OWN’s dating reality series Put A Ring On It is back! The third season of the hit show features a new batch of couples who are at a crossroads in their relationships, deciding whether or not they should get married or end their relationship. In a particularly spicy move, the show has the couples date outside of their relationship to see what areas need strengthening to make their relationship better. xoNecole caught up with the show’s relationship coach Dr. Nicole LaBeach who says that fans can expect more of the same messy drama and “more couples trying to figure it out.”
Here’s Dr. Nicole’s best advice on how couples can improve their relationships.
xoNecole: What is it about dating outside of the relationship that brings clarity to couples about their own relationship?
Dr. Nicole LaBeach: [It’s] not just dating outside of the relationship, it really is [about] having a coach to help the couple figure out the answers to the questions that they've really been seeking to help them make a different move in their relationship. A lot of times our couples have thoughts in their mind, “Is the grass greener on the other side?” “If I would've done this differently, maybe this would've been a different result.”
What the dating of other couples gives them the opportunity to do is push those limits. To see are you really interested in watering your grass over here and making this grow and flourish, or is your intentionality to do something different? And if that's the case, then maybe this is not the opportunity for you to build forward in the future.
xoNecole: What are the biggest problems you have noticed couples face when trying to commit to marriage with one another?
DN: Communication. That's the big one. How they communicate, how they resolve conflict, what’s their recovery time is in resolving those conflicts. And can they really build together and give each other enough room? Because it's really about both people being able to be a part of what is the winning relationship. So, can they make enough room for each other and can they communicate effectively with some of life's greatest challenges and the simple ones and still be together in the process?
xoNecole: What is your advice for couples who want to communicate better?
DN: A lot of times our communication patterns have been learned from different relationships, often [from] our family of origin and different places that sometimes serve us very well and sometimes don't. It's our job to recognize that listening is very important and listening to hear and understand, not just listening to respond. So often when our mate is trying to communicate something to us, we've got an instant choice to make: do we really wanna hear what they have to say, or do we wanna hear to defend our position?
In our show what we get to do is help couples recognize that self-criticism will cause harm [and] criticism to their partner and criticism to themselves in communication will cause harm. Defensiveness will cause harm in the communication of the relationship [as well as] stonewalling [which is] where you just shut down. There are couples that shut down and for a couple of days, they are not on the same team. They're not talking to each other. They're not relating to each other. That will cause harm or even contempt. Research has shown that [these] things in communication can really be the make or break a couple being able to move forward in [the] long term.
"It's our job to recognize that listening is very important and listening to hear and understand, not just listening to respond. So often when our mate is trying to communicate something to us, we've got an instant choice to make: do we really wanna hear what they have to say, or do we wanna hear to defend our position?"
Courtesy of OWN
xoNecole: You’ve been a relationship coach for some time now, what made you want to branch your expertise out with this show?
DN: One of the things I love about the show is that the couples realize when they go through the process that this is really about the choice that they need to make to decide if they wanna build where they are and see it flourish. Are they really deciding that this is not the opportunity for them and they need to do something different? And I love that part. I love giving couples the opportunity to be nurtured, to have the hard conversations, and to champion them in the process so that they can make a winning decision for their relationship.
xoNecole: What is your advice to couples who are watching this show who are still undecided about whether they should take the next step in their relationship?
DN: Watch the show and talk during the commercial breaks. One of the things that we've heard a lot from our audience is that yes, in one space you are looking at it, you're peeking into the relationship of other couples, but the things that we talk about on the show are conversations that every couple has the opportunity to talk about in reference to their circumstance. So make the commercial breaks count with some popcorn and snacks and then return from the commercial break. So you have something else to talk about in the next break.
The new season of Put A Ring On It airs on OWN at 9 p.m. EST / 8 p.m. CST.
Featured image courtesy of OWN
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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A fast metabolism? It can help you burn calories. A slow metabolism? It makes that a more challenging effort.
So, let’s take a deeper look into what metabolism is all about and what you might be doing, perhaps without even noticing, that could be slowing down your metabolism, which could make getting the results that you desire more difficult than it actually has — or needs — to be.
The Truth About Your Metabolism
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Although metabolism is a word that is brought up quite a bit, both online and off, in order to fully understand why yours may be faster or slower, it’s a good idea to know exactly what metabolism is.
A simple way to explain it is metabolism is a chemical process in your body that determines how your body turns food and drinks into actual energy. Since you need energy in order to literally function, this is why learning about your own metabolism is an essential thing to do.
For instance, did you know that whenever you eat, your digestive system uses enzymes to turn fats into fatty acids, carbs into simple sugars, and proteins into amino acids — and all of these things can be relied upon for energy? And although several factors within your system play a role in how fast or slow your metabolism may be (your thyroid certainly tops the list, by the way), there are certain things that you may be doing that could be speeding up or slowing down your metabolism as well.
Now before I get into what some of those things are, I think it should also go on record that if you want to know more about metabolism because you’re ready to shed a few pounds, while metabolism certainly plays a role in how fast you do or don’t burn calories, tweaking habits in order to speed up your metabolism won’t automatically help you to reach your weight loss goals alone. You also need to adjust your diet, exercise, get plenty of rest, lower your stress levels, and be intentional about not taking in more calories than you burn on a daily basis.
Still, since we do know that people who burn calories faster don’t have to count them as much and having a faster metabolism can also do things like slow down premature aging and build more muscle mass, it can never hurt to know what you may be (inadvertently) doing that could be causing you to have a sluggish metabolism. That way, you can make a few adjustments in order to get the metabolic results that you want.
And in the efforts to help you to do just that, here are 10 ways that you may be slowing down your own metabolism.
10 Things That Could Be Slowing Down Your Metabolism
1. Consuming Too Little Protein
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There’s a pretty big reason why not having enough protein in your system can result in you ending up with a sluggish metabolism. The reality is your body uses protein in order to build and increase muscle mass, to keep your bones strong, to grow and renew your body cells and tissues, and to give your body the energy it needs in order to function properly and burn fat.
This is why it’s essential to consume somewhere around 0.36 grams of protein per pound on a daily basis.
2. Drinking Too Much Sugary Stuff
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If you want to speed up your metabolism, consider drinking some green tea. If you want to know what drinks could be slowing down your metabolism, that would be the sugary stuff like soda. Although having one every once in a while won’t do any real damage, too much fructose or sucrose can ultimately lead to inflammation, fat accumulation, and it can throw your metabolism off, too.
So, if sweet drinks are your thing, try and consume no more than one a day; then follow that with a glass of water, for you and your metabolism’s sake.
3. Being Dehydrated
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Since you’re made up of mostly water, it makes all the sense in the world that you should be proactive about avoiding dehydration. Also, since your metabolism begins at a cellular level and water carries oxygen, the more water that is in your system, the easier it is for your metabolism to have the energy that it needs in order to work effectively. And how much water do you need on a daily basis?
Some health experts say that 11 cups (not glasses, cups) a day, if you’re a woman (15 if you’re a man), should get you what you need.
4. Keeping Your Thermostat Too High
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Although you’ve probably heard somewhere that your metabolism kicks up when you feel hot, there is something that you should keep in mind. When it’s time to turn in for the evening, you actually should keep your bedroom on the cooler side. The method to the madness is when the temp is somewhere in the late 60s, that will cause your body to have to work harder to keep you warm, and that will send your metabolism into a bit of an overdrive.
Since cooler rooms are proven to improve your quality of sleep overall, why not try it for a couple of nights? See how it makes you feel.
5. Avoiding a Consistent Exercise Regimen
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Hands down, something that helps to keep your metabolism going is a regular workout routine. If you make a point to do consistent strength training and resistance exercises, that can help your body to build muscle over time which, in turn, burns calories. Women’s Health has some specific exercises that can help you to give your metabolism a boost. You can check them out here.
6. Needing a Calcium Supplement
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If you’re someone who takes supplements, look on the back of your labels to make sure that there is calcium on one of the bottles. Calcium helps to keep your bones and teeth strong, it helps your hormones and enzymes to do what they need to do and it’s also a nutrient that boosts your metabolism, so that it’s easier for your body to burn fat.
7. Cooking with Too Much Sea Salt
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If you like to cook with sea salt, something that you might want to keep in mind is the fact that it could slow your metabolism down some. The backstory on this is that sea salt doesn’t contain iodine in the way that most standard table salt does, and that can be potentially problematic because your body needs iodine in order to keep your thyroid healthy, so that you are able to have more energy. The more you know. The more you freakin’ know.
8. Being Sleep-Deprived
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The more I study about how beneficial a good night’s rest is, the more I see just how detrimental sleep deprivation can be, in pretty much every way. Take your metabolism, for example. When you don’t get 6-8 hours of shut-eye on a consistent basis, it can throw your hormone levels off, which can directly impact how fast your metabolism moves. And since, reportedly, your metabolism automatically slows down 15 percent at night anyway, all of this is a smart thing to keep in mind when it comes to eating late at night.
Indeed, less rest and midnight meals can definitely help you to pack the pounds on.
9. Erratic Meal Times
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Lawd. If there is something that I personally need to make sure to keep in check, it’s this point because, when I’m in a zone while hammering away on my laptop, it can be really easy to lose track of time, and that can do a real number on my metabolism. Here’s why: One thing that your body does is provide fuel for you to have enough energy to get through the day. When your meal times are consistent, your body knows how to process your calories by burning them; however, when your eating times are all over the place, your system doesn’t know whether to burn calories or store them up.
So, if you want your metabolism to be stabilized, eating (especially) main meals need to happen at relatively the same time every day.
10. Not Eating Enough
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One more. If you are indeed trying to ramp up your metabolism in order to shed a few pounds, please don’t do that by starving yourself. Although it is indeed true that in order to lose weight, you should cut back a bit on your caloric intake, if you’re eating too little, your body will think that it needs to slow down your metabolism in order to hold onto the food that is already in your system for a while longer.
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Ain’t it wild how so many simple things can cause pseudo complications for our metabolism? That’s the bad news. The good news is that if you’re willing to make some minor adjustments, you can probably rev your metabolism up, just in time for the plans that you have for your body before summer officially arrives!
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