When Temitope Ibisanmi DM’d the word “muse” to Skylar Marshai, he knew he was shooting his romantic shot. He didn’t realize, however, that he was connecting with his future business and creative partner, too.
“I was the boyfriend,” Temi says. “Everybody out there knows, you’re the cameraman at that point.”
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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A fast metabolism? It can help you burn calories. A slow metabolism? It makes that a more challenging effort.
So, let’s take a deeper look into what metabolism is all about and what you might be doing, perhaps without even noticing, that could be slowing down your metabolism, which could make getting the results that you desire more difficult than it actually has — or needs — to be.
The Truth About Your Metabolism
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Although metabolism is a word that is brought up quite a bit, both online and off, in order to fully understand why yours may be faster or slower, it’s a good idea to know exactly what metabolism is.
A simple way to explain it is metabolism is a chemical process in your body that determines how your body turns food and drinks into actual energy. Since you need energy in order to literally function, this is why learning about your own metabolism is an essential thing to do.
For instance, did you know that whenever you eat, your digestive system uses enzymes to turn fats into fatty acids, carbs into simple sugars, and proteins into amino acids — and all of these things can be relied upon for energy? And although several factors within your system play a role in how fast or slow your metabolism may be (your thyroid certainly tops the list, by the way), there are certain things that you may be doing that could be speeding up or slowing down your metabolism as well.
Now before I get into what some of those things are, I think it should also go on record that if you want to know more about metabolism because you’re ready to shed a few pounds, while metabolism certainly plays a role in how fast you do or don’t burn calories, tweaking habits in order to speed up your metabolism won’t automatically help you to reach your weight loss goals alone. You also need to adjust your diet, exercise, get plenty of rest, lower your stress levels, and be intentional about not taking in more calories than you burn on a daily basis.
Still, since we do know that people who burn calories faster don’t have to count them as much and having a faster metabolism can also do things like slow down premature aging and build more muscle mass, it can never hurt to know what you may be (inadvertently) doing that could be causing you to have a sluggish metabolism. That way, you can make a few adjustments in order to get the metabolic results that you want.
And in the efforts to help you to do just that, here are 10 ways that you may be slowing down your own metabolism.
10 Things That Could Be Slowing Down Your Metabolism
1. Consuming Too Little Protein
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There’s a pretty big reason why not having enough protein in your system can result in you ending up with a sluggish metabolism. The reality is your body uses protein in order to build and increase muscle mass, to keep your bones strong, to grow and renew your body cells and tissues, and to give your body the energy it needs in order to function properly and burn fat.
This is why it’s essential to consume somewhere around 0.36 grams of protein per pound on a daily basis.
2. Drinking Too Much Sugary Stuff
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If you want to speed up your metabolism, consider drinking some green tea. If you want to know what drinks could be slowing down your metabolism, that would be the sugary stuff like soda. Although having one every once in a while won’t do any real damage, too much fructose or sucrose can ultimately lead to inflammation, fat accumulation, and it can throw your metabolism off, too.
So, if sweet drinks are your thing, try and consume no more than one a day; then follow that with a glass of water, for you and your metabolism’s sake.
3. Being Dehydrated
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Since you’re made up of mostly water, it makes all the sense in the world that you should be proactive about avoiding dehydration. Also, since your metabolism begins at a cellular level and water carries oxygen, the more water that is in your system, the easier it is for your metabolism to have the energy that it needs in order to work effectively. And how much water do you need on a daily basis?
Some health experts say that 11 cups (not glasses, cups) a day, if you’re a woman (15 if you’re a man), should get you what you need.
4. Keeping Your Thermostat Too High
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Although you’ve probably heard somewhere that your metabolism kicks up when you feel hot, there is something that you should keep in mind. When it’s time to turn in for the evening, you actually should keep your bedroom on the cooler side. The method to the madness is when the temp is somewhere in the late 60s, that will cause your body to have to work harder to keep you warm, and that will send your metabolism into a bit of an overdrive.
Since cooler rooms are proven to improve your quality of sleep overall, why not try it for a couple of nights? See how it makes you feel.
5. Avoiding a Consistent Exercise Regimen
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Hands down, something that helps to keep your metabolism going is a regular workout routine. If you make a point to do consistent strength training and resistance exercises, that can help your body to build muscle over time which, in turn, burns calories. Women’s Health has some specific exercises that can help you to give your metabolism a boost. You can check them out here.
6. Needing a Calcium Supplement
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If you’re someone who takes supplements, look on the back of your labels to make sure that there is calcium on one of the bottles. Calcium helps to keep your bones and teeth strong, it helps your hormones and enzymes to do what they need to do and it’s also a nutrient that boosts your metabolism, so that it’s easier for your body to burn fat.
7. Cooking with Too Much Sea Salt
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If you like to cook with sea salt, something that you might want to keep in mind is the fact that it could slow your metabolism down some. The backstory on this is that sea salt doesn’t contain iodine in the way that most standard table salt does, and that can be potentially problematic because your body needs iodine in order to keep your thyroid healthy, so that you are able to have more energy. The more you know. The more you freakin’ know.
8. Being Sleep-Deprived
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The more I study about how beneficial a good night’s rest is, the more I see just how detrimental sleep deprivation can be, in pretty much every way. Take your metabolism, for example. When you don’t get 6-8 hours of shut-eye on a consistent basis, it can throw your hormone levels off, which can directly impact how fast your metabolism moves. And since, reportedly, your metabolism automatically slows down 15 percent at night anyway, all of this is a smart thing to keep in mind when it comes to eating late at night.
Indeed, less rest and midnight meals can definitely help you to pack the pounds on.
9. Erratic Meal Times
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Lawd. If there is something that I personally need to make sure to keep in check, it’s this point because, when I’m in a zone while hammering away on my laptop, it can be really easy to lose track of time, and that can do a real number on my metabolism. Here’s why: One thing that your body does is provide fuel for you to have enough energy to get through the day. When your meal times are consistent, your body knows how to process your calories by burning them; however, when your eating times are all over the place, your system doesn’t know whether to burn calories or store them up.
So, if you want your metabolism to be stabilized, eating (especially) main meals need to happen at relatively the same time every day.
10. Not Eating Enough
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One more. If you are indeed trying to ramp up your metabolism in order to shed a few pounds, please don’t do that by starving yourself. Although it is indeed true that in order to lose weight, you should cut back a bit on your caloric intake, if you’re eating too little, your body will think that it needs to slow down your metabolism in order to hold onto the food that is already in your system for a while longer.
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Ain’t it wild how so many simple things can cause pseudo complications for our metabolism? That’s the bad news. The good news is that if you’re willing to make some minor adjustments, you can probably rev your metabolism up, just in time for the plans that you have for your body before summer officially arrives!
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