Listen, I love being a woman — especially a Black woman. That is a full-stop statement. However, I wish someone had given me a very clear and consistent heads-up that once my period started, I’d be dealing with it, on some level, for the rest of my entire life. And that’s no exaggeration.
Nevermind the fact that you’re basically only “off” of your cycle one week of the month because there’s ovulation, PMS, and then your actual period. Yet even before menopause (which tends to require some sort of hormone therapy or holistic treatments to keep some sort of hormonal balance in your system), there’s perimenopause.
Ah, perimenopause. That period of time in your life that can last anywhere from a few months to an entire freakin’ decade where your body starts to release fewer eggs, your estrogen and progesterone levels are on one hell of a roller coaster ride, and you start to experience things like hot flashes, sleeplessness, and erratic-as-all-get-out menstrual cycles. *le sigh*
And since the average age of menopause is 51, this means that you can easily be in the stages of perimenopause around the time you turn 40, earlier if you end up going into premature menopause (I know, right?). And with that being the case, that’s why I thought it would be a good idea to give you 12 tips regarding things that you can do if you happen to notice that your cycle ain’t as predictable as it used to be so that you can deal with perimenopause with some level of sanity and grace.
1. Reduce Your Stress Levels
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Ever since you’ve had your period, you’ve probably known that your stress levels can affect it when it comes to how consistent your cycle is and how light or heavy it might end up being. Well, when it comes to perimenopause, stress can create all kinds of unwanted issues, especially since your 40s and 50s can be the time in your life when you’re already putting yourself under more pressure than you probably should when it comes to achieving life goals, balancing your personal and professional life and trying to figure out what you want your future to look like.
Anyway, since your hormone levels are already gonna be pretty topsy-turvy, you’ve got to be on-10 about keeping what stresses you out down. Set clear boundaries. If you’re a workaholic, it’s time to shift outta that. Exercise. Consider meditation. Definitely ramp up your self-care rituals. Pamper yourself more than ever. The symptoms that come with perimenopause are already stress-filled enough. You’ve got to be hypervigilant in making sure that they, on top of life life-ing, don’t do a real number on your mental health and your cycle, too.
2. Get Your Thyroid Checked
Did you know that 1 in 8 women will end up with some type of thyroid issue in their lifetime? The reason why that is relevant to this particular article is that if your thyroid isn’t acting like it should, that can result in an inconsistent cycle or super light or heavy periods. Since those are also symptoms that are directly associated with perimenopause, if your cycle is currently all over the place and you’re not sure why, or you’re in your 20s and going through these types of issues, it’s a good idea to get your thyroid professionally checked out. Just to prevent you from thinking that you’re in perimenopause when that might not be the case at all.
3. Also, Get an At-Home Perimenopausal Test
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Even though I know that a lot of us think that Googling is basically like a doctor’s visit, if you spend too much time on that thing, you will start to think that everything in the world is cancer-related (no joke). So, not just to keep yourself from becoming confused and/or paranoid but to also make sure that you are receiving accurate information when it comes to perimenopause, it can never hurt to do some professional hormonal testing. This is something your healthcare provider should be able to do for you.
Also, there are at-home tests that you can now take that, with the help of a blood sample from you (via a finger prick), can reveal what your estrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (also known as LH — the hormone that stimulates your ovaries) levels are.
Does this replace going to the doctor? Absolutely not. However, it can give you some indication of what’s going on with you if your cycles aren’t what they used to be. A test that has a reputation for being pretty reliable is Everlywell’s Perimenopause Test. You can read more about it here.
4. Use a Menstrual Cup
A part of the reason why I even decided to pitch this article is because the last six months or so of my period has been a plumb trip. For instance, not too long ago, I had a light cycle for a whopping five weeks. No pain. No real blood-related drama. Just light-to-mid spotting after a full cycle that wouldn’t go away. My health care provider was like, “You know how old you are. Unless you’re in some serious discomfort or passing a lot of clots, it sounds like perimenopause.” Thankfully, I’ve been into menstrual cups for a minute now. However, if you’ve never tried one and you’ve been having extended-stay cycles, you might want to give them a shot.
While no one wants a period that seems to go on FOR-E-VER, if you’ve got a cup in, I promise that it’ll help you forget that you’re going through all of that…drama. Menstrual cups can make you feel like your period isn’t even there.
5. Eat Phytoestrogens
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Like I said earlier, something that your estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone levels are going to do during perimenopause is fluctuate — sometimes drastically. When it comes to your estrogen levels, specifically, it’s what “triggers” your FSH and LH hormones to work properly. That said, estrogen eventually declines so low that you don’t end up releasing an egg every month. When that happens, that can also lead to weight gain (did you know there is such a thing as a “menopause belly”?) hot flashes, vaginal dryness, a lower libido, headaches, dry skin, and yes, an inconsistent period.
One way to bring some sort of stability to your estrogen levels is to consume plant-based estrogen foods, which are also known as phytoestrogens. Some of those include cabbage, spinach, pears, grapes, garlic, onions, wine, herbal teas, beans, and apples.
6. Eat More Protein Too
As far as your diet goes, something else that you will need to ramp up is your protein intake. Because menopause can cause you to lose muscle mass, can tank your moods (which tend to be all over the place where your period is too), and can keep your hormones imbalanced, if a steak is something that you’ve been craving lately, treat yourself. Protein is a great way to bring relief to all of those things.
By the way, if you happen to be a vegetarian or vegan, you can still get more protein into your body. Check out “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” to learn how.
7. Cut Back on Caffeine, Sugar and Alcohol
I already know that some of y’all are going to roll your eyes at this one, yet the reality is that caffeine, sugar, and alcohol are all stimulants — ones that can have your hormones all over the damn place. So, again, for the sake of a more stabilized cycle, green and black tea are good coffee alternatives, honey is a good sugar one, and alcohol? Well, let’s dial that down to a couple of glasses of red wine a week, okay?
8. Sip on Some Chasteberry Tea
Something that I’ve been taking in supplement form for a while now is chasteberry. For starters, it’s a semi-potent phytoestrogen, and we’ve already touched on what those are able to do. Since some studies suggest that it can also raise your progesterone levels as well, sipping on some chasteberry tea couldn’t hurt if your cycle is inconsistent or you’re experiencing lengthy bouts of PMS.
9. Take Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc for Sleep
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The hot flashes alone that oftentimes come with perimenopause and menopause are enough of a reason to end up with some sleepless nights. Plus, when your estrogen and progesterone levels aren’t as balanced as they once were, that can have you tossing and turning quite a bit, too.
In fact, some studies cite that as much as 46 percent of women will have a difficult time getting quality sleep during perimenopause, and since sleep deprivation can also result in a late period? You need to do all that you can to get 6-8 hours of sleep every night, as much as possible.
Something that I can personally vouch for in this department is a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement. The combo is a type of nerve relaxant that can help not only improve your quality of sleep. It will also boost your immune system, regulate your blood sugar levels, and keep you in a good mood as well.
10. Track Your Cycle
Even though period trackers are somewhat controversial (due to our country’s current stance on abortion), even if you would prefer to not track yours via an app, do be intentional about keeping up with it in some sort of way. For me personally, because I could set my cycle by almost the minute for most of my life, the way I was able to tell that something was shifting was by knowing exactly when my period was supposed to start vs. when it was and how long it was sticking around. Also, don’t just take note of its length but also how heavy or light it is, what the consistency is, if you’re having a lot of clotting, and what other symptoms are showing up.
Again, even though perimenopause tends to be all over the place (LAWD), the more intel you have, the more you can narrow down if perimenopause is indeed what you are dealing with or if there is some sort of other underlying health condition going on.
11. Use Condoms
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Not too long ago, I was talking to a postmenopausal woman (which is a woman who has officially gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual cycle) about one of her favorite things about not having a period anymore. What she immediately said was she’s thrilled to not have to worry about birth control; in fact, she literally burned all of her condoms (she’s been in an exclusive relationship for a few years now). Listen, while perimenopause is showing “light at the end of the tunnel,” when it comes to you being able to have this same testimony until you’re done with menopause altogether, you need to use protection.
Why? Because an erratic period is not the same thing as not having one at all — and since you may not even be able to predict when your cycle is coming, that means it’s also challenging to know when you’re ovulating. So, unless you want to be a new mom in your 40s, 50s, or even 60s — having a stash of condoms somewhere in your house is definitely a smart decision. You’ve been warned, chile.
12. Know When to See Your Health Care Provider
To tell you the truth, if anything too extreme is happening with your period these days, it’s a good idea to see your physician. Although if you’re a bit leery because you think that they might take extreme measures to deal with your perimenopausal issues (like recommending a hysterectomy, for instance), here are some definite orange-to-red flags that confirm a doctor’s appointment is needed:
- Your cycle is so heavy that you’re bleeding through a pad an hour for more than a couple of days
- Your cycle lasts for longer than seven days (especially consecutively)
- Your cycle happens more than once a month
- You can’t seem to find relief for perimenopausal symptoms on your own
- Something simply doesn’t feel right
If any of this is going on, please don’t self-diagnose; your doctor exists for a reason. Rely on their expertise.
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As someone who is going through perimenopause myself, I won’t even try to lie to you and say that it’s a cakewalk. Even though I don’t have any type of discomfort whatsoever, and the symptoms are very few — this unpredictable period ish is enough to drive me low-key crazy (if I let it). And that’s why I wanted to offer up some tips to get you through — because although it may not be immediate, sis, you will get through it.
Hang in there.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.
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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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