

The body keeps score! Trauma can have far-reaching effects on our physical, emotional, and mental health. One area that can be significantly impacted is our sex life. Trauma sticks with us. It lives inside us and our relationships, greatly interfering with our ability to experience pleasure on the deepest of levels. People who have gone through a traumatic experience sometimes can be left feeling emotionally drained and/or have difficulty establishing intimacy. They sometimes even lack a sense of self-worth or find it difficult to be affectionate with a partner.
To learn if your trauma is impacting your sexual relationships, here are some signs to look out for.
1. You avoid sex.
The first sign is a general lack of interest in sexual activity. You may find yourself avoiding or actively running away from any kind of intimacy, whether it be physical or emotional. This could be because you're feeling overwhelmed by the trauma or because you feel like it's not safe to open up emotionally. Either way, it's important to pay attention to what your body and mind are telling you so that you can address the root cause of this behavior.
2. You dissassociate.
When you don’t feel safe in your body, it blocks you from feeling the depths of your sensations. It is not uncommon for people living with trauma to feel disconnected from their bodies. During sex, the brain releases norepinephrine which is the same hormone that floods the brain when experiencing fear. In the case of trauma, your brain sometimes has trouble separating the normal release of this hormone during intimacy from a traumatic experience.
3. You have poor body image.
Trauma and body image issues have a complex relationship. Traumatic events can lead to body dysmorphia, which is an extreme preoccupation with one's physical appearance. People who have suffered from traumatic experiences may be more likely to develop negative thoughts and feelings about their bodies, leading to negative body image. Negative body image can also lead to depression and anxiety.
4. You experience painful sex.
Oftentimes, female trauma survivors suffer from gynecologic issues such as vaginismus, an involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles during penetration. This condition is caused by violence, childbirth trauma, sexual assault, and emotional and/or psychological trauma. Whenever penetration is attempted, the vaginal muscles tighten up, causing extreme discomfort or pain.
5. You have difficulty maintaining intimacy.
Another sign that trauma is affecting your sex life is the difficulty in maintaining intimacy during sexual activities. This could manifest itself as difficulty staying aroused, difficulty sustaining an erection, difficulty getting into "the mood," or even difficulty communicating openly with a partner about what feels good or doesn't feel good physically and emotionally. All of these issues can point to underlying issues related to the trauma that needs to be addressed before they begin to interfere with relationship dynamics and overall well-being.
6. You have trust issues.
The lack of trust in a sexual partner can be problematic in a variety of ways due to past trauma. First, being vulnerable is unlikely to happen unless you have faith that the other person won't hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally. Secondly, it is challenging enough to share your wants and needs without the perception that people are inherently dangerous or that sex leads to betrayal or harm. Sex can be disappointing, triggering, or unsatisfactory if trauma has taught you these things.
Trauma has a wide range of effects on our lives, including our sex lives. If any of these signs resonate with you, it's important to take time for introspection and practice self-care so that you can deal with your past experiences in healthy ways.
While the signs of sexual trauma can be difficult to identify, they can be diagnosed through counseling and therapy. Therapy For Black Girls has a wide network of licensed therapists and online resources that can help you get the help you need. Survivors can also contact their Crisis Text Line by texting the word TRIBE to 741741.
Healing takes time, but it can be done with the proper care and attention paid to our minds and bodies.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Andene Sanchez/ Getty Images
- Could ‘Intimacy Anorexia’ Be Ruining Your Sex Life? ›
- Soul Ties Are A Thing: Is Your Sexual Past "Haunting" You? ›
- How To Handle Folks Who "Trigger" You ›
After Decades-Long Career, Terri J. Vaughn Is Finally The Main Character: Exclusive
Terri J. Vaughn first captured our attention in the late ‘90s as Lovita Alizay Jenkins on The Steve Harvey Show. Decades later, she is starring in her very own series, She The People, which is now available to stream on Netflix.
The political sitcom, which she co-created with Niya Palmer and later teamed up with Tyler Perry Studios, is about a Black woman named Antoinette Dunkerson who runs for lieutenant governor of Mississippi. She wins and becomes the state’s first Black lieutenant governor. Now, she’s forced to balance working with a racist and sexist governor while also trying to keep her family from running amok.
According to the beloved actress, this project was a long time coming. “I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff,” she says in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
“But just keep going, because this is what I do. This is what I love, and I know how important it is for us to continue to show up and make sure that we are seen, make sure that our voices are heard. For several reasons. I just never give up. So here I am, 20 years later, finally sold my show.”
She The People is inspired by the true story of London Breed, who became the first Black female mayor of San Francisco, Terri’s hometown. And to help make the show more authentic, the Cherish the Day actress tapped former Atlanta mayor, Keisha Lance Bottoms to come on as a producer.'“I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff."
After bringing the former mayor aboard, it was time to pitch again. And this time, the companies were pitching them. Ultimately, Terri decided to work with Tyler Perry on the series.
“We decided to do it with Tyler for several reasons. I love that. Well, most of the companies we met with were Black-owned companies, but he was the only studio,” she explains. “Tyler is like Walt Disney. That's literally what he is. He has the studio, he has the content. He operates just like Walt Disney.”
And thanks to the cast, the show is nothing short of laughs. The series also stars social media creator Jade Novah as Antoinette’s crazy cousin/ assistant, Shamika, Family Mattersstar Jo Marie Payton as Anotinette’s mom, Cleo, and Terri’s husband, Karon Riley, who plays Michael, her driver and love interest.
While we’ve watched Terri’s career blossom in various ways. From directing to producing, and playing diverse characters, the mom of two says her The Steve Harvey Show character will always be her favorite.
“Well, Lovita was definitely my favorite, especially for my time, the age and everything that I was. Now as a grown ass woman over 50, Antoinette Dunkerson is everything that I've wanted to play. She's everything. She's a mother of two teenagers. She's divorced, so she's co-parenting with her ex-husband. She has to wrangle in a very eclectic family,” she says.
“So I like playing characters that are really flawed and trying to figure it out and doing their best to try to figure it. And she's very flawed and she is trying to figure it out, and she fucks up sometimes. But her heart and what she's trying to do and what her vision is and purpose, it's all for the people. I mean, she the people. She’s for the people, she is the people.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Jamie Lamor Thompson/ Shutterstock
Black, Outside & Thriving: This Camping Itinerary Is The Reset You Deserve
Here's something many Black folk don’t always see us doing—but we absolutely should: camping. Yeah, I know. Bugs, wild animals, dirt, and no WiFi? That Black camping itinerary might sound like the start of a horror movie, right? But hear me out.
Many of us may have grown up thinking camping was something we just don’t do, and we have good reasons to decline or be apprehensive. I mean, none of us, our parents, nor our ancestors grew up jumping for joy to add a sprinkle of redlining, discrimination, exclusion, cultural disconnection, and access challenges to our outdoor recreation activities, right?
Well, I’ve been on safaris in South Africa, hiked waterfall-lined paths in Jamaica, and enjoyed sunset tequila tastings at high-end Mexican resorts, but camping? It was definitely a surprisingly fun 10-out-of-10 adventure I’d gladly embark on again. When Kampgrounds of America (KOA) invited me to join a Black camper’s retreat hosted by Black People Outside at the Cape Charles Chesapeake Bay KOA Resort in Virginia, I couldn’t say no.
I mean, while camping for some of us might be a hard pass, for me, it was an opportunity to reconnect with a childhood memory, try out glamping in a state-of-the-art camper, and see a part of Virginia that I didn’t grow up visiting as a child in the Hampton Roads communities my maternal family called home back then.
RISE IN INTEREST: Black Folk Camping And Creating Safe Spaces
Kameron Stanton, left, and Chevon Linear, founders of Black People Outside
Courtesy
And my adult curiosity and affinity for the outdoors are shared by a growing number of my peers. Black people made up 14% of campers in 2024, an increase from 11% in 2019, according to a recent KOA report. There’s an emerging trend of Black campers taking on nature-centered adventures like skiing, foraging, hiking, and van dwelling.
We’re definitely not new to this, but certainly true to it—from author and anthropologist Zora Neal Hurston to pioneering park ranger Betty Reid Soskin to Outdoor Afro founder Rue Mapp to the many other women who have boldly advocated for liberation, inclusion, and exploration in outdoor spaces.
And with Black People Outside, founded by Chicago-based couple Kameron Stanton and Chevon “Chev” Linear, the Black camping experience reflected something that happens whenever we show up to the party: cultural connection, unapologetic fun, good vibes, and our own unique flair for soul-stirring memories. I enjoyed a luxe VIP stay in a Platinum Salem RV among the who’s who of media, and it was divine.
So, whether you’re looking for a reset in a world where we’re constantly navigating microaggressions and systemic stress, or you just want something fun and off-the-beaten path for your next travel rendezvous, take a nod from this camping itinerary, perfect to celebrate Black joy and community:
WHERE I STAYED: Glamping In A Luxury RV Rental In Cape Charles, Va.
The beach side of Kampgrounds of America's Cape Charles, Va. property
Courtesy of Kampgrounds of America (KOA)
For this trip, I stayed in a Salem Fsx Platinum RV that was rented via RVShare.com. (Think of it like the Airbnb of camper rentals.) You basically filter for the type, location, and other amenities, and you book the camper.
With KOA, you can visit their website or use their app to find a campsite for parking the RV among one of their more than 500 campgrounds across the U.S.
You can have the RV delivered to the KOA campsite of your choosing (depending on the rental, host policies, and rates). I highly recommend letting the host set it up, especially as a newbie camper. The KOA staff was also very helpful in assisting when I needed anything explained or a small hiccup resolved. (I’m no expert on the ins and outs of outdoor plumbing, electrical hookups, and camper pull-out features, so this comes in handy.)
Cabins at Kampgrounds of America's Cape Charles, Va. site
Courtesy of Kampgrounds of America (KOA)
Let’s get into the top-tier features of this camper: It had a master bedroom with a smart TV, a closet, and shelf space. The bathroom had a vanity, cabinet space, and a shower (with an adjustable shower head and hot water with great pressure). There was digital AC and heating in both the bedroom and the front of the camper, along with a dining nook and a kitchen with lots of cabinet space, a full-sized stove, refrigerator, and microwave.
I enjoyed a lot of time in the camper's lounge area with a smart TV and fireplace. The RV was decorated like a modern studio apartment on wheels. There was also a guest room with bunk beds, storage, and games. Outside, there was a retractable awning, LED lights, and a sound system (that played music by the fire pit!)
I stocked my fridge with all my dream camp snacks, hosted an impromptu late-night pow-wow (to bring the party inside during the campsite’s “quiet hours”), and used KOA’s inclusive WiFi access, which was strong and reliable my whole time there.
WHAT I DID: Lodging Options, Town Exploration & Recreation
Hiking in Kiptopeke State Park in Cape Charles, Va.
Courtesy
If you don’t want to rent an RV, the Cape Charles KOA campground also offered safari tents (that look just like the ones I saw in South Africa), grass lots to build your own tents and set up, cabins that reminded me of Bermuda cottages, and drive-up options for groups with RVs. There was an on-site pool, private beach access, a beach-side restaurant and bar, and a welcome center that offered souvenirs, information, and snacks.
I also learned how to pitch a tent from scratch (via a completion where my teammate and I won a bottle of sparkling wine), how to start a fire from scratch (a lesson led by Kameron), and the best ways to find a good hiking trail in your community (Kameron and Chev walked us through Kiptopeke State Park, where there are opportunities for bird watching, kayaking, yurt camping, fishing and swimming at the beach.)
And if you want to take things to another level, charter a boat or rent one via a hosting platform or with recommendations from the KOA staff. Go fishing or just enjoy a recreational day out on the Chesapeake Bay.
SAFETY & INCLUSION
The winning tent-building duo at the KOA campground in Cape Charles, Va.
Courtesy
Now, safety: The whole time, I felt loved and welcome, as the KOA campground in Cape Charles was a secure property that required access cards, had staff readily available day and night, enforced rules on speed limits and quiet hours, and had decent lighting around the grounds. I also felt a sense of peace and rest because nobody really bothered me. Either people were super-friendly or just minded their business, and I didn’t mind that.
There was lots of laughter, ish-talking, roasted s'mores, wine, and dancing among a diverse group of Black women creatives, journalists, PR pros, podcast hosts, and authors—and that brought on a profoundly magical sense of security and connection in and of itself.
Also, camping—as any experience for me, due to my worldview—is what you make it. The KOA staff were super-helpful and personable, Chev cooked divine breakfast tacos and a crab boil with locally sourced seafood, our hosts created a Spotify playlist filled with reggae, dancehall, salsa, R&B and hip-hop hits we all loved, and I even met the owner of the camper, a kind, tatted, middle-aged family man who shared his journey into entrepreneurship and his love for customer service.
We spent the final night of the trip with a little party by the fire pit and a viewing of Super High, a clever animated film about fibroids, cannabis, and self-care by a fellow camper on the trip, Bianca Lambert, and celebrated the upcoming birthday of another amazing media entrepreneur, Nneka M. Okona.
Time well spent with amazing Black creatives, journalists, PR pros, and authors in Cape Charles, Va.
Courtesy
We took a drive into “town,” which for any small community near water is where all the action is. There were breakfast diners, seafood spots right by the water, art galleries, and bars. While there may have been a few blank stares here and there, I found most folk to be friendly enough to return a “Hello,” or a smile. (And those who didn't, I really don't regard as worthy of disturbing my peace and openness to fully enjoy a new experience.)
The shops were diverse both in nature, vibe, and offerings. One shop even had items made in Kenya, Mexico, and Guatemala, and, according to the woman behind the counter, advocates for the women creatives and artisans who made the items.
Camping offers revolutionary rest, freedom, and healing—an act of self-care and reconnection. When Black folk show up in nature, for ourselves and for our communities, it’s powerful, reminding everyone that the mountains, the trees, the oceans, the rivers—they all belong to us, too. It’s now a bucket-list travel adventure I'd gladly repeat.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Janell Hazelwood