I don't know about you, but English class was always wildly intriguing for me. Some people like Vodka, I get a rise out of good literature. But one day in particular, I remember being particularly frustrated with the poem that was introduced. Although "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost is a widely known piece that is said to be insightful and awesome, my beliefs were quite the contrary. I thought it sucked because it left me more confused than I was before I read it.
Oprah is placing her own spin on this befuddling piece of prose in her new book, and unlike our late homie Robert Frost, she plans to make the path to success clear instead of daunting and confusing. In The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose, our favorite rich auntie gives us the blueprint to success and a roadmap to happiness by sharing her personal experiences with fear.
In the book, she also calls on her super-rich friends, like Jay-Z and Ellen Degeneres to share some of the secrets they wish they had on their journey. She wrote:
"There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It's why you were born. And how you become most truly alive."
The most unanswered question in the history of man is probably, "Why are we here?" Passion and purpose are not always mutually exclusive, but using both of these gifts will help you get a little closer to your desired end result. Oprah wants to help you solve this riddle, sis, and she'll do it by using a few life lessons that she's accumulated over the years.
7 Life Lessons Oprah Taught Me About Learning To Live My Best Life
1.To Live Your Best Life, You Must Become Your Best Self
Sometimes we worry so much about everything we have to do and the timeframe in which we have to do it, that we forget who we are. Oprah reminds us that:
"There is no real doing without first being."
In this quest that we're all on called life, our only obligation is to become the highest, truest version of ourselves. You could have a dream to make a million dollars, but do you know yourself? Oprah's new book teaches us that happiness and wealth are easily available to us when we look for those things internally before we seek them out in the world.
2.Fail Forward, F*ck Fear
In the book, Auntie O opened up about the time she was asked to give a Harvard commencement speech, but there was only one problem: she was shook. Although she was at the height of her career and had just launched her network, Oprah proved that even a mogul can struggle with impostor syndrome. While she felt she was making progress, headlines like "Oprah isn't holding her own" stifled her faith and made her doubt her journey. In her book, she explained:
"I had enjoyed a long stretch at the top and was proud to be known as a powerful businesswoman. So when Harvard reached out, all I could think was, 'What can I teach about success when I've stopped succeeding?' And to be frank, I was embarrassed."
Even though her nerves were in shambles, Oprah had to give herself the pep talk we all need every once in a while. Push thru, sis. She continued:
"I found my groove after I realized that you don't need to have gone to Harvard to speak to Harvard graduates."
3.There's No Luck, Only Preparation & Opportunity
I always have to ask myself, "Have you prepared for what you prayed for?" The key to success isn't necessarily abundance. You can have all of the money in the world, but if you haven't put a plan in place, then what good is it? Oprah reminds us to stay ready so we don't have to get ready. After all, a vision without action is only a daydream.
"I don't believe in luck. For me, luck really means preparation meeting the moment of opportunity."
4.What You Focus On Will Grow
What if I told you that you already had everything you need to be successful, would you believe me? Well believe it, sis. We often focus so much on what we don't have, that we forget that we have already been supplied with everything we need to make our dreams come true. Where is your head at, tho? If you only focus on the negative parts of your life, you'll miss out on a lot of the moments that can make you happy. What you focus on will manifest. So do yourself a favor, and kick that negative self-talk to the curb. Oprah explained:
"When you pay attention to what feeds your energy, you move in the direction of the life for which you were intended."
5.Wish It, Dream It, Do It
"For every dream, there is automatically going to be resistance."
Vision without execution is a daydream. Strategy without execution is hallucination. Please know that I'm ministering to myself when I preach this, but sis! At some point, it's time to stop planning and do that sh*t! According to Oprah, for every dream you have, there will be an obstacle put in place to obstruct it. Whether that obstacle is your parents, who don't believe in living out your passion, or your friends, who discourage you due to their own fear. Feel the resistance and do it anyway.
6.The Best Way To Know Your Purpose Is To Serve Others
I heard this in church once, and it touched my spirit. My pastor said, if you're having trouble discovering your purpose, serve. As hardworking women, we take pride in the fruits of our labor. But keep in mind that the fruit isn't meant to be eaten by the tree. Our gifts are symbolic of the very necessary harvest that we have to offer the world every single day. Don't be selfish and keep your God-given fruit all to yourself. In the words of Auntie O:
"Every single moment is an opportunity to be of service to another human being."
7.Secure The Bag. You, You're The Bag. Secure Yourself
"All these years later, I am still keenly aware that I am not my salary."
It's easy for me to say that I am not the amount of money that I make because I am not a billionaire. On the other hand, if I was Oprah, I don't know if I'd feel the same sentiment. Like all of us, I have a tendency to place a value on myself based on how other people perceive my worth. I didn't get that job I applied for, I must be unworthy. I didn't get the raise that I thought I would, so I must not be that good at my job. Take a lesson from our rich auntie and remember that YOU are the bag. Secure yourself. Never get so caught up chasing money that you wind up losing yourself.
Featured image by Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com
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I’ve shared before that waste means “to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return,” and if you are doing things that don’t really give you an ROI on the minutes and hours that you will never see again, to a large extent, you are definitely wasting your time. One way to avoid doing that is to manage your time wisely, and one way to do that is to incorporate a quote by author Stephen Covey: “The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” That’ll preach. A few sermons.
So, how can you know, without question, that you could stand to do some fine-tuning when it comes to time management? Well, for starters, if the following eight things apply to you on some level, you definitely could use some work on improving your time management skills. ASAP too.
1. You Spend Too Much Time on Social Media
GiphyReportedly, 10-15 percent of marriages are sexless. To be a part of category, it means that you have sex with your spouse no more than 10-12 times a year. What this basically boils down to is if you only engage in copulation once a month, you technically fall into this demographic (by the way, you’re considered to have a healthy marital sex life if you engage in coitus no less than once a week).
Where am I going with all of this? Well, whenever I have clients who are sexless and one or both of them tell me that they don’t have time for intimacy, one of the first things that I ask is how much time they spend on social media — and boy, you should see their faces. LOL.
There really is no telling how many times I’ve shared on this platform that most people spend somewhere around 2.5 hours, daily, on social media AND that most people are fine with intercourse lasting between 7-13 minutes. So nah, it doesn’t fly that if you’re not gettin’ it in with your partner, it’s because you’ve run out of time. A quickie alone gives you PLENTY of it.
It won’t feel that way, though, if you’re on social media for — shoot, the length of time of a movie (and then one sitcom episode). And that’s what you’ve got to watch about your time, in general, because if you are online a whopping 150 minutes each and every day — think about all of the other things that you could be getting done: exercising, meal prepping, goal-setting, catching up with family members and friends…so much, chile.
Social media as a form of entertainment or escapism is cool. Most experts say that beyond 30 minutes a day is leaning into it being somewhat counterproductive, though (unless you are getting actual work done on it). So yeah, if you want to become a master at time management, using self-discipline while being on your social media accounts is a great way to start.
Social media time management hack: Turn on a 30-minute sitcom and scroll as you watch it. Once it’s over — BING! You know that you’ve been on IG, TikTok or Facebook for 30 minutes straight.
2. You Are (Almost) Always Late
GiphyBack in my 20s, it was nothing for me to be late — if I showed up to something (that I said I was coming to) at all. And boy, was I being selfish, entitled and disrespectful of other people’s time. Yeah, you don’t really realize until you’re on the receiving end of someone’s tardiness (especially perpetual tardiness) just how irresponsible it can be to not show up at the time when you said that you would. Because really, if it — whatever “it” is — was gonna be, whenever, why was a time set in the first place?
Not to mention the fact that being late tends to have a ripple effect because, unless you and someone else were going to be together for an entire day, they typically have other things to do after leaving you — and your lateness could affect their already planned schedule.
Effective time management means that you plan things when you know that you can do them, you give yourself enough time to arrive on time — and if, for some reason, you’re going to be late, you respect the person enough to let them know.
Besides, people who keep schedules tend to be less stressed — and because they value other people’s time enough to not waste it, their relationships tend to be more easy-going too. That’s because respecting time cultivates trust; it makes you appear reliable which is always a good thing.
How to be on time hack: Add time to your time. What I mean by that is, if you told someone that you would meet up with them at 6:30 and you are 20 minutes away, add 20 minutes to that time. It helps when it comes to unexpected traffic and prevents you from rushing.
3. You Don’t Have Daily Goals
GiphyIdle hands are the devil’s workshop. King Solomon was once inspired to say that. Hmph. While we’re here, he also said that idle lips are his mouthpiece (just sayin’ — Proverbs 16:27). Anyway, as far as the hands thing, when you don’t have goals, it can be really easy to waste time — maybe because you’re bored, maybe because you’re antsy, maybe because, whether it’s consciously or subconsciously, you are looking for ways to use up your time. Problem is, when your time isn’t being utilized wisely, you can end up killing time — time that you will never get back.
It can’t be said enough that we all get the same 24 hours in a day and within each day, many productivity experts say that it’s important to have somewhere between 3-5 daily goals. It’s a good way to use your time wisely, to feel inspired and motivated and to make progress in various areas of your life.
How to set daily goals hack: Before turning in each night, pull out a journal or your phone and jot down three short-term goals that can be done the following day and two longer-term ones that you can start on. Make sure one long-term goal can be completed by the end of the week.
4. You Overestimate Your Multitasking Capabilities
GiphyMozart once said, “The shorter way to do many things is to only do one thing at a time." That said, I am always tickled whenever a female client (it is ALWAYS a female client — LOL) brags to me about how good she is at doing a million things at once. Listen, just because you can do that, it doesn’t mean that you are doing each of the things well. Science says so. And while some experts say that two is the limit and others say four, when it comes to checking things off of your to-do list, try to avoid doing several things at one time.
For one thing, it reduces the chance that you will make a mistake or overlook something. Also, it can prevent you from feeling anxious or frazzled. Yeah, even if you think that you are getting a lot done by multitasking, it can create unnecessary pressure and stress into your life and who needs that? It can also up your chances of doing things over — and that definitely can be a waste of your time.
How to multitask less hack: Meditate before starting your day. This means not looking at your phone, especially. Why? Because when you see all of the texts and notifications that are in it, that is typically what tempts you to attempt multiple things at once. Instead, ease into your morning quietly and calmly. Then prioritize what needs to be done and only do two things at a time.
Knowing that you were thorough is so much more satisfying than feeling like you did five things at once at an average level.
5. You Overwhelm Yourself
GiphyKnow what else can come from super multitasking — you find yourself feeling so overwhelmed that you become mentally and physically stagnant. In fact, many mental health experts say that it is very common to find yourself procrastinating whenever you are overwhelmed. Why? Well, when you sit and think about doing things that you may not want to do, that can overwhelm you.
At the same time, if you keep putting off what you need to do (good or “bad”), for days on end, until stuff piles up, the very thought of getting it all taken care of can tempt you to procrastinate — which only leads to a bigger pile of stuff to get overwhelmed with.
As a result, rather than what needs to be done, you intentionally seek out distractions that don’t really benefit you in the long run (more times than not).
How to stop overwhelming yourself hack: Write down what needs to be done in the order of their importance. Then go for a walk to clear your mind and commit to doing a couple of the things upon your return. Do them and then take another quick break before doing a couple more. The breaks will keep you from feeling stressed out from the weight of it all. Think of it like tearing down a mountain — a stone at a time.
6. You Don’t Have a Sleep Schedule
GiphyYou NEED sleep. Sleep IS NOT a luxury. And for goodness’ sake, stop saying that you’ll sleep when you’re dead? You’ll be dead when you’re dead. All of this said, I doubt that health experts will ever state that you won’t need between 6-8 hours of sleep every night. Sleep boosts immunity, so that you don’t “lose time” getting over being sick. Sleep gives you energy, so that you can actually get things done. Sleep helps with your cognitive function, so that your memory, concentration and productivity are intact, so that you can do things well.
A lot of people waste time because they aren’t performing well and it’s all because they aren’t getting the quality rest that they should. If you are one of these individuals, you should really consider implementing a sleep schedule. At the end of the day, all it means is you are prioritizing sleep — because you absolutely should.
How to start a sleep schedule hack: A part of what comes with having a sleep schedule is incorporating a bedtime routine. Check out “These Sleep Hacks Will Make Getting A Good Night’s Rest So Much Easier” for tips on how to make that easier for you.
7. Pleasure Isn’t Prioritized
GiphyRecently, a friend of mine wrote to me to say that their boyfriend (of quite some time) decided to, pretty much out of nowhere, break up with her a week before her birthday. When I asked her what her availability was so that I could treat her to lunch or dinner, she shared with me that most nights, she is working until 10:30pm. What in the world, chile?
If you don’t have a good and consistent work/life balance, you also low-key suck at time management because you absolutely were not put on this earth to do nothing but work all day and night long. SMDH. Pleasure is about enjoyment and some of your time is absolutely to be filled with that. If you don’t carve out leisure time to do things that make you happy — you 1000 percent suck at time management.
How to prioritize what pleases you (more often) hack: One hour a day during the week. No less than three hours, at least one day, on the weekends. Devote that time to nothing but what you enjoy doing. It keeps the stress levels down and also makes it easier to do the tasks that are less fun that need to be done.
8. You Don’t “Tithe” Your Time
GiphyAlthough tithe is a word that most of us don’t hear unless it’s in reference to church (Malachi 3), the word actually means “a tenth part or any indefinitely small part of anything” — and yes, when it comes to your time, it’s really important to tithe it out when it comes to things like your health regimen, self-care and decompression.
So, that said, be honest — do you tithe your time in the sense of making sure that within your 24-hour day, time is set aside for certain things? Now, to be fair, 10 percent of 24 hours is 2.4 hours, right? So, while some of these things might need to be combined — doing some yoga while binge-watching a show would qualify as “tithe timing.” So would taking a bubble bath and listening to your favorite podcast.
How to tithe your time hack: No matter what is going on, make sure that 2.4 hours, DAILY, is set aside for a bit of “you” time — you in the sense of doing what reminds you to prioritize yourself.
BONUS: You Remain in Cyclic Nonsense
I can’t believe that it’s basically been a year since I released my third book (what is time?). In it, there is a chapter entitled, “The Nice Guy Narcissist” and although the man’s name (and certain details that would make it clear to some folks who I am talking about) isn’t present, my circle knows who I am referring to.
Anyway, one of my friends loathes him so much that she doesn’t deal with him on any level — even has him blocked on social media. Meanwhile, a guy who has been basically wasting her time since she was a teenager (who she allows to put her through all sorts of mental and emotional roller coaster rides and she’s middle-aged at this point), they play the block/unblock game on a monthly basis.
That same energy she has for who hurt me? She needs to give her own self a triple portion for the clown in her life. In fact, I’ve said to her that I think she is actually projecting on “my guy” because she doesn’t have the courage to do the same with her own (ouch and amen).
And that is why the video above this point is so fitting. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that you’ve seen a hamster in a hamster wheel before. Hmph. All that running and not getting any damn wear. Cyclic patterns are just like that — and if you are in a cyclic situation, how can you NOT be wasting your time? What can going around and around and getting nowhere be a way of using your time wisely. You wanna master time management? Leave the people, places, things and ideas that are counterproductive AF TOTALLY alone. FOR GOOD.
A way to get off of your own hamster wheel hack: The thing that is your “wheel,” think about the ways that it takes you backwards and keeps you stuck. Then get REALLY HONEST about what needs to be done to move you forward. THEN DO THAT THING.
____
Author Micheal Altshuler once said, “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot” — and as I wrap this up, when it comes to time management, truer words have not been spoken.
The beautiful thing about time management is you have the ability to manage your own.
Hopefully now you know how to do that a bit better.
So that you can get the absolute most out of your time.
Amen? YES.
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