

Society is experiencing a shift where open conversations about nonmonogamy are becoming increasingly common.
In recent years, there has been a notable increase in the number of folx expressing interest in ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory on dating platforms. The CEO of Feeld, a dating app catering to those exploring alternative relationship structures, reported to Slate a 500% surge in users incorporating terms like "ethically nonmonogamous" and "polyamorous" in their profiles over the past three years.
Similarly, OkCupid observed a 45% rise in profile mentions of nonmonogamy-related terms between 2021 and 2023. These statistics, reported by Axios, highlight a growing trend towards open and alternative relationship styles.
Of course, we appreciate these numbers and it’s also important to talk about what this concept means for our people.
Ancestral Practices of Nonmonogamy in African Cultures
In many African societies, relationships were traditionally structured in ways that defied Western monogamous norms. Polygamy, for instance, was a common practice in several cultures, rooted in community building and mutual support rather than possessiveness. Highlighting historical practices like these can show the cultural lineage of ethical nonmonogamy in the Black diaspora.
Polyamory in Afro-Caribbean Spiritual Practices
Certain Afro-Caribbean spiritual traditions, such as Vodou, Santería, and Ifá, emphasize communal love and relationships that transcend monogamy. Practitioners often speak of building large, inclusive networks of love and care, which align with polyamorous ideals.
Modern Polyamory Advocates in Black Communities
There are some notable voices in today’s Black polyamorous and ethically nonmonogamous communities like Kevin Patterson, author of Love’s Not Colorblind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, which addresses the intersections of race and polyamory.
Ahead, find a list of celebrities who lean into the polyamorous lifestyle.
1. Willow Smith
Willow Smith has been an outspoken advocate for ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory, sharing on Red Table Talk that she values the freedom to explore multiple loving relationships. She sees it as a way to break traditional molds and focus on emotional honesty. “With polyamory, I feel like the main foundation is the freedom to be able to create a relationship style that works for you and not just stepping into monogamy because that's what everyone around you says is the right thing to do,” she said.
2 & 3. Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith
Willow's openness about nonmonogamy may come as no surprise, given her mom, Jada, has hinted at a flexible perspective on relationships. While not outright identifying as polyamorous, Jada has discussed nontraditional approaches to love and partnership.
"Jada never believed in conventional marriage ... Jada had family members that had an unconventional relationship," the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air alum told GQ in November 2021. "We have given each other trust and freedom, with the belief that everybody has to find their own way. And marriage for us can't be a prison. The freedoms that we've given one another and the unconditional support, to me, is the highest definition of love."
4. RuPaul
RuPaul, the renowned drag queen and creator of RuPaul's Drag Race, recently disclosed that he and his husband have an open relationship. "It’s just realistic. There’s no such thing as monogamy with men,” Ru said in an interview with theNew Yorker. However, due to his celebrity status, he expressed that he no longer has a reliable "circle of people" for intimacy.
5. Kehlani
In 2018, musician Kehlani tweeted that they were a "lil poly pansexual," but it was unclear to fans whether they were identifying as polyamorous or polysexual.
In 2020, during an appearance on The Breakfast Club, Kehlani clarified that they had been in an open relationship with their former partner, YG, when questioned about alleged photos of him kissing another woman outside a club. "That wasn't a rule-breaking situation. I just don't feel like getting online and deeply explaining that that is not a situation that matters to me then I gotta deal with everybody coming at my mentality about an open relationship."
6. DeRay Davis
Comedian DeRay Davis has been open about his polyamorous relationship, or "throuple," including appearances with his partners Coco Crawford and Caro Peguero on The Real and his Oxygen show Living with Funny. Davis emphasizes that he doesn't view himself as a "player" and prioritizes open communication and comfort in the relationship. He had been with one partner for five years and the other for two and a half at the time of his 2017 interview on The Real.
7. Nick Cannon
Nick Cannon, a vocal advocate for open relationships, has fathered multiple children with different women while practicing consensual nonmonogamy. This excludes his two eldest children, who he shares with his ex-wife Mariah Carey. During a 2021 interview with Vermilion County First, Nick said, “That’s a Eurocentric concept. The idea that you’re supposed to have this one person for the rest of your life. The idea that a man should have one woman. We shouldn’t have anything. I have no ownership over this person.”
He continued, “If we’re really talking about how we co-exist and how we populate, it’s about what exchange can we create together. I understand the institution of marriage, but if we go back to what that was about … it was to classify property,” he argued.
8. Jidenna
“When I first started I had the basic dream of threesomes. But then I realized I really wanted to have a romantic relationship with another woman,” Jidenna admitted to Teyana Taylor on Bumble's Luv2SeeIt in August 2022. He shared that he initially explored polyamory to satisfy his sexual curiosities.
Jidenna is currently in a monogamous relationship with his girlfriend, whom he met when she was dating two other men. “Right now, people look at me and [my exclusive partner], and they’re like ‘Wow, y’all are monogamous.’ and I’m like – maybe! But we reserve the right to evolve. Our agreement has license to change; we can change whenever we want.”
9. Janelle Monáe
Like many stars, the “Float” singer spilled her tea on an episode of Red Table Talk. She came out as non-binary and confirmed that she’d been in a poly relationship before. “I wasn’t ready to have my family question my personal life or get calls from people who still look at me as Little Pumpkin — that’s what they call me back home,” she shared. “I needed to talk to my dad, who was just great. My sister knew already because I’ve been in monogamous relationships; I’ve been in polyamorous relationships. But I knew that I couldn’t be Little Pumpkin. I couldn’t be little Janelle.”
10. Omarion
Omarion expressed openness to polyamory on Club Shay Shay, stating that he believes his future partner or partners will seek him out. “She finds me. It’s been a while since I’ve actually been in a ‘girlfriend-boyfriend’ type of relationship. But I think a private life is a happy life. I believe that she finds me.”
The artist went on to say, “It might be ‘shes.’ ‘Shes’ might find me. Plurals. ‘Shes.’ I’m just saying if I really thought about my lifestyle and being with me—the pressure of being with me and it just being one woman. I don’t know if that exists. I don’t come from a traditional standpoint. I feel like I’ve definitely tried the traditional way, and I don’t know if that’s for me.”
11. Ne-Yo
Ne-Yo has five children from previous relationships: three with his ex-wife Crystal Renay and two with his ex-fiancée Monyetta Shaw. After his divorce from Crystal, Ne-Yo publicly acknowledged his involvement in a polyamorous relationship, stating that he had discovered monogamy wasn't the right path for him.
Society dictates that one should be with a single partner, get married, and remain together permanently. Ne-Yo clarified that he is not criticizing marriage or those who have made it work for them. He emphasized that while monogamy may be suitable for some, it is not the right fit for him. This realization has brought him a sense of relief and liberation.
In an episode of the YouTube show Lemon Drop, the singer discussed his polyamorous lifestyle with event planner Karleen Roy. "I realized that I've not been living my truth for a very, very long time. I'm living it now, and you could tell my skin is glowing." Ne-yo went on to say, "I'm in a great space, great space, mentally, emotionally, and everything else. I'm in a really good space, and I realized that everything is not for everybody. I know you've heard that said before. It is some of the truest shit that anyone has ever said."
Historical Figures Who Broke Monogamous Norms
Figures like Zora Neale Hurston and Langston Hughes, though not explicitly polyamorous, lived unconventional love lives that rejected strict monogamous boundaries. Their stories illustrate the longstanding tradition of challenging societal norms around love and relationships.
While Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera weren’t in a relationship themselves, their work within the queer Black and Brown communities in the 1960s and 70s created spaces where nonmonogamous and nontraditional relationships thrived. Their advocacy normalized diverse expressions of love within marginalized communities.
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Social Media Has A 'Man's First Love' Theory. I Asked 10 Guys About It.
Let me just put it right on out there and say that my first love and I couldn’t be more ridiculous — and yes, ridiculous is absolutely the right word. Ever since 1993, when we first laid eyes on each other in a friend’s dorm room, it’s been a series of situations, experiences, run-ins, phone calls, declarations — over and over and over again with the latest one actually being about a year ago.
We both happened to be in a part of Nashville, debating about which restaurant to go to, literally debating between the same two, only to ultimately run into each other…again. Googly-eyed and flirting…AGAIN.
This is an intro, so I don’t have a lot of time to get into why marrying someone who has been married before will absolutely never be an option for me (unless they are a widow) and honestly, because neither one of them has yet to jump a broom, I think that’s why there is still a part of us who romanticizes the notion that life may someday cultivate another chance for us. I don’t know — I’ve been humbled enough by his fineness and our undeniable chemistry to not pull a Brandy and “never say never” anymore (some of y’all will catch that later — LOL).
For now, I’ll just say that I’m only sharing all of this because of something that he — and many other men in my world over the course of my life — has said to me before: “I’ve only really loved you and one other woman”…and trust me, there have been MANY, so that statement is…something.
That’s why the man’s first love theory, something that has been generating quite a bit of chatter on social media these past few months, has intrigued me so. Because, even as a woman, I believe that men don’t “fall in love with love” that often. Not only that but, contrary to a lot of rambling gibberish that I oftentimes see on TikTok and Instagram, I also believe that when easily 80 percent of men genuinely love a woman, they take it far more seriously than they are given credit for.
Y’all don’t have to take my word for it, though. Let’s first unpack what the “theory” is all about and then hear what 10 men have to say about it all.
*Middle names are always used in my interview pieces so that people can speak freely*
First, What Is the “Man’s First Love” Theory?
@jayoffline♬ original sound - JB
Honestly, what this guy just said pretty much covers the theory in a nutshell: once a man has experienced true love for the first time, it’s hard for him to ever fully shake it. Okay, but what intel is there to support this notion beyond his post?
Well, a USA Today article on the topic said that this could be true due to the fact that since men are typically not encouraged to process their emotions in the same way that women are, that could be why their first love oftentimes has such a lasting impact on them. Beyond that, I once watched a social media post where a man said that since men are called to provide and protect and women expect men to do that, men love women like they do their daughters while women love men like they do their fathers — and since fathers are (mentally and emotionally) expected to die before daughters, that’s why men and women process love differently in the sense that women can see love ending and surviving it while men? Not so much. Pretty deep, right?
And I mean, the mere fact that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women? That may help to prove that perspective to be pretty accurate (just sayin’). There’s also scientific research that says women tend to experience love more than men and that women tend to “fall out of love” before men do, although, interestingly enough, men reportedly “fall in love” faster than women and say “I love you” three times quicker (bet y’all didn’t see that last part coming).
What do I think personally? Well, I do think that women are oftentimes more relationship-minded and driven than men which makes sense when you think about the fact that we have a strong nurturing gene within us — and because of that, we’re probably more intentional about having a serious relationship and even more resilient should said-relationship come to an end.
On the flip side, I have talked to so many men about this topic over time that I will stand 10 toes down that I think that when it comes to real, genuine, and lasting love, most men probably have three of those max: their first love, their wife and perhaps someone in between or after (should the marriage end).
That’s just my thoughts on all of this, though. And so, I decided to actually ask 10 guys — guys with different relationship statuses — to share with me what they think about the man’s first love theory…based on what they believe and how they now feel about their own first love.
Here’s what they had to say.
1. Elijah. 29. Single.
“I was late to the game when it comes to love. My first love was in college and she almost ruined my life. Not because she was a bad person — I just had never felt that way about anyone, so it was hard for me to focus on school, I was thinking about changing my plans to follow her around the country and I was even losing some of who I was to make the relationship work. Social media will have you thinking that men don’t know how to love when the truth is that when we fall, we fall hard and if it was painful, we’re just not in a rush to do it again. We’re capable. We just don’t want to be martyrs.”
2. Ian. 30. Engaged.
“My first love was my high school sweetheart. It wasn’t until I got with my fiancée now that I realized that I really did compare every woman after [my first love]to her. That wasn’t fair or even healthy but until her, I had never really seen women on such an ‘all in’ way and, since she broke up with me, it’s not like I had wanted the love to end. Men don’t just not forget their first love, the way that they look at other women is influenced by her. Guys who deny that are lying.”
3. Yosef. 25. Dating.
“The timing of this conversation is strange because I’m wondering if I’m about to have a first love now. I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and even though it’s not serious and there is no title, I can’t get her off of my mind. In high school, there was nothing serious. In college, things stayed casual because I was focused on getting out. Now, I’m ready to consider a relationship and this girl has me seeing women really differently. It’s wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Is that what having a first love is like?”
4. Claude. 45. Married.
“My first love experience is something that I still try to figure out because my actual first love and my wife are very different women — and when I met my wife, it made me wonder if my first love was the real thing. It’s not because I don’t think that my first love experience wasn’t real or even valid but the way I feel about my wife is so much more. I guess what I will say is, if nothing else, men will always be impacted by their first love — and if it was a good situation, they will be grateful that it happened.”
5. Mykal. 33. Single.
“I totally agree with the theory that men don’t fall in love often. For what? What women don’t think about is, once we love you, we don’t have plans to leave. That’s why many men have stories of things that they put up with, too often and too long, because what comes with our love is loyalty. First loves can make or break us — that’s how crucial they are. Only women would challenge that. Guys know.”
6. Jackai. 37. In a Serious Relationship.
“My first love broke my heart and that had me on the war path for a long time. I don’t think women get that once we love you, we see you as perfection and don’t even consider that you will do something that will change that. Once it happens, it shakes us to where either we avoid relationships or we keep things very shallow and surface. While y’all are talking about all we think about is sex, what usually is happening is a guy who is still trying to get over his ex.”
7. Dorian. 39. Dating.
“Funny, because I just talked to my first love recently. Whenever either one of us makes a big life decision, we reach out to update each other. I think it’s because, when we were together, we consulted each other a lot. Anyway, I think that answers your question: men are connected to their first love, one way or another. It’s a space that no one can really compete with. That’s just the way it is.”
8. Franklin. 28. Single.
“Whenever I think about my first love, I’m pissed. She cheated on me and I never saw that coming. It has taken me a long time to believe that all women aren’t like her because when you tell a woman that you love her and she says it back, you don’t even comprehend that she could hurt you. Women don’t get how serious men are about love when it happens…that’s why it doesn’t happen a lot.”
9. Cael. 42. Married.
“I’m lucky to say that I married my first love. It took us forever to get to that point because we’ve known each other since our freshman year in college. We dated for a year and broke up. After graduation, she moved away and got engaged while I dated someone for a few years. We always stayed in touch and when she ended her engagement, we talked more often. I always compared other women to her because she’s my favorite person. We’ve been married for eight years now. Marrying your first love is a pure experience.”
10. Westyn. 30. In a Serious Relationship.
“Your first introduction to anything is going to make up the fabric of who you are. How much you allow that to change you is a choice. A lot about how we love is a choice. But to say that a first love isn’t in the top five as far as life-altering matters? How could it not be? It teaches you about love for the first time. I don’t think any human, not just men, can forget something like that.”
____
You know what I appreciated so much about these answers? It’s because each man expressed that, yes, love is a very real thing to and for them, and their first time learning about it in a romantic way, it did indeed transform them on some level.
And that’s why, personally, I don’t think that the man’s first love theory is a mere theory at all. Men do love — and they love pretty hard whenever it happens. Especially when it transpires for the first time.
As you just saw.
“Theory” proven.
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