One thing about being a "godmommy" and "love auntie" (which are nieces who came through love, not blood) is your “girls” will be asking you all kinds of stuff that they may not necessarily feel comfortable asking their mom about. And, for better or for worse, I am at the season where a lot of mine are either preteens or full-blown teenagers (Lord, where does the time go?!), so here come all of the random emails, texts, and phone calls. And, for whatever the reason, a burning topic right now has been pubic hair — whether to keep it and/or what to exactly do with it.
Personally, I am Team Pubic Hair. It makes sex more comfortable by reducing the sometimes uncomfortable friction that comes from intercourse. It can reduce the transmission of bacteria if you happen to have tiny abrasions around your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) or pubic mound. It can even intensify sexual activity since pubic hair tends to carry pheromones.
Yet just because I’m all about keeping the hair that naturally grows in that area around, that doesn’t mean that I don’t think that some intentional and consistent grooming shouldn’t be going down in the process. And since there are a few different routes that we all can take in that department, I want to share some of the options that I told my girls — with a heads up to their mamas, of course — about, along with the benefits and potential challenges that come with each of ‘em.
The Pros & Cons of Trimming Your Pubic Hair
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PROS: So long as you have the proper tools (either some facial hair shears because they have rounded tips that are safer or an electric trimmer that’s specifically designed for pubic hair), probably the greatest pros with trimming your pubic hair is that it’s cheap and convenient as all get out. You can do it from the comfort (and privacy) of your own home at any time you feel the need.
CONS: As someone who trims sometimes in between appointments, one con is it can be hard to see what you’re doing; not only that, but feeling around can take for-e-ver. Also, if you’re gonna go with an electric trimmer, you should make sure to oil the blades before and after each trim; otherwise, you run a high chance of the blade snagging some of your hairs or nicking you — and trust me, both really suck.
Definitely rinse the blade thoroughly to reduce the risk of bacteria and bumps (especially if you’re going for a close trim) and replace the blades on your trimmer every 3-4 months; that way, they don’t get dull.
The Pros & Cons of Shaving Your Pubic Hair
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PROS: If you want to clean up your bikini line completely and you want to do so while keeping some coins in your pocket, shaving is a way to go. It’s something else that’s relatively easy to do at home and, so long as you get a really good razor (word on the street is Schick Women’s Quattro Razor Exotic Violet Blooms is a great one), it can have your bikini line looking and feeling baby soft smooth. Just make sure to dampen your skin, apply a shaving gel or cream first, or, if you’d prefer a more natural alternative, go with something along the lines of coconut or olive oil or even some aloe vera gel.
CONS: I still shave my legs (not really sure why, now that I think about it; I should probably get those waxed), and while it’s cool for the most part, the most annoying thing is how fast the stubble starts to come back; same point applies to shaving pubic hair. Plus, if you want an extra close shave and you decide to go against the grain, that significantly increases your chances of experiencing razor bumps and the scars that can come from them, which can be a low-key nightmare.
You can avoid this by never going against the grain, applying gentle pressure as you shave, and re-wetting your razor every 2-3 strokes. Another con? If you decide to remove all of your pubic hair this way, the growing out process can be a mutha. The itchiness alone, chile? Hard pass.
The Pros & Cons of Using Hair Removal Cream for Your Pubic Hair
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PROS: If you want a pubic hair removal method that is fast, inexpensive, and easy to do yourself, another option is going with a hair removal cream like Nair. Since it’s painless and even removes hair right beneath the surface, this method typically lasts longer than shaving.
Word on the street is that depilatories (another name for hair removal) can also help to make your hair grow back softer with consistent use (although some studies say that they actually increase the amount of hair follicles in mice). Also, since no razors are involved, you don’t have to worry about unsightly ingrown hairs becoming an issue.
CONS: I’ve got a girlfriend who has been Nair-ing her pubic region for basically all of her adult life — not just her bikini line either; she gets rid of it all. According to her, the smell of the Nair and the minor skin burns that can come from leaving the cream on too long (if you’re not careful) are her biggest issues. When it comes to the stench, a baking soda rinse can help. When it comes to the burn, just make sure to follow the directions to a T.
The Pros & Cons of Waxing Your Pubic Hair
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PROS: I’ve been waxing for several years now, and it really is one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made. Although I do like some evidence of being out of puberty being down below (pretty sure you can read below, well, I mean between the lines there), it has been the perfect solution for my bikini line. That’s because, since waxing pulls your pubic hair from its roots, when this consistently transpires, it not only damages those hair follicles, it can alter the texture of your pubic hair as well as cause it to become thinner and quite possibly stop growing altogether after a couple of years (of regular treatment).
Not only that, but as you’re waiting for all of this to happen, you can oftentimes go between 2-5 weeks before needing to wax that area all over again.
CONS: If you want someone to lie to you and say that waxing isn’t painful to some and highly comfortable to others (like me), I ain’t the one, chile. Listen, it took me a solid nine months (give or take a couple of appointments) to get to where waxing wasn’t annoying the mess outta me. One thing that helped was having my waxer apply some oil to my bikini line before applying the wax; that way, the wax is pulling on the hair and less on my actual skin. Another potential con is it’s not as inexpensive as the other options I’ve already talked about, especially if you’re gonna go to a professional spa or salon.
Oh, and if you’ve somehow convinced yourself that DIY’ing it will be easier, chile, naw. Usually, that takes even longer because it can take quite a bit of trial and error to find a comfortable wax (and temperature). Plus, most women don’t take the “just rip off the Band-Aid” approach to pulling wax strips off in the way that professionals do. And that pull-ouch-pull-ouch dance can take hours out of your day. Yes, literally.
The Pros & Cons of Sugaring Your Pubic Hair
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PROS: I’ve been rockin’ with my waxer for quite some time now. Yet when she was out of commission for a season, I had to find someone to be her temporary stand-in. What I landed on was someone who does sugaring. If you’re not familiar with what that is, sugaring is all about mixing sugar, lemon, and water together to create a paste that is similar to wax in order to get rid of unwanted hair.
The major perks with sugaring are the ingredients are all-natural, some say it’s less painful than waxing because it doesn’t actually stick to the skin (I’d say it’s a bit more comfortable), and it can eventually lead to permanent hair loss. Another thing worth noting about sugaring is you can keep going over the same area without worrying about damaging your skin. That makes sense, considering that the sugar solution doesn’t attach itself to it in the same way that waxing does.
Oh, and because it is an all-natural method that requires very few ingredients, sugaring is also something that you can do at home. A video that can help you out is located here.
CONS: All in all, I only have one con when it comes to sugaring. Because it sometimes doesn’t “catch” the hairs on the first or even second try, sometimes the end result isn’t as baby smooth as I would personally prefer. I’ve also noticed that sometimes sugaring doesn’t result in clean lines like waxing strips do. Yet that second con can oftentimes be mastered with a bit of practice. Either way, if you’ve always wondered if it truly is an effective way to remove body hair, it is. One that has less chemicals than wax too.
The Pros & Cons of Laser Hair Removal for Your Pubic Hair
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PROS: If you’re going for a longer-lasting approach to pubic hair removal (after 4-6 visits, you will probably only need to remove your pubic hair every couple of years), lasering can make that happen. Many experts say that you will need to go somewhere around five times, spaced four weeks apart, in order to receive lasting results. And as far as other benefits go, lasering is quick (usually around 15 minutes per session), is typically less painful than even waxing or sugaring, can help to even out your skin tone while removing unwanted hairs, and avoids the end result of ingrown hairs that can come from tweezing and/or shaving.
CONS: Imma tell you, off the rip, what will keep me from trying this option is the cost. It would be one thing if I could knock out all of the hair in one visit; however, since it isn’t a permanent form of hair removal for most, $300 a session (minimum) is too steep for my blood. Also, there are some professionals who say that it’s not the best option for deeply melanated skin, and if your skin is naturally dry, laser hair removal could make matters worse instead of better.
The Pros & Cons of Electrolysis for Your Pubic Hair Removal
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PROS: If you’re someone who has used electrolysis to remove pubic hair before, please jump into the comments and tell us how the experience was because there’s something about a probe (usually in the form of a tiny needle) going into my skin that doesn’t exactly sound like a trip to Six Flags. Nonetheless, I have read and researched that electrolysis is a win if you’re looking for a hair removal method that requires no downtime, can work on all skin types, and can be done even if you happen to be on your period or are pregnant. Plus, the process is relatively quick (between 15-60 minutes, depending on how much hair you’re removing), and the risk of infection is quite low.
CONS: To say that you won’t feel anything during the procedure is a stretch. Some folks say it feels like an annoying tingle, while others have shared that it’s mildly uncomfortable. A workaround for that is some numbing cream that your electrologist can apply because you will probably feel it more than laser treatments plus, you will have to have more sessions before all of the hair is completely gone. Electrolysis also isn’t cheap; each session will land you somewhere between $50-200.
Bonus: The Pros & Cons of Dyeing for Your Pubic Hair
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Between these huge breast-es-sis of mine and me quite frankly, not being as limber as a sistah used to be, I don’t see all of the gray hair developments that my waxer LOVES to point out are transpiring down below. When I have taken a mirror down there to see what’s up, I’m fine with it (now…LOL).
Yet, if you’re not when it comes to your own pubic hair, there are dyes that you can try. Personally, I would recommend going with an option that is specifically designed for pubic hair, like the Betty Beauty line (here) or the MiniKINI Colour line (here) because they contain ingredients that will reduce the risk of irritation.
Me? I trim my pubic hair far too often for dyeing it to even make sense. Besides, a grown vagina is a blessed one, gray hairs ‘n all. All good, chile. All good.
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There you have it: a cheat sheet on how to keep your own pubic hair right where and how you want it to be. Feel free to hop in the comments and share what works best for you and why. Knowledge is power…even when it comes to our hair that’s down below.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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