
There was a lot of pressure placed on the shoulders of television this year. After being stuck in our homes forever, and watching everything there was to know, audiences became more critical of small screen stories than critics themselves. A demand for more was given, without the actual qualifications as to what that truly meant. Did they mean more heart-wrenching dramas or gut-busting comedies? Did they mean more of the supernatural or more of the mundane? Did they mean more of the past or a glimpse into the future?F
Regardless of what the audiences called for, creators and producers stepped up and gave us all of what we demanded in our vagueness--and so much more. Now out of a debilitating year of hell, and still in recovery, television has arrived with stories worth waiting for and here are the top ones of the year.
1.Pose
lights GIF by Pose FXGiphyThe category is…grateful. When it was announced in 2020 that Pose’s third season would be its final one, I remember wishing that each and every character would be given the conclusion they deserved. After watching two seasons of endless heartbreak, temporary wins, and watery smiles, I wanted a chance for the characters to get the happy ending that I knew the people they represented never did. For the sake of not spoiling the show, I refuse to mention if they do get the ending that they deserve. I will, however, mention that I am satisfied with the creation and conclusion of this beautifully heart-wrenching and heartwarming masterpiece.
Pose is a drama spotlighting the icons and ferocious house mothers of New York’s underground ball culture in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Following gay and transgender characters (and actors), Pose focuses on Blanca Rodriguez (MJ Rodriguez), Pray Tell (Billy Porter), Elektra (Dominique Jackson), and others as they navigate the LGBTQ+ world, while also battling the HIV/AIDS epidemic.
With heavy themes and ruthlessly honest depictions of humanity, it would be easy for Pose to become riddled with unwatchable struggle and sorrow. Yet, the show’s intentional decision to balance its sadness with conspicuously endearing characters—and their love for themselves and their self-appointed families—creates a series where one cannot help but to adoringly watch in awe as they live, work, and pose.
2.WandaVision
Scarlet Witch Marvel GIF by Disney+GiphyAt this point, I have made it pretty clear how much I love television. And when I say "love" I mean it in the biggest misuse of terms, because the word I truly want to use hasn't been invented yet. Ever since I was a kid, and especially as an adult, I have found television to be an elegant art form. The music has to be powerful, but not so overpowering that it takes away from the scene. The writing has to be eloquently crafted to sound as regular as it is otherworldly. The sets must be inviting yet exclusive. The actors must be the characters.
To get one thing wrong means changing what could have been a powerful impactful story, into a wasted mess of potential. The more imaginative the show, the more room for error. WandaVision was very imaginative, and--when it came to perfecting its craft--had plenty of room for error.
The music was so noticeable that oftentimes even the characters would acknowledge it. The writing style changed with every episode, as if from various time periods. The sets were inviting, but never as it would seem. The actors were at times miscast. Yet, I have never seen something more masterfully executed than this adroit television show.
WandaVision follows Avengers, Wanda Maximoff, and Vision, three weeks after the events of Avengers: Endgame. Living in Westview, Wanda and Vision indulge in living in mundane suburbia, while trying to hide their true identities. Nonetheless, things are not as they seem when their surroundings begin to travel through decades and characters prove to be more than their tropes. This show is wondrous and if you haven't seen it yet, you're in for an amazing nine episodes.
The story of WandaVision is one that has not been seen in a while, especially in this diluted sea of superheroes. What could have been easily a Marvel show gone wrong (looking at you season four and up of Agents of Shield) turned into an extraordinary, artful portrayal of uncontrolled grief. This fantastic mini-series shows what happens when a character who loves television is created by people who love it, too.
3.Snowfall
Season 3 Fx GIF by SnowfallGiphyWhat a fall from grace. Then again, was Franklin ever truly graceful? Returning with its fourth season, Snowfall continues its following of anti-hero, Franklin Saint as his dirty work contributes to the 1980s cocaine epidemic. Under the influence of the morally bankrupt CIA operative, Teddy, Franklin, and his family find themselves completely out of (and somehow in) their element when they sink further and further into the cocaine business.
After watching this season, I find it hard to believe that I ever fell for the charm that is--was (is?) Franklin Saint. In the beginning, he was a character worth rooting for. Despite his obvious shortcomings-his unrelenting quest for power--it was hard not to want Franklin to succeed. I had hoped that his desire to get himself and his mom out of Los Angeles and gain enough money to return to college would turn into something. I had hoped that he would become something more than what was expected of him.
Then he went and pursued selling and making cocaine, and...I'll be completely honest: I continued to root for him. I didn't see Franklin as a criminal, I only saw him as a result of systematic circumstances. I understood Franklin turning to crime when education turned its back to him. Now, I don't see that anymore. That person, that person mentioned before no longer exists. After everything that has happened, especially this season, I can no longer absolve Franklin of his decisions, nor do I think he should be.
Despite this, I eagerly tune in every week to see what will happen next. Franklin is a disaster, but he does have some redeemable qualities, and if I were to think on it all of the characters--except for Teddy--do. They're messy, but they are human and trying. They love each other despite loving power just a little more. I can't stand to watch their descent, but I can't bear to look away.
The upcoming season has been announced to be Snowfall's final, and after all of the trouble, I'm just hoping that season five will give everyone some reprieve, and make this entire messy descent worth it.
4.The Underground Railroad
The Underground Railroad GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphyI almost missed this piece of art. Not because I didn’t know it existed, but because with every fiber of my being, I did not want to see it. As a Black person, I am so sick and tired of seeing Black pain. It’s in the news, it’s on social media, and the last place I wanted it to be was purposefully on my TV. When I saw the trailer and ads for the show, I pushed it aside and wiped my hands clean of it.
Then, out of the blue, I cracked. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. All I know is that I sat in front of the TV and managed to stumble on the first episode. Once I left the first episode, the second was playing and before you know it I was ten episodes in. Call me weak if you must, but if you ask me, it was one of the best decisions I had made this year.
The Underground Railroad follows Cora, an escaped enslaved woman, as she boards a train to embark on an agonizing journey toward true freedom. Meanwhile, she is being chased by a notorious slave catcher, who is determined to return her to where he believes she belongs.
This show is considered one of the best shows of the year because of three reasons: Thuso Mbedu (Cora), William Jackson Harper (Royal), and Barry Jenkins. Mbedu in the lead role is truly exceptional. The South African actress deserves accolades and then some for her portrayal as Cora. One of the most moving scenes would appear in the first episode, where she is told that she will be able to see America as it is if only she looks out the window. Throughout the show, we watch the hopefulness that Cora once felt in the face of freedom dwindle as she truly sees America for what it is. America was beautiful and under the perception of Jenkins' lens, its beauty is clear. But with the people who make America what it is, its beauty can be hard to notice under the light of its hate.
Mbedu carries this show on every pore of her back and when she needs a moment, which is rare, Harper picks it up. The entire show is filmed like art, and the lessons the characters learn are as heartbreaking as one would expect. Nevertheless, every heartbreaking moment is worth it, especially when we get to see this Black woman become the hero of her own story.
5.Invincible

Admittedly, I didn't want to watch Invincible.
Despite watching Shang-Chi and all of his rings, braving The Eternals despite its reviews, and preordering tickets to the recently released Spider-Man: No Way Home film, I grew tired of superhero things. Besides the heroes that I had already committed myself to--remember the WandaVision review from a second ago--I didn't feel the desire to get attached to a new hero. I didn't have the care to see the same story told through another animation. I had seen it all. So much so that I believed I could tell the story myself.
So, when I finally sat down to watch Invincible, I found myself thinking just that. It had followed the same trope that we had all seen before. There is a semi-normal person, Mark Grayson, who wants to follow in his father's footsteps, the hero Omni-Man, but cannot. Why? He doesn't have powers. Although, this does not remain a problem for long. When he obtains his invincible powers, Mark eventually learns what it means to be a superhero from his parents. With his ability, though it will take time, he will save the world. Typical, right? Not so much.
What seemed like a cookie-cutter, fun but expected animation quickly turns into something more dark and drastic than ever expected. Over the course of eight episodes, 40-ish minutes long each, we discover that falling into the typical hero trope might not be such a bad thing. Because when done right, what is expected makes room for the unexpected to shine.
By the final scene, the characters are launched into a new chapter that shows that all heroes are villains in another's story. And that sometimes the ones who save the day are the ones you never believed could. Whether you like animation doesn't matter, you're going to like this.
6.Lupin
Suit Up French GIF by NETFLIXGiphyLike all great shows of this year, Lupin–the little engine that could–came out of nowhere.
A crime, mystery-thriller series, Lupin follows a man, Assane Diop (Omar Sy), who is inspired by the nefarious actions of thief Arsene Lupin. After his father is framed for the theft of an expensive diamond necklace, he hangs himself in prison when his sentencing becomes unbearable. Years later, now an adult, Assane decides to seek vengeance on the true thief, his father’s former employer, Hubert Pellegrini, and his family.
Split into two parts–the first coming out in early 2021, the second mid-2021–Lupin leaves the audience constantly on the edge of their seats and always wanting more. Unlike most thrillers, this show leans into being both mysterious and fun. The heist that Diop plans is simultaneously over the top and just enough to make the viewers constantly wonder if and when he will truly be caught.
This show reminds me of the early 2000s TNT show Leverage, a show where heists were done on a regular basis, only to go wrong, just to turn out oh so right. Lupin is very similar in the sense of things going wrong, and somehow, only looking wrong to the audience. Just when you think Diop has nowhere to go, he changes like the wind and adapts to situations in a way that could never be predictable. It’s entertaining. It’s nail-biting. It’s immensely fun.
In addition to this, the show does a great job of making the setting just as much of an important character as Diop himself. Paris gets a chance to shine in a light that is more than just being the “city of lights.” Instead of showing the typical tourist sights, the audience is given all of Paris and its beauty. Though, these often picturesque locations are the backdrop to messier, and undesirable situations.
With just ten episodes, Lupin can be watched over the span of a weekend. With subtitles, it should be watched diligently. Regardless of when and how you choose to watch it, it is an entertaining and thrilling experience worth adding to the front of your queue.
7.Blindspotting
Sipping Tea Time GIF by BlindspottingGiphyThere is a reason why Jasmine Cephas Jones' award shelf keeps getting more and more crowded. Though, before you shout Hamilton, know that that was six years ago (despite Disney+ release), and not the biggest reason at the moment. Instead, Jones' current awards and accolades come from her stunning performance in Blindspotting.
Based on the 2018 indie film with the same name, Blindspotting follows Jones as she reprises her role of Ashley, a young mother in Oakland who struggles to keep her house in order when her boyfriend of 12 years is arrested for selling drugs. With dreams once in sight, Ashley finds herself trying to rebuild her life when she learns that she will have to leave her newly built home, and bunk with her boyfriend's mother when she discovers that he won't be returning for a while. From this typical family drama ensues, nevertheless, Jones' performance is what truly steals the show.
Similar to Starz's gone-too-soon hit, Vida, Blindspotting does a wonderful job of showing what happens when one is born in a neighborhood but doesn't necessarily belong in the neighborhood. From the very moment she returns, it is clear that Ashley and her son are somewhat welcomed by the people, but that she shouldn't be there in the first place. She does not enjoy the same things those of the block do. She does not value the same things either. This often pits her against her boyfriend and his family's ideals. What they see as an everyday thing, she sees as "fuckery" that isn't worth dealing with.
Not only this, but it is very clear through Jones's performance the difference between Ashley and those of the neighborhood. She doesn't stick out like a sore thumb, from first sight, it seems as if she truly belongs there. Nevertheless, because she has ambitions outside of the block and outside of the life her boyfriend has given her, it becomes very obvious that she will never be truly satisfied.
The term "blindspotting" defined within the movie by writer and star Daveed Digg's character, Rafael Casal, relates to the limits of one's perception, a dualism that cannot be seen.
While the term in the film was meant to show why the characters might not be able to move past where they are, this term does not completely fit the character of Ashley, which might contribute to her greatest hindrance. Ashley can see the dualism and she is not satisfied with the life that she is constantly forced to see outside of her doors. With drugs, gentrification, and the lack of a steady place to call her own, Ashley takes a completely different approach from the other characters of the show/film.
While they see home, Ashley sees a prison worthy of escaping now that she has outgrown it. Though, escaping it might be easier said than done.
8.Squid Games
Round 6 Game GIFGiphyThis wouldn’t be a "best TV shows of 2021" list if Squid Games was not on it. As stated before, the best shows this year came out of nowhere, and man did this come out of nowhere. As ruthless as it is intriguing, Squid Games was such a hit, mainly because it did what no other show was willing to do: it held a mirror to the world as it is.
Yes, one could argue that The Underground Railroad did this, reflecting America’s biggest sin on the screens. Nevertheless, that sin is only limited to America pertaining to its longevity of enslavement and ruthlessness. Squid Games, although a South Korean show, shows how truly terrible we are as an overall global society. These errors aren’t rooted in the past, instead, it is formed and cultivated right in the depressing and at times hopeless present.
Often compared to the likes of Hunger Games, Squid Games finds itself to be just a little more gruesome. Even though the Hunger Games has more ruthless arenas and children killing each other, Squid Games is just a little worse, mainly because its cruelty is presented through our childhood games. Meaning, the games aren’t difficult to complete, what makes it truly difficult and Hunger Games-esque, is how willing everyone is to kill one another to seek their economic goal. Which only reflects how awful our current world is because if given the chance to relieve myself of debt, and this game had been an option, I would honestly consider completing it.
Squid Games shows what is truly wrong with our current world, and it also shows how easily this wrong could be rectified, if only our leaders would spend more time helping their people, rather than pitting them against one another. Like other Netflix originals, Squid Games is dubbed, but to truly understand and feel the cruelty of the show, go the extra mile and enjoy it with captions.
9.Reservation Dogs
Native American Indian GIF by Reservation DogsGiphyHear ye, yes, hear me: Any show or story about a person of color I am watching. I repeat, any damn story that is told about a person of color, by a person of color, I am watching.
If it just so happens to be good, I am watching and I am staying. Reservation Dogs, FX’s newest comedy show, is a show about people of color, made by people of color, that is definitely worth staying for.
Reservation Dogs focuses on four Native American teenagers who commit insouciant crimes to fund their mutual dream of moving to California. Until they can raise enough money, they spend most of their time with limited opportunities while hindered by the loss of their close friend Daniel, whose death they blame on the circumstances of their community. Due to this, drama ensues, which at times can be heartbreakingly dramatic, but for the most part, it is presented with hilarity that has never been associated with Native American people on-screen.
This show is why representation truly matters. With its four teenage characters, Elora, Bear, Cheese, and Willie, Reservation Dogs tells a delightfully intriguing story of people who are just trying to live. That's it. Yet, it is fantastic in its depth and actual representation of who Native American people are today, which is a perfect blend of their old and modern cultures. In some episodes, the air time is shared between all four characters and we get to understand why they want to leave as a collected group. In other episodes, the time is divided and we are given reasons why each character has a reason to leave.
These reasons make us wish the characters could go and start that life they so desperately want in California, and after watching their daily nonsense we root for their petty crimes to succeed. Although knowing how California is, and knowing how the world cares not for the many, a part of me wishes for them to stay within their community. Though, I know California could be better for them, there is still that chance that it won't be, and it would be a shame for such likable characters to be let down once more.
Reservation Dogs is a show that everyone must see. Not because the story being told is groundbreaking, but because the people who get to tell their story are. It is rare to see a show that follows a particular culture and group despite it being 2021, and it is even more rare to see it be Native American people who have somehow been erased from their own history.
Watching Reservation Dogs will make you cry, it will make you laugh, and most importantly it will make you say, "it is about damn time."
10.Harlem
Meagan Good Kidding GIF by HarlemGiphyPrime has done it, again. Sneaking in with just a minute to spare--it premiered on December 3, 2021--Harlem is another top show worthy of watching this year. Following four girlfriends as they navigate their personal lives and careers, Harlem is what occurs when Girlfriends meets Insecure and Living Single. Created by Girls Trip writer Tracy Oliver, Harlem is grounded in its friendships and the hilarity that occurs when life gets as ridiculous as it does get complicated.
During the first few episodes, we are introduced to Harlem through the perspective of Camille (Meagan Good) a newly single (if you can call a year new) anthropology professor. When she attempts to jump back into the dating world, her friends are introduced to help her maneuver through the world of dating apps and disappointment. Despite being introduced to this world through Camille, the audience continues to travel through Harlem with the (mis)guidance of Quinn, Tye, and Angie, too. Like Camille, they must deal with messy love lives, not-so-wise decision-making, and the burden of just trying to "human" right. Nevertheless, the beauty of this show is that they manage to deal with all of this together.
The issues they find themselves in are often avoidable, but honestly, most situations we all find ourselves in are just that. Regardless, what makes Harlem entertaining is how they manage to get themselves out of a situation they knew from the beginning was never meant for them. At times, this behavior can be seen as messy and pointlessly so. Other times, it just seems entertaining and as if they are making decisions because they know it could be a great story to tell in the future.
No matter what it is, Harlem shows the power Black-female friendships can create, but in a typical Tracey Oliver fashion, it also shows what can happen when people are just allowed to live proudly and unapologetically the way they choose.
Honorable Mentions: We Are Lady Parts, Girl5Eva, Hacks, Mare of Easttown, The Great, Midnight Mass, and Only Murders in the Building.
Featured image by Getty Images
Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
More Than Gratitude: 7 Signs You're Struggling With Contentment In Your Life
If Thanksgiving happens to be your favorite holiday — or you just happen to be a longstanding participant of it — then there is one tradition that you are probably familiar with. Usually, before everyone eats, each individual expresses at least one thing that they are grateful for. I actually think that is one of the best things about the holiday because it reminds people to slow down and really reflect on how to be in the moment and think about the blessings that they have. And that, my friend, is what gets folks into the mindset of knowing how to be…content — even if it’s just for a brief moment.
Contentment. By definition, it’s the state of not only being “satisfied with what one is or has” but also “not wanting more or anything else.” And you know what? Although it might not be a popular aspiration of many, it is a sign of spiritual maturity on certain levels. After all, it is the Apostle Paul who once said, “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content…” (Philippians 4:19 — NKJV).
Being content is about not complaining. Being content is about learning to be comfortable in your present circumstances. Being content is about choosing to find joy and fulfillment, on some level, and in some way, on a daily basis.
Personally, I dig all of this so much because when you have mastered true inner contentment, it creates stability, self-awareness, and a type of resilience that makes you…shoot, powerful beyond measure, if you ask me. Because when someone knows how to “find the good” and “make peace,” regardless of what is going on around them, they truly are unstoppable. Yeah, on so many levels, contentment is the ultimate life hack. It’s something that each and every one of us should aspire to become: completely and genuinely content.
Thanksgiving is basically moments away at this point. In preparation for that time of self-reflection, pour yourself a glass of wine, turn on some soft music, sit on your coach, and then ask yourself, “Am I content?” If you’re not sure (or you need the definition unpacked for you just a bit more), here are seven signs that you may not be…and yet, there is no time like the present to do something about it.
1. You’re Super Impatient
GiphyHonestly, putting another Scripture right here could be all that is needed in order to bring this point to a swift and abrupt end. Which one? I Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter, starts off with “Love is patient” (I Corinthians 13:4). Yeah, if you want to know if you love yourself and love yourself well, how patient are you…including with yourself? Throughout the years, I have shared one of my favorite definitions of "patient" in several different articles: “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” For me, it’s a blaring reminder that mastering patience isn’t just about waiting (more on that in a sec); it’s about waiting with grace.
Content people can do this because, on some level, they know how to apply the John Piper quote, "God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them." Another way of looking at this is people who can wait well — without complaining or getting annoyed by delays or challenges in the meantime — get that in order for things to truly come together, there are lots of moving parts…some that they don’t even know about. And so, if they want the best outcome, yes, waiting well is oftentimes not just involved; it is required.
Impatient people don’t get any of this. That’s why they are so stressed out all of the time.
2. You’re Worried About Things You Can’t Control
GiphyThis. Past. Election. Chile. And then the cabinet that that man is putting together as we speak? I don’t even want to get my blood pressure up, expounding on it. Let me just pivot by adding one more Scripture — because it is beyond fitting: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34 — NKJV)
Although worrying is something that pretty much everyone does at one point or another, one of my favorite quotes on it is by an American humorist by the name of Erma Bombeck: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” And really, when you stop to really think about worrying, isn’t that the truth? For one thing, all worrying does, by definition, is cause you to torment yourself by focusing on things that aren’t even going to happen (somewhere between 85-90 percent of the time, in fact; there is actually a science on that) or trying to control things that are beyond your control.
If being a worry wart is your internal struggle, my advice would be to look at life this way: If you’re worried that you’re about to get written up for getting to work late again, leave your house earlier — you can control that. On the other hand, if you’re worried that you’re going to get laid off before the holiday season ends, so long as you’ve been doing your best (which is also something that you can control), please put your energy elsewhere because that is something that you can’t control.
And I promise that when you choose to be calm and confident over worrying yourself to death, that can help you to manage what you can’t control so much easier. Oh, and your health will thank you, too, because worry is attached to things like insomnia, muscle tension, headaches, overeating, and drinking too much. All this over things that probably won’t happen in the first place? Yeah, sis…(choose to) relax.
And by choosing to chill out, there is some contentment that follows because you will see the good as much as, if not more than, the potential bad. Trust me.
3. The Past and/or Future Consume You
GiphyOn the heels of the Scripture that I just provided for the previous point, it also applies to this one. You know, back when I was doing some intentional research on forgiveness, I always appreciated the insight of author Gary Zukav: “Forgiveness is accepting that the past cannot change.” While this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hold people accountable for what they have done, it does help you to be compassionate with those who are truly sorry (check out “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amend Isn't Made”) because, no matter what has transpired between you and them, one thing they can’t do is go back into a time machine and change it.
And you know what? When it comes to the mistakes — or, let’s be real, sometimes they are conscious poor decisions — you have made, you can’t either. So, why let their misdeeds or your own consume you to the point of internally destroying you?
Then there’s the future. What if you get robbed? What if your mom gets cancer? What if your husband files for divorce? Girl, if you are caught up in the future that hasn’t even happened yet, you are definitely gonna drive yourself up the wall! And this is why so many mental health experts and platforms are all about encouraging individuals to live in the moment. You can do this by meditating, taking breaks from social media (and the news), journaling, doing things that you enjoy (instead of waiting to put them off), and resting.
Listen, one of the best things about choosing to only focus on the here and now is you can find little things about it to be content with — and that helps you to be/become more content overall.
4. You Always Think About Wanting More
GiphyAlthough it certainly wasn’t my plan for this piece to be so Scripture-heavy, I’ve got to flow with what immediately comes to mind and, for this point, the verse, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) is it. And just what does it mean to be greedy? A greedy individual isn’t just low-key obsessed with getting and having more — please catch it — they are also quite EAGER.
Eager folks also tend to be impatient. Eager folks are perceived by others as being very intense (and not in a good way). More times than not, eager folks haven’t really mastered how to take a moment to appreciate what they do have because all they care about is what’s next. And when you’re in a state of that kind of, well, anxiety…how could it not affect your quality of life? I mean, really.
And what if you read all of that and said, “I’m not greedy; I’m just ambitious” — listen, there is nothing wrong with having goals and wanting to obtain them. However, an ambitious individual knows how to find balance. If they get a promotion, they will schedule a vacation to celebrate it. If they just got a new car, they are not in a rush to get a new house until they can financially afford it. If they were just proposed to with a really nice ring, they aren’t hounding their new fiancé about setting a date within the next two weeks.
People who always want more, without taking the time to enjoy what they already have, are never going to be content. Why? Because there is always something else that you can want…even if you don’t need it or it really isn’t the time for it. Meanwhile, content people get that it’s a good thing to not go after everything all of the time; that it’s far wiser to embrace what is already before them — because some folks don’t even have…that.
5. You Compare Yourself to Others
GiphySomething that I actually get asked fairly often is, do I feel “some type of way” that I do so much work in the realm of marriage when I’ve never been married myself. The short answer is “absolutely not” because I know that I could’ve been married, a few times over, at this point; however, I am just as intentional about not wanting to be divorced as I am about being in a healthy marriage, not just “a marriage.”
I’m grateful to be in that head and heart space too; otherwise, I would be out here comparing myself to other people — and there is nothing good, healthy, wise, profitable, or beneficial about doing that. In fact, science isn’t a fan of playing the “keeping up with the Joneses” game, either.
According to science, that can ultimately do things like lower your self-esteem, cause you to only see the bad/negative things in your world (in comparison to other people), and it can jack up your perception of what’s really going on with other people. For instance, if you’re 33 and comparing yourself to your friends who are already married and parents, you might want to talk to them about what their day-to-day, beyond their IG posts, is like.
Because while prayerfully, their life is filled with many blessings, if they are being totally honest with you, they will also share that you’ve got some “pros” to your life too (honey, there are some real benefits to being single; check out “If You're Not In Love With Being Single, Ask Yourself These 6 Questions.,” “10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single,” and “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'”). Content people get that every season does — because it’s true.
6. You Don’t Verbalize Gratitude Often
GiphyThere is someone in my world who I actually try to avoid as much as possible. It’s not that she’s not smart, and honestly, she’s one of the funniest individuals that I’ve ever known (and I’ve known her for most of my adult life). It’s just that…she is always wanting something, and I find that to make her a very draining individual. Lawd, even as I am typing all of this out, I’m trying to recall a time when I’ve heard her say, “thank you” for something (no joke), let alone express any form of genuine gratitude. She’s just got such a sense of entitlement that whatever she does receive, she thinks she’s owed and what she doesn’t have, she believes that something is wrong if it hasn’t arrived yet. Geeze, what a horrible type of existence.
You don’t have to take my word for it either because there is plenty of data out here to support that people who don’t take the time to be grateful for what they have ended up being unhappy, more stressed out, in more physical pain (yes, literally) and definitely more negative than everyone else — which would explain why people don’t like hanging out with them as much.
So, since this is the time when gratitude is the theme of the season, think about what you are grateful for when it comes to what you’ve accomplished this year, then write it down and post it up somewhere. Then, as far as the individuals, for whom you are grateful for — send them a handwritten note, get them a gift card to their favorite coffee shop, or even just call to tell them.
One of the most beautiful things about being in a state of contentment is it reminds you of a lot of what you already have. It really is enough…for now…in this very moment.
7. Being (and Living) Satisfied Is a Foreign Concept to You
Giphy“Tubi movies” really is a complete sentence. LOL. And yes, sometimes, when I’m taking a writing break, I will check out some of the most…I-wouldn’t-normally ones, just to lend my support. In walks Never Satisfied with its own self-explanatory meaning. Y’all, it really is oh so true that there are folks out here dealing with some unpredictable and sometimes even truly dire consequences — and it’s all because they didn’t know how to sit down somewhere and learn how to be satisfied with the people, places, things, and ideas that they already have.
That said, I am indeed a quotes gal, and one of my favorites on the topic of satisfaction is by actor Christopher Reeve: “Success is finding satisfaction in giving a little more than you take,” and although I don’t do what I’m about to do often (because I try to take Matthew 6:1-4 very literally and seriously), I’m going to illustrate what he said about satisfaction by sharing a recent situation.
This past week, a nurse practitioner (I prefer those to doctors) diagnosed me with wrist tendonitis for the first time in my life. If you knew how many keystrokes that I do a day, you’d probably be shocked that it took this long. Anyway, as I was waiting in line to get a prescription, a young Black man was basically freaking out because his insurance was refusing to cover his own meds. According to what he was telling the pharmacist, he always only pays $5; however, this time, they were charging $62, he simply didn’t have it, and the insurance company was not picking up.
As I watched him shaking and sweating while saying that he really needed it today and fretting while talking to his mom on the phone, I offered to cover it — and after going back and forth with him for about three minutes, I did. In my mind, although I didn’t plan on spending about $85 (total) that day, the little inconvenience that it was costing me was nothing in comparison to how much it was going to benefit him — I could tell from how he and his mother reacted (even the pharmacist mouthed “thank you so much”), and that is what made it money well spent.
To help someone who had no way of helping themselves in the moment? That brought me a lot of satisfaction because it’s nice to lighten someone’s load while leaving it to karma to handle it. ALL OF IT.
And that’s why I thought it was best to wrap all of this up with a reminder that being satisfied is being content. And when you can be so satisfied with your life that you want to help others? That is a level of contentment that is truly unmatched because you start looking for ways to bless others simply so that they can feel just as content as you do.
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Our culture? It really is never satisfied, which explains why a lot of people are so miserable. SMDH. You don’t have to be like the masses, though. This Thanksgiving, please purpose in your mind (and heart) to be(come) more content. It will make you a rare gem that benefits everyone and everything around you.
Including yourself, sis. No doubt about it.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on November 28, 2024









