

Two things that I wasn't allowed to do much of during my adolescence was wearing black or wearing make-up. While my religious upbringing may have played a role to a certain extent (I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist although I consider myself to be a disciple now), something that my mother used to say about black is, "you've got forever to wear something so dark" and, as far as make-up went, "one day, you're gonna thank me when you age better than a lot of your friends who have all of that stuff on their face."
Now that I'm in my 40s, while I definitely own some black clothing, it's rare that you will ever see me in it, even at funerals because my brain is wired to wear a more "joyful" hue. And as far as make-up goes, while back in the 20s I rebelled, all it really did was cause my skin to break out more. So, once my 30s rolled around, I focused more on skincare. Since then, waterproof mascara and lip color are my mainstays yet it's rare that you'll see me with a full face on. And yes, my mother was right — I get complimented on looking younger than my age all of the time.
That's why, while I definitely think that a "beat face" is an art form and there is certainly nothing wrong with going "all in" when it comes to cosmetics, I also think that balance is important and that there are some really good reasons to consider going without make-up on your face, at least once a week. And while there is actually a myriad of them, I'm gonna share eight solid ones today.
1. It’ll Save You a Ton of Time
It's not until my hair is in a protective style that I realize how much time I save not having to style my hair on a daily basis. Again, while it's been a hot minute since I've had concealer, foundation, eyeshadow, blush, etc. on, when I sit and think about how long it would take me to "do it right" when it came to applying make-up back in the day, lawd, it had to be at least 30-45 minutes. Now that I think about it, oftentimes "putting my face on" is what caused me to be late to certain things. So yeah, when I think about a top reason why going without make-up can sometimes be a really good idea, the amount of time — time that you will never get back — that you will save is definitely a top one.
2. It Can Save You a Boatload of Money Too
I'm thinking that it's no surprise that the beauty industry is a billion-dollar one and we as Black women are a huge part of that. Yet when you break it down into how much each of us spends, guess how much reports say that is? A whopping $15,000 in our lifetime which basically boils down to being somewhere around $40 a month. Y'all, that is a freakin' car!
So, if money is currently tight and you're looking for a way to keep a few coins in your pocket, going make-up-free sometimes could end up being the money-saving hack that you didn't know you were missing.
3. Your Skin’s Texture Will Improve
Is your skin's texture a bit on the rougher side? If so, make-up could be the culprit (especially if you make a habit of sleeping with it on). Although we're literally shedding 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells every minute of the day (pretty crazy, right?) when we've got make-up all over our face, that makes it hard for those cells to leave which results in clogged pores and a rough texture. Once I personally started focusing on improving the health of my skin instead of covering up my "flaws", my own skin's texture started to become baby smooth. These days, I will put rosemary oil on my face in the day and sweet almond oil on it at night, and whew — the glow and softness are truly unmatched. Straight up.
4. Your Pores Can Breathe
Something that I have is larger pores (check out "10 All-Natural Ways To Make Your Pores Appear Smaller"). It's a huge part of the reason why, even in my 40s, I still get pimples from time to time (especially around my period…which yes, still comes, right on schedule, chile). And while I am well aware of the fact that things like foundation can help to protect my schedule from the outer elements, I also know that it can do a real number when it comes to clogging up pores which can lead to breakouts. That's why, when you do wear foundation, it's best to avoid one that is oil-based. And in general, you really should give your pores a break sometimes by going without putting anything on them, so that you can do things like exfoliating and steaming your face which will give your pores can get a break and deep cleanse them so that your complexion can become/remain nice and smooth.
5. It’s an Anti-Aging Hack
Tell me something — when's the last time you actually read the label on your favorite cosmetic brands. If you never have before, I recommend that you do because a lot of these companies use all kinds of chemicals that may produce pretty hues and temporary visual effects but long-term…uh-uh. If they're not irritating your skin, they can dry it out which can result in fine lines and wrinkles over time which can cause you to look older than you actually are — if not immediately, eventually.
This is another reason why going without make-up sometimes is a smart thing to do. If you want your Black to not crack, you need to be intentional about moisturizing and pampering it. Yes, we've got melanin on our side, but constant make-up use can do some real damage to us, just like everyone else if we're not careful.
6. It Can Do Wonders for Your Self-Confidence
Something else that my mother used to say often is, "Make-up shouldn't change; it should enhance." Do I like my eyes more with a couple of coats of mascara? Definitely. Are my lips super on-point when they've got a liner and some gloss on them? Chile, listen. Still, I've gotta admit that it has done my self-esteem a lot of good to know that if I go out with absolutely nothing on, I'm still a cutie pie because the face God gave me is just fine as is. There's no way I would've come to that conclusion if I didn't go without make-up. And a woman who is truly, genuinely and fully self-confident? She radiates beauty in a way that cosmetics could never ever do for her.
7. It Will Keep You from Totally Relying on Cosmetics
Back when I was in high school, I went to school with a lot of white girls who literally lived in a full face of make-up. Because of what I said in the intro and also because the girls of other ethnicities (including my own) didn't put on nearly as much, what white girls sent themselves through was pretty fascinating to observe. That was until I saw some of them without any make-up on and then I was like, "Please put it back on. How quickly can you do it too?" The moral to the story here is when you are so consumed with cosmetics that you literally look like an entirely different person when you take it off, that can put you on a cycle of being super reliant on it because you don't feel like you are pretty or appealing without it because you have literally created another face. And that can be a dangerous way to approach how you see yourself.
8. Natural Is Sexy
I'm not sure why so many women get triggered when they hear men say that they don't particularly care for a lot of make-up because what that basically boils down to is they are all about your wake-up face and what in the world is wrong with that? Even as a woman, when I see someone who is fresh-faced in pictures or even when I'm out, she causes me to do a double-take because 1) I dig the self-assuredness and 2) it reminds me of a compliment a man gave me years ago that still remains on the forefront of my mind — "Thanks for remembering what you look like."
Can you be sexy with make-up on? Sure, you can. There is something about how cosmetics can put an "explanation point" on our looks that is undebatable. Still, when my mother's husband once said that the thing that he liked most about her beauty is the woman he went to bed with is the woman he woke up with, I totally got where he was coming from. Going without make-up and letting your natural beauty shine through is always sexy AF because you're saying that "I know that I am sensual and alluring, just as I am" — and who can't be turned on by a woman who feels that way…about herself? Exactly.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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