Your May 2020 Horoscopes Are All About Boundaries & Connection
May kicks off with a transformational Full Moon in Scorpio leading us into retrograde season. With Saturn and Jupiter helping up redefine our boundaries and Venus reminding us of the importance of communication—we're being equipped with the tools to create better relationship dynamics with ourselves and others. With Mars moving into Pisces, we're feeling the love and compassion for humanity. Once the Sun and Moon join the Gemini party, we're encouraged to connect and collaborate (even if that's just online for now).
Check out your horoscope for the month ahead below!
Aries
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The beginning of the month invites you to slay the metaphorical dragon in your life that makes you want to hide your truth. It's time to show up more boldly than ever before. On the 11th, Saturn goes retro for the next six months, making this the perfect time to redefine what success means to you and to restructure your approach towards that career win. Getting more acquainted with social media marketing may be an important piece to the puzzle.
The energy slows down mid-month, encouraging you to recognize the importance that rest plays in your creative process. Who knows? Your dreams could reveal your next big move. On the 14th, Jupiter goes retro, encouraging you to get into the details of mapping out your legacy. Keep in mind that people matter and the interactions you have over the next month can make or break your winning streak.
Taurus
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It's "mask off" season for you as the Full Moon reveals the true intentions of those around you. Whether you've got a secret admirer or a shady business acquaintance, all cards are finally on the table. Over the next six months, the Saturn retrograde encourages you to reassess your spiritual beliefs and practices. Are they serving you on the path towards greater personal power or are they a constant reminder that suffering is required for you to earn what you desire?
On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces, inviting you to lead with your heart—especially amongst your social circle. Don't dismiss the impact that an inspirational IG post can have on some of your followers at this time. Your personal experiences are a gold mine and once Jupiter goes retro, you'll have the attention span to finally get to work on writing that novel or creating those spiritual workshops. Near the end of the month, much of the action takes place in your money house, granting you the curiosity to explore a new lane and expand your sources of income.
Gemini
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The #StayAtHome agenda may seem like a good excuse to not exercise but the Full Moon this month says otherwise. Put the potato chips down and opt for some carrot sticks instead. On the 11th, Saturn goes retrograde, helping you understand the power dynamics within yourself and in your relationships. It's time to get real about how you're misusing your power or not owning it at all. When Mars moves into Pisces, you'll be put to the test as you gain more authority and influence in your career.
Your self-love journey comes into greater focus on the 13th when Venus goes retrograde in your sign. How have you been nurturing (or neglecting) your curiosity, your ideas, and your throat chakra? On the 14th, Jupiter follows suit, inviting you into the fold for some much-needed soul-searching. This is also a supportive time to invest in your mental and emotional health, whether that's through therapy, self-help books, or your connection to the Divine. Your birthday season officially begins on the 20th and the New Moon on the 22nd encourages you to set some intentions for the year ahead. Stay on the look-out for an important conversation or financial opportunity that presents while Mercury transits through Cancer for the next couple of months.
Cancer
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The weather is heating up and so are you, thanks to a sexy Full Moon in Scorpio at the beginning of the month. Your sacral chakra is overflowing with creativity right now. Whether you're channeling that energy into making art or making babies, you've got the magic touch. On the 11th, Saturn goes retro and this four-month period requires you to make some adjustments in your close, one-to-one relationships. Remember, babe—asserting your boundaries doesn't make you the bad guy.
Around mid-May, take is easy on yourself. Mercury moving into Gemini has your spidey-senses more sensitive than usual. If your insomnia is keeping you up late at night, try to put your phone away an hour before bedtime. On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces, inspiring you to deepen your understanding of your spiritual beliefs and your connection to a higher power. Towards the end of the month, you're invited to tie up loose ends in preparation for your solar return. You don't have to feel guilty about outgrowing your past. With Mercury moving into your sign, communicating your feelings will come a little bit easier.
Leo
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Tensions in the household are high during the week leading up to the Full Moon. All cards are on the table and there's no going back, so make sure you don't say something you'll regret. If you're tired of choosing the high road, it's time to make some preparations to move elsewhere. On the 11th, Saturn begins its retrograde and over the next four months you're given the opportunity to redefine your approach to wellness. What boundaries do you need to assert to protect your peace of mind and physical health?
Towards the middle of the month, things are getting steamy, making this a perfect time to deepen your bond with a significant other or get a little more acquainted with self-pleasure. On the 14th, Jupiter goes retro, helping you get into the details of organizing a more efficient approach towards your goals. Watch out for pushing yourself too hard! Success takes time. Your social life is buzzing towards the end of the month, making it a perfect time to host that private Zoom party so you can fill your friends in on the latest tea. The month ends on a quiet note, inviting you to kick up your feet for a stay-at-home spa day—complimentary champagne included.
Virgo
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The secret is out—whether it's that weird habit you have of saving your toenail clippings, that book you've been writing behind the scenes, or even some hidden feelings you have for your virtual personal trainer. On the 11th, you'll begin a four-month journey of revamping your approach to romance. What power struggles do you often find yourself getting pulled into? Look to your inner child for more understanding. Your one-on-one relationships with others come into focus when Mars moves into Pisces. A healthy connection requires that both parties' boundaries be honored.
It's time to get into the details when Jupiter goes retro on the 14th. If you want to have a baby, this is the perfect time to strategize your fertility plan.This is also a supportive time to revisit an old project or idea that could use a little more TLC. Towards the end of the month, most of your attention is directed towards your career goals. Steer clear of gossip and channel that chatty energy into a podcast instead. An opportunity to flex your gift of gab or the pen may present itself around the New Moon on the 22nd. The month comes to a close, reminding you of the importance of having a soft place to land amongst your tribe.
Libra
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The start of the month sets you up for a much-needed breakthrough related to an experience that had you questioning your self-worth. Recognize how you've given your power away by prioritizing other people's opinion about you over your own. When Saturn goes retrograde on the 11th, you're invited to redefine what family and home means to you. As easy-going as you are, it's important that you assert boundaries when necessary—even when it comes to your Mom calling you every day at the crack of dawn. You've got more important things to focus on like leading a COVID-19 relief fundraiser for low-income families.
Around the middle of the month, Jupiter begins its retrograde and for the next four months, you're encouraged to connect with your ancestors for the wisdom that you seek. Who knows? You could end up receiving a secret recipe for a top-selling product like our good sis Beatrice Dixon—founder of the widely loved Honey Pot brand. On the 20th, the Sun enters Gemini and is shortly followed by a New Moon. You're on a pursuit of higher knowledge whether you're starting up school again or teaching yourself a new language. Towards the end of the month, your kindness and compassion elevates you on the path to greater success and influence.
Scorpio
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All eyes are on you leading up to your Full Moon on the 7th, making this the perfect time to reveal something you've been working on behind the scenes, whether it's that cooking blog or your new protective hairstyle. When Saturn goes retrograde, you'll be spending the next few months on redefining the way you communicate with others. If you're a writer or public speaker, this transit supports you in rolling up your sleeves and getting down to business. On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces whisking you away into romantic fantasies that you plan on making your reality (maybe after the Rona makes her exit).
On the 14th, Jupiter goes retrograde and you're curious about taking your knowledge to the next level, making this a good time to crack one, or a few, of those books accumulating dust on your shelf. Gemini season officially begins on the 22nd with the New Moon following shortly behind. Over the next month, your interest in psychology, self-help, and esoteric studies is heightened. When it comes to your relationships, it's time to go deep and you just might find yourself enjoying some intriguing late night convos with your friend or romantic interest. The month comes to a close bringing news of [delayed] travel and opportunities overseas that you can act on this summer.
Sagittarius
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The beginning of the month can be quite revealing as we lead up to the Full Moon in Scorpio. Pay close attention to your dreams and you just might find out who's been sending the evil eye your way. Never fret, though. Lean on your spiritual support team for discernment to weed out the real from the fake. At this point, you know your worth and Saturn retrograde will help you understand that more deeply. Experiences of the past may have attempted to mark you as damaged goods, but the wisdom you've gained from them empowers you to make choices that reflect your worth moving forward.
Around mid-month, Mars brings your attention to home and family matters, making this a perfect time to smooth out any drama. Connecting with your ancestors through the dream realm, meditation, and prayer is also encouraged for bringing healing to your bloodline. On the 20th, the Sun enters Gemini, your relationship house. With Venus already retrograde in this part of your chart, and a New Moon on the 22nd, this is a supportive time for improving communication with bae or a business colleague. Towards the end of the month, life gets a little more private when Mercury enters Cancer, encouraging a level of emotional transparency in you that may make you squeamish. Surrender to the feels, my love.
Capricorn
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Right out of the gate, you're getting clear on where your loyalties lie as the Full Moon places a spotlight on your friends and social network. Let go of shady folks and invest your energy into people that you know are 100% team Cappie. Your ruling planet begins its retrograde on the 11th and for most of this transit you'll be redefining the boundaries between you and others. This is also a good time to switch up your appearance or revisit that old fitness routine. Just imagine where four months of consistent effort can get you.
Around the middle of the month, you're softening up when Mars enters Pisces. Cat got your tongue? You may have difficulty expressing deep emotions at this time. Journal it out, make a song, or write a poem. Whatever you do—please spare us the sappy subliminal tweets towards that person you've been crushing on secretly for a year. Towards the end of the month, your attention is on improving your mental and physical health. Remember, wellness is a lifestyle. It's not just something you prioritize on occasion. A big part of your well-being has to do with your relationships as well and when Mercury moves into Cancer, you're encouraged to focus on the nurturing connections that bring you good vibes.
Aquarius
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Your life path could be going through some changes at the top of the month. Around the Full Moon, you may decided that a current career path is no longer in alignment with you. If you've been working on a project, this is a favorable time to reveal the final results. When Saturn begins its four-month-long retrograde, you'll be encouraged to face some of the ghosts of your past. Examining your subconscious beliefs and past-life karma is the key for breaking free of limitations. On the 13th, Mars enters Pisces and you've got the magic touch when it comes to making money.
When Jupiter goes retrograde around the middle of the month, you'll be soaking up all of the gems through the Akashic Records, your dream time, and even messages from your ancestors. Gemini season officially begins on the 20th, which has you feeling flirtatious, creative, and adventurous. With a New Moon following shortly behind, you're invited to plant the seeds for a new endeavor that will bring your inner child to life (or even help you procreate if you want to have a baby). The month winds down with Mercury entering Cancer. In what ways do you need to nurture your mental and physical well-being? Instead of high-intensity workouts, opt for dancing or yoga to soothe your sensitive nerves.
Pisces
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We've got a Full Moon in Scorpio early on in the month, making it the perfect time to reveal that new online course or e-book you've been working on. Your intuitive abilities are heightened around this time. Do your best to stay grounded to avoid feelings of paranoia or anxiety. When Saturn goes retrograde, you may be required to adjust your boundaries when it comes to friends or your social media engagement. On the 13th, Mars enters your sign and you're encouraged to embrace your anger instead of suppressing it. Feeling upset doesn't make you any less of a good person. It just makes you human.
When Jupiter goes retrograde, you're gaining the insight you need to take your dreams to the next level. Gemini season begins on the 20th, bringing your attention to home and family. A New Moon on the 22nd can present some communication that gives you the go-ahead for that home loan or apartment lease. If you're interested in investing into property, now is the time to learn all of the ins and outs of the industry. Near the end of the month, Mercury enters Cancer bringing a sweet, nurturing vibe to your life making this a supportive time to create art (or babies).
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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