As I write this, my skin is a scaly mess because I decided I wanted to get the best tan possible while laying naked on Negril's Seven Mile beach. Mind you, this is weeks later. Now, I know that belief that black women can't get sun cancer is a myth even with our built-in melanin protection. Luckily, I was smart enough to apply Supergoop's Glow Stick Sunscreen to my face. But, I hadn't accounted for the sunburn I got on my boobs or the peeling alligator skin I am now trying to figure out how to manage because I didn't apply any SPF to my body.
Which is what brought me to writing this round-up — ya girl needed soothing, healing options fast, and I figured I am not the lone brown girl out there in need of giving their skin a little TLC from the summer sun. With that, I've rounded up a list of products you can use from head to toe (including your scalp) after a day (or days) of fun in the sun.
*This list is specially curated by the xoNecole team and some links are affiliate links. If you purchase an item from an affiliate link, xoNecole might earn a small commission.
*Some links are affiliate links. If you make a purchase, xoNecole may earn a small commission.
Eau Thermale Avene Soothing Sheet Mask
Eau Thermale Avene
I am a huge fan of Avene. Their products are made with sensitive skin in mind. When I saw their sheet masks, I knew I had to give them a try. They do not only lend themselves to self-care, but their hypoallergenic, non-comedogenic, fragrance-free masks soothe red, irritated skin in no time.
Base Butter Radiate Face Jelly
Base Butter
Aloe is always a must-have after you've overdone it in the sunshine, and Base Butter's holy grail moisturizer is made with aloe as a key ingredient along alongside lavender and witch hazel which balance and soothe distressed skin.
Aspen Kay Oatmeal Soap Bar
Amazon
One of the best ways to cool your body down and ease sunburn is a cold shower. Using a bar of soap or body wash with oatmeal can calm and nourish the skin, think about how oatmeal can soothe the stomach; the same applies to our skin.
FRESH Brown Sugar Body Polish
Nordstrom
FRESH is one of my favorite beauty brands because their products are made with good ingredients that warrant an elevated price point. Now, I wouldn't recommend scrubbing blistered, or skin that is broken as that would make things worse. Once the pain subsides, you'll want to get the damaged layer(s) of skin off with a gentle scrub. Made with brown sugar crystals and jojoba oils, this scrub will help revive troubled skin.
SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Skin Renewal Recipe Body Scrub
I would like to personally thank this scrub for soothing and getting my flakey skin together. This scrub feels more like a yogurt and honey creme with a hint of exfoliation, which was just what my skin needed.
Hanahana Beauty Eucalyptus Shea Body Butter
Eucalyptus Shea Body Butter
With shea butter and eucalyptus as ingredients, your skin will thank you. If your scalp got burned, you could use this to oil it as well.
Ceramedx Restoring Body Lotion
Ceramedx comes highly rated by skincare professionals. Thanks to its blend of plant-based ceramides and hyaluronic acid, it helps soothe everything from allergic reactions to eczema.
One word of advice. Don't be like me. Be sure to protect your skin with sunscreen daily.
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Well, the next time we met up, she told me she had met someone and was moving to Houston to live with him. Imagine my surprise and concern. Later, I’d find out that this decision, like so many other elements of their relationship, flowed naturally and organically. Their whole partnership has been full of peace and vulnerability.
Fast forward to today’s conversation, they’re still living together, celebrating four years of marriage, and planning to create a family. And while this stage of their story sounds generally normal, the way they got there is nothing but. Check out the "How We Met" feature below to see how a couple who never spoke on the phone and lived in different states ended up in a loving marriage full of ease, art, and authenticity.
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Walk me through your ‘How We Met’ story.
Amanda: We met on Instagram (laughs). He followed me first, and I followed back because he does art, and I was intrigued by that. Honestly, we followed each other for a while before we connected. But I remember one day I saw a post where he had on a Martin t-shirt that I liked, and that sparked our conversation. He ended up telling me he made the shirt and actually mailed me one. So when I got it, I made a post wearing it, and that’s where the conversation started. Since that day we’ve communicated every day since.
Will: Yeah, I initially saw her on a short-hair Instagram page and followed her because I thought she was attractive. I actually showed her to my co-workers on one of our monthly outings as an example of my “type” – something I had never done. But one thing I will say is, I noticed she had on a Nina Simone shirt in one of her photos, that’s what got me. It showed she had more depth.
I guess that answers my next question. Did you have an initial attraction to each other?
Will: (Laughs) Yeah, I did.
Amanda: For me, no. I just wasn’t looking at him through that lens. I didn’t follow him because he was attractive. I don’t follow people online because of that. I actually remember a time when we were going back and forth, and I was like, “Aye, you kinda cute.” It was a specific moment. Once I started looking through his page more often, I started to view him that way, but it still was more of an acknowledgment. We really connected primarily because of our creative interests.
So, how did it go to the next level?
Amanda: I was in Nashville, and he was in Houston. But I’m somebody where if I feel like doing something, I’m going to do it. I had been meaning to go to Houston for a while to see a friend, so I felt like it was the perfect combination of a circumstance. We had been talking a lot, and I knew I liked him as a person and really wanted to meet him, but of course, I was aware of the idea that it could blossom into more. I remember I sent him a text saying, “Would you think I was crazy if I pulled up to Houston?”
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What was your reply? Did you think she was crazy?
Will: In my mind, I was like, I don’t know. (Laughs) I wanted her to, though, so I wasn’t going to say yeah. It was a little wild, but I encouraged it.
Okay, so tell me about the date.
Amanda: I don’t know if you’d call it our first “date,” but the first time we met, we went to a skating rink. I was a little nervous about meeting him in person. Like, what if we don’t have chemistry – that was in the back of my head a little. But I brought my friend with me as a buffer, and thank God I did because he was so quiet the whole night. I literally can’t think of one thing he said the entire time. But the saving grace was that we had built a rapport. We reconnected the following night and were together until 5 a.m. – just sitting there talking. We ended up spending the whole weekend together.
Will: I’m socially awkward if I don’t know you. Also, before the date, I didn’t know what she sounded like or anything because, that’s another thing, we hadn’t talked on the phone. (They both really don’t like phone calls, so everything was through texts at this point.) I guess I could say I was kinda nervous, too. I had never met someone through social media, and then here I was, meeting her in person at a skating rink. I hadn’t skated in years, I was hoping I didn’t fall. But we had just been talking so much that I was open to it.
What made you want to take that risk?
Will: She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around.
Amanda: I don’t think it was anything specific. It’s not hard for me to connect with people. But there were no red flags. We align across the board. That was different. We really connect on how we see the world.
"She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around."
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Out of curiosity, what are your love languages?
Amanda: I connect with all of them. I think it just depends on what I’ve been lacking. I appreciate words of affirmation because I’m so big on actions that I like those bold statements of love, and of course, I appreciate quality time. The older I get, the more I appreciate physical touch, but that’s not something I need. With receiving gifts, I like thoughtfulness, and I like giving thoughtful gifts, too. But acts of service is for sure my biggest one. I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most.
"I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most."
Will: I think it all depends on how I’m feeling, too. But probably also acts of service. I like how Amanda will buy me deodorant when I run out (laughs). She just does so much all the time to show that I’m thought of.
At what point in your connection did y’all have the “what are we” conversation?
Will: I don’t think we ever had that convo. We never defined anything, we just kinda went with how it was going. However, I knew I wanted it to be more serious when I went to visit her. She had been coming to Houston once a month, and I went to Florida (she was there for work) to see her. I realized I felt comfortable coming into her space, too. That gave me that last little bit of whatever I needed.
Amanda: Yeah, I can’t say I had a defined moment like that. But again, as we had more and more interactions, there were just no red flags. The more we thought about it, the more we realized no matter where we went relationship-wise, we were adamant about being a part of each other’s lives. We never had the “talking to other people” conversation or anything. But we did both understand we weren’t going anywhere. Eventually, it graduated to convos around building a life together, but even that was over six months in. I just liked him as a person.
Have there been any negative revelations that your partnership and marriage have taught you about yourself?
Amanda: I’ve always felt that partnership is supposed to make the other person’s life easier. For me, it was a struggle to let someone help me in all the ways I didn’t really know I needed help. As I started having less capacity, I had to realize that it doesn't work anymore. It was hard for me to acknowledge and ask for help. I think that’s something I am still coming to terms with, even with other relationships in my life.
Will: I think I’m learning and still learning how to get out of my head. I’m the kind of person who always has to visualize stuff before it happens. And this relationship is the first thing that I don’t do that with. Of course, we plan stuff, but I know it’s gonna be good regardless. It allows me to stay in the moment. If I can do that with this, which is the most important thing to me, why can’t I do that with other things?
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What challenges have you faced together?
Will: For me, the preconceived challenge was living together. I’ve never lived with a woman before. Even in my previous relationship, it was long-distance. I’m also the type of person that likes my space, but as soon as she got here, that was out the window. It was so smooth it made me feel stupid for questioning it.
Amanda: I’m grateful to say we don’t necessarily have challenges between each other together. But we have been struggling with infertility and health issues. Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way. But that’s an example of how having someone else there can be helpful. I was so functional as a full-blown individual doing everything by myself.
So, in my head, I don’t need anyone, but having someone there who is happy to support me has taught me it’s okay to welcome that. It’s made us stronger because it’s taught us how we both function under duress – it’s good to know it’s not terrible (laughs).
"Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way."
What are some of the shared values that are important to your relationship?
Will: How we see life, what we’re here for, and how you’re supposed to treat people. It sounds really simple, but it’s not as common as you think.
Amanda: We value being really good people – without strings. We both don’t value money, but we value stability. So we don’t have to endure the “why are you not hustling” arguments. We were both stable people individually, and we came together. Also, we both value meaningful connections, alone time, reflection, and family. That guides us in what we do and how we build a life.
Finally, what is your favorite thing about each other?
Amanda: I’ll say one of my favorite things about him is that he’s brilliant. I view myself as a smart person, but in my head, he can do what I’m doing ten times faster. There are times I want to push myself to do stuff, and I’ll just ask him because I know he can do it. It’s incredible.
Will: My favorite thing about her is how people see her. Being a witness to how important she is to other people’s lives is amazing. Standing to the side and seeing how she affects them is really special.
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Feature image courtesy of Amanda Hicks and Will Ford
In a recent interview with Today, the 30-year-old TV personality dished on all the dating insight and lessons she’s picked up while hosting dating shows. Her trainer, Six, once imparted valuable relationship advice that emphasized the importance of not treating life and relationships as if they were a baseball game.
Unique Nicole / Stringer/Getty Images
"Somebody tells you something or (shares) how they’re feeling and you knock it back to them," she said. Instead, “we need to be playing football, where you throw the ball to someone and you say, ‘Hey, this is how you made me feel.’ And they receive it and they honor it because you’re on the same team."
In other words, seek to understand, not to prove a point. “Because a lot of times you can be right and you can stand on your soapbox, but it could be at the detriment of your relationship,” she adds.
The Relationsh*t podcast host also advises that the best way to combat the “revolving door” mindset in dating that makes it seem like there’s always something better on the other side is to be willing to make a good thing work because a few bumps here and there are normal.
“There’s a lot of energy out there right now of, ‘Well, if this one doesn’t do blah, blah, blah, then I’m just gonna go get a new one,'” she said. “Okay, you can do that. You’ll spend your whole life getting a new one, finding a new relationship, because you’re not willing to actually sit in something and work it through.”
While social media can be a space to meet new people whom one might not otherwise cross paths with, Kamie says that one of her biggest red flags is having a wandering eye on apps. Sometimes, a double-tap isn’t as innocent as it seems.
“I just think that that kind of behavior is so juvenile and ridiculous. I think you can like something with your eyes and not tap it with your hands,” she said.
Ladies, write that down.
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Featured Image by Ivan Apfel / Stringer/Getty Images
