

This Is Why You Have Trust Issues
Do you feel anxious or find yourself constantly on edge thinking about your partner being unfaithful to you? Are you constantly looking for ways to control your partner’s behavior and who they associate with to “stop” them from cheating? Do you find you have a hard time trusting your partner even if they haven’t given you a reason not to? Chances are, you have trust issues. And if you do, you’re definitely not alone.
In order to learn more about trust issues, we spoke to licensed relationship therapist Eboni Harris who defines trust issues as “difficulty trusting a person due to past betrayal, manipulation, or abandonment.” And while trust issues most frequently come up in relation to romantic partners, trust issues can show up in familial, platonic, and professional relationships as well. She adds, “Trust issues are also not always about infidelity. It can also be concerns around being left for someone else, being disrespected, or someone getting what you desire/'deserve' from your partner.”
Read on to learn more about what causes trust issues, how to deal with them, and how to navigate relationships with a partner who has trust issues.
Examples of Trust Issues
Indications of trust issues can differ based on personal experiences, Harris says. She adds that one example can be, “checking the phone of a significant other every time there is an opportunity even though you haven’t had a reason to suspect anything."
Signs of Trust Issues in Relationships
Signs also include:
- “Suspecting your partner of foul play every time they are not physically in your presence even though nothing has ever happened to lead to the suspicion;
- “Attempting to control your partner's behaviors, relationships with others, and how they spend their free time;
- “Anxiety when your partner does not immediately respond to a text message or a phone call;
- “Resonating with statements/phrases like: ‘Don’t trust anyone,’ ‘People are inherently bad,’ ‘Trust is earned,’ ‘You can’t fully trust anyone,’ ‘People are selfish and only look out for themselves,’ etc.”
Causes of Trust Issues
Trust issues are usually an amalgamation of trauma. Eventually, those experiences act as evidence to the person with trust issues that people can indeed not be trusted. It is oftentimes not just the event that causes the trust issues but instead the damage done in the wake of the trauma. Harris explains, “How traumatic events are processed or addressed after the event tends to have lasting effects. If you address a traumatic event with your partner or parent and they don’t believe you, gaslight you, or put no effort into helping you understand it, you start to question your own gut or reality of events.”
Without the opportunity to process or gain clarity and understanding about what you’ve experienced, you are left without the ability to trust yourself. “If you can’t trust your own gut or sensibilities, it can be impossible to trust others,” Harris concludes.
Trust Issues In Healthy Relationships
While “trust issues in a healthy relationship” can seem like an oxymoron, a healthy relationship can thrive even with trust issues present. It’s all a matter of self-awareness. Harris explains, “If the person with trust issues understands the source of their issues and how it shows up in relationships, they can put some processing time between feeling an emotion and the emotional reaction. This allows space to not put the weight of the trust issues on your partner and understand that the severity of the emotions you feel are not fully caused by your partner.”
The partner without the trust issues also must possess a level of self-awareness in the partnership as well as a sense of understanding. Possessing those traits will help the other person to navigate emotional reactions without taking them personally. “It is important to validate the emotional experiences of your partner while not taking responsibility for their emotions.”
Harris also says it’s important for the partner to remember their role. It’s one of support, not one of fixing. “If you are the partner of someone with trust issues, it is important to stay in the role of supporter. You are not meant to fix someone else’s issues. The best thing you can be is honest, consistent, and transparent but that may not stop the emotional reactions or what may feel like irrational concerns.”
It should be noted though that having trust issues oftentimes results in unhealthy relationships due to the fact that people struggling with them tend to face challenges in building and maintaining healthy, long-term relationships. “It is the role of the person with trust issues to do their work to overcome the insecurities and not project them onto their partner.”
How To Deal With Trust Issues
“Addressing trust issues starts with identifying the source(s) of the trust issues,” shares Harris. “What are the traumatic experiences you have from childhood and/or previous relationships? Remember you are looking for experiences that created feelings of betrayal, manipulation, or abandonment even if it wasn’t directed toward you. You may also look at burdens/beliefs that may have been passed down from previous generations.”
Harris then suggests that a person seeking to do inner work on their issues with trust should learn healthy coping skills to better manage emotional reactions and soothe anxieties around trust. She continues, “This is an important step because as you start working on previous traumas, a lot of unhealed wounds will be uncovered and you want to know how to care for the wounds until they are healed.”
The last step, Harris advises, is to heal those traumatic experiences you previously had. Take your time and be consistent. For this step, consider working with a reputable mental health professional to act as your guide through your healing process.
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Chief Mom Officer: 23 Quotes From Working Moms Finding Their Balance
The truth is, Black moms create magic every single day. Whether we're juggling motherhood with a busy 9-5, a thriving business, or staying at home to run a household, no day is short of amazing when you're managing life as a mommy. This Mother's Day, xoNecole is giving flowers to CMOs (Chief Mom Officers) in business who exemplify the strength it takes to balance work with motherhood.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images
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What That 'Body Do': Chlöe Bailey Shows Us How She Achieves Her Signature Curves
If you’ve ever wondered what Chlöe Bailey does to achieve her signature curves, you’re in luck because the 24-year-old artist recently gave fans a peek into what’s keeping her fit ahead of hot girl summer.
In a short clip shared to her Instagram stories, the "Treat Me" singer is seen getting her cardio in on the elliptical machine while showing off her toned abs in a gray, leopard print two-piece set and dazzling cross necklace as a light gym flex.
With her medicine ball secured in hand, she knocked out a few reps of standing Russian twists with the support of her trainer nearby. This, we must say, is an impressive take on the traditional ab workout, as it is typically performed while sitting on the floor or gym mat.
Last week, the Atlanta native provided fans with another look into her gym routine with a TikTok video of her performing a sturdy set of glute kickbacks on a cable machine, fittingly to her new song, "Body Do." This exercise is the perfect finishing move for the glutes if you’re looking for growth, gains, and a toned shape. Maintain steady control to experience this exercise's complete burn and benefits.
putting in that work 💪🏾
@chloebaileywashere putting in that work 💪🏾
One thing’s for certain, Chlöe puts in the work to achieve her body, but the journey to embrace her body hasn’t come without trial. In 2021, on Taraji P. Henson’s Facebook Watch show Peace of Mind with Taraji, she shared the impact that social media body shaming has had on her self-image. "I've been like, really insecure for a long time, and I'm finally at that place where I have self-confidence," Bailey said.
"And at first, I was really getting sad about it," she continued. "But then I thought — why would I let that control my thoughts and feelings when I know it's a lie? So I kind of had to give it not so much power. I'm not doing anything crazy; I'm just loving and appreciating my body, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that."
The Praise This star is fresh off the release of her highly anticipated debut solo album and multi-city tour, and judging from her recent videos, we don’t see her slowing down anytime soon. We’re taking notes, Ms. Bailey.
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Featured image by Corey Nickols/Getty Images for IMDb