
I Asked 5 White Women What They've Learned From Having Friendships With Black Women

Racial tensions in America are unquestionably tense at this moment. It's literally a matter of cut off—a point where we are forced to make the decision to dismantle friendships for simply not agreeing with political party. But even during this clear societal line-in-the-sand era, I knew there had to be friendships that have stood the test of time, so I went on a hunt.
How many genuine black/white women friendships are there? And are those friendships ones that have sustained a true connection?
Well, to answer, you'd be surprised how difficult it was to find authentic black/white woman friendships based on the criteria set for this article. And with this criteria, my search became that much more difficult (feel free to email me if you want to know what the criteria was). Just know, we have a long way to go.
Eventually, I found some queens willing to discuss their journeys as they sat down with us and got candid about all things friendship. This is what I learned:
Charliegh DiMaggio
Charliegh (L) and Rachel (R)
Location: Chino, CA
Length of Friendship: 6 years
I met my best friend, Rachel, while in nursing school in Florida. We needed to carpool with someone and it took both of us a couple of weeks to start because we were both hesitant. But from the first ride, we've been soul sisters. Years of drinking wine, eating doughnuts, and being foodies together blossomed from these moments.
Rachel is literally one of the best people I know. She is kind and generous; would do anything for her family and friends. No matter the situation, she always has a smile on her face and makes everyone around her laugh. She's pushed me through some really tough times. We call ourselves Grey and Yang from Grey's Anatomy. No matter what, they're always there for each other and understand and respect each other’s differences.
My favorite thing about our friendship is just seeing Rachel grow so much. She's learned to love herself more. Pushed herself out of her comfort zone; exploring the unknown. I hope I have played a part in that.
I admittedly grew up in a racist household, so Rachel and I have definitely had many discussions on racism in the world today. Mostly about the different experiences she has had and some of the things that I have seen. It can really be tough at times to talk about, but necessary. The biggest lesson that I have learned is that we have to stand up for one another. Educate people who may be ignorant, show people how the world can be if we had less hate. Stand up for the people that we love and to cherish and respect those friendships that are true, and support other women in all situations.
Courtney Riley
Phoenix (L) and Courtney (R)
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Length of Friendship: 2 years
Phoenix and I met at an event for the non-profit organization, Big Green Foundation (co-founded by Kimbal Musk, Elon Musk's brother). We were immediately drawn to each other's personalities.
Phoenix is very open and honest, more than most people I know. We have a frankness and comfort with each other, which magnifies our friendship when it comes to advice and/or those times when either of us could use emotional support. We are both each other's cheerleaders. And, of course, we love to get together and go out for a glass of wine (she always dresses better than me).
I was really successful when I was in my 20's and early 30's. I'm at a period in my life where I feel I'm getting a bit burnt out now, but Phoenix—(laughs)—Phoenix is on the other end of the spectrum. She is highly-driven and successful, and it reminds me of when I was in her position. It inspires me to be better and to continue striving.
What have I learned most about my friendship with a limitless black woman? It doesn't matter what I say to her, nothing seems to bother her. She is unfazed, resilient, and just keeps going. She has a different perspective on race issues and has educated and made me more aware. It wasn't until recently that I noticed that she is more honest with me than anyone else I know—which makes me more aware of how much I lack that element in my other interactions with women.
Phoenix has raised the standards for what I look for in friendships with other women. Even the most successful women have ups and downs. This friendship has taught me to keep getting up even when you are knocked down.
Jessica Lovett
Raynita (L) and Jessica (R)
Location: Dallas, TX
Length of Friendship: 15 years
In high school, a mutual friend of ours asked me if I would give her friend a ride home. That friend was Raynita. One ride home for a stranger turned into a lifelong friendship.
Ray is my soul sister. She is outgoing, beautiful, smart and extremely loyal. Her confidence and positivity are electrifying but she is still one of the most humble people you will meet. She is the one person who I can completely be myself with. She understands how much I struggle with a positive self-reflection and she reminds me that we all have our insecurities but we can't let them define us.
We have lived in different states for 14 years (yes, we only lived in the same state for one year). I left California after graduating high school and Raynita stayed. Our entire friendship has been built around communicating and making time to see each other. We talk every day and are somehow always in sync, even though we are hundreds of miles apart.
I have witnessed my best friend go through life facing judgment from others just because she's a black woman. She talks openly with me about the racism she encounters. Something as simple as why she prefers going to a black doctor over a white doctor and how important it is to love the skin you're in; white people don't often have to think about these things. I see how strong the black community is and how different black families are from your "typical white family".
The most significant thing this friendship has taught me is that no matter how much I love and rely on my husband, that there is no one that can take the place of my experiences with her.
Keep up with Jessica & Raynita's adventures on Instagram @bestietalks!
Lucy Bishop
Lulu (L) and Lucy (R)
Location: New York City but I'm Australian
Length of Friendship: 1 year
My LuLu is an absolute powerhouse. She is so smart, so kind, so beautiful. An incredibly hard worker, but also an excellent dance buddy—we both love The Queen, Beyoncé!
Anyway, Lulu and I really balance one another out and we have a lot in common, particularly the fact that we have both lived all over the world—both in our youth and as adults. We met at University. I was chatting with the director of our course and Lulu popped in to talk about a podcast. I mentioned how much I loved podcasts and the extensive listening schedule I have, and we have been friends ever since. It has been really great having a friend in NYC who thinks so similarly to you, especially as an international student in America. I think what I like most about her is how much she cares and takes an interest in everything. Lulu is always up for an adventure.
I learn things about the black community every day, but I try to find ways to educate myself so I'm not burdening my friends with questions. I listen to many black culture podcasts, like The Read and The Nod, and I read often.
Lulu is Zambian so I have been learning about Southern African culture. She is so open with discussing the differences of navigating life as a black woman in Namibia, vs Australia (she lived in Melbourne for a while), vs the U.S. We also discuss cultural appropriation, as I am well-aware that black culture is often stolen and commodified. So I always make it a point to check myself on all things that could potentially offend, and I want my friends to check me on it too.
Kelly Henzlik
Kelly (L) and Shawna (R)
Location: Woodland Hills, CA
Length of Friendship: 9 years
Shawna and I met through my ex-boyfriend. She was the most dedicated, goal-oriented, Disney-loving, red velvet-obsessed, kindest, most honest, fun-having person that I had come across. We would shop for bathing suits, eat junk food together, go to Disneyland, dance the night away, and be with our family together. I was taught to push my other girlfriends to do the best they can, and continually lift them up when they are down. Just always be there for them like Shawna is for me.
As we got older, I had to learn to shift my perspective on how I interacted and learned from the Black community. What I learned from my friendship is that they often stand by each other, through thick and thin. Her and her friends and family are so admirably loyal to each other. She is teaching me to understand that institutionalized racism exists. And that is so easy to overlook because it's institutionalized. She wakes up every day with the mind state that she has to give 110%; no matter what she does because as a black woman, she knows society is already judging her. I've learned that she has to be conscious of her every move and that it has to be calculated to ensure that she defies preconceived stereotypes.
Ultimately, I know that this woman can do ANYTHING she puts her mind to. She has proven that to me over and over again throughout the years. There's no limit to her success in every aspect of her life. She is phenomenal.
Featured image by Shutterstock.
Originally published November 5, 2019
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock