Boy, this perimenopause (and menopause) ish right here. Now that I am on the tail end of perimenopause (at least, that’s what my nurse practitioner, health insurance company and I are hoping), I’m damn near disgusted that there is not so much more intel out here to help prepare women for all that comes with this particular season of life (especially since many women go through perimenopause for several years; some for even a decade).
For example, although people will talk about things like hot flashes (which I haven’t personally had) and irregular menstrual cycles (now, I can totally relate to that), how often have you read articles about how perimenopause has all of the potential in the world to literally shift your shape? SMDH. I mean, I don’t mean to brag or nothin’, but for years, I was the Coke bottle girl, and yet, over the past 15 months or so, I’ve been noticing that my waistline wants to expand — even though my lifestyle habits haven’t changed all that much.
So, what’s been going on? You guessed it, chile: freakin’ perimenopause. And although, as far as looks go, I have already addressed one “side effect” of it (check out “'Menopause Belly' Actually Is A Real Thing. Here's How To Handle It.”), today, let’s look a little deeper into what you can do if, when you look into the mirror these days, your body composition seems (almost) totally different — and you’re damn near ready to snap because of it.
If You’re Shifting from a “Pear” (or Hourglass) to an “Apple,” You Are Not Alone
GiphySo, why is it that so many women, as they get closer and closer to menopause, seem to be experiencing a totally different body shape? The easiest way to explain it is, as your hormones are going through all kinds of changes, your system tends to store up more fat (especially in the abdominal region) while also producing less muscle mass. What research has also revealed is that certain gut hormones are not as easily satisfied during the later stages of perimenopause (which could cause you to eat more).
Oh, and don’t forget about genetics; yep, if you’re curious about what your body will look like post-menopause, your mother and grandmother are some pretty clear indicators. And so, factoring all of this in, as a direct result, here comes a wider waist than before and sometimes hips that no longer seem quite as prominent as well.
Does this mean that you just have to lie down and take it, as if saying goodbye to your younger figure is inevitable? No. However, you do need to grieve the fact that while you may have been able to eat whatever you wanted, barely exercise, get 3-4 hours of sleep, and still look the absolute bomb in a bodycon dress, that is now a thing of the past, sis. In this season of life, if you want to keep the shape that you had, you’ve got to put in more effort than you ever have. Thankfully, I’ve got seven tips to help you to do that.
1. Exercise
GiphyBeing that heart disease continues to bethe leading cause of death in Black women, that should be enough of a reason to implement a consistent workout routine (if you don’t already have one). However, did you also know thatmenopause can increase the chances of cardiovascular issues due to things like depression, accumulated fat, a drop in estrogen, and arteries getting thicker?
So yes, for the sake of your health, get some cardio in no less than three times a week and also do a bit of strength training. Not only will it reduce your chances of having heart issues, but it can also help to keep your waistline where you want it to be andhelp to decrease some perimenopause/menopause-related symptoms that you may have. Oh, and if you’re looking to tone your hips in the process, there is a list of exercises that can help you out with that righthere.
2. Gain Muscle Mass
GiphyAs far as building muscle mass goes, you’re definitely going to have toapply some weight training to your workout regimen. Aside from that, lunges, squats, planks, and push-ups are all exercises that you can do if you don’t happen to have any exercise equipment around. Also, remember that gaining muscle is also about what you put into your body, and the best types of foods to eat areprotein-enriched ones.
How much protein?Some health experts say that as much as 10-35 percent of your daily calorie intake should come fromproteins, including eggs, lean meats, lentils, Greek yogurt, almonds, quinoa, and shellfish.
3. Eat Less Fat. Consume More Grains.
GiphyThere’s no point in doing all of that exercising if your diet is trash. And before you roll your eyes, the thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to justeat seaweed and drink water in order to get and keep your figure where you want it to be. The “fun foods” that aren’t the best for you, just don’t eat a ton of them all of the time. Also, learn what works best for your system.For instance, foods that contain trans fat (like fried foods, pastries, and ones that contain margarine and vegetable shortening) are pretty much always going to be problematic on some level. Foods that have saturated fats (like red meat, dairy, and coconut oil) need to be consumed in moderation.
Oh, and “good fats” (which are monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats), you need those — they include fish, olive oil, veggies, nuts, and fatty acids. Also, while we’re on the subject of foods that will help you to get your body to where you want it to be, whole grains have got your back too. Some that are good for you include brown rice, oats, rye, wheat, and wild rice. The reason why whole grains are bomb is because they are full of fiber; plus, they contain the type of protein that can help you to lose weight.
4. Chill on the Alcohol
GiphyIf you’ve been drinking a bit more to get you through perimenopause/menopause, I get it. The good news is consuming alcohol in moderation really doesn’t do much to you as far as weight gain is concerned. However, because it does consist of a lot of empty calories and has been proven to lead to belly fat, try and enjoy your favorite alcoholic beverages no more than a couple of times a week. Oh, and for the record, the types of alcohol that are lower in calories include vodka, whiskey, tequila, brandy, and gin (you’re welcome — LOL).
5. Dress (a Bit) Differently
GiphyI ain’t got no lies to tell you — when you’re out here trying to alter the composition of your body, it typically takesbetween 8-12 weeks before you will see some really noticeable results (and that’s if you’re doing all that you need to do on a consistent basis). That’s why it’s important to know how to dress in order to give the illusion that you already look like your body goals in the meantime.
That said, if your shape is a bit more on the “apple” side than it used to be (or you want it to be),make sure to wear/purchase outfits that bring focus to your breasts and/or legs, that the hues around your waist are darker instead of lighter and that you choose brighter colors or patterns on the lower part of your body (to make you look curvier). Honestly, a big part of the reason why “perimenopause shape-shifting” can be so triggering is that people aren’t willing to upgrade their wardrobe during that period of their lives. If they did, it would be easier to adjust.
6. Use Essential Oils to Boost Your Metabolism
GiphyBelieve it or not, essential oils can play a pivotal role as far as managing your weight or shedding a few pounds is concerned. That’s because the scent of certain ones is able to do things like curb your appetite, energize you during your workouts, and help you to sleep more soundly (you can read about how sleep and weight loss go hand in hand here).
So, if you’re already an essential oils fan (like I am…BIG TIME), keep in mind that citrus helps to suppress weight gain; cinnamon will reduce your appetite; lavender improves sleep quality; sage helps you to absorb less dietary fat, and rose oil decreases stress.
7. Look into Hormone Therapy
GiphyRemember how I said earlier that a part of the reason why body composition changes during the latter end of perimenopause is because of all of the hormonal shifting that transpires? That’s why there’s no way that I could pen an article like this and not mention that it can’t hurt to speak withyour healthcare provider about whether undergoing some type of hormone therapy is a wise move for you. Listen, I didn’t think I would even entertain it until my period decided to go all rogue and not let a sistah live (damn near almost literally as far as scheduling goes) — and yet, I have no regrets about taking mini-pills (no estrogen/progestin pills) because my body is back on track again; to a large extent, including my shape.
These days, there are so many options — some that do contain estrogen and some that don’t, so if you want to know if replacing some of the hormones that you are losing can also get you back to looking and feeling like your old self again,do some research and also discuss the pills, sprays, gels, shots, patches, creams and rings that are on the market. You never know what could work to “shift your shape” right on back, so that perimenopause/menopause doesn’t feel like the dirtiest of cuss words whenever you look in the mirror. Amen? Amen, sis.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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