As much as I like cold weather (and I do, unapologetically so), I have learned that it's not the best for my hair. For one thing, did you know that warm temps are far better at holding in moisture than cold ones are? Another problem is freezing weather and wind can cause the cuticles of our hair to lift which can result in hair strand damage and/or hair not being able to hold conditioning products in for very long. Also, when it's cold, that can lead to more frizzing and dryness; especially because we tend to be indoors more often with our HVAC units set to warmer temps.
All of these reasons are why it's so important to be proactive when it comes to caring for your hair during the fall and winter seasons. So, if you're looking for a few ways to do just that right about now, I've got 10 tips that will safely carry your tresses right on past Valentine's Day — and then some.
1. Do Some Pre-Pooing
Even if you use a sulfate-free shampoo (and I hope that you do because other than clarifying your hair, sulfates can be extremely drying), when you're a Black woman, it's still a good idea to pre-poo your hair on every wash day. Since it can be difficult for the natural sebum from your hair follicles and scalp to run down the entire shaft of your strands (due to your super curly texture), that's why your hair tends to be drier than other ethnicities. Then, when you bring shampoo into that mix, that can dry your locks out even more. One way to head that off is by pre-pooing — applying an oil to your hair, before shampooing. This works well because it softens your hair, makes your conditioner more effective and it significantly reduces the detangling process, so that there's far less breakage (which is a great thing because wet hair is pretty fragile).
As far as the best oils to use, I like avocado a lot because it's got a great reputation for containing properties that detangle, deeply moisturize, and even heal dandruff. Still, pretty much any oil of your choice (argan, coconut, grapeseed, olive, almond, etc.) will work. Just split your hair up into four sections, generously apply the oil, let it sit for 20-30 minutes, and wash and rinse as usual. You will immediately notice a difference.
2. Give Your Hair Herb-Infused Hot Oil Treatments
Something that I've been doing this year that I enjoy so much is making my own herb-infused oils. If you check out the article, "12 Natural Ways To Get Your Skin To Glow All The Way Up This Summer" that I wrote for this platform, #5 breaks it down for you. For now, I'll just say that this kind of oil is bomb because you can customize the herbs and oil(s) that you want in order to pamper your skin or, in this case, your hair.
Anyway, remember how I said that cold air can cause cuticles to take quite a beating? One way to avoid this is treating your hair to a hot oil treatment because it helps to seal your cuticles. Not only that but the heat of the oil will stimulate blood flow to your hair follicles which will strengthen your hair over time. Plus, hot oil treatments are great at reducing split ends and alleviating dry scalp. Applying a hot oil treatment every other wash day is cool. For tips on how to do it properly, check out YouTuber's Mia Nicole's video here, Leilani Iman's video here, and tatenda's video here.
3. Apply a Leave-In Conditioner
Even though I am big on deep conditioning (especially over the past couple of years), something that I wish I had been doing for even longer than that is applying a leave-in conditioner. Because my hair soaks up moisture with the quickness (no matter what the season may be), applying a leave-in (usually on freshly washed hair and right before I blow it out) has helped my hair to retain moisture for days on end. As far as if you should apply it every day, honestly, I think it depends on if you go with a cream or a spray (a spray is usually much lighter). Also, it's important to keep in mind that "too much of a good thing" can result in a lot of build-up and residue on your hair. Personally, on wash day and maybe once a week is more than enough in my opinion. The bottom line here is to use some, especially during the cooler seasons of the year. For tips on choosing the right leave-in for your hair and its needs, check out Naturally Curly's "Top 20 Leave-in Conditioners."
4. Use a Cream-Based Thermal Heat Protectant
Listen, I would audibly scream it in your ear if I could — ANY TIME YOU APPLY HEAT TO YOUR HAIR, YOU NEED TO USE A THERMAL HEAT PROTECTANT FIRST! It adds and seals in moisture. It reduces frizz. It provides a layer of protection from the heat. Just make sure during this time of the year that, unless you have very fine hair, you go with a cream rather than a spray base. While I can't recall her name, shout-out to the sales associate at one of my local Sally's Beauty Supply stores who told me that cream gives better and longer-lasting coverage than a spray. She's exactly right. I can totally notice a difference between the two since switching over to creams.
5. (Temporarily) Ditch Serums
As with most things in life, hair serums come with pros and cons. On one hand, they help to control frizz, reduce detangling and create an unbelievable amount of shine. On the flip side, they can create a significant amount of build-up, can weigh your styles down and, because of the chemicals in them, cold weather can actually cause serums to make your hair feel really stiff. The solution? Well, just like it's best to go with a cream-based thermal heat protectant when it's cold outside, it's a good idea to style your hair altogether with something that is more of a cream-base so that your hair feels softer and is easier to manage. That said if you absolutely must go with a serum, use one that is oil-based instead of silicone-based. You will be able to avoid the "stiffness" easier that way.
6. Shower in Warm (Not Hot) Water
I'll agree with anyone who feels like nothing feels better than a long hot shower after coming in from the freezing cold. Here's the problem, though — because your hair is pretty porous, if hot water hits it, that can result in it dehydrating your scalp and stripping your strands of the natural oils that they need in order to thrive. So, if "hot you must", avoid shampooing in the shower. And wherever you wash your hair, go with warm for the washing and cool for the final rinse. Cool water is something else that is great when it comes to sealing your cuticles right on up.
7. Protect Your Ends
A lot of the Black women I know will actually put their hair into a protective style during the summertime either because they are traveling a lot or they simply don't want to be bothered with thinking about it. But you know what? Fall and winter are ideal for braids, twists, wigs, and weaves because they are so good at protecting your hair — especially your ends — from inclement weather. Speaking of your ends, because you won't be able to retain any inches (check out "Let's Gain An Inch A Month Of Hair Growth 'Til December, Shall We?", "This Is The Way To Properly Care For Your Hair While Rockin' A Wig" and "If Your Hair Keeps Breaking Off, You're Probably Doing This.") unless they are able to remain healthy and intact, definitely make sure that you seal them on every wash day. All this means is you plan to apply some extra oil to them (after conditioning your hair), so they won't get dry and brittle as quickly. For tips on how to properly seal your ends, check out Simply Julia Lauren's YT video (here) and ulovemeg's video (here).
8. Make Vitamin E Your Hair’s Best Friend
Something that will definitely support your hair's health on all fronts is Vitamin E. The potent antioxidants in it will help to moisturize your scalp and soothe it if it's irritated or itching. It's the kind of oil that is extremely hydrating. If you're looking for an oil that will help to restore hair loss, there are studies to support its ability to do that. Vitamin E can also give your hair a lot of shine.
For all of these reasons and more, it's a good idea to make sure your diet contains foods that are high in Vitamin E (like almonds, broccoli, spinach, sunflower seeds, butternut squash, avocado, and kiwi), that you use hair products that contain Vitamin E and that you massage your scalp with some 100 percent pure Vitamin E oil, once a week, too.
9. Drink Herbal Teas
A couple of years ago, I penned "These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave" for xoNecole because, it's important to remember that, when it comes to keeping moisture in your hair, it needs to happen from the inside out, just as much as it does from the outside in. One of the things I mentioned on this list is herbal teas because 1) teas are a great way to hydrate your hair and scalp and 2) teas are very popular around this time of year. As far as the kind of herbal teas that are especially good for hair health, some of those include rosemary (it increases blood circulation to your scalp); lavender (it reduces dandruff and soothes an itchy scalp); ginger (it reduces hair fall); peppermint (it encourages hair growth) and red clover tea (it adds additional moisture).
10. Use a Humidifier at Night
I've been saying, on repeat, that since it appears that COVID isn't going anywhere, any time soon, it's really important to invest in a humidifier. You can read all about why by checking out "10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall." As it relates to your hair, specifically, sleeping with a humidifier at night is an effective way to restore the moisture that your HVAC unit may be zapping from your hair. Since I've been using one, it's kind of wild how my scalp has been itching less and my hair has been feeling less dry. It's one of the best hair (and skin) investments that I've made in a long time as I prepare for all that fall and winter have in store. If you don't have one, treat yourself. You — and your hair — won't regret it at all.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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Those (Sex) Honey Packets Have A Lot Of Hype. Here’s The Truth About ‘Em.
We live in a time when it’s difficult for people to agree on much of anything. Oh, but if there is an exception — I don’t care if it’s a man or woman or if the person is old or young — somehow everyone can get on one accord about these honey packets out here. The men say that it helps them to last longer and gives them more energy, which, in turn, increases the women’s chances of experiencing intensified (and sometimes even multiple) orgasms.
Lawd, if you only go by customer reviews alone, you would think that honey packets make everything right in the world.
Okay, but is that actually true — or is the thrill of a honey packet in folk’s heads more than anything? And if it does actually work, is there anything that you should be concerned about before giving a honey packet a shot? These are the questions that I am going to try and answer for you today, my friend. Because, although I truly am an ally of you having the best time possible in your bedroom, I also want it to come with as few side effects or unexpected surprises as possible.
Honey packets. Let’s get into it.
Why Are Everybody and Their Grandma Raving About Honey Packets, Chile?
Video credit: @blackcircuitmedia via TikTok
Okay, so the video that you just watched? Oh, believe you me, there is PLENTY where that came from. LOL, shoot, even offline, I’ve had people personally sing praises to me about certain honey sticks and honey packets. However, the one that, by far, seems to get the most standing ovations — umm, so to speak — is Royal Honey. If you’ve never tried it (or even heard of it) before, what makes Royal Honey such a big damn deal? Well, according to the website, it is designed to give men increased testosterone levels and longer erections.
When it comes to the version that is made for us ladies (Royal Honey’s site also sells the Pinky P*ssy Gummies that some of you may have seen before), it’s supposed to help regulate our hormones, help to tighten vaginal muscles and enhance sexual pleasure.
As far as the reviews on the site go, there are consistent five stars on many of the product pages. That’s cool. Okay, but did you know something that I didn’t see listed? THE INGREDIENTS. At least on the main website that I checked out, if you look under the description and additional information tabs, nothing is said about what is actually in the Royal Honey brand that is helping everyone and their granny to climb all of the walls in their house.
And so, y’all, already out of the gate, as awesome as it is to have some of the best orgasms ever, thanks to a lil’ pack of honey, not knowing exactly what’s causing them? Yeah, you should be pretty concerned about that, especially since the FDA is.
So, Why Do Some Health Experts (Including the FDA) Frown Against Them?
GiphyAnd that brings me to the serious side of Royal Honey. Because social media had been raving so much about honey packets, apparently, it caused health experts — including the FDA — to wanna see what’s going on, and you know what? They weren’t exactly thrilled about what they discovered. For one thing, one article that I checked out said that it took a “lab analysis” to find out what was even in Royal Honey, to begin with (which pretty much confirmed the red flag that I shared about there being no listed ingredients on the site or packaging). What was discovered is there is a drug known as tadalafil in it.
And just what is that? Tadalafil is a type of medication that is used to treat erectile dysfunction (ED). It does this by increasing blood flow to a man’s penis. Okay, so a man takes something that will make his penis stay hard for a longer period of time. No problem, right? Chile, listen. Even with people who have ED, they are advised to alert their healthcare provider before consuming tadalafil if they have a history of blood, liver, heart, or kidney disease, if they struggle with high or low blood pressure, or if they have diabetes. Oh, and if a woman is trying it out, she should let her physician know if she’s pregnant, breastfeeding, or trying to conceive.
Beyond that, there are certain medications that shouldn’t be mixed with tadalafil, like (high) blood pressure meds, medications for prostate issues, treatments for HIV, and even grapefruit juice shouldn’t be mixed with it. And again, if you’re a woman, prescriptions like fluconazole (which treats yeast infections) should not be taken with the drug. Plus, tadalafil can potentially jack up your or your partner’s nitrates. This matters because nitrates are compounds that can increase blood flow, which makes them a good thing.
The flip side to the nitrate coin, though, is they can also cause your blood pressure to become dangerously low — and that can potentially lead to weakness, blurred vision, dizziness, heart damage, or strokes. Lawd, this is what’s in the beloved Royal Honey packets — and again, the manufacturers don’t appear to be very upfront about it. Shady boots that want y’all to knock boots. For shame, for shame.
Is Honey An Aphrodisiac, Though?
GiphyIn fact, all of this is a part of the reason why honey is mentioned in the article, “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious.”
Still, this doesn’t mean that if you suck on the tip of one of those honey teddy bear bottles that you see at the grocery store, you’re going to end up with the same close-to-immediate extreme results that Royal Honey is able to give you — again because there is a damn drug in it. So, you should be real with yourself about that.
Also, I should mention here that, of course, there are other honey packet brands on the market. For instance, Black Thai Honey seems to get a fair share of attention, and I’ll at least give it props for letting its customers know that it contains ingredients like maca, ginseng, and bueta superba (an herb that also treats ED) in it. Still, drugs are drugs, and herbs are herbs, and it’s always a good idea to alert your doctor if you’re about to add something new to your system — just to be on the safe side.
____
Aight y’all, if you were paying close attention, I’m sure you noticed that there is nothing “oddly spectacular” about honey packets. Apparently, the ones that seem to work the quickest and most intensely share the common thread of some sort of something that treats erectile dysfunction — and if you don’t have that issue, you should be careful about taking something that is used specifically for it.
That said, honey packets are so deeply ingrained in sex culture these days, that I already know that folks aren’t gonna stop using them, no matter what I (or the FDA) say. Hell, at this point, I’m just glad that you literally know what you’re getting yourself into.
And if Royal Honey is something that you use or want to try, at least give a little bit of side-eye to something that has a drug in it and yet prefers not to mention or discuss it with its customers. You know what they say — even when it comes to sexual enhancements…when something seems too good to be true, there can be some truth to that.
Bottom line: Have fun, yes. More importantly, BE SAFE.
Whew. Honey packets, included, please.
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