Perimenopause Has Your Period Being All Over The Place? Here's What To Do.
Listen, I love being a woman — especially a Black woman. That is a full-stop statement. However, I wish someone had given me a very clear and consistent heads-up that once my period started, I’d be dealing with it, on some level, for the rest of my entire life. And that’s no exaggeration.
Nevermind the fact that you’re basically only “off” of your cycle one week of the month because there’s ovulation, PMS, and then your actual period. Yet even before menopause (which tends to require some sort of hormone therapy or holistic treatments to keep some sort of hormonal balance in your system), there’s perimenopause.
Ah, perimenopause. That period of time in your life that can last anywhere from a few months to an entire freakin’ decade where your body starts to release fewer eggs, your estrogen and progesterone levels are on one hell of a roller coaster ride, and you start to experience things like hot flashes, sleeplessness, and erratic-as-all-get-out menstrual cycles. *le sigh*
And since the average age of menopause is 51, this means that you can easily be in the stages of perimenopause around the time you turn 40, earlier if you end up going into premature menopause (I know, right?). And with that being the case, that’s why I thought it would be a good idea to give you 12 tips regarding things that you can do if you happen to notice that your cycle ain’t as predictable as it used to be so that you can deal with perimenopause with some level of sanity and grace.
1. Reduce Your Stress Levels
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Ever since you’ve had your period, you’ve probably known that your stress levels can affect it when it comes to how consistent your cycle is and how light or heavy it might end up being. Well, when it comes to perimenopause, stress can create all kinds of unwanted issues, especially since your 40s and 50s can be the time in your life when you’re already putting yourself under more pressure than you probably should when it comes to achieving life goals, balancing your personal and professional life and trying to figure out what you want your future to look like.
Anyway, since your hormone levels are already gonna be pretty topsy-turvy, you’ve got to be on-10 about keeping what stresses you out down. Set clear boundaries. If you’re a workaholic, it’s time to shift outta that. Exercise. Consider meditation. Definitely ramp up your self-care rituals. Pamper yourself more than ever. The symptoms that come with perimenopause are already stress-filled enough. You’ve got to be hypervigilant in making sure that they, on top of life life-ing, don’t do a real number on your mental health and your cycle, too.
2. Get Your Thyroid Checked
Did you know that 1 in 8 women will end up with some type of thyroid issue in their lifetime? The reason why that is relevant to this particular article is that if your thyroid isn’t acting like it should, that can result in an inconsistent cycle or super light or heavy periods. Since those are also symptoms that are directly associated with perimenopause, if your cycle is currently all over the place and you’re not sure why, or you’re in your 20s and going through these types of issues, it’s a good idea to get your thyroid professionally checked out. Just to prevent you from thinking that you’re in perimenopause when that might not be the case at all.
3. Also, Get an At-Home Perimenopausal Test
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Even though I know that a lot of us think that Googling is basically like a doctor’s visit, if you spend too much time on that thing, you will start to think that everything in the world is cancer-related (no joke). So, not just to keep yourself from becoming confused and/or paranoid but to also make sure that you are receiving accurate information when it comes to perimenopause, it can never hurt to do some professional hormonal testing. This is something your healthcare provider should be able to do for you.
Also, there are at-home tests that you can now take that, with the help of a blood sample from you (via a finger prick), can reveal what your estrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (also known as LH — the hormone that stimulates your ovaries) levels are.
Does this replace going to the doctor? Absolutely not. However, it can give you some indication of what’s going on with you if your cycles aren’t what they used to be. A test that has a reputation for being pretty reliable is Everlywell’s Perimenopause Test. You can read more about it here.
4. Use a Menstrual Cup
A part of the reason why I even decided to pitch this article is because the last six months or so of my period has been a plumb trip. For instance, not too long ago, I had a light cycle for a whopping five weeks. No pain. No real blood-related drama. Just light-to-mid spotting after a full cycle that wouldn’t go away. My health care provider was like, “You know how old you are. Unless you’re in some serious discomfort or passing a lot of clots, it sounds like perimenopause.” Thankfully, I’ve been into menstrual cups for a minute now. However, if you’ve never tried one and you’ve been having extended-stay cycles, you might want to give them a shot.
While no one wants a period that seems to go on FOR-E-VER, if you’ve got a cup in, I promise that it’ll help you forget that you’re going through all of that…drama. Menstrual cups can make you feel like your period isn’t even there.
5. Eat Phytoestrogens
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Like I said earlier, something that your estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone levels are going to do during perimenopause is fluctuate — sometimes drastically. When it comes to your estrogen levels, specifically, it’s what “triggers” your FSH and LH hormones to work properly. That said, estrogen eventually declines so low that you don’t end up releasing an egg every month. When that happens, that can also lead to weight gain (did you know there is such a thing as a “menopause belly”?) hot flashes, vaginal dryness, a lower libido, headaches, dry skin, and yes, an inconsistent period.
One way to bring some sort of stability to your estrogen levels is to consume plant-based estrogen foods, which are also known as phytoestrogens. Some of those include cabbage, spinach, pears, grapes, garlic, onions, wine, herbal teas, beans, and apples.
6. Eat More Protein Too
As far as your diet goes, something else that you will need to ramp up is your protein intake. Because menopause can cause you to lose muscle mass, can tank your moods (which tend to be all over the place where your period is too), and can keep your hormones imbalanced, if a steak is something that you’ve been craving lately, treat yourself. Protein is a great way to bring relief to all of those things.
By the way, if you happen to be a vegetarian or vegan, you can still get more protein into your body. Check out “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” to learn how.
7. Cut Back on Caffeine, Sugar and Alcohol
I already know that some of y’all are going to roll your eyes at this one, yet the reality is that caffeine, sugar, and alcohol are all stimulants — ones that can have your hormones all over the damn place. So, again, for the sake of a more stabilized cycle, green and black tea are good coffee alternatives, honey is a good sugar one, and alcohol? Well, let’s dial that down to a couple of glasses of red wine a week, okay?
8. Sip on Some Chasteberry Tea
Something that I’ve been taking in supplement form for a while now is chasteberry. For starters, it’s a semi-potent phytoestrogen, and we’ve already touched on what those are able to do. Since some studies suggest that it can also raise your progesterone levels as well, sipping on some chasteberry tea couldn’t hurt if your cycle is inconsistent or you’re experiencing lengthy bouts of PMS.
9. Take Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc for Sleep
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The hot flashes alone that oftentimes come with perimenopause and menopause are enough of a reason to end up with some sleepless nights. Plus, when your estrogen and progesterone levels aren’t as balanced as they once were, that can have you tossing and turning quite a bit, too.
In fact, some studies cite that as much as 46 percent of women will have a difficult time getting quality sleep during perimenopause, and since sleep deprivation can also result in a late period? You need to do all that you can to get 6-8 hours of sleep every night, as much as possible.
Something that I can personally vouch for in this department is a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement. The combo is a type of nerve relaxant that can help not only improve your quality of sleep. It will also boost your immune system, regulate your blood sugar levels, and keep you in a good mood as well.
10. Track Your Cycle
Even though period trackers are somewhat controversial (due to our country’s current stance on abortion), even if you would prefer to not track yours via an app, do be intentional about keeping up with it in some sort of way. For me personally, because I could set my cycle by almost the minute for most of my life, the way I was able to tell that something was shifting was by knowing exactly when my period was supposed to start vs. when it was and how long it was sticking around. Also, don’t just take note of its length but also how heavy or light it is, what the consistency is, if you’re having a lot of clotting, and what other symptoms are showing up.
Again, even though perimenopause tends to be all over the place (LAWD), the more intel you have, the more you can narrow down if perimenopause is indeed what you are dealing with or if there is some sort of other underlying health condition going on.
11. Use Condoms
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Not too long ago, I was talking to a postmenopausal woman (which is a woman who has officially gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual cycle) about one of her favorite things about not having a period anymore. What she immediately said was she’s thrilled to not have to worry about birth control; in fact, she literally burned all of her condoms (she’s been in an exclusive relationship for a few years now). Listen, while perimenopause is showing “light at the end of the tunnel,” when it comes to you being able to have this same testimony until you’re done with menopause altogether, you need to use protection.
Why? Because an erratic period is not the same thing as not having one at all — and since you may not even be able to predict when your cycle is coming, that means it’s also challenging to know when you’re ovulating. So, unless you want to be a new mom in your 40s, 50s, or even 60s — having a stash of condoms somewhere in your house is definitely a smart decision. You’ve been warned, chile.
12. Know When to See Your Health Care Provider
To tell you the truth, if anything too extreme is happening with your period these days, it’s a good idea to see your physician. Although if you’re a bit leery because you think that they might take extreme measures to deal with your perimenopausal issues (like recommending a hysterectomy, for instance), here are some definite orange-to-red flags that confirm a doctor’s appointment is needed:
- Your cycle is so heavy that you’re bleeding through a pad an hour for more than a couple of days
- Your cycle lasts for longer than seven days (especially consecutively)
- Your cycle happens more than once a month
- You can’t seem to find relief for perimenopausal symptoms on your own
- Something simply doesn’t feel right
If any of this is going on, please don’t self-diagnose; your doctor exists for a reason. Rely on their expertise.
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As someone who is going through perimenopause myself, I won’t even try to lie to you and say that it’s a cakewalk. Even though I don’t have any type of discomfort whatsoever, and the symptoms are very few — this unpredictable period ish is enough to drive me low-key crazy (if I let it). And that’s why I wanted to offer up some tips to get you through — because although it may not be immediate, sis, you will get through it.
Hang in there.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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I Stepped Out Of My Comfort Zone & Hosted A Journaling Meet-Up. Here's How It Went
Last year, I began my journey with journaling, and it has quickly become one of my favorite self-care practices. It started with reading Calling In The One, a book about manifesting love in your life.
At the end of each chapter were exercises, and the majority of those exercises required you to journal. I took it seriously because your girl wants a loving, healthy relationship in 2025. But while I finished the book, I still held on to the practice of journaling.
Journaling has not only allowed me to get my feelings out on paper, but it has also made me think deeper about situations and see other perspectives. For example, I may write about how I feel someone hurt me, and as I'm writing, I may realize some of my faults in the situation, thus forgiving that person or giving that person grace.
There have been other times when I'm writing, and suddenly, I get overwhelmed with emotion. I'm talking, tears streaming down my face, and having to pause to get myself together. Those moments are especially important to me because I began asking myself questions like, "Why did I get so emotional?" Which further allows me to keep journaling until I get to the root. But sometimes, it's just a purging of old feelings that I kept inside and was finally letting out.
Why I Decided To Have A Journaling Meet-Up
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Because journaling has been such a transformative practice for me, I wanted to share it with others and build community on similar ideas. That is one of the reasons why I created my brand, The Self-Care Writer. Not only did I want to provide self-care products like my Journaling & Self-Care Essentials Kit, but I also wanted to have events that were rooted in self-care and wellness.
So this year, I decided to have my first event. The new year often brings optimism as people are looking to make positive changes in their lives, and that's why I decided to have my event the weekend following New Year's Day. Thus, my event Release & Renew Journaling Meet-Up was created.
The Process
It was my first event, and while I wanted it to be nice, I also wanted something low-maintenance and free for the girlies. That's why I decided to make it a meet-up. It takes the pressure off of attendees and myself. I had it at a local Atlanta cafe so we wouldn't be forced to meet a food and beverage minimum.
Also, I was unsure of how many people were actually going to show up. I shared the meet-up with friends, posted on social media, and created an Eventbrite page. While I had a lot of tickets purchased through Evenbrite, you know how it is when something's free.
I capped the tickets at 25, and I had a total of eight girls show up. Most were friends, which I'm so grateful for. I was also proud that I got out of my comfort zone and took a chance at something I've wanted to do for a long time.
I had journal prompts for those who needed a little push and cute rose-gold pens with my website on them. After introductions and instructions, we mingled, ate, drank our coffees and teas, and journaled together.
What I Learned
Because it was my first event, I had low expectations, and I think that's best when planning something like this. The atmosphere seemed very encouraging, and everyone seemed to enjoy the space. However, I think we all could agree it was a little noisy at times, so it was hard to hear each other.
I hope to make this a monthly event, so having it in a quieter space or a restaurant with a private room would be ideal. I also would like to include more activities in the meet-ups to help build more community with each other. (I'm still collecting surveys, so more feedback is pending.)
The older I get, the more I believe in timing. I realized I had to go through certain transformations to become the person I am today to even create a brand like The Self-Care Writer. By showing up for myself through tools like journaling, I, in turn, can better show up for others.
While this is just the beginning, I am excited for what's to come. Who knows? I may even write a follow-up story about what else I've conquered since my first meet-up.
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