It seems like there’s never been more of an abundance of things to catch up on streaming sites than there is right now. From a sexy and salacious blind dating reality show to a wholesome comedy about a group of elementary teachers, there’s a show that fills every one of our needs. The ladies of xoNecole are here to help you decide what your next binge-watch pick should be!
Hanna Phifer, Culture Writer
Quinta Brunson in 'Abbott Elementary'
ABC/Ser Baffo
Last Sunday left a Euphoria-sized hole in my heart after the season finale of HBO’s wildly popular teen drama starring Zendaya. In the meantime, I caught up on ABC’s newest comedy Abbott Elementary starring internet sensation Quinta Brunson as a terminally earnest elementary teacher who navigates the cynicism of her fellow teachers and the systemic roadblocks her Black students face. It’s on a brief break right now which I might not survive.
Janell Hazelwood, Associate Editor
The ladies of the Netflix series 'Selling Tampa.'
Netflix
I'm a documentary, period drama, and reality TV fanatic. (And I'll never apologize for loving some ratchet entertainment!) I especially love the reality shows that serve up entrepreneurship or leadership with a side of drama like Netflix's Selling Tampa, which features a women-led real estate firm. VH1's Black Ink Crew and OWN's Love & Marriage Huntsville are two other favorites. I religiously tune into The Gilded Age, an HBO drama set in New York in the 1890s, and Snowfall, a crime drama set in the '80s heyday of Jheri curls, Cali cocaine, shady politics, and high living.
And while Kanye West might be a contentious figure right now, I'm still loving Jeen-Yuhs, showing us the inspiring come-up journey of arguably one of the most talented musicians and hip-hop minds of the 21st century. The music and early 2000s nostalgia brings back many good memories of my college years and is the perfect reminder to keep grinding toward my goals, no matter how long the road to success might be. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, an Amazon Prime show about an up-and-coming comic in 1960s New York, also gives me all the feels for Joan Rivers, classic Manhattan eateries, and my childhood memories in Brooklyn's Williamsburg community.
Brooke Obie, EIC
Adam Scott and Britt Lower in 'Severance' on AppleTV+
AppleTV+
All of my favorite shows and movies are about the weird ways people deal with grief. (The Leftovers, Lost, basically anything Damon Lindelof has done.) My new weird grief binge is Severance on AppleTV+. The premise is that there are people willing to have a device entered into their brain that would sever their memories of their work life from their personal life memories; when you show up at work, you have no memory of who you are, you just do your work. And when you leave, your personal memories return and you have no memory of what you did at work.
OBVIOUSLY, there are no Black women in the main cast who have signed up to let white people cut their brains open (though there is one severed Black woman in the supporting cast and some non-severed Black women who play interesting roles in the story, alongside a fascinating severed character played by the hilarious Zach Cherry, and a menacingly cheerful non-severed character played by Trammell Tillman). But as both an indictment of capitalism and a meditation on grief, the series is an interesting exploration of what kinds of trauma you’d have to be overcoming in order to alter your brain irreversibly.
Sheriden Chanel, Senior Lifestyle & Relationship Editor
David Oyelowo and Gugu Mbatha-Raw in 'The Girl Before'
Amanda Searle/HBO Max
I’ve been trying to be more intentional about consuming content in the Spanish language because I'm learning Spanish. After revisiting the classic film Selena recently and realizing it didn’t really withstand the test of time, I was nervous about investing in a (mostly) biographical series that is about a culturally significant Latin artist. But, I was pleasantly surprised and am currently on season two of the Netflix show Luis Miguel: The Series, and I absolutely love it. It’s been great getting to know the artist behind some of the popular singles I’ve heard in passing while living in Mexico or from friends here. He has lived a very interesting life, one filled with wins, but lots of losses. And the actor that plays him, Diego Boneta, is a force and navigates the portrayal of Luis through his late teens, 20s, 30s, 40s seamlessly. A true delight to watch.
Also, anything Gugu Mbatha-Raw is in, I’ll give it a watch. The Girl Before on HBOMax had me captivated from minute one. I am a sucker for thrillers where a house feels like a malicious force and this series delivered that for me and then some. I loved that it was this mystery that made me believe it would unfold one way, thanks to the chilly and calculated performance by David Oyelewo, but then was like, ‘Not so fast.’ I had a feeling, but the connection between the house, the performance of newcomer Jessica Plummer’s character in the past intermingled with Gugu’s performance of her character in the present, was a four-part limited series I didn’t want to take my eyes away from.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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