Is it just me — or is it kind of wild that the conversation of perimenopause (and menopause and post-menopause) seems to be coming up more than it ever has? I thought about that when I read about a team-up that Queen Latifah and Weight Watchers are currently doing to bring perimenopause awareness to as many people as possible.
Good. Glad to hear it because, if you’re a woman who is blessed enough to reach the average age of menopause (the day when you’ve gone 12 months without a cycle), which is 51, you definitely need to know what you are in for during the seasons that are leading up to it. And boy — can it be quite the ride.
Perimenopause (the years of physical and even mental and emotional transitions that you tend to experience before menopause) is something that I have discussed quite a bit on this platform (check out “Perimenopause Has Your Period Being All Over The Place? Here's What To Do.," “Perimenopause Shifting Your Shape? 7 Ways to Deal,” and “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) However, it wasn’t until I happened upon an article on Hello! entitled, “Perimenopause made me hate autumn,” that it even occurred to me that perimenopause would cause some similar issues that my favorite time of the year does. Wow.
So, as the temperature is dropping and leaves are changing — if you are also “going through some changes,” take a moment to read what perimenopause and autumn have in common…so that you know how to handle what is actually happening to you…either way.
Autumn Cultivates Drier Skin
GiphyAlthough hot flashes and brain fog haven’t really been my personal perimenopause issues, two things that did rise up in my life are dry skin and waking up at 3 a.m. like clockwork — and yes, dry skin is something that can also be an issue during the autumn season. As far as perimenopause goes, if your skin can’t seem to get enough moisture, it’s probably because of the combination of your estrogen levels dropping along with your skin becoming thinner (which makes it harder for it to retain moisture) over time.
Then, if you add to this the fact that autumn weather has less humidity, you’re usually wearing fabrics like wool, taking hot showers and then turning on the heat in your home which results in dry, hot air blowing on you for hours on end — definitely make sure to have a humidifier on in your bedroom at night, to take warm instead of hot showers and that you seal your skin once you get out of it.
Oh, and eat the kind of foods that will moisturize your skin from the inside out. Check out “These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave” for a list of some of those.
Autumn Can Impact Your Moods
GiphyWhile reading an article on menopause rage, I thought about the fact that it really is underestimated, all that a woman’s hormones go through during perimenopause. One of the things that the piece stated (that is quite legit) is, as your estrogen levels start to drop, that can do a number on your serotonin levels (a brain chemical that affects moods, sleep and your sex drive) too — and boy, when that happens, it can have you on a real emotional roller coaster ride (sometimes).
Know what else can do that? Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) which is a pretty big deal for some during the fall. Since (with the help of time change) the days are shorter and there is less natural light that people are able to receive, that can trigger depression (or depression-related symptoms) in some individuals. Not to mention the fact that your system naturally produces more melatonin when it’s dark which can cause you to drag and feel more fatigued.
As far as the perimenopausal side of this, plant-based, estrogen-enriched foods (known as phytoestrogens) can help to bring more estrogen into your body. Some of those foods include carrots, oranges, red clover tea, broccoli and coffee. As far as SAD is concerned, you can combat that with the help of an official diagnosis by a licensed professional.
Beyond that, spend as much time in natural light as much as you possibly can; consider investing in what is known as a SAD light therapy lamp; take a vitamin D supplement (it’s an all-natural mood regulator); create and/or maintain a consistent exercise regimen, and do your best to keep stress at a minimum (especially during the holiday season).
Autumn Will Probably “Adjust” Your Libido
GiphyAnyone who told you that you have to kiss your sex life (or even the quality of your sex life) goodbye after menopause is someone who should see their doctor (to check on their physical health) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Listen, the reason why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women” is because there are PLENTY of women out here who are having AMAZING sex post-menopause.
Still, that doesn’t mean that the transition within the perimenopause period doesn’t come with a few bumps in the road. That’s because a drop in sex hormones can sometimes result in less (natural) lubrication, a harder time getting aroused and less (genital) sensitivity in some women while it can actually cause the sex drive to skyrocket in others (if their estrogen and progesterone levels end up fluctuating on the higher end).
For similar reasons, autumn can alter your libido a bit too. That’s because it’s been proven that testosterone levels typically increase in both men and women during the fall season. Not to mention the fact that certain fall-themed foods (like pumpkin, pears and butternut squash) are aphrodisiacs and the cooler it is outdoors, the better a man’s sperm tends to be.
Autumn Can Cause Hair Loss
GiphyI’m telling you — estrogen plays such a pivotal role in a woman’s overall health and well-being. Take your hair, for example. If you’ve been noticing that your locks are shedding more than usual or that they are thinning out in some areas, it could be because a drop in estrogen has shortened your hair growth phase.
And how in the world could the autumn season play a role in hair loss? Actually, I wrote an article on this very thing last year. If you read “We Shed More Hair During The Fall. Here's What To Do About It.,” you’ll peep that autumn can trigger hair loss due to the fact that your hair goes through more shedding in the fall so that, hopefully, you will grow more hair in the winter (in order to protect your hair from winter’s cold).
Problem is, if you’re going through perimenopause and the fall season at the same time, you could see way more shedding than usual. Some hacks for this? Reduce the amount of heat that you apply to your hair (including hot oil treatments). Limit the hairstyles that cause tension (like ponytails that are always in the same spot on your head or tight braids; especially around your edges).
Try to keep harsh chemical usage to a minimum including relaxers and hair dyes. And definitely give yourself scalp massages and use a volumizing shampoo.
Autumn Might Jack Up Your Sleep Patterns
GiphyEstrogen, progesterone and testosterone are all hormones that are influx during perimenopause. Unfortunately, since they also tend to send conflicting messages to the neurotransmitters in your brain during this time, that’s why they can disrupt your sleep whenever you’re going through this season of your life. Not to mention the fact that few folks find it easy to stay asleep when they feel like they are burning up and hot flashes are a very common symptom of perimenopause (especially the latter stages of it).
Interestingly enough, trying to sleep during the autumn season poses to be a challenge for many people too. From the potential for feeling depressed and your melatonin levels being all over the place (due to you being exposed to less sunlight) to your immune system being challenged by flu bugs and viruses (sleep quality is virtually shot when you’re sick) and even consuming more comfort food which can make you prone to napping which can make it challenging to sleep throughout the night — all of this can have you tossing and turning all night long, if you’re not careful.
As far as what you can do to make sleeping easier during perimenopause, creating a consistent exercise routine is always a good idea. So is setting your thermostat to around 68 degrees so that you don’t find yourself experiencing hot sweats quite so much. And what about combating autumn-related sleep issues? Spend more time outdoors (when the sun is out) so that you can naturally set your circadian rhythm (which is your body’s internal clock). Be intentional about keeping your immune system strong, so that you don’t have to try to fall asleep while you have a cold or the flu.
Keep a sleep schedule, so that you don’t nap too much during the day or oversleep at night (since it does get darker quicker; especially once time “falls back” an hour).
Autumn May Increase Your Appetite
GiphyIf it seems like you are gaining weight faster than ever (or it’s harder for you to lose weight than it used to be), it’s probably not in your head. The reality is that, during perimenopause, as your estrogen and progesterone decline, that can do a real number on your metabolism which can make it easier to pack on the pounds; especially if you work a job that keeps you seated most of the time and you don’t work out regularly (because perimenopause can also cause you to lose muscle mass as well). And all of this doesn’t even touch on the fact that your mood swings may cause you to want to emotionally comfort yourself with food while the shifts in your hormones may trigger certain cravings as well.
Autumn? Remember how we talked about SAD (seasonal affective disorder) earlier? If it starts to affect you on some levels, it can also bring about cravings and increase your appetite. And since it’s colder outside and you may not be moving around and about as much, well, from the junk food that may bring you joy, the late-night snacking that might be your thing and/or all of the holiday food that you might be consuming — some health experts say that most people will gain anywhere between 1-7 pounds during this time of the year.
Whether your appetite has increased due to perimenopause and/or autumn — drink water and infused water to help to quell your desire for food (and detox your system); snack on foods that are healthy and full of water like cucumber, zucchini, celery, peaches, yogurt, broccoli, grapefruit, apples and grapes. Studies show that essential oils like bergamot, mint and cinnamon can help to suppress your appetite while eating more protein can help you to feel fuller for a longer period of time and fiber can clean out your system quicker.
Autumn Could Make You Less Motivated
GiphyFluctuating hormones can lead to a lack of sleep and a lack of sleep can uptick your stress levels — and when that happens during perimenopause, you could end up with what is known as brain fog. Brain fog is what happens when you find yourself forgetting things, you have trouble concentrating and/or you don’t feel very motivated or inspired to do much. A part of what is causing all of this to happen is because estrogen and testosterone are essential when it comes to cognitive function and when their levels drop, your mind isn’t working at an optimal pace.
Interestingly enough, changes in weather during the fall and wintertime can lead to fatigue, headaches, irritability, a lack of concentration and the ability to make the best decisions (which might be why cuffing season is so “big” during the autumn season).
As far as perimenopause goes — exercise, meditation and consuming more antioxidants are all things that can help your brain to get back on track. If your brain fog is more about the cooler weather — getting more rest, reducing your stress and, believe it or not, drinking more water (because water contains oxygen and that is something that your brain thrives on) can help to bring about some immediate relief.
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I know, right? Who would’ve thought that perimenopause and autumn would be out here mimicking each other (as far as certain symptoms go). Now that you know how they do, prepare.
That way, you can enjoy all of what the fall season has to offer — without letting what I just mentioned get in your way. Perimenopause or weather-wise.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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