Why We Need More ‘Slow Burn’ Romances
In a world where instant gratification is the norm, the concept of a “slow burn” seems to go against modern dating norms. We live in an age where chemistry is king, and everyone is looking for someone to match their freak or, even better, be their twin flame.
And with instant sparks and burning attraction being celebrated over personal connections grown over time, there's something uniquely satisfying about the slow burn.
A “slow burn” refers to a narrative style where the development of the characters and their relationships is gradual and deliberate. From sitcoms, '90s romance films, and reality TV, slow burns have always taken their time to build tension, emotions, and connections, leaving the audience spun in the tension of a “will they, won’t they” web.
It’s safe to say that just about everything is so high-speed these days — from how we consume media to how we expect to form connections.
But this summer, one spunky and outspoken woman showed us that you can pace yourself in dating, and the right one will be there to love you.
@lioveisland ep 1 to ep 33🥹 #loveisland #loveislandusa #serenaloveisland #kordellloveisland #kordena #fyp
Serena Page, one-third of Love Island USA’s bestie squad, Powerpuff Gang (PPG), became an instant fan favorite for standing on the business of her heart.
On day one of the season, Serena and fellow islander, Kordell Beckham, coupled up in matching lime green attire, foretelling their final victory at the end of the season. Still, it wouldn’t be without their fair share of bumps along the way.
Upon initial viewing, one would say that it was hard to tell if Serena was really feeling Kordell’s openly affectionate, lover boy ways; catching moments of him being lost in her eyes while she went on about her interests, background, non-negotiables, and relationship goals.
While Kordell gushed over Serena, she stated her intentions to take things slow with him. Over a few weeks, she eventually shared with her fellow PPGs that she saw Kordell as just a friend, and took a step back to explore other options.
When Casa Amor came around, video footage of Kordell’s escapades with a new Bombshell, left her heartbroken.
Upon the recoupling, Serena’s frustrations were brought to a head by Kordell breaking her trust and the other male islanders, who she saw as friends, not being considerate of her feelings.
@lioveisland they're in my top 3 love island couples of all time it's so serious #loveisland #loveislandusa #serenaloveisland #kordellloveisland #kordena #korena #fyp
While these moments were hard to watch, a Black woman being publicly embarrassed, something was forming underneath the surface: a story worth rooting for.
Some say that things have to fall apart before they come back together. What we saw from Serena and Kordell’s love arc was an authentic illustration of what it’s like to love, lose, and love again.
In real-life relationships, people rarely meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after in the span of a few days or weeks. It takes time to truly understand someone, to build trust, and to develop a deep, meaningful bond.
This gradual unfolding allows for a richer, more nuanced exploration of emotions and dynamics, creating a story that resonates on a profound level.
And we were all invested.
When you allow time and space for you and a new love interest to gradually build upon your connection beyond the physical, you’re building trust, a rapport, friendship, and a story that will act as the foundation of your relationship.
You allow yourself to make mistakes, grow through awkward moments, and ultimately become better versions of yourself, together.
Sometimes things do end up being worth the wait and the slow burn is a testament to the power of patience and the beauty of taking things slowly.
So, the next time you find yourself getting antsy by a connection that doesn’t have the “spark,” remember to savor those “early days.”
After all, good things come to those who wait.
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Feature image Love Island USA screenshot
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Halle Berry On Aging Like Fine Wine: 'I've Always Known That I've Been More Than This Face'
If "aging like a fine wine" was a person, it'd be Halle Berry.
The 58-year-old Never Let Go star recently donned the cover of Marie Claire magazine and she let it be known that though people have highly regarded her beauty and her body throughout much of her career, she is happy to be at an age now where "people will focus on the other aspects of me that I think are way more interesting."
"I’ve always known that I’ve been more than this face and more than this body," she shares with Marie Claire.
The actress and wellness founder has never felt as defined by her looks as she does by the aspects of herself and her nature that she has carefully cultivated through lived experience, knowledge and wisdom gained, her craft and accolades, her motherhood-- she insists that those are the things about herself that move her the most. "I do take ownership over those things that I’ve worked really hard at, and if somebody finds value in those things that lights me up," she tells them.
With physically demanding roles like her directorial turn in Bruised (where she also played double duty as the film's star) and John Wick 3: Parabellum and the recently-released The Union, it's clear Halle isn't letting age slow her career down or stop her from taking on the types of roles that excite her inner child. She told Marie Claire age ain't nothin but a number:
"Age is just a number that they stick on us at birth. As women, we get defined by it way more than men do and sometimes it can debilitate us. It can trick us into thinking what we’re supposed to do. We have to kick that in the face and say, 'No, I’m going to do what I can do as long as I feel good doing it!' And that will be whatever I want it to be. I get to define that."
For Halle, doing what she can do looks like prioritizing her health which was never for aesthetic reasons as it was for longevity reasons. The actress received a diabetes diagnosis in her 20s and has managed to stay off insulin by staying away from sugar. She tells Marie Claire, "Sugar is the enemy. You couldn’t put anything sweet in front of me right now and pay me to eat it. I’m just not interested."
Halle attributes being at what she calls "the pinnacle" of her life and "feeling better and stronger than I did when I was in my 20s" to a regimen that centers on her health and wellness. This includes non-negotiables like daily workouts, red light therapy, progesterone, and hot and cold therapy, to name a few.
Read more of her Marie Claire cover story here.
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Featured image by Kayla Oaddams/WireImage