
This Is How A Friend Can Gaslight You — And Make It Feel Like It's Your Fault

It was probably around the end of 2017 when I really started deep-diving into what narcissism really is. A part of the reason why I did it was because I was counseling some people who seemed to reveal some telling signs of being one. Then, because I am definitely the exception and not the rule when it comes to not being on social media, I was finding more and more data to support that it is creating more narcissists than ever before. Jump ahead a couple of years and I actually had a close relative who said, “Of course, I'm a narcissist. My mother and father are narcissists.” Boy, did that start to connect some dots as it relates to narcissistic abuse within my family tree and when it came to some of the friends and even guys that I picked — because it really is true that until you know better, it’s hard to do better.
As I started becoming a semi-expert on how to discern a narcissist before you find yourself getting beat the hell up by them (check out “3 Warning Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist” and “What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?”), that’s when I began to learn more and more about gaslighting (check out “Gaslighting, Love Bombing & 5 Other Triggers To Call Out In Your Relationships”) and y’all…Y’ALL. Hmph. Matter of fact, the more that I learn about what it is beyond how much folks just randomly throw the word out into the atmosphere, the more I get that if a lot of us nipped gaslighting right in the bud, our lives would be so much more peace-filled and we’d have a lot more clarity on what the quality of our relationships actually are; including our friendships.
Last year, I shared some intel on what it means to date a gaslighter (you can read more about that here). Today, let’s get into what it’s like to be gaslit by a friend (or “friend”). Because the sooner you know the signs, the sooner you can know if that person is worth keeping in your tribe or not — because why choose to be “burned” all of the time if you absolutely can avoid it?
Gaslighting. Revisited.
If someone were to ask me to provide a really quick and concise definition of gaslighting, I would probably pull from the author of the lead quote up top. Tracy Morgan also once said, “Gaslighting is an attempt to change the truth.” Some other keepers from the same writer include: “Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality,” “Gaslighting is implanted narratives cloaked in secrecy,” and “Gaslighting is when you don’t remember things the same as they do.” OK, but just so that we’re all on the same page, let’s go just a bit deeper than that.
At the end of the day, gaslighting is a form of emotional and/or psychological abuse where the gaslighter tries to make the “victim” question their own reality when it comes to their memories, experiences, and even feelings that are directly associated with the gaslighter. And why would someone be so diabolic? It’s all about manipulation and control. Egomaniacs like to gaslight. Abusers like to gaslight. Narcissists like to gaslight. Control freaks like to gaslight. People who suck at taking personal accountability for their actions like to gaslight. Some would say that ghosters are also pretty good gaslighters because if you’re leaving someone to question what happened, that is messing with their feelings…right? And because ghosting is pretty intentional, that means that 8 times out of 10, that is exactly what you wanted to do in order to have some sort of control (or get some control back)…right?
And here’s the thing — so long as someone is able to keep undermining you and, as a direct result, keep you “unstable” when it comes to how to deal with them, in their mind, they have the upper hand. They are able to keep pulling strings that can sway you into all kinds of directions, all the while acting innocent or even like you’re the problem. When I tell you that gaslighting is evil…it really is so evil, chile. And that’s why, again, it’s so important — crucial even — to know when someone you consider to be a friend is actually doing it to you.
And because, unfortunately, gaslighting is super common, I wanted to share a few signs of when you’re being gaslit in a friendship (or you’re possibly doing it to someone else), so that you are very clear, moving forward.
6 Ways a Friend Can Gaslight You (Sometimes, Without You Noticing It)
1. They Can Have a Selective Memory
When I tell you that I have a relative who is an Olympian gaslighter in this very realm? When it comes to what I had on in grade school or what I said 10 years ago, they can remember that. Oh, but call them to the carpet on some blatant physical, verbal or emotional abuse and, all of a sudden, they can’t remember. Chile, bye.
The reason why gaslighters like to get off of having a selective memory is 1) they want to try and mess with your own. For instance, while another relative of mine was still alive, this master gaslighter used to try and appear virtuous by saying that they didn’t want to speak ill of them and their narratives. Oh, but when that person died, all of a sudden, the gaslighter said they were a liar and too inebriated to recall what the relative had said about how the gaslighter got down. Of course, to the gaslighter, now it’s cool to say all of that because the person can’t defend themselves or contradict their story. Now the gaslighter remembers things like it was yesterday.
Watch people who try and act like you don’t know what you’re talking about when you know damn well that you do. Not only is it condescending as all get out, but it’s also their way of trying to make you become the “character” in the story they’ve written — or rewritten. Depending on the day. Either way, it’s gonna have nightmarish results for you if you let it continue to go on for a long period of time.
2. They Are Dismissive of Your Thoughts, Feelings and/or Needs
Someone I know had a relative who was very ill. When a mutual friend of ours kept telling me that I needed to go and visit that person (the sick one), out of courtesy only (because I really didn’t have to do it), I asked the “friend” if they were OK with that. Their response was, “I need to pray about it” (if that ain’t passive-aggressive). What? Meanwhile, all kinds of other people were given “their blessing” to visit and it wasn’t until the individual was literally unconscious that I was contacted with a green light.
People who know me know that I am not passive-aggressive; if anything, I’m overly aggressive in communicating my thoughts and so, when that person reached out after their relative passed (no doubt to get sympathy), I shared how I felt about what they did. This was all email correspondence. Did they respond? Nope. And when I ran into them months later, did they say anything? Nope. Not about that. How in the world do you get petty on that kind of level and then how do we come back from a death?
Is this gaslighting? A billion times over because when you state how you feel about something or what a need is and your friend acts like you didn’t say anything at all, not only are they trying to invalidate you but they oftentimes want you to get so upset that you end up popping all of the way off, so that, that way, they can tell everyone how you victimized them.
Luckily, I learned about gaslighting before all of this went down. Still, that showed me, live and in living color, how that individual gets down. You ain’t gotta burn me at that level again, chile. I won’t fight you in the street about it but…we’re good.
3. They Are Big-Time Flatterers (with a Jacked-Up Motive)
I say it often because it’s true — not even the Bible has good things to say about flattery (Job 17:5), so I don’t know why so many folks fall for it (well, other than receiving an ego boost, I guess). Anyway, watch out for the friends who ooze flattering words. For one thing, it oftentimes comes off as being super disingenuous. Also, it’s typically a set-up. They are trying to make you feel good so that they can get something out of you (which is basically the same thing as being disingenuous, right?). Or, it could be how they get out of apologizing for doing you dirty. In other words, when you confront them about something that either hurt your feelings or was flat-out wrong, rather than them owning it (more on that in a bit), they will deflect with some sort of compliment or praise — including praising that you didn’t react in the manner that they probably deserved.
Do good friends affirm one another? Yep. The key here is to pay close attention to the motive. Affirming is just about celebrating someone. Flattery is about buttering someone up for your own agenda. Or stratagem. It all depends on what you’re after in the long run. Motives are a trip, chile. Always pay a good amount of attention to them.
4. They Don’t Take Ownership for Their Actions
Gaslighters don’t like to apologize. Gaslighters try and avoid confrontation at all costs. Gaslighters will even lie to get out of taking accountability for their actions. The reason why is because if they deal with things, head-on, in their mind that means they aren’t in control anymore and they always want to be in control.
A few years ago, I wrote about a former friend who ghosted the mess outta me (check out “I Was 'Ghosted' By My Best Friend”). When I wrote them a couple of years later to be like, “I really can’t believe you did that,” did they apologize? Nope. They went on and on about how they decided on their own that I didn’t want to be involved with them anymore.
Nope. The issue was they were going through a crazy marital situation. I had come in to help defuse it and told them that I would give them some time to work it out. I also gave them a firm date when we should revisit it all. Instead, they got a divorce and I’m pretty sure that’s why they got ghost; they didn’t want me to know that. And so, rather than just being honest, they tried to make it be like ghosting me is what I wanted. Whew, gaslighting is crazy.
Personally, I don’t trust people who can’t own their ish — straight up and flat-out. I think a part of the reason is due to how direct I tend to be. Another reason is because I’ve spent far too many precious years of my life surrounded by folks who like to play those kinds of games. If you’ve got a friend who wants to hold you accountable and yet you can never do the same thing for/to them…that’s a gaslighter. Be careful.
5. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries in Your Other Relationships
Last year, one of the articles that I wrote for the platform was entitled, “Why I Prefer My Friends To NOT Be Friends With Each Other.” I remember reading a comment on one of our social media pages that said I was childish and problematic. Honey, I guess. First, I doubt she read the piece, and second, experience has brought me to that place and my life has been so much better for it. See, if two people are already close before I come onto the scene or we all meet at the same time, it’s whatever. But getting all close with my people’s people just because they are? For what? That’s their friends and everyone deserves to have their own space and boundaries.
It's kind of a 2.0 way of thinking yet hear me out. None of us is perfect and even friends need a place to vent — even about us. I would much rather my friends go to some random (in my world) who I don’t even know than someone who is close to me. Doing the latter just makes stuff awkward, if not super messy, and who has time for that kind of stress when it can be avoided?
Gaslighters? Oh, they would hate my article because they like everyone to be close-knit. That way, they can sow seeds of division among everyone, so that all relationships feel a little off-kilter. And when everyone is feeling kind of insecure, they can do their best manipulative work. Gaslighters loathe relational boundaries. They don’t have as much power when those exist.
6. They Constantly Play the Victim
Out of all of what I just said, probably the worst thing about a gaslighter is that they don’t know how to do anything other than play the victim. And because what they did to you is oftentimes right under the bar of catching a beatdown, they are pretty good at making it look like you’re just exaggerating what your issues with them are. UGH.
So, just what are some telltale signs that someone enjoys playing the victim role?
- They refuse to accept responsibility for the things that they’ve done.
- They will withhold their friendship until you apologize (even if they are wrong).
- They live to throw pity parties.
- If you do confront them about something, they will turn the issue onto you.
- They act like they are above correction or criticism and so if you do it, you are just jealous (to them).
- They are emotionally draining as all get out.
- They like you to be on eggshells when it comes to dealing with them.
- They will try and make you feel bad for what they did.
- They place blame on anyone and everything else.
It’s basically like, if someone shares the pearls of wisdom, “Don’t play victim to the circumstances you created,” they will find some way to act like they have no idea what anyone is talking about. All they know is they are right for gaslighting and you are wrong for calling them out on it. And that reminds me of what another author by the name of Maranda Pleasant, once said — “People who harm you will blame you for it. Remember, an abuser will generally always play the victim, spin a story, tell everyone and then generally call you ‘crazy.'”
I know it was a lot, y’all. Gaslighting is a lot. I still think it was well worth discussing because if your gut has been telling you that someone doesn’t sit quite right in your spirit and you haven’t been quite able to put your finger on anything, perhaps now you can.
Gaslighting is the worst. The good news is when you don’t provide the “kindle,” there’s very little they can do to affect — or infect — you. So…don’t (any longer).
Featured image by Giphy
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Your July 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Reflection & Reclaiming Your Power
July is a month of reflection, trusting the process, and gathering your resources. July marks the beginning of Retrograde Season, and there is a lot to move through and understand this month. We enter the month in Cancer Season, and emotions are running high. This month is a reminder that when we can take a moment for a pause, reflect on all we have learned, and remain open to what is ahead of us, we can experience true peace today.
On July 4, we have Venus entering Gemini and Neptune going retrograde in Aries. Venus in Gemini brings an interesting dynamic to matters of love and creates an atmosphere of fun, flexibility, and communication in partnerships. Neptune going retrograde in Aries brings a sense of empowerment regarding reflection and contemplation, and guides us to ask ourselves the important questions. This Neptune retrograde is about getting clear on who you are or who you want to be, and about clearing any confusion in that.
July 2025 Astrology Overview
Uranus Enters Gemini
Uranus makes an important transit this month and enters Gemini on July 7 after being in Taurus since 2018. Uranus in Gemini is a wildcard, and anything can happen during this time. With Uranus being the planet of change, upheaval, and breakthrough, and Gemini being the sign of communication, there is a new opening appearing in life, especially regarding creative and business matters.
A few days later, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, grounding all the energy we have experienced the past month. This Full Moon is about creating space for more security, understanding, and purpose to enter your life, and to own your power in creating your dreams.
Saturn Goes Retrograde, Then Mercury
Saturn goes Retrograde on July 13 until November 27, and Saturn Retrograde brings a push towards growth, but also examines what has been restricting you from doing so. With Saturn currently in Aries, you may be feeling more challenged in standing up for yourself and your beliefs and owning your growth. It’s about reminding yourself how far you have come and knowing that things can get better for you at any moment.
A few days later, we have Mercury going retrograde in Leo, and this Mercury Retrograde is also feeling more personal. It’s about examining how you express yourself and live in your confidence, and overcoming miscommunication with others by showing up exactly as you are authentically.
Leo Season Begins, Chiron Goes Retrograde & Venus Enters Cancer
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, bringing more sunshine after the emotional waters of Cancer Season. Even though we are in Retrograde Season now, with the Sun in Leo, we find the power to overcome even the most trying times. On July 24, we have a New Moon in Leo, making this a powerful New Moon to set intentions for your inner power, creativity, hobbies, self-expression, and where you want to shine in life. Chiron goes retrograde on July 30, and Venus enters Cancer on the same day, and we leave July, entering a new door in love.
One that is more healing and passionate than before. Overall, July is a month of closure and one that is creating the new ground for more purpose, excitement, and love to grow. Keep reading for your Sun, Moon, and rising sign below to see what July has in store for you.
Jump to Your Sign
Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A lot of things are brought to your attention this month, Aries. Neptune entered your sign this year for some time to come, and this month Neptune goes retrograde in Aries until the end of October. For you, this means you need some more time to process, understand yourself and your emotional world better, and you are clearing the fog. You are entering Retrograde Season with a deep inner clarity, but also an understanding that your healing doesn’t need to be rushed.
Mid-month, Saturn goes retrograde in Aries until September 1, and it’s important not to be hard on yourself right now. You have a strong urge to transform your life this month, but things may not be happening as quickly with the retrogrades in your sign. On July 30, Chiron also goes retrograde in Aries until 2026, and you end the month in introspection, with the need to take care of your health more. This month is a reminder that you can make plans, but divine timing will always have a say.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
July is a month of closure for you, Taurus. You begin the month with Uranus going retrograde in your 2nd house of income, and it’s a good time to prepare for a rainy day. Uranus is going to be shifting the dynamics in your life when it comes to your financial investments, earnings, and sense of stability, and it’s time to open your mind to what is possible for you and your abundance in life. You are learning to be fearless when it comes to owning your authenticity, and knowing that who you are is unique and worthy of love.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon happening in your 9th house, creating an opportunity for travel plans to follow through, or you just feeling more adventurous in general. Mid-month is about letting go of old belief systems that don’t resonate with your heart, and clearing the way for the new to be built in your life. You end the month with Chiron retrograde in your 12th house of endings, and you are learning through what is transforming in your life.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You are a powerhouse this month, Gemini. This is a month of achievement, success, and growing more deeply into your power. We begin the month with Venus entering your sign from July 4 until July 30, and love is taking you to new heights. This is a good month for making relationship developments, and for being received well. You are growing in your inner confidence and self-love, and this is creating more harmony in your partnerships as well.
One of the most important astrological transits of the year happens for you this month, and that is Uranus entering your sign on July 7, where it will remain until 2033. With Uranus now being in your sign, you are entering a journey of freedom, rebellion, self-expression, breakthrough, and immense change. You are dancing to the beat of your own drum and will be surprising others by how much life changes for you over the next eight or so years. We end the month with Mercury going retrograde in your 3rd house of communication, remember to think things through as you close out the month.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
July is a month of communication, creativity, and self-expression, Cancer. Cancer Season is here for you, and you are moving through the month claiming your power, speaking from the heart, and balancing your needs with others’ needs in your life. The Full Moon of the month on July 10 is your opportunity to let go of anything that has been weighing you down in your close partnerships, and to create room for more stable, committed, and fulfilling love to enter.
On July 24, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be happening in your 2nd house of income, abundance, and self-worth. You are evaluating how you want to show up and ask for what you need, and are preparing for a financial breakthrough. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your financial world and to see new ways to create a stronger foundation for yourself here. We end the month with Venus entering your sign from July 30 until August 25, and love feels a little more intense, passionate, and purposeful now.
Your guidance for the month overall is to know that you are the magnet for the things you want in your life, and that you have the power to rise above and claim them.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Joy is what this month is about for you, Leo. You are entering a fulfilling time in your life, where everything comes together for you better than you have ever imagined it to. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign this month from July 18 - August 11, but it’s not stopping you from enjoying your life and living out your truth. You are moving through this Retrograde fearlessly and learning more about yourself in the process.
Leo Season officially begins on July 18, and it’s your time to shine your light, Leo. With the Sun in Leo, you feel like your authentic self is being recognized and loved, and you are healing from a space of feeling like you have to do it all alone. A few days later, we have a Leo New Moon on July 24, and this is the time to set your intentions for your future and for how you want to show up in the world moving forward. July is your month of fulfillment through growth, compassion, and community, and for feeling like you have everything you need.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
July is all about perspective, Virgo. You are getting inspired this month, creating new plans for your life, and owning an adventurous side to yourself. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations for most of the month, July is a great time to manifest your dreams and to feel more powerful in creating your reality. Some Virgos could be traveling this month and seeing previous plans through, and you are gaining clarity on a lot of aspects of your life by doing things in a new way right now.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month and will be retrograding through an area of your life that has to do with healing, closure, spirituality, and your dream world. Pay attention to the messages you are receiving during this time, because they are guiding you towards your healing and personal empowerment. The New Moon on July 24 will also be highlighting your need to close one chapter of your life and begin another, and you are closing out the month with a new perspective in your heart and soul.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
This is a month of fulfillment for you, Libra. A lot of things are falling into place for you in July, and you are owning your freedom and independence right now. Uranus enters your 9th house of travel at the beginning of the month, and you are entering a new journey in your life where you do things in your own way and when you break free of the status quo. You are growing so much mentally this year, and July is when the work you have done internally is being reflected externally.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home, family, stability, and emotional harmony, and you are finding your balance. This is a Full Moon of forgiveness, and one where you are recognizing the power in self-care and taking care of your inner world. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Leo, and you are seeing a breakthrough happen within your friendships, community, and support system. You have some exciting opportunities coming your way this month, and you are living life in your own way and on your own terms.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
July is about protecting your energy, Scorpio. You have been setting your intentions and creating the life you dream of, and it’s important to create boundaries from those who don’t understand your vision or support you right now. With Uranus moving out of your 7th house of love and entering your 8th house of transformation, after changing things up in your relationships for the past eight years, you are ready to break free from old pain, experiences, or uneasiness in love.
Mercury goes retrograde this month on July 18, and will be retrograde in your house of career. This is the time to take a step back, go over your goals, and give life time to catch up to your dreams. The New Moon on July 24 will be activating this same area of your life, and you are getting glimpses of what is possible for you and your sense of success as you end the month. Overall, your main message this month is to not give up on who you are and what you are building towards, and to know that you are on the right path.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This is a powerful month of growth for you, Sagittarius. You have the Midas Touch, and you are creating abundance in your life. With Venus and Uranus moving into your 7th house of love, partnership, harmony, and wealth, there are a lot of new opportunities coming your way right now. You are someone who is out-of-the-box and does things their own way, and this energy is serving you well right now and making you a magnet for new opportunities to enter your life.
Mid-month, we have a Full Moon in your 2nd house of abundance and self-worth, and you are feeling more appreciation and value in your life. Previous financial intentions and plans are coming to fruition for you now, and you are ready to let go of the self-doubt of it all. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this New Moon is asking you to take more creative risks and to trust that you are on the right path, even if it looks different than others. If it feels right for you, it probably is, Sag.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Everything comes to fruition for you this month, Capricorn. July is your month of achievement, closure, and claiming your power, and you are doing so confidently. The Sun is in your house of love and partnership for most of the month, and July creates a space of happiness and commitment within your close relationships. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, and life comes full circle for you. Everything you have been building in your life over the past year is being reflected to you now, and you are feeling a lot of gratitude for where life is today.
Mid-month, your ruling planet Saturn, goes retrograde, and this is shifting the energy in the home. Whatever dynamics that have felt a little shaky for you in the home or with family are being addressed now, and you are learning the importance of healing your inner world and doing the work internally. With a New Moon in your 8th house of transformation to end the month, you are getting a little more vulnerable in July, and it’s surprising others, but even yourself. This is your month of closing one door in your life in peace, and seeing a new one bloom in the process.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
July is about taking things slow and thinking things through, Aquarius. Relationship dynamics in your life could be causing some challenges or confusion, and it’s best to choose your battles wisely right now. With the Sun in your house of health and daily rituals for most of the month, it’s important to take care of your well-being before you try to fix anything else. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of healing, closure, and spirituality, and this is a good time to reflect on everything you want to let go of in your life right now and what you no longer want to carry forward with you into your new beginnings.
Saturn, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde in your house of communication this month, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning about the power of your words. Make sure you are only speaking of things you want to bring forth into existence, and be careful with jumping to assumptions right now. Before the month ends, Mercury goes Retrograde in your 7th house of love, and your heart is seeking forgiveness. Know that you can find clarity during this time by being honest with yourself and your heart.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
There is a lot to process this month, and your mind is healing, Pisces. July is your month of overcoming past challenges and letting go of habits and routines that don’t serve you in the long run. Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde this month, and will be bringing your attention to your values and income world during this time. This transit is allowing you to gain clarity on your financial reality, establish greater self-worth and confidence, and get inspired by what is possible for you and your sense of abundance in life.
On July 18, Mercury goes retrograde in your 6th house of health, and you are ready to let go of the daily rituals or working routines that have been limiting your personal growth in some way. It’s time to examine what your body, mind, and soul are asking for right now, and to have the power to let go of what doesn’t resonate with your overall well-being. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your 2nd house as well, joining Neptune, and there is a lot of healing to be done this month.
You are being asked to see yourself as a powerful, worthy, and loved being you are, and to know that you deserve to feel good about your life and to feel secure in what you are building for yourself and your future.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Skyh Black Says Wife KJ Smith "Saved The Second Part Of My Life"
Before the red carpets, acting gigs, and coupled-up photo ops with his wife KJ Smith, Skyh Black was grinding through self-doubt, LA struggle story, and the kind of inner questioning that has broken the spirit of many Hollywood dreamers.
Most of us might recognize the Miami-born actor for his breakout roles on Tyler Perry’s Sistas and All The Queen’s Men, but for Skyh, the road to success wasn’t easy. On this week's episode of xoMAN, the actor opened up about his Hollywood come-up, what he had to heal to get there, and the woman who not only saw him, but made him feel the safest he's ever felt.
"She Saved The Second Part Of My Life": Skyh Black On Finding Safety In Love
"I love, like that is my lifeline," Skyh said of KJ Smith, his wife and fellow actor. "I really feel she saved the second part of my life."
The two met while filming Sistas, but as Skyh shared with xoMAN host Kiara Walker, their love didn't actually blossom until later. "People think we got together there, but we didn’t even get together—we got together outside," he explained. "At that time, we were both in LA. So she called me right after I booked All the Queens Men. And she said, ‘Hey’—she DM'd me," he laughs. "She slid in the DMs. She did."
Watch the full podcast episode here:
From DMs To Soulmates: How Skyh & KJ’s Love Story Began
That DM turned into a three-hour phone call, a Malibu picnic first date, and the beginning of a love story that’s still unfolding, now with a baby on the way. “She did not let me get none that night,” Skyh joked, “But we have not been apart since the 7th of January. 2021.”
Their relationship, much like their careers, is deeply intertwined. The couple has a coffee brand together (BLACK. Coffee), a production company, and will soon star in an upcoming film. "It's going to be interesting," Skyh said of the forthcoming project. "We know each other so well. And we know each other's weaknesses, and we also know each other-- we're not nice to each other," he laughed. "We love each other too much to be nice to each other... when we're working."
When asked by Kiara if that dynamic ever gets annoying, Skyh didn’t hesitate: "Not at all. I've never met anybody that knows me better than me and knows what's better for me than me."
On How He Knew She Was His One
Skyh Black and KJ Smith
Shutterstock
There’s a depth to how Skyh talks about KJ that feels rare and moving, even from the outside looking in. "That is such a loaded question," he said when asked how he knew she was the one. "I mean, K is like. It's just like, it doesn't not make sense. It's just kinda like, 'That's the love of my life, bro.' I don't know, I just feel so safe."
And it shows. "Every little instance it's like a twinkle in your eye," Kiara pointed out during the interview. "I wish she was here," Skyh said with a smile.
At a time when vulnerability from Black men is still often seen as taboo, Skyh’s transparency is refreshing af. But it also serves as a reminder that real love can be healing, collaborative, and deeply affirming.
And as he enters a new chapter as a husband, actor, entrepreneur, and soon-to-be father (Baby Black is loading), it’s clear Skyh isn’t just surviving Hollywood, he’s building a legacy with his love right by his side.
Want more of Skyh’s love story, career gems, and what keeps him grounded? Catch the full episode of the xoMAN now streaming on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
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