinnamon.
7. Then Pin Your Hair Up (or Put on a Necklace)
One of the most powerful erogenous zones for us is our neck. You know what else? A lot about our age can be revealed on that particular part of the body too (which is why we need to keep it well moisturized at all times). What's more is, when I asked a few fellas that I know about what part of a woman's body really drew them in, they also mentioned the neck; they went so far as to say that's why they love a woman whose hair is up in a ponytail or messy bun, or a woman who has a mean short 'do. For all of these reasons, that's why this particular point made the list.
If you're not feeling your best and you've got long hair, pull it up, add a pair of hoops, then see how you feel. If your hair is on the shorter side, layered charm or medallion necklaces are currently all the rage. Adding a bit of shine on your neck is another way to feel sexy and subtly draw attention to one of the sexiest parts of your body.
8. Put on a Pair of Heels
A pair of heels can do a lot of things—correct your posture, make your butt look amazing and, as Fabolous once said (in his song, "You Be Killin' 'Em"), make a woman "slow strut like she walking to the altar." Whether you're in a little black dress or you've got on a T-shirt and jeans, your entire energy is gonna shift over to being seductive and sexy if you've got the right pair of heels on.
9. Rock Some Glasses (Whether You Need Them or Not)
A couple of years back, for about six months or so, I had to wear some prescription glasses so that they could correct a mild astigmatism that I had (one that existed, apparently since birth, that made itself known after I turned 40). But with all of the frames I've got in my bedroom, you'd think I was blind as a bat! I've always liked how a good frame looks on my face. On both men and women, I think glasses are uber sexy.
It appears that I'm not the only one; glasses seem to have a psychological effect on all of us. They frame our face, show off our personality, give off a vibe of confidence, intellect and a bit of quiet reserve, and they definitely offer up a hint of mystery.
That's why you should treat yourself to a pair of glasses (prescription or not optional); not because your vision necessarily needs them, but because wearing frames is another easy way to look and feel sexy in a matter of moments.
10. Wear an Oversized Men’s Button-Down Shirt
A couple of years ago, a popular fashion trend was women wearing a man's button-down dress shirt. To me, it's not a "trend" so much as a classic go-to. It's empowering and feminine. It looks great on all body types. And, it's the kind of thing that you can wear with a tailored business suit or just to lounge around the house in. And, if you've got a significant other, he's probably gonna find that to be as seductive as any lingerie number you own. It's a win/win all the way around. Stay sexy, sis!
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Recently, I watched Ayesha Curry and Lindsay Lohan on Hoda & Jenna discussing their new Netflix film Irish Wish. While they play BFFs in the movie, they also revealed that they were besties in real life. In fact, Ayesha and Steph Curry are godparents to Lindsey and her husband, Bader Shammas’ son Luai. I may be late to the party, but it got me to thinking: what other celebrities have other celebrities as godparents to their children? If you were wondering the same thing, then look no further. Below is a list of celebrities you may not have known were godparents.
Steph and Ayesha Curry and Lindsay Lohan
As I mentioned, this celebrity couple serves as godparents to Lindsay’s son. The actress and author, who is expecting her fourth child with the NBA champ, opened up about it on LIVE with Kelly and Mark. “Anytime somebody honors you and bestows that upon you, one, I’m like thank you ‘cause that means that you think I’m a semi-decent parent, but two, I’m just excited to have a hand in raising him and helping shepherd him in the right direction,” Ayesha said.
Zoë Kravitz, Marisa Tomei, and Cree Summer
Zoë Kravitz (L) and Cree Summer (R).
Photo by @iamcreesummer/ Instagram
Lisa Bonet enlisted a couple of her A Different Worldco-stars to be godmothers to Zoë Kravitz. Marisa Tomei and Cree Summer are both the godmothers of The Batman star, and they all appear to have a close relationship with each other.
Cicely Tyson and Lenny Kravitz
Legendary actress Cicely Tyson was Lenny Kravitz's godmother and the two shared an inseparable bond. When she passed in Jan 2021, the singer wrote a long, loving tribute on Instagram. "With inimitable style and grace, my dear Godmother Miss Cicely Tyson made her grand exit to the heavens. She lived a remarkable life up to the last moment," he began. "A true pioneer, who bared her heart and soul so we could witness the spirit of the characters she so brilliantly portrayed, which continue to move and inspire generations."
He continued, "A Black queen who showed us how beautiful black is," continued Kravitz. "The love between us was and is tremendous. As long as I have had consciousness, I've known Godmother. She and my mother were kindred spirits. Sisters. And after my mother passed, Godmother's role in my life was amplified." He concluded his post by saying how he spoke to her days before she passed and how she sent him her memoir Just As I Am.
Cicely Tyson, Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry (L) and Oprah Winfrey (R).
Photo by Eric Charbonneau/Getty Images for Warner Bros
Cicely also served as Tyler Perry's son Aman's godmother. But she didn’t have that role alone. Oprah Winfrey is also Aman's godmother. When the filmmaker visited The Real eight years ago, he talked about being a new dad and shared the best advice Oprah ever gave him. “I think the best advice that she’s given me is about just living in the moment. Just be present in what’s going on within your life."
Tyler Perry, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry
Speaking of Tyler Perry, the Madea creator is the godfather to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s daughter Princess Lilibet Diana. Tyler opened up about receiving that honor in the couple’s Netflix docuseries. "I had to take a minute to take that in," he said. “I thought, 'I'd be honored. I'd absolutely be honored.'”
Usher and Ben Vereen
Usher (L) and Ben Verneen (R).
Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images
Tony award-winning actor and dancer Ben Vereen is the godfather to “Superstar” singer Usher. While visiting The Kelly Clarkson Show in November 2021, Ben opened up about their relationship and revealed whether or not the multi-platinum artist takes his advice. “I love giving advice. He just don’t take it,” he said. The Roots star also joked about Usher stealing his moves for his “You Make Me Wanna” video.
Nicole Richie, Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson
When famed singer Lionel Richie adopted Nicole Richie, he bestowed the illustrious title of godfather to two fellow legends, Quincy Jones and the late Michael Jackson. Lionel frequently collaborated with both Quincy and Michael throughout his career.
Star Jones and Vanesa Bell Calloway
Vanessa Bell Calloway (L) and Star Jones (R).
Photo by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images
Divorce Court judge Star Jones is the godmother to both of Vanessa Bell Calloway’s daughters, Ashley and Alexandra. They are also all sorority sisters as they are members of Alpha Kappa Alpha.
CeCe Winans and Bobbi Kristina
CeCe Winans was the godmother to Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina. The gospel legend spoke about dealing with Bobbi’s death in an interview with Toledo’s The Blade. "I don't think there's any words to describe a loss like that. I still can't believe it.
“At the same time, I guess you're just not surprised when drugs are involved in anybody's life," she said. "Most of the time it doesn't turn out well. I pray for the family. I still can't believe Whitney's gone, but now to see that Bobbi Kris is gone too … you just can't even come to grips with it."
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Feature images by Momodu Mansaray/WireImage, Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Academy Museum of Motion Pictures